PuppetLife Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 About 6 years ago, i went to school with this guy, i'll call him Aidin for now. He's the same age with my sister, which is one year younger than me. If i remember correctly, my sister used to like him, and i'm talking about 6 years ago. And i'm not too sure, but i don't think he had any feelings toward my sister or me by then. Anyway, we lose contact and all that. But about 2 months ago, he found me on Facebook and added me. We honestly don't have much to talk about with each other, but he asked for my sister's contacts a few times, and he tried so hard to keep the conversation going that even i can feel how awkward it was. Well, about 2 weeks ago, he found out that my friend is a mutual friend of his. And that friend of mine started to tell him things about me and because she knows that i don't have a boyfriend, she kinds of want to set him up with me thinking that i'll like him too. When she told me about it, i simply said no. Because well, i have no feelings toward him. Then, things started to get a little creepy. My friend told aidin that I'm not interested in him when he ask her to ask me if i want to date him. My friend then told me that he set me as his wall paper, he stares at my pictures, the messages i send him, and all that. And he also told my friend that he liked my sister the best at first, but after i rejected him, he likes me more. But the thing is, i have not met him for 6 years. He also told my friend that i'm the only girl he will like in his entire life, and that he will wait for me to like him, but he's scared that i will date someone else before that. But my friend ALREADY told him that i don't like him that way! I actually find this over the top, and i'm scared Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 (edited) Cut all contact with him immediately. Block and delete him from all social media. Advise your friend not mention you to him at all, or to engage in conversation with him that is in any way related to you. Ask her to tell him once and once only that you are absolutely not interested in him in any way, and to leave it at that. Be sure that your friends know not to give him any information such as your phone number or address, obviously. If he tries to make contact with you after this, advise him politely but firmly that you are not interested, and to stop contacting you - keep it short and sweet. If he persists or escalates his efforts in any way, contact the police to give him a warning. He seems like the type to attach fast. With any luck, he'll disappear just as quickly. No need to panic at this stage, just cut all contact immediately and take it from there if needed. Also thought to mention - take what you hear as second hand information with a grain of salt. Him setting you as his wallpaper and staring at your messages obsessively may have been misinterpreted and/or blown out of proportion majorly. Still, it would be wise to follow the above advice either way in my opinion. Edited February 22, 2015 by almond 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 How old is he? Link to post Share on other sites
Author PuppetLife Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 he's only 17 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PuppetLife Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 But when he talks to me, we only talk about day to day things. Like, he never mentioned anything about liking me. But i know that my friend won't lie about stuff like that. She even showed me their convo... Link to post Share on other sites
Author PuppetLife Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 My friend is now starting to tell me that i should meet up with him and explain? Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 (edited) Assert yourself- your friend is obviously not understanding something here (or blatantly choosing to ignore your feelings), or you have failed to make your stance clear. You don't know this guy. His behaviour is concerning. Make it very clear to her that she needs to stop meddling now, and put an end to this. You should absolutely not meet him, and I would seriously question the logic and maturity of anyone that would suggest this. Your friend seems to like drama, and appears to be fanning the flames. She is certainly not helping here. You don't even know this guy...why on Earth would she advise you to meet up with him to explain that you're not interested!? Silly. Shut this down quick smart. I repeat: block and delete this guy from all social media. Advise your friend to tell him in no uncertain terms that you are absolutely not interested in any way, shape or form, and to stop all communication relating to you with this guy at once. Clearly express how you feel to your friend now, and make sure she respects that. If you continue to communicate with this guy after the information you have received - you are asking for trouble, and it would be nothing short of foolish in my opinion. Edited February 22, 2015 by almond 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 You have good instincts! You're absolutely right. He's scary. He is a potential stalker, in fact. He's got a shrine, and the fact of you not liking him back has gone right out the other ear -- plus he'd involved a mutual friend in getting more info about you. You need to tell all mutual friends you find him obsessive and creepy and have blocked him and ask that no one give out any info about you to him. Block him every way imaginable now. If you ever "coincidentally" run into him, make a note of date and time and details in case he starts spying on you. Let's hope he's too lazy to be anything but an internet pest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 (edited) Tells you he's not interested in you, yet has a "shrine" about you? I spent months playing this game with some idiot recently. They do obsessive stuff when they think you're not looking, then when they deal with you in real life, they wanna treat you like you're the worst thing that happened to them. And same way he's trying to get with either you or your sister, this idiot I was dealing with also got their slug of a main squeeze they're leaning on, a skanky ex they pray they can get back with (once she's done getting pumped and dumped by failed marks she tried to line up as her next meal ticket) and then me - the worst thing that happened to them (even though I didn't nor intend to take a dime and/or time from him and showed him nothing but positive attention - yet, he spends his time learning things about me and sort of imitating/projecting them to impress his main squeeze and skanky ex). In other words, they really don't wanna be with you or anyone - just the one that is "convenient" for them. Run, don't walk away from this one... Let him sit and stare at his shrine of you all day. He probably has one set up for your sister too. Either he's messed up in the head, wants to wear your skin, and/or is a game player. Either way, its bad. Trust me on this one. Edited February 22, 2015 by Gloria25 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PuppetLife Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 Yes i have told my friend clearly that i dont like him and she also promised me that you wont give him my information anymore because she is starting to find him creepy too, so what am i supposed to do next? Link to post Share on other sites
