Why some people don't put pictures up on OLD

[LookAtThisPOst]

There seems to be a class of people who think they have very good reason as to why they don't put pictures up when it comes to online dating.

 

Saw this OK Cupid profile of a woman recently where she did have a picture put up, but only in her profile she mentioned, "My friend told me I'd NEVER get an email nor a date if I don't put a picture up."

 

So she did, though it was kind of a far away photo of her, a bit grainy, you could get an idea of what she looks like.

 

She goes on later saying, "I know men can be visual, but I really am interested in someone who cares about my inner beauty than my outer."

 

So, she's an attractive woman, but has a serious concern about weeding those out that don't care about substance and what's on the inside. Probably a good match for me, as I agree...but it's not often I see woman that think this way and actually voice it on an online dating profile. She mentions she's quite different than most in that regards.

 

THAT all being said, would you say there IS a rationale for the kind of people that don't believe in pictures on their profiles.

 

Perhaps there are really physically attractive people out there, online...that we don't know about only because they refuse to put up their pictures?

[salparadise]

There certainly are a some attractive women who refuse to post a photo, but they are the exceptions, not the rule. There are a couple of legitimate reasons they might want to do this- professional privacy is one, discouraging volumes of unsolicited messages being another. Often they will state in their profile that they're willing to share pics privately but not post them publicly. They typically have a proactive approach, preferring to initiate contact with people they're interested in.

 

But for the most part, they are unattractive, lack self-confidence and/or are downright delusional. Or maybe not so delusional if they're able to get men interested based on nothing more than claiming to be a member of the vagina owners association. My experience has been that they're fruitcakes, with two notable exceptions, both of whom offered to send pics privately in the first message had well written profiles.

 

I've been known to respond with something snarky like, oooh yea baby- nothing turns a man on like an empty profile with no pics.

Edited February 21, 2015 by salparadise

[LookAtThisPOst]

There certainly are a some attractive women who refuse to post a photo, but they are the exceptions, not the rule. There are a couple of legitimate reasons they might want to do this- professional privacy is one, discouraging volumes of unsolicited messages being another. Often they will state in their profile that they're willing to share pics privately but not post them publicly. They typically have a proactive approach, preferring to initiate contact with people they're interested in.

 

But for the most part, they are unattractive, lack self-confidence and/or are downright delusional. Or maybe not so delusional if they're able to get men interested based on nothing more than claiming to be a member of the vagina owners association. My experience has been that they're fruitcakes, with two notable exceptions, both of whom offered to send pics privately in the first message. And in both of those cases they had well written profiles.

 

Well, this one in particular...since NOW she put up a picture, but only under the extreme suggestion of a friend and went into detail about her concerns as she considers herself a private person. She's mid-40s and no kids. So already my cup of tea, and on paper, doesn't seem like a fruitcake, but she seems to legitimately qualify for having had no photo on OK Cupid. She considers herself more of a tomboy as she's quite handy around her own home, so perhaps that may have something to do with it. She also claims to have to take longer to warm up to people, esp. when it comes to dating.

 

So we'll see. lol S

Edited February 21, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[salparadise]

Well, maybe you just got lucky! Hope it works out for you.

 

Here's what typically happens with the no pic women...

 

-they contact me and express interest

-I respond- do you have a pic?

-they make excuses or imply that insisting on a pic up front is superficial

-I assure them it's not all about looks, but pics are requisite for online dating

-she changes the subject and we chit-chat

-I ask again and she agrees to send a pic by email

-she turns out to be, well, not attractive

-I feel like a dumbass for having fallen for it

 

Then I basically have three options... a) tell her I don't find her attractive, b) slow fade, c) instant cutoff without any explanation.

 

I've learned this lesson enough times that I just don't go for it anymore.

[neowulf]

I'm sorry, but I think it's just faulty reasoning.

 

"If I put my picture up, people will see me"

 

True. Of course, if you walk out your door, people will see you.

 

"Yes, but they'll KNOW I'm single! I'll have to wade through all these people to find the good ones"

 

True, but this is the "work" of dating. Yes, it's a drag. Yes, it's tiresome. But what's the alternative? You can't just sit in the dark, waiting for someone to open the door and find you.

 

I find it even *more* disheartening when reading a great profile, because it puts me off contacting them..

Goes something like;

 

"Wow.. what an amazing profile. Better contact her and ask for her photo!"

