My husband took nude photos of me without my consent

[compulsivedancer]

Yes, but here we do not know whether he has already shared the Dropbox pics with friends or if his intention was to later share the pics with friends.

Dropbox being hacked and viral pics being sent around the world is a red herring here and yes, highly unlikely, but the pics being passed around in the husband's friend group my not be so unlikely, nor would he be incapable of making trouble or causing embarrassment at her work, if he chose to go down that route.

 

Absolutely! And if she's worried about her husband doing this, then she should by all means divorce him! How could she possibly stay married to someone who would take pictures of her, then disrespect her by sharing them with all of his friends!?!

 

That would be another issue altogether, but thankfully it doesn't seem to be something that OP is worried about.

[Selfish]

not really. people usually have a history when it comes to stuff like this. it's likely he's done it before with someone else and that is why he's always bugging on her to pose for him as well. they have only been together 3 years if i read it right. but the OP would know if it's conjecture and not you, unless you know him?

 

It is possible he has snapped and deleted before.

 

Or it is possible she was just so gd sexy he took a pic, and then was like oh ****e. And deleted. Why believe the worst first? Why if she doesn't believe is always self entitled add false fuel to this flame? For goodness sakes, they have a little girl.

[elaine567]

But the porn wasn't the cause of their problems. It was a last straw. If it had been the only problem (and it wasn't an addition-level issue, which I don't think it was), this would have been absolutely ridiculous.

 

And going nuclear didn't get her needs met, unless her need was to get rid of her husband.

 

If she did see porn as a betrayal and akin to cheating, then that is not "ridiculous" is it?

 

Similarly, the OP feels betrayed, she feels she doesn't trust her husband now, she feels her clear cut, previously discussed hard boundary has been thrown aside as if it doesn't matter. And to add insult to injury he is unrepentant having knowingly breached her boundary and caused her upset.

I do not feel that any of these issues are "ridiculous".

[sweetjasmine]

It is possible he has snapped and deleted before.

 

Or it is possible she was just so gd sexy he took a pic, and then was like oh ****e. And deleted. Why believe the worst first?

 

If his reaction was "oh ****e," he wouldn't be completely unrepentant and absolutely asserting his right to take whatever pictures of her he wants to take whenever he wants to take them regardless of what she thinks or wants.

 

HE'S the one going nuclear, here.

[compulsivedancer]

If his reaction was "oh ****e," he wouldn't be completely unrepentant and absolutely asserting his right to take whatever pictures of her he wants to take whenever he wants to take them regardless of what she thinks or wants.

 

HE'S the one going nuclear, here.

 

I think they kind of both are.

[truncated]

Consent in this particular case, crosses the boundary when the person walks across that door.

 

the law may be very different depeding on where a person lives.

 

Revenge porn: What to do if someone posts your naked pictures online - Telegraph

 

http://www.buzzfeed.com/patricksmith/heres-what-you-need-to-know-about-the-new-revenge-porn-law

 

The house doesn't belong to just the man, but also to the OP.Just as you feel he has every right to take photos of whatever he likes in his home, she also ahs the right of refusal, and th right to object to hotos not being taken in her home.

 

She also doens't know where the pictures have ended up, and she said "NO" to having her photos taken. if doesn't like that and does it anyway, he is a snake and can't be trusted.

[violet1]

We have been discussing a lot of things in counselling that reminds me of this thread. Of course situations are different, but the principle is the same. It's important for couples to listen to each others needs.

 

 

For one, you can't demand anything from anyone. Second, the OP feels betrayed. She has a right to her feelings whether her H or anyone here feels it's right. I personally would be pissed if my H took of me without my knowledge. I think the legalities and worries about it hurting her career are not the issue here. It's about trust and respect. A marriage can't last without both.

 

 

OP, do you love your husband? Do you want to work this out? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him? If the answers are yes than I think you need to stop with the changing locks, moving out of bedrooms and suggest marriage counseling. What he did was wrong, but your reaction IMO is not in the best of taste either. Threatening divorce and pushing the other spouse out of your bedroom is not going to solve any problems. If this is a deal breaker than by all means get divorced. I personally believe that it should be a last resort.

