LookAtThisPOst Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 I contacted a woman on OK Cupid, told her a little about myself and I asked her "How long have you been single and living in <name of City>?" Her: "LOL Too long....for 15 years!" Me: Oh okay, what is it you're looking for in a man?" No response. This has happened to me a few times where they just answer your question, give a "LOL" at the end of the sentence, but never follow through Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Your follow up question was probably too imaginative. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 Your follow up question was probably too imaginative. Yeah, they may blow a gasket! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 For what it's worth I don't like getting a first message that is too long and the man is going into too much about himself. I prefer a message where the guy says his name that he liked my profile and would like to know more about me. To me these long messages about themselves is just a copy and paste they use at repetition. Also, what are you looking for in a man is not the type of question you ask on a 2nd message. It's like giving her homework. I hate that question. Try to be casual for 3-4 messages to get a feel of her then if you 2 have a good rapport go ahead and ask the big questions. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Dybbuk Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Well, to be frank... as a woman I wasn't too fond of those types of questions right off the bat... "How long have you been single/whats yout ideal type/ec. Etc." I feel they get too personal too quickly and those are fairly complex questions to ask to someone you don't know. Start off with lighter topics "What do you like to do/interests, ask about things she mentions in her profile." Avoid relationships and relationship status topics. Save that for maybe date conversation. On the same token, part of what puts me off sometimes I have had guys take what I say when I describe my type and try to conform themselves to it. I don't want a guy to tell me things I want to hear... just be himself. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 You know how many times we get asked: What type of man you're looking for? We are all looking for a faithful man, kind, funny, generous and all that good stuff. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 OKC...I met someone great on there! I would keep looking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 You know how many times we get asked: What type of man you're looking for? We are all looking for a faithful man, kind, funny, generous and all that good stuff. Well, she never expressed what she was looking for in a man in her profile, that's WHY I asked...it's pretty much a no brainer in this case. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 I agree with Gaeta and Dybbuk. No long first messages and no questions which could be too personal right off the bat. The what are you looking for question - that's a bad one for OLD or IRL. Remember also that some of us reply out of politeness as many men get so annoyed with no reply to a first mail. Your opening mail gave her no opportunity to say she wasn't interested without her totally diverting the subject so she just replied. If you don't get a question in return then her response needs no answer and you can take it that she isn't interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 Also, what are you looking for in a man is not the type of question you ask on a 2nd message. It's like giving her homework. I hate that question. Try to be casual for 3-4 messages to get a feel of her then if you 2 have a good rapport go ahead and ask the big questions. It's like giving HER homework, more like YOU'RE the one that thinks it's homework. You're a rare exception. Funny, even picky about the questions you're ASKED? A man doesn't stand a chance. On the other hand, this is something that you would only like to have emailed to you. You don't represent all the women on dating sites. Also, how as my first message long? It's short and rather succinct. Remember also that some of us reply out of politeness as many men get so annoyed with no reply to a first mail. Your opening mail gave her no opportunity to say she wasn't interested without her totally diverting the subject so she just replied. If you don't get a question in return then her response needs no answer and you can take it that she isn't interested. Then whatever advice given above is moot. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Well, she never expressed what she was looking for in a man in her profile, that's WHY I asked...it's pretty much a no brainer in this case. If the lady answered your message it's because you covered the basic for her. You were attractive enough, you were of the right age, she looked at your details and you were ok with all that was listed. What do you expect at a question like: What type of man are you looking for? She will name you the usual qualities that makes a man a good man. I doubt she will answer I want someone arrogant, difficult, that sleeps till 2 pm on weekends, right? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dybbuk Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Its never a "no brainer" to feel you are entitled to personal information from someone you dont know yet. Plus ideal type is something that is not concrete and can change if the man you are seeing has qualities you never factored in before. No one ever fits the ideal so why get hung up on that? Build rapport first by knowing her on a basic level. Her interests and passions will be a good indicator of what she values in a partner. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 You don't represent all the women on dating sites. You've just had three women tell you they don't like those kind of questions. Make it four, neither did I. Keep it light, and talk about activities/events. The type of man she's looking for will become apparent without you asking. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Then whatever advice given above is moot. Except that even if I had some interest I would have stopped at the 'what are you looking for?' question - because it feels like homework. