My husband took nude photos of me without my consent

[rester]

Again, just because they're in Dropbox doesn't mean at all that's what he did. The are miles of differences between your phone syncing to your Dropbox account and sharing those photos on other websites.

 

I agree that what he did is a breach of trust and is disrespectful, but for the moment, fears of these being all over the internet are probably over-blown based on what we currently know.

 

I agree with this. I'm not going to minimize what the OP's husband did by any means, nor am I going to say she is overacting. There is, however, a huge difference between a guy taking naked pictures of his wife for himself, and a guy taking naked pictures of his wife and posting them for all to see on the internet or sharing with his friends. It sounds like the photos were taken and then the OP's husband didn't realize that they are in their (what is typically private) dropbox account.

 

Was it a slimeball thing to do? Yes.

Did he react poorly by minimizing her feeling about it? Yes, that, too.

 

I do think it needs to be clarified what the intent of the picture taking was, and whether or not these photos were actually shared with anyone.

[xxoo]

Trust is everything in a marriage. It is the mountain, not the molehill.

 

You were clear in refusing to allow him to take a nude photo of you. He did so in your sleep because you couldn't stop him, and he thinks he's done nothing wrong.

 

Two possibilities:

 

Either he's digging in his heels and getting defensive because he knows he screwed up very badly. If so, there may be hope to press through this and get to a place where he shows responsibility and remorse and works to regain your trust.

 

Or, he really doesn't think he's done anything wrong. In which case, I don't know what to tell you. I wouldn't sleep naked

[elaine567]

I do think it needs to be clarified what the intent of the picture taking was, and whether or not these photos were actually shared with anyone.

 

^^^^This^^^^

[elaine567]

Trust is everything in a marriage. It is the mountain, not the molehill.

... I wouldn't sleep naked

 

That is the thing here, I would feel that I couldn't go to sleep in case he was going to take more pics.

Even pjs or a big nightie could be "rearranged" in the night to expose more flesh.

This is all just a bit creepy, too creepy for my liking really.

[TigerCub]

Again, just because they're in Dropbox doesn't mean at all that's what he did. The are miles of differences between your phone syncing to your Dropbox account and sharing those photos on other websites.

 

I agree that what he did is a breach of trust and is disrespectful, but for the moment, fears of these being all over the internet are probably over-blown based on what we currently know.

 

They may not be "all over the internet" but we don't know if only the OP and her husband have access to dropbox.

[Realist3]

The relationship is broken, and not over nude pics.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I think the most important part of this situation is the fact that you multiple times declined him taking photos of you.

 

 

 

This is absurd!

 

For how can "the most important part of this situation" not be that this woman needs to destroy any and all such photos, because she works in the public school system???

 

Once she succeeds at so doing, only then should she invest any time in Loveshack.

 

If she isn't allowed to destroy any and all such photos immediately, she should file for divorce at once.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Thing is that every person has different boundaries. You have made yours clear and your reasons are very valid.

 

 

No, she hasn't, and that's obvious, based on this thread.

 

 

The only way this woman could be clear about her boundaries would be if the divorce papers had already been served by the time I began this entry.

[webmiss88]

I spent the afternoon with my lawyer, who says otherwise. Taking the pictures is not illegal, but the uploading them to the internet (ie. dropbox, cloud, etc.) whether intentional or not is. He went from being an inappropriate creep to committing an illegal activity simply by having his phone linked to dropbox.

 

Am I intending to press charges? Probably not. However, I do want to know my legal rights, as I figure out my next steps.

Edited February 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[webmiss88]

No, she hasn't, and that's obvious, based on this thread.

 

 

The only way this woman could be clear about her boundaries would be if the divorce papers had already been served by the time I began this entry.

 

Please explain to me how I have not made my boundaries clear. I told him that I am not comfortable with nude photos and will not ever pose for any due to my job. How exactly is that unclear?

[TigerCub]

Please explain to me how I have not made my boundaries clear. I told him that I am not comfortable with nude photos and will not ever pose for any due to my job. How exactly is that unclear?

 

Not speaking for him, but I assumed that he meant that clear about your boundaries about what he did now is to file for divorce - that's why I liked his comment.

 

I know you were VERY CLEAR about nude pics period by saying NO from the start.

 

I'm glad you spoke to a lawyer.

I know it's your decision, but honestly I think he soooooooooooo should be charged for what he did.

 

Either way, sorry it happened to you.