[anika99]

hoping2heal, I work in public schools too, and she has NOTHING to worry about. Seriously, paranoia. Unless he's actively sharing his dropbox info with friends, the chance of her getting hacked AND anyone caring enough about these photos to do anything that would be destructive to her career is laughable.

 

A certain amount of paranoia when you work in schools is warranted, but saying that he is f*cking with her career is just silly.

 

 

Teacher Fired After Students Discover Nude Selfies | MadameNoire

 

 

A quick google search turned up a lot of stories of teachers being fired for nude photo's and other inappropriate behavior that they or someone else has posted online.

 

 

I posted the above link because in that story the teacher did not have her photo's online she had them on her phone and some of her students snooped through her phone without her consent, saw the photos and posted them online. She was fired.

 

I doubt the school officials care one way or the other if married couples are taking nude photo's of each other, but if those photo's go public then being fired becomes a real possibility, so I'm not sure how you can say that the OP is being overly paranoid.

[gaius]

Yes but in another thread you said you took sneaky pics of your gf too - non-naked, but sneaky pics all the same.Old thread topic - Girlfriend took photos of me naked without consent. I'm weirded out. - post 38

Perhaps you are just trying to justify your own actions in the past, rather than looking at this topic dispassionately.

No, from my experience women are generally the accommodating type or they're not. I've never been with a woman who would completely shut me down in one fairly tame area but go out of her way to meet my needs in another. I would wager if she's not even willing to indulge his taking picture desire a little bit that attitude probably seeps into other areas too. She probably thinks she's very accommodating, but if you asked him we'd get a different story.

 

I don't really have to "justify" anything, my girlfriend at the time took it for what it was. My desire for her. And since she was a loving partner she actually enjoyed that her boyfriend was way into her enough to want that. I mean would web really enjoy a guy who has low testosterone or wants pictures of some other woman instead?

[seekingpeaceinlove]

OP's hubby is a complete moron. He violated her trust and privacy by taking the nude pic of her and is clueless as to how he disrespected her. It's her body, her right to privacy, and her boundary.

 

OP's reasoning for not taking nude pics is totally irrelevant. She set a boundary and he crossed it with eyes wide open.

 

It's like a lone driver entering and driving in the carpool lane (with warning signs posted every few miles) and then not understanding what he did wrong when he gets pulled over and written a ticket.

 

IDIOT.

 

OP, I can't help but wonder what other issues may be present in your marriage if your husband is that selfish, inconsiderate and clueless.

[compulsivedancer]

Teacher Fired After Students Discover Nude Selfies | MadameNoire

 

 

A quick google search turned up a lot of stories of teachers being fired for nude photo's and other inappropriate behavior that they or someone else has posted online.

 

 

I posted the above link because in that story the teacher did not have her photo's online she had them on her phone and some of her students snooped through her phone without her consent, saw the photos and posted them online. She was fired.

 

I doubt the school officials care one way or the other if married couples are taking nude photo's of each other, but if those photo's go public then being fired becomes a real possibility, so I'm not sure how you can say that the OP is being overly paranoid.

 

In this article she brought a phone to work that had nude photos of herself on it, then left it in a place where kids could find it. Knowing they had found it, she didn't report the incident.

 

This is a VERY VERY different situation than her husband taking a photo on HIS phone and not deleting it from Dropbox.

 

I would never leave naked photos on my phone and I religiously delete internet history on my phone in case there is anything remotely questionable, because I would never want someone at a school to discover it. And yes, in this case I WOULD fear for my job. I am not surprised the teacher in question lost her job.

[gaius]

Teacher Fired After Students Discover Nude Selfies | MadameNoire

 

A quick google search turned up a lot of stories of teachers being fired for nude photo's and other inappropriate behavior that they or someone else has posted online.

 

I posted the above link because in that story the teacher did not have her photo's online she had them on her phone and some of her students snooped through her phone without her consent, saw the photos and posted them online. She was fired.