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 It's like giving HER homework, more like YOU'RE the one that thinks it's homework. You're a rare exception. Keep aside your dislike for me and look at what you got so far in this thread. You've got 3 ladies that are saying the exact same thing to you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Build rapport first by knowing her on a basic level. Her interests and passions will be a good indicator of what she values in a partner. Oh, oh! We both posted at 12:31! Make a wish, great mind! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 You've just had three women tell you they don't like those kind of questions. Make it four, neither did I. Keep it light, and talk about activities/events. The type of man she's looking for will become apparent without you asking. In the past I've kept it light, even asked about hobbies...I was just using that as an example. Quit splitting hairs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 You've just had three women tell you they don't like those kind of questions. Make it four, neither did I. Keep it light, and talk about activities/events. The type of man she's looking for will become apparent without you asking. Common sense, if you had in your profile the opportunity to write in what you're looking for in a man and you left it blank...the obvious question would be to ask that. I recall a conversation with a woman in RL that she told me that she hated it when men asked her, "What does she like to do for fun?" And I was thinking, "WTF does she want to be asked?" Isn't this the WHOLE idea of dating? Getting to know each other? Rather defeats the purpose, does it not? Link to post Share on other sites
Dybbuk Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Lol! I wish people wouldn't get defensive over the advice they asked for. *blows out candles* @Lookatthispost: I don't know you and have no vested interest if you get a date or not. The fact is other women have told you they don't like the question you asked and that is more than likely what contributed to her silence. If you are still struggling, either seek advice on different opening messages, have someone critique your OLD profile, or accept that you are like many men who will have to deal with lots of dead end conversations. Doesn't make you a bad guy, just have to be resilient and patient. Best of luck. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Happens to all online daters to be dropped in middle of conversations. Sometimes though if you make the experience fun she'll give you a chance even if her first instinct was to drop you. I know it happened to me. I reply to a message even if my interest in the profile is mild, the guy turns out to be funny and witty and I find myself having a renewed interest in him. Ok you will tell me that's just ME but the other ladies can confirm, we love humor and wittiness in a man. If you make me laugh you will get my full attention. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 In the past I've kept it light, even asked about hobbies...I was just using that as an example. Quit splitting hairs. Okay. You want to get pissy. Good luck to you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 I recall a conversation with a woman in RL that she told me that she hated it when men asked her, "What does she like to do for fun?" And guess what? I hate that question too lol It's asked too often, it lacks imagination. I would much prefer you ask me if like the outdoors, if I am active, etc. You know women get a lot of messages, and if she gets all the same questions in all of those messages, that does not make you stand out. When you asked her 'what type of man you are looking for' you might have been the 15th guy asking her that on that day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 In the past I've kept it light, even asked about hobbies...I was just using that as an example. Quit splitting hairs. Given that that was the example you gave then we don't have any others to go on. I like something a bit original and funny. With a bit of life to it. A mail where a one liner just gets a conversation going and it's not all questions. As Gaeta said earlier, she has pretty much listed what a woman is going to be looking for. Many women like dancing, socialising, etc etc for fun unless they do something pretty unusual. Those kind of questions can badly kill conversations and are better off as a slower discovery when you're chatting in mails or face to face. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 That's one of the things you shouldn't care about irc. What she's looking for in a man. If you want her then you want her, and approach her in that fashion. That's what a woman is looking for in a man. And even if you weren't a romantic interest that topic itself is tedious and boring. Generally it's one of those things you have to sit around and trudge through coming up with a description for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 Been there, done that. Bought the T Shirt. In the past I had been original, naming specific parks if they enjoy hiking. If they are a foodie...I name a few restaurants in the area that would be familiar, etc etc. That all being said I've been kind of fading away from online dating as my success at getting dates with women at Meetups have been quite positive as of late. The last couple of women I dated weren't quite on the grid with social network ing. Given that that was the example you gave then we don't have any others to go on. I like something a bit original and funny. With a bit of life to it. A mail where a one liner just gets a conversation going and it's not all questions. As Gaeta said earlier, she has pretty much listed what a woman is going to be looking for. Many women like dancing, socialising, etc etc for fun unless they do something pretty unusual. Those kind of questions can badly kill conversations and are better off as a slower discovery when you're chatting in mails or face to face. Link to post Share on other sites
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