 

"Ok.. I've seen her photo now.. and she's just not my type. I feel awful about it. But she just isn't. It doesn't matter that I think she's probably an amazing person."

 

"Ok, so now I *have* to reject her based on looks, which sucks EVEN MORE than it would have up front.. *sigh*."

 

People judging each other by looks has *always* been a key part of attraction.

We all take risks by putting ourselves out there. Trust yourself to be able to cope with the process.

Edited February 21, 2015 by neowulf

[Endles]

Well, maybe you just got lucky! Hope it works out for you.

 

Here's what typically happens with the no pic women...

 

-they contact me and express interest

-I respond- do you have a pic?

-they make excuses or imply that insisting on a pic up front is superficial

-I assure them it's not all about looks, but pics are requisite for online dating

-she changes the subject and we chit-chat

-I ask again and she agrees to send a pic by email

-she turns out to be, well, not attractive

-I feel like a dumbass for having fallen for it

 

Then I basically have three options... a) tell her I don't find her attractive, b) slow fade, c) instant cutoff without any explanation. (don't feel guilty doing this. They were trying to decieve!)

 

 

I've learned this lesson enough times that I just don't go for it anymore.

 

I think I grew up just knowing that. Call it shallow or whatever, but everytime I hear people down playing physical attraction and proclaiming you should get to know the person and be attracted based just off that.....that person is unattractive to look at and they are some how morally superior because they are attracted to a persons inner beauty...not their looks.

 

Nevermind the person they want is actually physically attractive while they are not. Many times because of issues they can change, like weight.

[TigerLilly78]

Thats just stupid you wouldn't do any other from of shopping blindfolded why the heck would anyone pick a OLD profile with no pic attraction is a big part of dating. Even if the profile is awesome there is a chance there will be no spark.

 

And with all the specialized dating sites out there now a days there is no reason for people of all kinds to hide themselves and "hope" a guy will fall for them based on their personality's alone..

 

Its not just women men do this to tho back when I was using OLD I always saw no pic profiles and I just passed them up or my other fav the ones with one line of text written yeah if you cant be bothered neither can I dude..

[newmoon]

if there is no picture there is no contact from me. no picture is someone who is not "all in" with online dating. they are tentative about it, probably don't even want to do it, and will be more likely to run off after a few contacts. they might also be hiding from a gf/bf. lack of pictures is a major problem.

[MissBee]

I did message with one guy who didn't have a picture up. He messaged me first and had a great profile. He didn't have up pictures because of the work he does and he didn't want his picture to be out there, but after exchanging a few messages he emailed me a bunch of pictures and we exchanged numbers and of course he sent me pictures that way as well.

 

I understand if for privacy reasons you don't want to put up your picture like that guy but don't mind sharing pictures privately; however, I'm not sure about the whole I want you to want me for the inside rationale. You learn what people want you for by spend time with them. When you meet someone in the offline world it's not like you can walk around with a bag over your head so how do you learn what they like you for? Through time and common sense. A man only into looks will not be able to hide this for long. I prefer to have my picture and for a man to have his because while I certainly do not only want a man for looks, I need to be attracted to him, period. I also don't want any surprises or a man to not be attracted to me physically, which is one of the biggest anxieties for me in online dating, that first meeting and wondering if he will look like his picture and if he will think I look like mine and are we attracted to each other physically, so I'd rather know he has messaged with me knowing what I look like. He can like how I look and also like my inner beauty, which he will only see with time.

Edited February 21, 2015 by MissBee

[Gaeta]

Sometimes I don't put pictures up because I want to select men myself and I don't want to get the usual cr@p I get on there BUT what I do is I keep my pictures private and I always attached them to a first message I send.

 

If someone with no pictures messages me he better have pictures to show me in private otherwise we won't have a conversation. Sometimes I am told they don't know how to attach their pictures or they have technical problems and they want my email address. I don't fall for that. I tell them to figure it out and to get back to me when they are capable of attaching pictures to their messages. In 2015 I don't believe someone has not figured out of to attach a pictures or does not know how to resize a picture.

 

Another thing I don't go for: people that have pictures while they are online and take their pictures down when they go off line. Sorry I don't talk to these people. Those are men in relationships not wanting to get caught.

 

And finally like this lady that put up a blurry pictures. If the picture is taken from far away, if it looks like an old picture, if it looks like a picture that's been scanned, I don't respond or I tell them I will be glad to have a conversation with them once they have clear pictures.