 

I doubt the school officials care one way or the other if married couples are taking nude photo's of each other, but if those photo's go public then being fired becomes a real possibility, so I'm not sure how you can say that the OP is being overly paranoid.

She also handed her phone to students and let them use it while she wasn't watching. In essence handing them naked pictures of herself. I don't think that's a situation that would likely occur from this incident.

[gaius]

The OP's husband doesn't have a need for naked photo's of his wife, he had a desire for them and yes I do think spouses should do their best to fulfill their SO's sexual desires UNLESS that request causes mental and/or emotional distress to the one being asked to fulfill those desires. Do you really think it's okay that this husband not only ignored his wifes feelings on this matter but the forced her to meet his desire for these naked photos by taking them while she was asleep and unable to consent? And that she is wrong to be angry and protest?

I think when you don't meet someone's needs resentment starts building up that can manifest itself in doing stuff like what he did. I'm actually kind of surprised he just didn't go out and get it from another woman, or even keep the pictures, most guys would I think. Which is why I would think twice in her case before she pushes this guy past the breaking point.

 

I intend on stealing some panties pretty soon, I'll come back and let everyone know if she presses charges or not.

[anika99]

No, from my experience women are generally the accommodating type or they're not. I've never been with a woman who would completely shut me down in one fairly tame area but go out of her way to meet my needs in another. I would wager if she's not even willing to indulge his taking picture desire a little bit that attitude probably seeps into other areas too. She probably thinks she's very accommodating, but if you asked him we'd get a different story.

 

I don't really have to "justify" anything, my girlfriend at the time took it for what it was. My desire for her. And since she was a loving partner she actually enjoyed that her boyfriend was way into her enough to want that. I mean would web really enjoy a guy who has low testosterone or wants pictures of some other woman instead?

 

Your opinion cannot be take seriously because you are fabricating the details of this woman's marriage out of thin air. You're dismissing the OPs actual words and making up your own story about the marriage of two people whom you have never met and know nothing about.

 

 

Just because a naked photo is no big deal to you doesn't mean everyone else has to feel the same way. This was not tame area to the OP. She had strong feelings about not being photographed nude from the get go. You are implying that the OP must be lying about how she treats her husband because if she was so accommodating she wouldn't freak out over something so small but this was never a small issue to her and you don't get to decide how other people should feel about having nude photo's taken of themselves.

[truncated]

I don't get why some people have an issue with the op being so upset.

 

It's her body, does she not have the right to say " I don't want nude pictures taken of it and placed where they could possibly be accessed by someone other than my husband"?

 

Whether or not her views are paranoid or not doesn't matter. That is her line in the sand, which he knew about before he did it. From what she says, her knew her views for some time, and did it anyway.

 

Whether anyone else would be okay with their spouses taking nude pictures is irrelevant, as this was a "rule" ( so to speak) in their marriage, which he broke in a verry sneaky and deceitful way. He waited until she was in a position to not know what he was doing, and he took the photos.

 

He sounds quite childish to me.

 

To all those who feel she is overeacting. At what point does she lose the right to have control over her own body? Does she not have the right to say no to him?

[anika99]

I think when you don't meet someone's needs resentment starts building up that can manifest itself in doing stuff like what he did. I'm actually kind of surprised he just didn't go out and get it from another woman, or even keep the pictures, most guys would I think. Which is why I would think twice in her case before she pushes this guy past the breaking point.

 

I intend on stealing some panties pretty soon, I'll come back and let everyone know if she presses charges or not.

 

Once again, naked photo's are not a need. How old are you anyways? Where do get this idea that a woman has to whatever her husband wants no matter how she feels about?

[William]

Thread reopened. Lets keep this an on-topic and friendly conversation, ~Thank you

Edited February 21, 2015 by William

[webmiss88]

I haven't read all of the replies, but I will just say this: the fact that it didn't even OCCUR to him that the photos from his phone would automatically sync to dropbox, shows how careless he is with something so important. Hence, the reason I am not comfortable with the nude photographs to begin with.

