My husband took nude photos of me without my consent

[lgspot]

I really do believe that if people knew half of what I know, had seen half of what I've seen, most would never take another naked photo again.

 

In my current relationship, we don't don't do it and would both feel extremely violated if we confronted with this issue. I won't say where I work, but umm.. You'd be impressed and she's a high paid professional as well. We know what each other look like naked, and the only sext I want from her is "on my way over."

 

If you accept the risk and wouldn't be bothered by the photos leaking, more power to you. I just know we would both feel EXTREMELY violated to the point where I doubt the relationship would survive after that.

 

People, it's not worth it. I promise you, lives have been ruined. If you knew how many frantic phone calls I get from friends and relatives, you'd never do it again.

 

 

 

 

I agree with this!!!

I'm old (lol) and have seen a lot in my life. Could cite numerous examples.

I have nudes of several past gfs. Would never violate their trust.

 

Perhaps someone should start a Thread to post examples?!?

 

 

In the OP's case---- SHE said NO... He violated her wishes. Opens serious issues in their relationship.

My concern---he appears unwilling to listen.

My concern---he does protest TOO MUCH!!!! Therefore I suspect this isn't the first time.....:sick:

[William]

Folks, I think we have gotten all the mileage we're going to get out of the "right or wrong" discussion on this thread. Lets please move back to Webmiss88's situation. ~Thank you

[anika99]

In this article she brought a phone to work that had nude photos of herself on it, then left it in a place where kids could find it. Knowing they had found it, she didn't report the incident.

 

This is a VERY VERY different situation than her husband taking a photo on HIS phone and not deleting it from Dropbox.

 

I would never leave naked photos on my phone and I religiously delete internet history on my phone in case there is anything remotely questionable, because I would never want someone at a school to discover it. And yes, in this case I WOULD fear for my job. I am not surprised the teacher in question lost her job.

 

 

You are correct. The teacher did not properly protect those photo's and in the OP's case she feels that by letting her husband have nude photo's of her she also cannot properly protect the photo's . She has to trust that the person who has the photo's will take every measure to protect them from going public and for her that's too much of a risk. How do you know that her husband also does not leave his phone lying around?

[Wifeinpain]

OP, I am so sorry this happened to you. You were the victim of a sexual offense.

 

YOUR body, YOU said no...I would feel the same way.

[CrystalShine2011]

If you asked him multiple times, that is so wrong!

[gaius]

You are correct. The teacher did not properly protect those photo's and in the OP's case she feels that by letting her husband have nude photo's of her she also cannot properly protect the photo's . She has to trust that the person who has the photo's will take every measure to protect them from going public and for her that's too much of a risk. How do you know that her husband also does not leave his phone lying around?

So why exactly is she complaining about broken trust when she never gave him much trust in the first place? If you treat your relationship/marriage like a cold war then it's no wonder your partner is going to get a little resentful.

 

I really get the vibe she just didn't want to do it, so she found an excuse and didn't. And that's not a great thing when you're dealing with a guy and his needs, especially one as tame and common as taking a stupid picture. If there wasn't so much social conditioning a lot more women here would be honest about that and giving her better advice.

[Ralph79]

So why exactly is she complaining about broken trust when she never gave him much trust in the first place? If you treat your relationship/marriage like a cold war then it's no wonder your partner is going to get a little resentful.

 

I really get the vibe she just didn't want to do it, so she found an excuse and didn't. And that's not a great thing when you're dealing with a guy and his needs, especially one as tame and common as taking a stupid picture. If there wasn't so much social conditioning a lot more women here would be honest about that and giving her better advice.

 

I fail to see where the OP failed to trust her husband.

 

Some people are uncomfortable about their bodies. They don't want anyone taking pictures of them naked. I can understand that. And it's not as if the wife never fulfilled her husbands sexual needs. They have had sex. If a picture is more sexually satisfying than actual intercourse with your wife, then that's your deal. She had her reasons to feel uncomfortable being "captured" visually in such a vulnerable and intimate fashion. It has nothing to do with trust.

 

It's not like he's asking her to go on a roller coaster he wants her to jump on. This is her body and she is entitled to feel protective about it, regardless of her relationship with her significant other.

 

To put this on a comparable scenario... If your wife or GF were to ask you to allow them to perform a sexual act on you, that you were COMPLETELY and UTTERLY against, would you allow them to do it regardless because it's for their sexual satisfaction?

 

Assume for a second that your answer is no...

 

How would you feel if they did it while you were sleeping anyway?

[gaius]

I fail to see where the OP failed to trust her husband.

 

Some people are uncomfortable about their bodies. They don't want anyone taking pictures of them naked. I can understand that. And it's not as if the wife never fulfilled her husbands sexual needs. They have had sex. If a picture is more sexually satisfying than actual intercourse with your wife, then that's your deal. She had her reasons to feel uncomfortable being "captured" visually in such a vulnerable and intimate fashion. It has nothing to do with trust.

 

It's not like he's asking her to go on a roller coaster he wants her to jump on. This is her body and she is entitled to feel protective about it, regardless of her relationship with her significant other.

