Tired of being so restless all the time - why have i got nothing to do?

[younged78]

Hi,

 

I'm extremely restless these days. Actually i've been restless for a long time. I don't have any close friends, and I dont have any hobbies or things that interest me. For working days, I get up, go to the office, kill time there sometimes, come home, have dinner, and feel restless. Cos there's nothing I can think that I want to do.

 

I'm not a shy person, an introvert or anything of that sort. I can go up to people and strike up a conversation, but somehow I can never quite become chummy with people. I'm told i'm funny, I'm a "nice guy", but yet I don't have any friends. I just feel extremely restless, more so on sundays, or any holidays that I have, cos I don't know what to do with my time. I take off on walks sometimes, for an hour or two by myself, but come back and still get bored. I listen to music, but how much can u listen to. Watch cable tv, but that bores after a while too. Nap in the afternoon - that makes me feel groggy and makes me have problems sleeping at night. I can't motivate myself enough to go to the gym regularly. And I feel my self-confidence taking a huge plunge cos i think what is wrong with me that I can't have any friends to hang out with, and why am I not able to enjoy myself like other normal people out there??

 

I just can't get myself to do anything. I miss talking on the phone, or meeting up with friends and going out for movies and hanging out. In school I did these things (do i still felt then that i lacked closeness with friends), but after school and uni, all of that has stopped. Hardly talk on the phone apart from work related stuff, and rarely meet some of my "friends" for a movie/bowling. But in general, on a day-to-day basis, I really feel lacking and so so restless cos i dont know what to do with my time.

 

I recently stopped talking to one of my best friends ever - for those who have the time and energy to read through the history, u r more than welcome to at . http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56335/

Perhaps thats another reason for me to feel this way..

 

but i need to get my life on track and sort myself out... how, i have no idea. I dont understand why i dont have any friends, and I dont know whats so bad about me that I don't. Im a lost cause, and i dont know what to do about it. I need to get a life, but how?

 

help if possible...

[moimeme]

Join some clubs. Get politically active. Volunteer. Take up new hobbies. Take a class. Go places where people are doing what you like to do and get to know some of them.

[bebegal]

i feel the same way. it called depression. When we have it we dont want to do a damn thing. It sucks

[EC]

How about being around a ton of people and feeling completely alone? Is that depression as well?

[bebegal]

EC-

Yes I believe it is

[EC]

EC-

Yes I believe it is

 

Dit!

[LoveAlways]

Younged78, restlessness is the feeling we have when we know we could be doing something more constructive with our time. It is most strongly felt when we are not actualising our potential - and you certainly aren't. I know where you're at because I've been doing a bachelor of arts with a double major for three years now by myself, at home, with my computer as my best friend. I'm a really nice girl (I'd say!) with a zest for life and everything going for me but just like you, I'm lacking in the friends department, usually bored and struggle to concentrate on my work because of this incessant restlessness. Its a restlessness that says:

 

"You could be out there, socialising, sharing yourself with others, having incredible times with people your age doing things you like together"...

 

BUT you're at home, alone, twiddling your thumbs.

 

SO HERE'S THE THING: We gotta lift ourselves up and not fall into depression. Depression is so weak, so defiant. It says "I give up on life". Its a rut and do you really wanna tell your grandchildren one day "I was depressed as a kid". No! You gotta RISE from the fall!

 

Exercise is so good, you're being incredibly positive simply by going for walks. Try aim for gym. Since I started gym, I've felt so much happier and more confident and that attitude has attracted people to me. Often if you're exuding a negative attitude, people pick it up and dont want to deal with a sorry, sad person. I like to help people out when they're down but not everyone is like that.

 

Because you not meeting anyone, you gotta join something or put yourself out there. The best way to make buddies is to be one. If you wanna meet someone special, go away, trips always deliver incredible things. Try recruit your friends on a holiday...

 

Please consider it. Dont give up. Hope it helps.

x

[EC]

Younged78, restlessness is the feeling we have when we know we could be doing something more constructive with our time. It is most strongly felt when we are not actualising our potential - and you certainly aren't.

 

Ditto! I think thats exactly what I am feeling. But I am opposite I am surrounded by people I love and that love me and friends too, great friends, But I find myself feeling alone. Very alone and depressed and not wanting to do much lately.

[younged78]

LoveAlways,

 

Thanks for your sweet reply. Something about it just seemed very warm, and im grateful for your very valuable advice. Ur abs right in ur assessment of how i'm feeling - and i am a tough nut to crack, so there's no chance i'll give in. But I am getting tired of repeatedly feeling this way for such a long time..

 

I'll give the gym a shot too - will start that today... and i'll try and look deep within myself to see what possible interests I could have, and will take up those activities in the form of a course perhaps. Thanks again.

 

EC - i've felt the way your are feeling... being surrounded my many people, people who care about you, but still feeling alone. Feeling that no one *really* understands and gets you. From my personal experience, this happened to me because I wanted to have a particular kind of love from someone, a companion, a wanting for this "magical person" that just wasnt there. Everyone else seemed to be meaningless. I got out of that mode by just realising that the only person you really need in life is urself. Dont ever get dependant on anyone, dont expect things out of other people - what needs to be done can only be done by u, and only u. Just my personal experience, hope it helps.

