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Am I right to be upset about cheating early in relationship?

Disco Lemonade

By Disco Lemonade,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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Price2Play

Price2Play

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Posted

So let's clarify here, you where not exclusive, it's early on. She goes on a business trip & f*cks a co-worker? So, the evidence you have is inappropriate emails from that time exact time period?

 

Give us details in those emails!?!

 

As many have already stated it's huge red flag.

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kendahke

kendahke

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If you knew her to be a liar at that time that you felt she was lying to you about what she said to her friends about what you did (otherwise, you'd have not looked into her emails), why didn't you dump her then? You'd already determined she was a liar--that's enough to drop her off at the mall.

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johncarl

johncarl

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I don't care how long ago any of this happened.

 

Your question now is about whether you want a partner in life that has no problem lying straight to your face today.

 

I expect that I've got acquaintances that would lie to me but knowingly marrying someone that goes into the marriage as a liar? No thanks.

 

You already know plenty of truth here...she's got no problem lying to you about her FWB.

 

Don't feel bad for snooping. You've dodged a bullet (unless you decide to jump in front of it).

 

 

 

As someone who has been unfaithful/cheated, I am inclined to agree with most of the responses here. I don't know why she didn't just tell you the truth when you asked her about him, but it's a big deal. If there was more going on than you think (e.g. she was cheating), then there most likely was.

 

 

I'm not sure why you're staying with her, it's not clear. Do you two live together? That makes things harder in terms of breaking up for sure. Are you worried about being alone? Because generally that doesn't happen.

 

 

If you stay with her you will always not trust her. She can change, but it takes a lot of work, honesty, a lot of frankness from both in the couple. And she really has to want to be with you. It's very likely that if you stay with her you will grow resentful and at some point things will get ugly. Save yourself the further discomfort and unhappiness.

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  • 8 months later...
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Disco Lemonade

Disco Lemonade

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It has been forever, but thought I would post a follow up. I married her and we are expecting. She has never told me the truth about the past with this guy, but I know she has never been with him again. Sometimes you just have to respect that people aren't perfect. Am happily married and hope the best for everyone else on this forum

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Spectre

Spectre

Posted
Posted (edited)
It has been forever, but thought I would post a follow up. I married her and we are expecting. She has never told me the truth about the past with this guy, but I know she has never been with him again. Sometimes you just have to respect that people aren't perfect. Am happily married and hope the best for everyone else on this forum

 

Just wow this was one of the most depressing things I have EVER READ on this board.

 

Seriously! She never told you the truth, you just said that. People aren't perfect, but this girl has no class or respect and now dear lord she will be raising a child? You know she has never been with him? No, you really don't. Are you all seeing and all knowing? No? The no, you don't.

 

Ugh, tell me you're trolling. Otherwise this woman has now made it so you'll be made a fool of for the rest of your life. Just wow, seriously. This is going to depress me even once I'm offline.

 

I swear it's like some people enjoy being doormats for their shady ass spouse and raising kids with these people.

Edited by Spectre
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Disco Lemonade

Disco Lemonade

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Just wow this was one of the most depressing things I have EVER READ on this board.

 

Seriously! She never told you the truth, you just said that. People aren't perfect, but this girl has no class or respect and now dear lord she will be raising a child? You know she has never been with him? No, you really don't. Are you all seeing and all knowing? No? The no, you don't.

 

Ugh, tell me you're trolling. Otherwise this woman has now made it so you'll be made a fool of for the rest of your life. Just wow, seriously. This is going to depress me even once I'm offline.

 

I swear it's like some people enjoy being doormats for their shady ass spouse and raising kids with these people.

 

I get what you are saying. But the guy lives out of the country. I would know if she had been back. It was a mistake, but it was in the past

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Spectre

Spectre

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The guy isn't trapped by some forcefield, not like he can't leave the country. But she could just be doing something with someone else. Women like this don't have class or respect for boundaries.

 

Yes it was in the past, but so? Past is an indicator to the type of person you are. Didn't you wonder why whenever you apply for a job they ask for your previous job experience? They are trying to use your past to determine if you are suitable for the job. We do this all the time in life so why in the world would something as important as marriage get a pass?

 

Plus she wasn't even honest with you! You know this and you still married her and you want this person raising a child. So now she's trapped you so good luck with that. Now if/when she cheats again if you want to divorce you have to see your kid 50% less at the very least, because of course the woman usually gets custody.

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road

road

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I get what you are saying. But the guy lives out of the country. I would know if she had been back. It was a mistake, but it was in the past

 

 

 

 

It was not a mistake.

 

 

When she left she told you not to find someone else when she left. But she went and had sex again with her OM.

 

 

It was not a mistake but a lie on her part.

 

 

There was a mistake on your part. That was not confronting her about her lying to you.

 

 

Then another mistake you married her without getting the truth.

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bubbaganoosh

bubbaganoosh

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Face it. She planted the seed of doubt in your head and if it doesn't feel right there's a reason for it. Now you have the seed of doubt in your head and she has the seed of life in her and you still don't know what really happened. Not a good situation friend.

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Poutrew

Poutrew

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Posted
It has been forever, but thought I would post a follow up. I married her and we are expecting. She has never told me the truth about the past with this guy, but I know she has never been with him again. Sometimes you just have to respect that people aren't perfect. Am happily married and hope the best for everyone else on this forum

 

:sick::(:eek:

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kendahke

kendahke

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Hmmm... baby fever does a number on some people's perceptions... married to a bald faced liar. Life will certainly be interesting.

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KatZee

KatZee

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Gross.

 

My ex did the same crap with me. I wanted to marry him, thank God I never did.

 

I even found out that after he cheated the first time, and how "sorry" he was, he went on and did it again.

 

She cheated on you already, who cares if it was with some guy who is out of the country who hasn't come back. Do you know how many other dudes reside on this planet? In your state? In your town?

 

Cheaters gon' cheat, cheat, cheat, cheat, cheat.

 

Ending it with my ex was the best thing that ever happened to me, seriously. Now you're trapped in a marriage, WITH a kid. Good luck.

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Space Ritual

Space Ritual

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Posted
It has been forever, but thought I would post a follow up. I married her and we are expecting. She has never told me the truth about the past with this guy, but I know she has never been with him again. Sometimes you just have to respect that people aren't perfect. Am happily married and hope the best for everyone else on this forum

 

I'm sorry you did what?

 

Married her?

LMFAO!!!

 

You don't know whether you are happily married or not. In fact you'll be the last one to ever know.

 

see you back here in 6 months, pal.

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Try

Try

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Posted (edited)
I get what you are saying. But the guy lives out of the country. I would know if she had been back.
You might feel safe thinking that you would know if she visited him, but you forget that if he wanted to visit her, that you would not know if she did not want you to. Since she is so good at lying to your face, this is a real issue.

 

It was a mistake, but it was in the past
Lying is never a mistake, it is a character flaw. Also you keep making excuses for her by saying that it was in the past. Everything that has happened can be said to be in the past. The issue here is that what she did took place less than 2 years ago, so it was in the recent past, which means that it is very much fair game to still discuss.

 

Studies show that on cheated on spouse usually get over the sex of the affair far faster than the lying associated with the affair. In your case she never told you the truth, so the lying is still an ongoing issue, and tells you a lot about her lack of character. Sorry dude, but unless telling the truth because a deal breaker in your marriage, your marriage is an affair waiting to happen.

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