 

To put this on a comparable scenario... If your wife or GF were to ask you to allow them to perform a sexual act on you, that you were COMPLETELY and UTTERLY against, would you allow them to do it regardless because it's for their sexual satisfaction?

 

Assume for a second that your answer is no...

 

How would you feel if they did it while you were sleeping anyway?

Again, she didn't say she had any issue with her body. You're going off to fantasy island to try and portray this in a different light. I've dated women who were uncomfortable with their body and at the end of the day they enjoyed seeing how interested I was in seeing them in lingerie, taking pictures, even if they were somewhat uncomfortable with the idea in the beginning. It made them feel better about their body. Going to a lawyer after a guy snaps a picture is not a reaction of a woman who's just uncomfortable with her body.

 

I can't think of any sexual act I would say no to outright, if it was that important to a woman I was really into. I might make her do something I want in return that she wouldn't enjoy that much if it's something I really don't want to do, but that's what you do when you're a good partner. And that's what a lot of successful women in this thread understand pretty well and practice in their own personal lives but are pretending they don't for some bizarre, social conditioning (I'm guessing) reason.

[rester]

I'm curious how the OP and her husband have dealt with conflict previously in their relationship. Judging from the way her husband is acting (and her, to some extent), I find it hard to believe they have been able to resolve other conflicts in their marriage and I also find it hard to believe this is the first time the husband has not only has crossed a boundary, but also not the first time he's disrespected how she feels about that boundary.

 

As others have stated, this may just be the straw that broke the camel's back.

[amaysngrace]

Again, she didn't say she had any issue with her body. You're going off to fantasy island to try and portray this in a different light. I've dated women who were uncomfortable with their body and at the end of the day they enjoyed seeing how interested I was in seeing them in lingerie, taking pictures, even if they were somewhat uncomfortable with the idea in the beginning. It made them feel better about their body. Going to a lawyer after a guy snaps a picture is not a reaction of a woman who's just uncomfortable with her body.

 

I can't think of any sexual act I would say no to outright, if it was that important to a woman I was really into. I might make her do something I want in return that she wouldn't enjoy that much if it's something I really don't want to do, but that's what you do when you're a good partner. And that's what a lot of successful women in this thread understand pretty well and practice in their own personal lives but are pretending they don't for some bizarre, social conditioning (I'm guessing) reason.

 

I'll be sure to let your next GF know she can do whatever she likes. If you object she can do it in your sleep.

 

After all, as long as you're pleasing her is all that matters. Your feelings don't count.

Edited February 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
wording~T

[Ralph79]

Again, she didn't say she had any issue with her body. You're going off to fantasy island to try and portray this in a different light. I've dated women who were uncomfortable with their body and at the end of the day they enjoyed seeing how interested I was in seeing them in lingerie, taking pictures, even if they were somewhat uncomfortable with the idea in the beginning. It made them feel better about their body. Going to a lawyer after a guy snaps a picture is not a reaction of a woman who's just uncomfortable with her body.

 

I can't think of any sexual act I would say no to outright, if it was that important to a woman I was really into. I might make her do something I want in return that she wouldn't enjoy that much if it's something I really don't want to do, but that's what you do when you're a good partner. And that's what a lot of successful women in this thread understand pretty well and practice in their own personal lives but are pretending they don't for some bizarre, social conditioning (I'm guessing) reason.

 

You are correct. It's wrong for me to speculate reasons beyond fear of exposure when it comes to those pictures. I actually might have inadvertently offended the OP for making such statements. If that's the case I truly apologize.

 

For the record I think you are a reasonable and smart individual. I like your approach in dealing with convincing a woman to take pictures under the scenario I incorrectly assumed. However, you did have their consent every time. You might have run into some rough reactions had you taken them without their consent. You probably might not even resort to that.

 

I understand where you are coming from when you state that the OP is overreacting. After all, it's just pictures that could be destroyed, no harm no foul. However given technology today, you know very well these pictures could still exist. She will never have the piece of mind that they are truly gone, given his insistence on taking them time and time again, it is a reasonable assumption to say he has backed them up in some other way.

 

In regards to your answer to a woman's sexual request, I would really like to hear your answer to my question...

 

You said:

 

"I might make her do something I want in return that she wouldn't enjoy that much if it's something I really don't want to do, but that's what you do when you're a good partner."

 

And I respect that. That's your choice. My question was

 

What would you reaction be, if she took the initiative and you woke up in the middle of the night while she was performing something on you, that you really didn't want her to do to you?

 

I'll add this question:

 

Is someone who skips your consent the sign of a good partner?

[MrNate 2.0]

No means no.

 

It's that easy.

[William]

Folks, I think we have gotten all the mileage we're going to get out of the "right or wrong" discussion on this thread. Lets please move back to Webmiss88's situation. ~Thank you

 

Three strikes, your out. This thread is now closed. If the OP (Webmiss88) returns and wishes to continue the thread topic, she can notify us via the "Alert us" button and moderation will reopen it. ~Thank you