DukeNukem47 Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Wow, people here are crazy. He's just young and has a crush. Everyone is blowing this out of proportion. Just tell him that you don't like him like that and be done with it. Jesus, there shouldn't have even been a thread made about this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PuppetLife Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 She also told me that there is no need to be scared, because he is just over reacting after a rejection. She told me that i wouldn't understand because i haven't been rejected, but it's hard to deal with , and it's even harder to get over someone. ummm, is she right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author PuppetLife Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 Im sorry if i'm the one over-reacting. But this issue concerns me, and thats why i want to get advice from people Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Wow, people here are crazy. He's just young and has a crush. Everyone is blowing this out of proportion. Just tell him that you don't like him like that and be done with it. Jesus, there shouldn't have even been a thread made about this. Ok, I reconsider my original response and agree with ^^ so far... If he keeps on following you around and obsessing about you for a prolonged period after you decline his advances (like for months, years) then yes, you have cause for concern... Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 She also told me that there is no need to be scared, because he is just over reacting after a rejection. She told me that i wouldn't understand because i haven't been rejected, but it's hard to deal with , and it's even harder to get over someone. ummm, is she right? Geesh, you've never had ANYONE not interested in you? Ok..... We all get rejected at some point. It sucks. It stings for a minute.... But at some point we all have to move on. If you, me, or anyone spends a prolonged period upset over a rejection, then something deeper is going on that needs to be addressed. And, the "deeper" thing probably has nothing to do with the rejection and/or the person rejecting you. I was just watching this show on ID and this chick was "daddy's little princess" so she was used to having her way. When dude rejected her, she couldn't handle it and it became more obsessed about her "getting her way" rather than wanting the guy. So, if this 17 yr old can't get over the rejection after a while - he probably needs to seek counseling if he's becoming obsessive. Just be careful though, cuz the chick in the ID show, she got into fights with the guy when he got tired of her trying to control him and wanted to break up with her and she didn't want to let him break up with her. She started stalking him, threatening his gfs and stuff...it got scary and ugly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PuppetLife Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 Geesh, you've never had ANYONE not interested in you? Ok..... of course it's not like that. I just never take the step to confess my feelings to someone who is likely to reject me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PuppetLife Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 And my problem is, what can i do to be "be careful"? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Best way to be careful is totally block him and respond to nothing from this point forward. If he should make any attempt to intercept you or come to your door or anything like that, do not answer, and send him a certified mail letter (keep a copy) that says "Please do not contact me anymore." That way in case he is a nut, you have proof he has been told no to give the police. Keep a note log of every contact he makes or anything public he is writing about you. Keep a screenshot if you want before you block him. This is in case he escalates. Hoping he's just a guy who doesn't actually have the nerve to follow through on anything and that this is all just his little fantasy that he'd be too inadequate to ever try to put in motion. But those are often the ones who will start creeping around and spying on you. Maybe he never leaves his computer though. Anyway, on the chance you ever need to report him to the police, you'll have this log as evidence of "ongoing harassment," which is needed to establish a pattern of harassment. Not sure where you live, but in the US, most states do have laws on the books for pattern of harassment, whether electronic or otherwise, though not all precincts use them much. But it would be enough to get a restraining order, especially if he gets mad and starts making any threats. Just be very alert and look around you when you come and go to work or school and be sure he's not spying on you. If you have a dog, it will bark if there's a prowler, so that's good protection. Of course they also bark if it's a possum. Even louder. Don't answer the door unless you can see who's there. Don't leave curtains open. He may just be a reclusive guy who never takes it past computer stuff. There's a lot of those. But do these precautions just in case he takes it further, and so that you'll notice if he does. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 One more thing. Never assume you can reason with someone like this. Many of them simply cannot be reasoned with and all trying to does is reinforce to them that they have a relationship with you. You have to say no once and then never have any response. