Should I be pissed or not?

[Ace]

My gf is on Spring Break and most of you know the situation. She said that she probably won't do anything while she is down there, but we have been dating exclusively ever since our break up and have been more serious.

 

What if she comes home and says that she got drunk and did something with some guy or even just dirty danced with guys down there?

 

Should I be pissed and say something or should I just be pissed and keep my mouth shut?

 

I want to do whatever keeps my sanity and also by maintaining our relationship.

 

Any help is greatly appreciated.

 

Adam

[Laurynn]

You wrote:

 

"She said that she probably won't do anything while she is down there, but we have been dating exclusively ever since our break up and have been more serious."

 

When she said she "probably won't do anything....", was that BEFORE or AFTER you two got back together?

 

How did things stand just prior to her leaving for spring break? Did you come right out and ask her if you had anything to worry about while she was gone, now that things had straightened out between you both? If so, what was her response?

 

Aside from that, the point of the matter is, regardless what she does down there, you're never going to know for SURE unless she's the most honest person in the world. Do you think she'll tell you the total truth?

 

I don't think a college girl, 'dirty dancing' with some strange guy while out of town during Spring Break is a big deal......that's called 'having fun'....now if it goes beyond that, then that's an entirely different situation.......but I think you're really jumping the gun here. Wouldn't it be best to wait and see what she has to say WHEN she gets home? Sitting there now, stressing out, worrying, speculating, trying to figure out what you'll say/do, seems pretty futile to me.

 

Did you have any kind of 'understanding' before she left, that she would remain totally faithful to you?

 

Laurynn

[Tony T]

First, if you don't trust her you shouldn't be in a relationship with her. The fact that you ask these questions implies there's a good part of you that doesn't trust her.

 

Second, if she comes back and tells you she got drunk and did something with a guy or dirty danced, it would seem she would be doing so in order to get you to break up with her. Any self-respecting man would instantly leave a lady who was stupid enough to come back and fail to keep information like that to herself.

 

If she should tell you she did this for the purpose of making you jealous, you would have to evaluate if her immaturity in doing so was compatible with yours.

 

My advice is to get a life of your own and don't worry about what this girl does on spring break. If she comes back and spouts off some stupid stuff she did, deal with it then. But if she does and you just let it pass without telling her butt off, she'll think you're the biggest wimp in the western hemisphere and have absolutely no respect for you.

[Miss Mojo]

hi ace,

 

firstly, you wrote:

 

I want to do whatever keeps my sanity and also by maintaining our relationship.

 

sometimes maintaing a relationship doesn't keep your sanity. you can go insane trying to maintain a relationship, especially when there are trust issues looming over you, such as in your situation.

 

secondly, you wrote:

 

She said that she probably won't do anything while she is down there

 

did she say "probably" ever since you have been dating exclusively, or before this when the spring break holiday was planned?

 

thirdly, you wrote:

 

What if she comes home and says that she got drunk and did something with some guy or even just dirty danced with guys down there?

 

dirty dancing is no big deal, as long as she doesn't go crossing any lines and as long as it doesn't lead to anything dirtier.

 

lastly, you wrote:

 

Should I be pissed and say something or should I just be pissed and keep my mouth shut?

 

well, there's two options that i can see:

 

1. if she was to come and tell you she got up to no good, be thankful she was being honest and then sit down and ask yourself if being with a girl like this is keeping you sane and if it's worth maintaining a relationship with her. my guess? not likely!

 

2. get pissed and show her the door.

 

i always feel concerned for people who are in relationships where they have this "worry cloud" hanging over their head. it indicates obvious trust issues and insecurities, which are not healthy to you or the relationship.

 

if you don't feel you can trust her, adam, you really shouldn't be with her until you can (if you can) resolve these trust issues. i once had an ex who i tried so hard to trust, so desperately wanted to trust, but i always worried. between the two of us, we ultimately destroyed the relationship. there is nothing worse than wondering if you can trust your partner. a healthy relationship shouldn't be like that at all. my next relationship after him, was full of trust and it never felt so great. neither of us ever worried if we went out somewhere without each other, because we knew we wouldn't abuse that trust. we had a mutual respect and trust between us that made it all so much easier.

 

in the meantime, don't stress about something that may not even happen, and go out with your mates and live your own life. you'll drive yourself insane wondering "what if", inventing scenarios in your head and reading into things.

[nabul]

Just remember that she is not yor property.

[Ace]

Thank you all very much and I will try to clear up as many things that I can.

 

1. We were on great terms when she left.

 

2. We are dating exclusively and we both do not want to date anyone else, so we are starting slow and she has said that she does not want this to be serious a long time ago.

 

3. She said that she probably wouldn't do anything both times, but I know that she is just "covering her ass" in case something out of nowhere happens.

 

4. I did not tell her that I was worried about her doing something with other guys. I just told her that I was really worried that something bad was going to happen to her and wearing the clothes that she was going to wear, guys would get the wrong impression and do things that she did not want to do.

 

5. I think that she will tell the truth. That is the thing that we always had. We were ALWAYS honest. She will tell me if something did happen.

 

It is just a weird situation that I am in and I do not know if I have any say so if she did kiss some guy or something similar. I am not worrying that much about it. I just wanted to see what some other people thought about this situation.

 

Thanks again.

 

Adam

[Tony T]

You worry way too much, Adam. So she kisses a thousand guys at Spring Break. You can handle it!!!

 

Don't steal her youth from her. She has NO committment to you whatsoever.

[Ace]

whatever