LadyCapricorn081 Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 How can I get over this affair... My husband seems to really regret what has happened. My D-Day was 1/6/05 and Honestly, After getting the replies back from my last post... I am going to leave the OW alone... you guys were right... I don't need to hear from her... If she did have feelings for him than she will lie to me to get me to kick him out. I don't want to lose my husband again. That would tear me apart far worse than I already am. I do share blame in his affair. I Don't think I share it for him sleeping with her. But I can see where I went wrong... I was to stupid to see what was really going on. His Affair only last 1 month and I really feel for the stories I have seen on here where women don't know for years. Life after his affair has been tough. I found myself being intimate with him almost immediately after I found out... and our "s" life was great and I kept it going for a few weeks... Everyday. I thought that was strange of myself. I have been tested for STD's the day I found out... and all my test have come back clean. ( thank goodness) But now 3 months to the day after D-Day... I find myself thinking about what happened more... I think about it all the time. Our Marriage has come a long way. We are getting along so much better... the attitude in our home is so different. We are happy and in Love. And after reading all the replies to my last post... I realize that I don't need to talk to the OW. She doesn't care about me or my family because if she did she wouldn't have moved onto my husband. So I just want to know how can I move past it now... now that it's all that I think about. And I never thought about it when it happened. I guess I was in shock. and this is the next phase... I truly am happy with our marriage and relationship that we have now. We are pretty open about what we feel. I wanted to talk to the OW to check out his story. Make sure things match up... but I have to invest trust in him once again. He is working hard to get another Job. I see him stressing about it... Last night he told me he would have a new one by the end of April. I guess we will see. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 There are a ton of threads on this site that you can read to see ideas on how to deal with things...take a look at my original thread, or the one by Dazed&Confused, or even ThumbingMyWay's post. Read through some of those, and then post here if ya got any other questions or thoughts....my suggestion at least. Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 It has been 2 years since my H's A and I am still not over it. I find myself not trusting him still. When he says hello to a female co-worker I don't know (he started a new job a couple of months ago) I always ask him who she is. He knows I still don't trust him, but it gets better as time passes. The thing that bothers me most about the A is that he was w/ another woman during our M and it bugs the he!! out of me. Knowing he touched, and slept w/ another woman sickens me! To know that I have been faithful, and have never been w/ another man since I started dating H but he has been w/ another hurts. I will never be w/ another person to make me feel like I need to get even as it would cause more problems, plus I have no desire to. I was true to him, kept myself for only him, and he didn't share those same thoughts and feelings and it bothers me even 2 years later. Have you been to counseling for yourself? Couple counseling? How have you been handeling every day situations? Do you break down and cry all the time? Have you been taking care of yourself and eating? I didn't do any of these things up until a couple of months after I found out and I wish I would of had done it sooner. My doctor perscribed me some sleeping medication, anti-depressants, and I went to counseling. It all helped, a lot! I didn't cry at the drop of a hat and I was able to take care of my children. They needed me and it didn't help I was crying all the time. It is he!! to go through and unfaithful spouse, you need to get some extra help to get you through it. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LadyCapricorn081 Posted April 6, 2005 Author Share Posted April 6, 2005 StillHurtin Sorry for what you have been through.,, I too have a son and while my H was out doing his thing... my son and I were paying for it.... Our son is our life... we went through He!! to bring him here.... He was a premie weighing only 3 lbs at birth and stayed in the hospital a month after he was born... our child also has a kidney defect. What really makes me angry was how he denied it... all the way up until the end. He even swore on our childs life that he didn't have the affair.... my mother talked to him on x-mas day and told him she knew he did... so he bought me a new engagement ring and swore to me he didn't do it and that she wouldn't be in the picture ever again.... a day later... they make contact again.. I know for the most part they haven't since Feb. 4th and when they did have contact... it was by my doing. I had texted her asking her to talk with me and she basically waited to give me answers til she spoke with my H and even then she still told me " like the adult I am I will never kiss and tell" I haven't gotten counseling for myself... we went to couples coun. but we had to stop going due to H changing work hours to avoid the situation at work ( where the affair was started) I am going through the crying phase now ( I guess) I also think I could be depressed... I don't have thoughts of hurting myself or anything... but I just want to cry at any moment. Yesterday I went through that... it hits me from time to time... I know my husband loves me... I know he regrets what he has done... He acts so different... he acts how a loving husband acts. I am so happy with him... and I do believe he wouldn't do this again. And if he does it again then I am not going to be here... I can't do this again.. there is no way. My H also works with a LOT of females.... I hate it... I really do.... he also still works with the OW which kills me inside... because temptation is still there... I truly believe he wouldn't do anything... but I will never know. This chat site has really helped me alot... Thank you everyone who has responded to my posts! Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 If you believe he's sincere, just fogive him. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 Sami- She may have forgiven him...but that does not mean that her pain and hurt from what happened just goes away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LadyCapricorn081 Posted April 6, 2005 Author Share Posted April 6, 2005 Owl You are so right.!!! I have forgiven... but the pain is still there... the act of forgiving gave me some peace, but the memories of the lies and the pain of his unfaithful act is still there...I don't think that forgiveness alone can take all that pain away~ Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 I don't know how to take all the pain away friend...if you've read my story, you'll know that I'm coming up on 11 months after my d-day, and I have to honestly admit that I'm still dealing with the pain somewhat myself. But I CAN tell you that the pain is not nearly as bad as it was when I was at your point in the process. And I can tell you that working TOGETHER to repair the issues in your marriage that lead to the affair can go a long way to helping you heal yourself as well. Counseling is a must. I'd suggest both IC and MC...individual and marriage counseling. You need to work on healing yourself, and you need to work on re-building your marriage. There are a lot of good books that can help you deal with some of this as well. Take a look at the marriagebuilders.com site I'd suggested earlier...that's a good source as well. Realize this too...what you're struggling with now is NOT unusual...ALL of us who have been in your shoes have dealt with or are dealing with the same thing. Once you get out of the 'crisis' mode of saving your marriage, THEN you start truly seeing the enormity of what the affair did to YOU. And now you're trying to figure out how YOU can deal with it. Time, and communication with your husband are the only things that I can think of that will eventually help ease your pain. Take a look at my first thread here...I was asking for the same thing you are now...and got pretty much the same advice I'm giving you now. Lastly, realize that the affair was not YOUR fault. It was his. Some of the issues that lead up to it are things that you may have contributed to, but the final choice to step outside of the marriage was the one that your HUSBAND made...not you. Link to post Share on other sites
ecco Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 The truth hurts for a little while, but lies hurt forever. Link to post Share on other sites
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