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 And my problem is, what can i do to be "be careful"? Well, several things...and, these things I'm gonna tell you, IMO, are precautions any person should take when it comes to security and dealing with people: 1. Treat dude with dignity/respect. Rejection is bad enough, but if every time you come into passing with him you run, hide, or act rude/weird - you are only gonna make him feel worst and may provoke him to obsess/escalate even more (if he indeed has an unhealthy obsession). Also, while we have no obligation to like people and you have every right to reject him, people deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. 2. Be polite, but firm. If he continues to contact you tell him the truth but tactfully and be firm. For example, if he messages you on FB trying to ask you something about your sister when you know all he's trying to do is to have a reason to talk to you, let him know that "You don't feel it's appropriate for you and him to continue regular contact since you do not have romantic interest in him because it may lead to false expectations on his behalf". If he continues, let him know that you want it to "stop, period". Don't use lame excuses like you're busy and/or ignore him. I mean, you can ignore him, but be firm and clear that you do not want ANY contact with him. 3. Be aware of your surroundings. My family was a victim of a house invasion. My face got hammered bad (cuz I fight back ). I also was stalked of two occasions I know of. One occasion, I was showering and someone was trying to video tape me; another, some neighbor was stalking me. I watch a lot of ID, and what makes me so mad is when these chicks see something "odd" in the home, they do nothing and crazy guy comes in and rapes and/or kills them. Like one girl, the window in her apt was like having problems with the lock (probably cuz stalker broke it) and instead of her staying by friends, relatives, a hotel and/or telling the landlord to fix it NOW, she just told the landlord about it and went on her merry way. Not me.... Each home I had had bars o the windows/doors and/or a security system. The time I caught someone videotaping me was probably cuz I watch my surroundings. One morning, I was doing my regular routine to shower and I lived in a one-level home (which is now why I live in homes where my bedroom/bathroom is upstairs) and while I put a curtain on the octagon window above the bathtub, there was still a little bit where I guess someone could probably see through. Anywho, I was showering and looked at the window in front of the shower and saw this red little light flashing and I screamed and covered myself, then heard like a "thud" and I called the police. Police came and we saw footprints in the back of the house like someone propped up a stool or something and was looking through the octagon. I did not hesitate...within days I got a gun and a big, 100lb aggressive dog. I didn't want a gun cuz while we had guns in the house forever. In the home invasion, I learned the hard lesson that you better be ready to use that gun and the two guys had a gun and wanted my dad to give them his gun. About the doggy. I didn't want another dog cuz I traveled a lot and worked long hours and was going back to school to get my Masters. But, she was a blessing. An aggressive breed with excellent temperament. She was the one who pointed out my 2nd stalker when I moved years later. One morning I was walking her and I got "laxed" if you will and didn't unlock the sliding window/door. We had passed like two townhomes and she started barking like crazy towards our townhome. Well, I turn around and see this Jack Black lookin' dude sliding open the door and going into my townhome!!!! So I yelled out to him and he acted like he mistook my place for my stalker neighbor's place and left. I later found out that Jack Black guy was a guy who frequented my neighbor's place and that my neighbor, who came over one day to my place to "welcome" me to the hood was stalking me the whole time. It escalated to this guy stealing my mail and stuff. They even tore down the realtor's sign and banged it up when I tried to sell the condo. My stupid realtor would not file charges (probably cuz she had rental condos in that hood and didn't want drama). I eventually moved after getting tired of calling the police and nothing and I was tired of the homeowner's association taking all my money and not handling him. OH, BTW, he said I was scaring "him" cuz I was ex-military and he was scared of me. He also filed fake reports on my dog and stuff and I just got so tired of the crap. Mind you, I had NO interest in this guy and he just fixated on me for some reason. I still don't know who the guy videotaping me is/was. Now, where I live now, I had to deal with some old creepy drunk neighbor who was married to a hispanic woman from the country I am from harassing me. He once even broke into my yard to "rescue" my dog. Whatever. I think that when you're single and have no man coming around on the regular, as a woman, you are a target for weirdoes. Or maybe cuz I'm a humble and sweet person - people mistake me for being weak and then they decide to stalk me. So, sorry for the long stories - but you asked what to do to watch yourself and I think my experiences and what I've seen on ID are a precaution to women who are on their own to be aware of their surroundings and not goof off when you see weird stuff happening. Protect yourself. BTW, also watch who you let in your home. With my family, we found out after the home invasion that one of the home invaders was a cousin of some guy we called in to do electrical work. My sister also recalled seeing some guy "reading a book" just sitting at the corner/loitering before we got home invaded. Some people in my area recently got robbed and were dumb enough to ask me if I saw anything. Mind you, their house is literally like a frat home. People coming and going all times of the day/night. Did they ever consider it's an inside job? One of my gfs gave me and others her key like it was candy. I don't give my key to anyone. I don't let people in/out my home so casually. I recently was going to allow the guy I was crushing on access to my home cuz I wanted to him to get to know me via helping me out with my pets in my absence - but even then, my bedroom is deadbolted and I have other ways I could have given him access to my home while still protecting myself (i.e. assigning him a particular alarm code and keeping my bedroom and mum's room locked). In sum, be firm and polite, watch your surroundings, and quickly react to any weird stuff going on around you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts