Charlie101 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 So bit of back ground was with my ex for best part of a year was perfect in the beginning then we started fighting a fair bit broke up after a heated argument but got back together 3 days later, after another week she broke it off with me and said that was it I made all the usual mistakes of begging and pleading turning up and getting angry ect till I finall said enough is enough and cut contact, been out of contact for 4 weeks when she text me saying.... she watched a film and thought of me whole way through she hopes I'm well and have settled I to my new job.... I don't know what to reply if I should reply, I want to be back with her and miss her terribly I understand why we went wrong and our problems and wouldn't make the same mistakes, but I don't know if this is what she wants as she stated she didn't when we broke up ect I just don't know how to go about it or just continue with my life, which I have been getting on with ive moved into my own placed and really bettered myself as an individual, What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Why do you want to get back together? You were already fighting. Things were problematic. You did not mention that those things had been fixed. You are simply lonely. When you begged & pleaded, she ignored you. Now that she's lonely too, she's back but nothing has really changed so what are you going to do, get together for a few weeks & break up again? Why? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Charlie101 Posted February 20, 2015 Author Share Posted February 20, 2015 Can't really fix them without being together, they were problems of not showing her enough attention and wanting to spend more time with my friends but how can I do that with out seeing her. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 It sounds like you were incompatible. She wanted more time and attention than you wanted to give for much of a year. Are you now willing to spend less time than you want with your friends? Don't you think you'd start to resent her for it? Don't you think she'd start to sense your resentment and resent you for feeling resentful? Oy. But if you feel your life has changed enough -- new job, new living situation -- so you won't just fall into the same patterns eventually... and if you really do want to reconcile.... I'd just reply that you miss her too and ask if she wants to talk about things. I still think you're better off finding someone more compatible -- but best of luck, whatever you decide. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Charlie101 Posted February 20, 2015 Author Share Posted February 20, 2015 The thing is, I'm in the military so was home not very often so when I was I'd want just one night with my friends to see them and then I'd spend the rest of the time with her but she thought that one night was too much, but I've had a change of job within the military which gives me a lot more time off so I know it'll be better know and things it's hard, I can't get it off my mind. She didn't actually say she misses me just that she thought about me through a film and hopes I'm okay, it's probably just a harmless message but cause I'm a guy Im reading way to much into it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 She wanted more time from you than was reasonable in your opinion (and I admit I agree with you there, one night a week with friends is no big deal IMO.) Do you really think that's going to change? A healthy mature partner would want you to have a life and friendships outside of your relationship with her. She's dropping breadcrumbs to see how you'll respond. I doubt it's a "harmless" message -- sounds pretty calculating, in fact! She's testing the waters, giving you just enough information to hook your interest and leave you wondering. I still think it's a mistake to revisit a relationship you know was problematic. But if you want to reconcile, you could begin a dialogue and see what she does next. You could just ask how she's been and if she'd like to talk about things. If she's not interested in talking about the relationship, then you can assume this is just her feeling lonely and getting an ego massage at your expense. I still think it's a big mistake, though. And thanks for your service! Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 By ignoring her completely you show anger, weakness, and that you're hurt. Why would you give her that information? And also by ignoring her you kill chances to get back together. You can stay NC, by ignoring her without ignoring. Answer just polite replies with minimum text. She saw a movie and thought of you? you can reply with "thank you". She asks if you're Ok, you can reply that "yes, I'm Ok, thanks for asking". That's it. Don't be rude, don't be angry, don't be too short "to show her". Just be calm and polite. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Charlie101 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 Thanks for the replies...I ended up messaging her back saying I was doing well settled in nicely and moved into a new place so all was good, and hoped everything was good her end, she replied saying she was good she got a promotion at work so all good, then I just said well done I'm happy for you you worked hard for it, she said thanks and that's where I left it..... Not really sure what to do now... For all I know she could be seeing someone new I'm just abit lost for what to do :/ this stuffs hard lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Charlie101 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 Has anyone else got any advice, I can't turn my brain off thinking, it's doing my head in, I can't get it out of my mind, I still love her.... I haven't made any rash decision or done anything stupid... Do I just cut my losses if she was still interested she'd tell me right that's what you do surely, I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 You both have conflicting interests. She wants you not to move on, and to think about her, while all she wants to invest is meaningless polite messages. Your interest is the opposite - To move on and live your life. Right now she's competing with you on the "meaningless polite messages" and with your current attitude you will lose first round. So if you are not enjoying the game, don't play. My advice - You are not in her league with flirting and writing double meaning messages, so don't. Answer the shortest texts you can, even 1-2 words, just not to be rude, and move on. Be always hard to get. The only way she can have you back is say she's sorry and she wants you back. It probably wont happen so move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Charlie101 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 My interest is with her... I would like to speak to her and to sort things out and hopefully get back together, the issue I. Having is after we broke up I did the whole desperation act which never works so have gone nc to make things better for myself, whochnit has massively and whilst I still miss her and want her back i understand that for that to happen it has to be what she wants, and I never expected to hear from her again, but it's as if this one message has sent me straight back to square one but without me acting on my feelings I've just been calm about it. I know I can't play the gAme which is why I'm not, to me it's not a game it's my feelings and it's other people's feelings, there not there to be played with, I'm just lost over the situation im crazy about her, I guess deep down I think I know she doesn't want any part of it, I just am analysing the message as I guess she wants, but it's because I never expected to hear from her again. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 I you should decide 1 of 2 the options: 1. moving on, forget about her. That means you don't expect her to come back, and just continue NC. But i think you can't force yourself to fully choose that option. So you can choose option 2. 2. text her, cal her and talk with her as if she wasn't your GF. Don't talk about getting back together. just invite her to lunch, after that a movie... slowly slowly, and see what happens. If she cooperates, it means she wants you back (But then again - go slowly and don't push it, she may be testing you). Option 2 contains the possibility to be very hurt when you realize she doesn't want you back at all, and not even as a friend. But for you it may be the right thing to do because only when she hurts you again you can have a success with option 1. Link to post Share on other sites
xinaxxsdertf Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 i think lolablue is spot on but is also correct about risking being hurt. i have a similar situation. you have to think is it worth putting yourself back in there and coming out broken again. cause im guessing the 4 weeks NC was tough so if you give her too much and she doesnt want you back, you pretty much have to go through those 4 weeks all over again. if you have moved on so well with your life, maybe carry on that same way? something i have been told alot lately is there are plenty more fish in the sea. you will get a more compatible, prettier, better girlfriend eventually even though it seems you wont at the moment. but i cant even accept that advice myself lol so i wont be the right person to listen to. hope it works out for you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Charlie101 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Share Posted February 25, 2015 Ha funny how I just replied to yours Yeh I'm not really sure what to do I miss her like absolute crazy and am struggling still everyday that I think about her, I want a second chance I want to make it work I know we can but at the same time I believe she's moved on and has forgotten all about me. Don't know what to do just have to stay strong I guess I almost emailed her today but deleted it before I sent it, guess I'm still not ready for contact. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 She just wanted her ego stroked and to tell you about her promotion Link to post Share on other sites
xinaxxsdertf Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 You sound like youre doing well with yourself but still risk going back to square one if you start contacting her. You miss her too much that the second she shows a little bit of emotion back, you might over analyze it and open yourself to being hurt again. If you are doing so well and can cope without her now then maybe carry on with life and NC? Atleast you are in the later stages of NC so youve been through the tough part. If she loves you and misses you enough then she will be in touch. I think its nice that she texted you and said she was thinking of you during that film. Shows she misses you but was also cruel because her being the dumper could be giving you false hope. Link to post Share on other sites
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