[HereNorThere]

OP, first of all I'd like to thank you for being classy and not taking nude photographs. There's nothing worse than knowing thousands of men across the world jerk off to pictures of your spouse, so thanks. A know most women trust their partner not to share them, but a huge percentage of men show them off to their friends. Then you add in the risk of a Dropbox/iCloud security breach and/or losing your phone or sd card and you realize that privacy is an illusion when it comes to anything connected to the Internet.

 

I'm going to be honest about something very few know about myself. I once caught a gay neighbor trying to peep me through my windows. Ugh, he wasn't even slick about it. I could have called the cops, but I didn't want ruin the guys life over it. Still, I can relate without feeling violated. I know your husband probably doesn't realize the danger he put you in or how icky it made you feel, but you need to show him. Don't just talk about it, be about it. Leave the house for a few days, talk to an attorney about your legal rights and let him know you consulted, check the laws in your state and let him know that if it happens again, you will call the cops and he'll go to jail and be put on the sex offender registry.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you OP. Maybe you need to make him trade his cell phone for camera less flip phone or take a screwdriver to the camera on his cell phone so he can't take anymore pictures ever. There needs to be some sort of consequences for his actions.

[rester]

I understand that what your husband did was wrong and immoral and slimey as all hell, but it is still unclear if these pictures were uploaded to the public internet or a private dropbox.

[webmiss88]

I understand that what your husband did was wrong and immoral and slimey as all hell, but it is still unclear if these pictures were uploaded to the public internet or a private dropbox.

 

Private dropbox, but that is besides the point. NOTHING is private on the internet. Privacy settings mean zero and even though I deleted them from his dropbox account, they are still out there on some backup harddrives belonging to dropbox. Just last year, dropbox got hacked and we had to change our passwords.

 

I had a student hack into my twitter feed last year and even though there was nothing in there that would've landed me trouble, I promptly stopped using all forms of social media. I would like for my private life to remain private. I have a moral clause in my contract (yes in the public school system). If these were fall into the wrong hands or be discovered by someone who could identify me (yes I realize the chance is small, but there is always that possibility), I could lose my job and potentially my entire career.

[rester]

Private dropbox, but that is besides the point. NOTHING is private on the internet. Privacy settings mean zero and even though I deleted them from his dropbox account, they are still out there on some backup harddrives belonging to dropbox. Just last year, dropbox got hacked and we had to change our passwords.

 

I had a student hack into my twitter feed last year and even though there was nothing in there that would've landed me trouble, I promptly stopped using all forms of social media. I would like for my private life to remain private. I have a moral clause in my contract (yes in the public school system). If these were fall into the wrong hands or be discovered by someone who could identify me (yes I realize the chance is small, but there is always that possibility), I could lose my job and potentially my entire career.

 

Well, I completely understand why you are upset, but at the same time dropboxes' back-up servers are not the public internet, so your husband's intentions were not to publicly share the photos, as some of the posters here believe.

 

Again, I totally understand why this is damaging to you and your marriage, but it doesn't sound like his intentions were to share the photos, and yes, that makes a difference.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you.

[webmiss88]

Well, I completely understand why you are upset, but at the same time dropboxes' back-up servers are not the public internet, so your husband's intentions were not to publicly share the photos, as some of the posters here believe.

 

Again, I totally understand why this is damaging to you and your marriage, but it doesn't sound like his intentions were to share the photos, and yes, that makes a difference.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you.

 

Sorry, I disagree, it does not make difference. It would be one thing if we had never discussed before, but we have, on MULTIPLE occasions. I am not comfortable with him taking nude of photos of me. He KNEW this and completely disregarded my feelings. Add to that the fact that he believes he did nothing wrong and he has nothing to apologize for... I can't even put it into words.

 

The damage is done. The trust is gone. I've moved his stuff from our bedroom into the guest bedroom, I installed a new lock on the master bedroom, and I'm getting my legal stuff in order. Whether I will press charges or file for divorce remains to be seen, but for the time being I can't even look him I'm so disgusted.

[CarrieT]

I've moved his stuff from our bedroom into the guest bedroom, I installed a new lock on the master bedroom, and I'm getting my legal stuff in order.

Is the "legal stuff" a separation or divorce?

[HereNorThere]

Give it a little time before you decide to divorce or something drastic like put him in jail. I think it's great that you are showing him how serious of an offense it was, but the laws concerning this type of thing are super, super serious and would mostly likely ruin his life.