Edited February 21, 2015 by Gaeta

[BlueIris]

I understand why some would consider it off-putting to not have a picture posted. The argument that you can’t see what you’re getting is too narrow for me. I mean, you don’t know what you’re getting at a character and personality level anyway! If only sites had photos, criminal records, marriage and divorce records, MMPIs, psych and medical records, resumes and credit scores, THEN we might get a true picture of what someone is like before dating him or her! Ah, well, it’s a roll of the dice.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I understand why some would consider it off-putting to not have a picture posted. The argument that you can’t see what you’re getting is too narrow for me. I mean, you don’t know what you’re getting at a character and personality level anyway! If only sites had photos, criminal records, marriage and divorce records, MMPIs, psych and medical records, resumes and credit scores, THEN we might get a true picture of what someone is like before dating him or her! Ah, well, it’s a roll of the dice.

 

LOL...could you imagine if you knew everything about someone BEFORE you met them? But what's the fun in that, right?

[TigerLilly78]

 

 

 

The shopping mentality is the reason OLD, and dating in general have gotten so bad.

 

What else is it? you are looking for a partner in essence you are "shopping" around especially when its done on line its not a mentality that just what it is everyone multi and bulti dating around proves that...

 

And im sorry but no pic to many equates to married or some how attached..To alot if you are serious about meeting a partner for a LTR then you wont have anything to hide.

 

Its not about being open minded its about not wasting time or getting into something with some one whose got something to hide. If it worked for you to do it that way congrats but I bet alot of women just looked the other way..

Edited February 22, 2015 by TigerLilly78

[Targetlock]

Well, maybe you just got lucky! Hope it works out for you.

 

Here's what typically happens with the no pic women...

 

-they contact me and express interest

-I respond- do you have a pic?

-they make excuses or imply that insisting on a pic up front is superficial

-I assure them it's not all about looks, but pics are requisite for online dating

-she changes the subject and we chit-chat

-I ask again and she agrees to send a pic by email

-she turns out to be, well, not attractive

-I feel like a dumbass for having fallen for it

 

Then I basically have three options... a) tell her I don't find her attractive, b) slow fade, c) instant cutoff without any explanation.

 

I've learned this lesson enough times that I just don't go for it anymore.

 

went through that too a while back, very annoying.

[neowulf]

What else is it? you are looking for a partner in essence you are "shopping" around especially when its done on line its not a mentality that just what it is everyone multi and bulti dating around proves that...

 

And im sorry but no pic to many equates to married or some how attached..To alot if you are serious about meeting a partner for a LTR then you wont have anything to hide.

 

Its not about being open minded its about not wasting time or getting into something with some one whose got something to hide. If it worked for you to do it that way congrats but I bet alot of women just looked the other way..

 

Completely agree.

 

Also, have *another* like for the awesome avatar. Love that flick!

[TigerLilly78]

I think I grew up just knowing that. Call it shallow or whatever, but everytime I hear people down playing physical attraction and proclaiming you should get to know the person and be attracted based just off that.....that person is unattractive to look at and they are some how morally superior because they are attracted to a persons inner beauty...not their looks.

 

Nevermind the person they want is actually physically attractive while they are not. Many times because of issues they can change, like weight.

 

Weights not always as easily changeable for some as it is for others there can be alot of factors regarding it but thats a discussion for another thread. End of the day its not shallow to not want to date a person you find unattractive long as you are upfront about it in a respectful manner. I hate it when some women play games with pics on line if weight is a problem for them there are dating sites devoted to just that imagine that! no time wasted on ether side..

 

Completely agree.

 

Also, have *another* like for the awesome avatar. Love that flick!

 

Thanks I love rocket

[Rejected Rosebud]

How are you supposed to know about a person's "inner beauty" because of an online dating profile no matter how detailed it is, and also isn't physical attraction important in a romantic relationship?? I mean the person sure doesn't have to be a gorgeous beauty or stud but you would want to see that they are attractive to YOU wouldn't you?? I have never tried it but I am sure I would not want to communicate with a faceless person …

[Otter2569]

I clearly put in my profile: No Pic = No Reply.

 

I am not a magician, a gambler or a psychic. A few good pictures and a great profile will work wonders.

[Christina107]

I've seen plenty of profiles on okcupid where there was no profile pictures at all. And the guys that messaged me usually said some b.s. like if you want to see what I look like I will email/text you them. I'm like heck no!!! If I don't see a profile picture its either a fake account or some serial wacko trying to trick me. Its just shady.