 

Again, I have not made any decisions one way or the other at this point. All I can speak to is that I feel violated, betrayed, and hurt. He has not apologized and right now the stuff coming out of his mouth is absolutely appalling and disgusting. He does not, in any way, sound like the man I married.

 

At this point he has shown me that he does not respect me or my boundaries. Nor does he care about how I feel.

[violet1]

I haven't read all of the replies, but I will just say this: the fact that it didn't even OCCUR to him that the photos from his phone would automatically sync to dropbox, shows how careless he is with something so important. Hence, the reason I am not comfortable with the nude photographs to begin with.

 

Again, I have not made any decisions one way or the other at this point. All I can speak to is that I feel violated, betrayed, and hurt. He has not apologized and right now the stuff coming out of his mouth is absolutely appalling and disgusting. He does not, in any way, sound like the man I married.

 

At this point he has shown me that he does not respect me or my boundaries. Nor does he care about how I feel.

I hear you and I get what you are saying. What about marriage counseling? You obviously can't continue the marriage with how you're feeling. Otherwise resentment is going to develop and resentment is poison. I would also feel violated. I just don't feel like changing the locks to the bedroom is the answer unless you want a separation and a divorce. If that's what you want then it's fine. IMO, drastic moves like that are going to cause insecurity on his end. Especially if you want to stay married to him.

[violet1]

I don't blame him. You are being completely irrational.

No, she's not. She has a right to her feelings. Telling a person that they shouldn't feel like x or y because it's "irrational" is cruel and it will cause a person to hide and lie. If her H is telling her she's irrational the problems are going to escalate.

[Realist3]

And people wonder why people have affairs? Being so obstinate on such a petty issue as this is where relationships are ruined long term.

[Realist3]

No, she's not. She has a right to her feelings. Telling a person that they shouldn't feel like x or y because it's "irrational" is cruel and it will cause a person to hide and lie. If her H is telling her she's irrational the problems are going to escalate.

 

She can 'feel' any way she so chooses. She needs to learn a grasp of proportionality. If one looks at ALL of the issues that arise in a marriage this is on a level of.... 950 or beyond. The pettiness being displayed by the OP does not speak well for the chances of her marriage lasting in the coming years.

[hoping2heal]

I don't blame him. You are being completely irrational.

 

Sorry, I have to jump behind the OP on this. For people who worked their ASS off to build their careers this is a huge deal. Maybe you're in a position in life where you have nothing to lose and therefore you don't get it. If that's the case then that is fine, I can understand how it would be difficult for you to grasp the severity.

 

OP's husband did not just violate her trust and boundaries and go against her wishes (which not wanting your nude photos online for the world is a very realistic expectation - do you really disagree with this?) but he put her in a very vulnerable (no pun intended) position. Many people have had their data compromised. Heck, last week my stuff was randomly hacked. Granted, nothing sensitive was leaked but that's how random it can happen. I would not NOT want to be spend my days worrying "gee, will someone hack and have my naked arse circulating the web?" I mean putting your wife in a position to be potentially sabotaged is some serious *****.

 

On top of that, he is not only NOT apologetic but he even turns his stupid, thoughtless, irresponsible, deceitful decision around on here "Well, if you don't trust me"

 

OP I think you've got some difficult decisions ahead of you. Everybody makes mistakes, even big ones but if you can't trust your own husband to want the best for you, to want to only see you prosper and not go on and put you in harms way just because he wants HIS way then I don't know. I'm just livid for you.

[Realist3]

which not wanting your nude photos online for the world is a very realistic expectation - do you really disagree with this?

 

I would suggest you go back and re-read. That is not what has happened AT ALL!

[Rainbowlove]

And people wonder why people have affairs? Being so obstinate on such a petty issue as this is where relationships are ruined long term.

 

What's petty to you does not mean it's petty to all others.

 

To her, it real and hurtful and disrespectful on so many levels.

 

He didn't care about her feelings. He didn't respect her wishes.

 

To him, snagging some nudies was more important than protecting his wife's trust in her husband and her ability to feel valued and their union.

 

He screwed up. Got caught. Refuses to accept how she feels.

 

Pack his bag yet?