Gazing and smiling without saying something

[most_distant_galaxy]

So, I visited someone as a client. Just before the visit was over, he was sitting down signing a receipt and I was standing up and absentmindedly looking at his handwriting. I was still looking down waiting for the receipt to be handed to me, when I felt he was looking at me. I looked up and met his eyes.

 

I swear, no one ever looked at me like this before. He was really looking at me, almost like hypnotised. His mouth was open in a slight smile. I smiled at him too. It was genuine, his gaze was natural and soft. I felt warmth and happiness. We didn't exchange words. We never chit chat really, he is not the talkative type, even though I feel very nice and calm around him. After 4 seconds I said "thank you" and walked to the door. The same eye gazing with the slight smile has happened once again in the past, but we were standing up and it wasn't this long, more like 2 seconds. I was also about to leave.

 

What do you guys think? Is it flirtation or it can be just a human liking or a professional way to keep a client?

 

I'm not starved of eye contact. I've experienced sexual eye contact, blank eye contact, aggressive eye contact, dominance eye contact, stupid eye contact, trying-too-hard-to-seduce-you eye contact. I've received looks of love also, but from people I know. I've seen this person only 4 times. But this kind of soulful gaze I've never felt before. Before this I thought he was nice and sweet but wasn't really attracted. Now I think it's love at first sight for me, but I don't know about him.

Edited February 23, 2015 by most_distant_galaxy

[Gaeta]

It's attraction but if no one acts on it it's pretty useless.

[most_distant_galaxy]

Hey Gaeta, thanks!

 

No, I don't think it's useless because we're not total strangers. But even if nothing comes out of it it's nice to know it exists. The next time he looks at me likes this I'm thinking of giving him my own business card with a flirty smile. Do you think he'll "catch" the meaning? I don't want to be too obvious (=asking him out) because I don't want to make things awkward.

[Gaeta]

Hey Gaeta, thanks!

 

No, I don't think it's useless because we're not total strangers. But even if nothing comes out of it it's nice to know it exists. The next time he looks at me likes this I'm thinking of giving him my own business card with a flirty smile. Do you think he'll "catch" the meaning? I don't want to be too obvious (=asking him out) because I don't want to make things awkward.

 

I would flirt with him, I would make it obvious that I like him, but I would not give him my phone number. I would wait for him to give me his number or ask me my number. A grown man knows how to do that and I personally hate being the chaser and not knowing if the man is genuinely interested or just flattered by my attention.

[most_distant_galaxy]

I would flirt with him, I would make it obvious that I like him, but I would not give him my phone number. I would wait for him to give me his number or ask me my number. A grown man knows how to do that and I personally hate being the chaser and not knowing if the man is genuinely interested or just flattered by my attention.

 

I would also have similar thoughts in some other cases, but in this case maybe he wouldn't want to bring me in an uncomfortable position since I'm his client? Or it doesn't matter?

[preraph]

I used to have a salesman who called on me who would get that absorbed staring going on and get embarrassed. I'd tease him some since he was married, but it was more or less out in the open there was some game between us, but also that nothing could come of it. One time we were done doing business and he just sat there and I said, "Don't you have to go see _____ now?" And he said, "I just need to sit here for awhile." (and wait to become unaroused). I cracked up. The poor guy. This went on for years. Nothing ever happened.

 

First, you need to know if your guy is married or taken before ramping it up. If not, then I'd just be a little flirtatious, nothing sexual, but just more lavish praise that could nonetheless be considered professional. Just extra happy to see him when you arrive. "It's always wonderful to see you" when you leave and big beautiful smile. If he's already besotted, this alone will send him over the edge.

[most_distant_galaxy]

I used to have a salesman who called on me who would get that absorbed staring going on and get embarrassed. I'd tease him some since he was married, but it was more or less out in the open there was some game between us, but also that nothing could come of it. One time we were done doing business and he just sat there and I said, "Don't you have to go see _____ now?" And he said, "I just need to sit here for awhile." (and wait to become unaroused). I cracked up. The poor guy. This went on for years. Nothing ever happened.

 

First, you need to know if your guy is married or taken before ramping it up. If not, then I'd just be a little flirtatious, nothing sexual, but just more lavish praise that could nonetheless be considered professional. Just extra happy to see him when you arrive. "It's always wonderful to see you" when you leave and big beautiful smile. If he's already besotted, this alone will send him over the edge.

