misty12 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Married 14 years, have had issues throughout the marriage and some have been resolved. I turned 40 last summer and I feel like I am preventing myself from truly experiencing what life has to offer by staying married. I have no passion for him anymore, don't want to have sex, and I feel like any major decisions that enrich our life (like moving, going on vacation etc) I have to initiate and take the lead on. I will never experience lust, or passion again, or the feeling of being crazy about someone, because I have to stay faithful to my husband. We don't have kids, so sometimes I wonder why i am married. Is it wrong to leave a marriage because you feel like you areholding yourself back? I know I took a vow. I know my husbands heart will be broken. I will be a statistic. I do look at my husband as a really good friend/family member. We do enjoy doing certain things together, and we share a sense of humor. I would miss him and the times we spent together. Will I regret it? Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Married 14 years, have had issues throughout the marriage and some have been resolved. I turned 40 last summer and I feel like I am preventing myself from truly experiencing what life has to offer by staying married. I have no passion for him anymore, don't want to have sex, and I feel like any major decisions that enrich our life (like moving, going on vacation etc) I have to initiate and take the lead on. I will never experience lust, or passion again, or the feeling of being crazy about someone, because I have to stay faithful to my husband. We don't have kids, so sometimes I wonder why i am married. Is it wrong to leave a marriage because you feel like you areholding yourself back? I know I took a vow. I know my husbands heart will be broken. I will be a statistic. I do look at my husband as a really good friend/family member. We do enjoy doing certain things together, and we share a sense of humor. I would miss him and the times we spent together. Will I regret it? Only you know the answer to that question. Have you talked about this with your husband? Your unhappiness, I mean. And I mean really saying there are issues enough that make you wonder if staying married is the right thing for you? Do you have a therapist to share your thoughts with? Marriage is hard work. It takes two to keep working through it. Talk to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 If there isn't a third person in the picture then these feelings are most likely real, and would be very hard to overcome. Will you regret it? Absolutely. You've been together a long time and change is hard. That doesn't mean its not the right decision. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 You've been posting here for some time about your husband's affair and your EAs and the marriage counseling and, and, and... Seems like you have enough reasons for wanting to leave the marriage. Personally, I left an 11-year relationship when I was 40 and it was the best thing I ever did. My 40s were a great time of rediscovery of who I was and what I wanted. Yes, I found passion - and also heartbreak. But, ultimately, I found at 50 someone to spend my life with that has more core beliefs which coincide with mine than I ever had in my youth. Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 It sounds like it's time! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author misty12 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 Thank you everyone. I do believe, based on the counseling I've been attending, that leaving is the right decision. But I'm afraid. It will be SO hard and painful. As my counselor said, you need to walk through the fire to get to the other side. I wish I hated my husband. I wish he was a really bad person. It would make this so much easier. Posting here does help me write out my thoughts, and I appreciate the feedback. I have spoken to him about it, but he does not want a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 When I ended my 11-year relationship at 40, I also didn't hate my partner. And he wasn't a bad man. We just weren't traveling the same life path anymore; different interests, different motivations, etc. We were good friends, but little else. I feel for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Thank you everyone. I do believe, based on the counseling I've been attending, that leaving is the right decision. But I'm afraid. It will be SO hard and painful. As my counselor said, you need to walk through the fire to get to the other side. I wish I hated my husband. I wish he was a really bad person. It would make this so much easier. Posting here does help me write out my thoughts, and I appreciate the feedback. I have spoken to him about it, but he does not want a divorce. Being afraid is not a good reason to stay married. If you've done your best, it's okay to let him go. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Married 14 years, have had issues throughout the marriage and some have been resolved. I turned 40 last summer and I feel like I am preventing myself from truly experiencing what life has to offer by staying married. I have no passion for him anymore, don't want to have sex, and I feel like any major decisions that enrich our life (like moving, going on vacation etc) I have to initiate and take the lead on. I will never experience lust, or passion again, or the feeling of being crazy about someone, because I have to stay faithful to my husband. We don't have kids, so sometimes I wonder why i am married. Is it wrong to leave a marriage because you feel like you areholding yourself back? I know I took a vow. I know my husbands heart will be broken. I will be a statistic. I do look at my husband as a really good friend/family member. We do enjoy doing certain things together, and we share a sense of humor. I would miss him and the times we spent together. Will I regret it? Does he know how you feel? If not, be completely honest. Maybe he is just as unhappy. Maybe by doing counseling together you two can reconnect and recapture what you once had and felt when you first met. Maybe he has no idea how you feel and by talking to him things can get better. Though, with that said if you truly are unhappy, done with him because there's no passion, then separate or divorce. Don't prolong this and don't stay in your marriage in fears of hurting him or missing him, or being afraid on your own. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 It's doubtful that you'll regret it. Just make sure that you don't let yourself get weighed down by the guilt and the judgment of others, and find yourself in a new kind of rut. I love being single, not having anyone to answer to, no dealing with someone's criticisms, bad moods, etc. A lot of people don't handle it well, though, so you need to decide if it's for you or not. Link to post Share on other sites
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