 

Sex laws regarding the internet are a case of "the punishment doesn't fit the crime" in most cases. Punish him privately, don't ruin his life over it.

[webmiss88]

Is the "legal stuff" a separation or divorce?

 

Right now I'm just figuring out my rights, in terms of my home, custody, etc. We have a 15 month old daughter. I have another appointment on Monday. Today I just kind of vented and he gave me an overview as to what my rights were, because it was (obviously) a last minute thing so there wasn't a lot of time. Unlike my husband I don't do anything without fulling understanding the potential consequences of my actions.

 

For the time being he is moved out of the bedroom and that's a start.

[Hope Shimmers]

OP, I'm glad you saw an attorney and know that you have a right to fight this. Despite what some are saying on here, laws have changed recently to protect the privacy of persons regarding electronic photographs. In fact, many places are cracking down on websites where ex-spouses put nude photos up of their ex-spouses. They have passed laws such that even if you DID give consent at one time, anytime you choose to retract your consent, that is your right and it supersedes the rights of the person who previously had ownership/consent.

 

Ridiculous to even think that people can "do what they want" to anyone else in their own house. They can't photograph children in the bathtub without consent of the parents. They can't hide cameras in a guest bedroom and photograph guests. By that line of thinking, he could drug you and photograph you to his heart's content and you would be unconscious/asleep. That is not legal most anywhere.

 

I would be angry in your shoes, as well. You have valid and professional reasons to protect your privacy. Even if your profession wasn't an issue, YOUR rights were violated by someone whose primary responsibility is to show you respect and love.

[webmiss88]

Give it a little time before you decide to divorce or something drastic like put him in jail. I think it's great that you are showing him how serious of an offense it was, but the laws concerning this type of thing are super, super serious and would mostly likely ruin his life.

 

Sex laws regarding the internet are a case of "the punishment doesn't fit the crime" in most cases. Punish him privately, don't ruin his life over it.

 

Yeah, I'm not filing for divorce, or even a separation at this time. However, I do want to have all my ducks in a row, so that I can make the best decision moving forward. What is so upsetting is that he hasn't apologized, he doesn't feel bad (which essentially tells me that if given the opportunity, he would do it again). He thinks that just because I'm his wife, he can do whatever the **** he wants. Part of me wants to press charges just to show him that's not the case, but the last thing I want is to turn this into a legal circus. I'm doing anything until my ducks are in a row and I'm less emotional about it.

[catapult88]

Give it a little time before you decide to divorce or something drastic like put him in jail. I think it's great that you are showing him how serious of an offense it was, but the laws concerning this type of thing are super, super serious and would mostly likely ruin his life.

 

Sex laws regarding the internet are a case of "the punishment doesn't fit the crime" in most cases. Punish him privately, don't ruin his life over it.

 

Yes, I admit I'm very surprised by all of this talk of pressing charges. If he took them and shared them on other websites and with other people where it's essentially impossible to get control of the photos back, then I could see that side of it.

 

But it seems that he took them and probably intended to use them for his own masturbation material at some point. It's still a violation of trust and respect for the OP, but not something you earn a criminal record for.

[Realist3]

The underlying issue goes far deep than any pictures that may get uploaded to dropbox. This is abut a lack of trust/

[webmiss88]

Yes, I admit I'm very surprised by all of this talk of pressing charges. If he took them and shared them on other websites and with other people where it's essentially impossible to get control of the photos back, then I could see that side of it.

 

But it seems that he took them and probably intended to use them for his own masturbation material at some point. It's still a violation of trust and respect for the OP, but not something you earn a criminal record for.

 

The second his phone automatically uploaded those photographs to his private dropbox account (which is on the internet), it became a criminal offense. Per my lawyer. I don't intend to press charges, because the last thing I want is a legal record of this.

[catapult88]

The second his phone automatically uploaded those photographs to his private dropbox account (which is on the internet), it became a criminal offense. Per my lawyer. I don't intend to press charges, because the last thing I want is a legal record of this.

 

I'm not debating it on the technical/legal definition, I'm talking about actually going through with that portion of it. That part just seems insane to me.

 

Does you husband know you've gone into exploring that? Because if he's already doing a horrible job of realizing the boundaries you have, I would think that will continue to push him into thinking you're going off the deep end over it. (Not saying you are, just saying how I think he'd react.)

 

I wouldn't focus on the "internet" aspect of it with him at the moment, start with the marriage issue.