Bigjosh Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 I met this girl a few months ago in college and we hit it off. She's a premed major and really smart. So the that girl I've been seeing about a month now is out at a party which I'm totally fine with. What worries me is that she's at a small party at my buddies house smoking weed and drinking. I went home this weekend so i could t help even if I needed to. It's 2 girls and 2 guys. The two guys know me really well and she texted me saying no big deal im just hanging and smoking I was like ok, but I know how these guys are. She at least gave me a heads up. But what pissed me off is when I asked if they know of us she replied with "I dunno? I didn't see it worth mentioning right now." I don't trust the 1 guy cause he's been trying to get with my girl for months. Longer then I've been with her. I really like her and trust her, but the guys..not so much. I mean she will do whatever she wants and I get that... But I don't get why she thinks that partying (smoking weed, drinking etc.) is the solution to her stress. I get she's young and wild... It it was only after meeting me and spending time with me and my friends...idk what to do. I don't know what to feel. I like her a lot, but I feel I shouldn't. Hot damn I hate having feelings for people. Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 I hate to break it to you but a guy cannot turn a committed, loyal partner just by virtue of wanting her and being there. If anything happens it's because she's a party to it (short of rape). Well you've got no choice, you have to wait until she comes home and accept that this is the lifestyle that she had when you met her and you can't expect her to be different just because she is with you. You communicate your concerns and if she chooses to disregard them, then re-evaluate the relationship according to whatever criteria is important to you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 2 guys and two girls is not a party mate, it's a double date, especially if one of the guys is actively trying to get with her...and it also seems a bit strange it happened in the weekend you had to go home.. Seems you caught feelings a bit too fast. If you're not fine with her hanging out with other dudes at a "small party" then tell her and make it clear. If she continues to do so in spite of you then you let her go. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 She's double dating, not partying. You said you're OK with it because it's been only a month and you probably feel you're not yet in an exclusive committed relationship. If you were in an exclusive R, she wouldn't go to a double date. Sorry, but only single girls go dating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 You don't trust her judgement, you don't like her doin drugs, etc.....stop dating her then! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigjosh Posted February 26, 2015 Author Share Posted February 26, 2015 I totally believed you guys at first then I stopped because of something she said...now after tonight I totally believe. I'm really glad I waited to ask her out because I can't handle her. I can't nor do I wanna have to try and "tame" or control her. She's her own person. I really liked her, and I know she likes me. I honestly can't deal with a girl who says she'll give up smoking then goes out and smokes as soon as I leave, says she'll study for classes, then fails cause she didn't actually study, and decides to go and get drunk. I wanna make an ultimatum but I wont. I don't wanna see if she values getting drunk and high more then getting into med school. If yall have any more advice...I'd gladly take it, and to the people who already responded thank ya! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 I totally believed you guys at first then I stopped because of something she said...now after tonight I totally believe. I'm really glad I waited to ask her out because I can't handle her. I can't nor do I wanna have to try and "tame" or control her. She's her own person. I really liked her, and I know she likes me. I honestly can't deal with a girl who says she'll give up smoking then goes out and smokes as soon as I leave, says she'll study for classes, then fails cause she didn't actually study, and decides to go and get drunk. I wanna make an ultimatum but I wont. I don't wanna see if she values getting drunk and high more then getting into med school. If yall have any more advice...I'd gladly take it, and to the people who already responded thank ya! Start seeing what is, right in front of you, instead of what you wished would be, which may never be in front of you. She doesn't sound as if she's nearly as invested in this involvement with you as you seem to be. It would be a good idea to set her adrift. She's got other priorities and they don't include you or what makes you feel comfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigjosh Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 So we dated. I should have listened. She broke up with me over text because she doesn't want to get close to someone right now. And she may have feelings for someome else. FML. Thanks all. Any advice on mending broken feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
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