connormo Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 (edited) Hey there. So to start I'm a 21 year old male lost my virginity at 18... I've never had good sex though to be honest and that worries me! Perhaps I haven't been ready in the past but who knows. I'm one of those guys who actually cares about the connection between me and the girl when having intimate relations... I fell in love with a girl online... It ended up being destructive as we met after 2 years of talking and after a few days she decided I wasn't right for her (broke my heart, rough times) but I wasn't myself when we met and the distance was huge so maybe it was for the better. I was depressed in high school and had no idea of self worth until I met and lost the girl from online now I feel I am much more confident in myself and such. But I still often listen to music that is so ****ed up people don't understand why I love it lmao Either way my main concern is the pressure put on men nowadays. Woman can so easily get what they want and men are pressured into being perfect, if we aren't then we are considered to be failures. My main insecurity is never having a successful relationship and that I will have trouble finding a girl who can love me for me. In the past I've relied primarily on online dating to meet women but I've taken a break from trying to meet women entirely because love has only hurt me.. I tend to over-think everything but any advice/stories of similar situations/experiences would really cheer me up Maybe it's something I shouldn't be worrying about so much at this stage in my life but the few good women I've met in my life have only ever ****ed me over and it's very hard to go on and make the effort to show interest... I swear I've done so many things wrong when trying to attract women and the only advice I ever get is 'be yourself or be confident, etc' it never helps! It's just a vicious cycle of failure and the endless rejection is brutal....I only wish women or other men knew the struggles of being an average dude... Edited February 20, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs~T Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Either way my main concern is the pressure put on men nowadays. Woman can so easily get what they want and men are pressured into being perfect, if we aren't then we are considered to be failures. Oh my lordy if only you knew... Funnily enough women have these exact same problems. Believe me or don't believe me that is up to you... Dating sucks. On line even more so. You have to have the hide of a rhino to do it and get success. My advice to you is quit stressing about women, get a social life instead. Go out go to all the parties, clubs etc... Then you will meet someone, get to know them, pluck up the courage to ask them out and be far more successful that browsing for book, oh sorry, women on plenty of fish (or which ever one you were on)... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 You sound sweet but what will help you more in life is when you become confident. The OL thing, well that is why we say it's not real until you meet. You learned that lesson the hard way. You don't have to be perfect but it will help if you are genuine. In your case that needs to be tempered a bit. Be more skeptical about giving your heart away too easily. Find things that you are good at & that you enjoy. Focus on making yourself happy; when you that the right person should show up. You also have to stop thinking of yourself as below average. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 I understand listening to music that may express the uglier emotions you are having, but as an old music maven, I would advise you to not make it a steady diet and also listen to some stuff that is more about what you'd like to feel like if things were going well and give yourself a chance to let it uplift you a bit and make you more hopeful. You got started out on the wrong foot. Online dating is more negative than positive, it seems to me, for most people on this board at least. You can't let this one experience inform the way you think about yourself. There are a billion available girls out there in the world and some of them are right for you. As with anyone else, most of them are NOT right for you. It truly is a numbers game. But how you narrow in on the field of people and girls who are going to have the most in common and get you is by concentrating on meeting them in real life now while you're young and it is easy to do so. I know it seems simple, but truly the best way to meet the right people is by getting out of the house and doing the things you like doing the most and by staying physically active outside the house. If your activities are mostly indoor ones, CHANGE. This will get you literally nowhere, no friends, no women. You have to get outside into the world and go do things you like, expand your interests a little out of your comfort zone. Take up an activity, whether it's learning to play an instrument or going kayaking or bowling or taking dance lessons or going dancing. Get out there and do things and you'll find people who like to do the same things and this will make it easy to talk to them too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author connormo Posted February 20, 2015 Author Share Posted February 20, 2015 I'm actually surprised I was able to type so well and get some of those points across! (I was absolutely hammered when I typed this hahah) Some good advice from everyone, sorry to women for saying you have it easy, I know many of you have it hard as well. Sometimes I just feel like I don't fit in, I live for heavy metal (though I love and enjoy all forms of music), video games and television lol like someone said maybe I just need to find some things that get me out an meeting new people but I am very introverted (though I have been improving this a lot lately!) and to be honest my ideal girlfriend would be like that as well! (Though if we are both sitting at home forever we will probably never meet ) The one thing I have been into for along time is working out and I am a very fit person but still I almost always do this on my own and I've never really met anyone from it.. I also thought of myself as 'below average' before but I'm just starting to reflect and discover myself now and realizing to stop caring what other people think and not compare myself to them. I've never been good with talking to girls and only have guys as friends (because I just don't get along with women or I always get feelings for them) I feel like I've never been given the chance I deserve and unfortunately the chances I've gotten I have managed to screw them up lmao live and learn I guess though. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 I'm actually surprised I was able to type so well and get some of those points across! (I was absolutely hammered when I typed this hahah) Some good advice from everyone, sorry to women for saying you have it easy, I know many of you have it hard as well. Sometimes I just feel like I don't fit in, I live for heavy metal (though I love and enjoy all forms of music), video games and television lol like someone said maybe I just need to find some things that get me out an meeting new people but I am very introverted (though I have been improving this a lot lately!) and to be honest my ideal girlfriend would be like that as well! (Though if we are both sitting at home forever we will probably never meet ) The one thing I have been into for along time is working out and I am a very fit person but still I almost always do this on my own and I've never really met anyone from it.. I also thought of myself as 'below average' before but I'm just starting to reflect and discover myself now and realizing to stop caring what other people think and not compare myself to them. I've never been good with talking to girls and only have guys as friends (because I just don't get along with women or I always get feelings for them) I feel like I've never been given the chance I deserve and unfortunately the chances I've gotten I have managed to screw them up lmao live and learn I guess though. No, you can't meet anyone from sitting in your room at home and no one wants to just come do that with you either. So you like heavy metal. Get out and go to bar shows as often as possible. Hang around outside the door where you can talk some just to get some air, and usually a few people will drift into your area and maybe chat. Really, if you're that into music, you ought to be learning an instrument. It's a great social tool. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 I am not really into Heavy Metal at all but my best friend loves it. When we were in our early teens she took me out "clubbing" - it was a heavy metal club and it was fantastic! Everyone was so friendly and from all walks of life! I was the only one in the club not in heavy metal gear/ black... must have looked like a virgin to them all. Quit using your hobbies as an excuse and start using them as a reason to meet people! Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 Ah, a metal head! Got mates into it, they all at least play an instrument. That will at least boost your confidence a little as you get better at it. Go to more metal-themed events - clubs, gigs, meetups etc. You like video games and TV? What about reaching out to other video games and TV fans and doing something together? Making a podcast, or forming some sort of writing group? Always avenues to meet people, depending on what you want to do - and that will in turn lead to you meeting more women . You can also try OLD and learn to talk to women more that way, or in real life, when you're going about life and you encounter women - just bite the bullet and say hello! Link to post Share on other sites
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