[candy candy candy]

can you get a kitten, a bird, a puppy? a low maintenace pet? they are wonderful company!

[monkey00]

Originally posted by candy candy candy

can you get a kitten, a bird, a puppy? a low maintenace pet? they are wonderful company!

 

right on!

 

But after reading your posts, i still cant seem to distinguish your real issue here.

you sound like you may be depressed, but not quite. you seem like you're lacking a social life and is seeking it, but then not quite. then you say no one understands you....but then again i'd say no one on this board would because we dont know you.

 

The person that knows you best is, well you! Try to find out what's lacking in your life and fill that hole with something you've always wanted to do. Altho i do have to admit, you do sound a bit depressed.

 

Do you feel you're trapped in an everyday routine and you have no control over your life? That's a problem that many people experience. The key is to take charge and do what you love best. if that doesnt work, try taking a trip somewhere, im almost certain it will provide you the motivation/drive you need to take control of your life again.

 

Do you enjoy doing things on your own? maybe you like doing things solo, bowling, shooting hoops etc. There's nothing wrong with enjoying time by yourself.

 

Or possibly something is missing from your life and you feel unfulfilled because of it....A girlfriend or companion perhaps? someone to brighten your day everytime you see her.

[Celie]

man i so feel you on this stuff. i've been going through a pretty F&*&*D breakup, but i think part of the reason we're separating was b/c i became so uninterested in everything else, which put a huge pressure on our relationship. do you ever numb yourself w/ drink/drugs? i've been going there lately & i hope you're not! it makes things way worse & i'm grateful to at least realize that now...

 

but anyway, we should try to keep eack other motivated! it's hard but working out will help. i just read some study that said the serotonin or whatever levels exercise raises are so good for mild depression it's akin to the exact same effects as taking an antidepressant.

 

but as for not being into hobbies or what not, i don't know! i used to be into so much stuff but can't get into ANYTHING right now! anyone have suggestions on that specifically?

[tiredofusernames]

I'm such an ass with this **** I don't know if this message is going to who it's intended too.. but hopefully it is. To the guy who said....

 

I'm extremely restless these days. Actually i've been restless for a long time. I don't have any close friends, and I dont have any hobbies or things that interest me. For working days, I get up, go to the office, kill time there sometimes, come home, have dinner, and feel restless. Cos there's nothing I can think that I want to do.

 

all I can say is a-****ing-men. Thank you for so describing my life. If you wish to comment on my comment, maybe together we can figure out how to escape this ****ing prison of self imposed lonliness. not even lonliness but just a lack of desire to play the other reindeer games.. if that makes sense.

 

**** it.

[younged78]

yes - i am the guy who wrote the original comment. and with all this good advice that has been given - i've still managed to do jack about it. Past few days was good, cos i got busy with work (brought in some good sales) and that made me happy. But now, its back to feeling restless again. That was just a temporary phase of feeling happy, cos I had a success. But I still don't have anything that keeps me busy on a regular basis.

 

One of u guys who replied, told me how what i'm feeling is cos im not living up to my potential. And thats exactly how I feel - i dont want to blow my own horn, but im quite an intelligent guy, well academically i was - got the best results, was on top of things, but socially - i have never been successful at all. I dont quite understand what it is about me, that people cant form close friendshups with me - or is it just that i want a certain meaningfull relationship which i cant get and its making me restless? I dunno.. but i do know that yes, i havent been living up to my potential in anyway - and my life has been at a stand still for some time now. I keep saying to myself, yes i should do something about it - but days turn to weeks, and weeks to months, and i dont do anything. its a waste of a life, and i feel the spark that i had inside of me is fading away. I need to find myself and my identity - i dont even know who i am anymore. Yes, i have strong beliefs in what is right and wrong, im honest, trustworthy, reliable and do the right thing. BUT - i feel i dont have a "personality" - im not my own person - i just dont do enough, dont interact with other people enough - and though i'm 25 - im still stuck in the place when i was 19 - i dont feel i have matured in certain ways. Im not my OWN person, think too much of what others think, and havent discovered my own self. And i dont even know how to go about this discovery process - it should just come naturally - not me having to go look for it.

 

Anyways, i've rambled on there - i just dont know what to do - or perhaps i do, but im just not able to do it. and feel brought down and frustrated. extremely frustrated with everything...

[LoveAlways]

Well remember its your attitude (not aptitude) that determines your altitude in life and even though you're intelligent, you've got the wrong attitude with people-you expect them to come your way when you have to go to them. You can only have friends by being one. Where are all your old schoolmates? Why cant you rekindle relationships with them if making new buddies is too hard?

 

What is it in your life that hasn't been fulfilled? Does that gap lie in your job or your relationships?

 

You sound like you need to turn your entire life around like change your job or place of living or travel. Because of your over obsessing about yourself and your life and what is lacking in it, you wont learn anything about who you are if things stay this way. Your introspection and inward directedness only makes you lose your sense of self. The only way you'll learn about yourself is if you meet people...you have to try do something about this. Go back to college even.