 

I laughed loud with the guy who needed to sit there for a while to cool off. Haha. So when they have this kind of gaze they're having naughty thoughts? Or it may be affection?

 

You're so right about knowing whether he's taken or not. I confess that I have hard time finding a way to know about this. I guess I could start the dreadful small talk and try to bring the conversation there. Ahh, but I'm so shy to do so. And I'm naturally "mysterious", feeling more comfortable with non-verbal communication. So it would be hard for me to say the line you described ("it's always wonderful to see you"), especially since we never talk much. I'm never that expressive, at least not in the beginning. Damn

[preraph]

Well, lots of times if you look around the office, you'll see photos of wife and kids. If all you see is photo of a dog or no photos, maybe he's single. Look on his ring finger. If he has a ring, he's married. If he doesn't, he either isn't married or doesn't want to appear married.

 

He could be having naughty thoughts or he could be one of those very observant people who likes to read a person. I think you would know if you are attractive to men or not. If you are, he's probably thinking you're pretty, whether he's married or not. Hopefully, he isn't fully crippling himself with it like my salesman did. Hah.

[most_distant_galaxy]

Well, lots of times if you look around the office, you'll see photos of wife and kids. If all you see is photo of a dog or no photos, maybe he's single. Look on his ring finger. If he has a ring, he's married. If he doesn't, he either isn't married or doesn't want to appear married.

 

He could be having naughty thoughts or he could be one of those very observant people who likes to read a person. I think you would know if you are attractive to men or not. If you are, he's probably thinking you're pretty, whether he's married or not. Hopefully, he isn't fully crippling himself with it like my salesman did. Hah.

 

He doesn't have any photos, no ring either. I guess I'll have to make the small talk at some point.

 

I don't think I'm universally attractive. There are men attracted to me, but I'm more or less plain looking. Do men make this kind of eye contact if they're not attracted? If any men are reading this thread right now: don't be shy! I need your advice!

[GemmaUK]

It's attraction but if no one acts on it it's pretty useless.

 

 

Gotta admit that I wouldn't assume it was that and I don't when this kind of thing happens to me.

 

 

As you aren't strangers just start talking a little when you see him next, make a joke and have a giggle together.

There's no need to rush it.

Quite often I have found that men who were very interested in me will hold back and get to know me a bit first. They won't just jump right in and ask me out.

Some of them I knew were interested and some it was a complete shock to me.

 

 

I go with hold it and with a few words here and there get to know him better.

 

 

Do you have reasons to return as a client?

[most_distant_galaxy]

Gotta admit that I wouldn't assume it was that and I don't when this kind of thing happens to me.

 

 

As you aren't strangers just start talking a little when you see him next, make a joke and have a giggle together.

There's no need to rush it.

Quite often I have found that men who were very interested in me will hold back and get to know me a bit first. They won't just jump right in and ask me out.

Some of them I knew were interested and some it was a complete shock to me.

 

 

I go with hold it and with a few words here and there get to know him better.

 

 

Do you have reasons to return as a client?

 

Hello Gemma, thanks a lot for your reply!

 

The thing is it never happened to me before, to feel that by a mere gaze in the eyes. I usually don't care, but these moments he looked at me everything disappeared. And I don't think I was projecting because I wasn't really attracted to him before. Caught me off guard.

 

But I agree with you. I also want to get to know him in a friendlier way first, so I can know whether he is taken, what his general outlook is, his sense of humour, and see if there's conversational chemistry. Trying to put a tap on this dam. This is why I would like to try the business card idea. Maybe without looking very flirty after all, but more like being open and approachable. Me doing work for him means we would have more opportunities to talk more often.

 

I'll go back to his office for sure in 2-3 months unless something else comes up.

[GemmaUK]

Hello Gemma, thanks a lot for your reply!

 

The thing is it never happened to me before, to feel that by a mere gaze in the eyes. I usually don't care, but these moments he looked at me everything disappeared. And I don't think I was projecting because I wasn't really attracted to him before. Caught me off guard.

 

But I agree with you. I also want to get to know him in a friendlier way first, so I can know whether he is taken, what his general outlook is, his sense of humour, and see if there's conversational chemistry. Trying to put a tap on this dam. This is why I would like to try the business card idea. Maybe without looking very flirty after all, but more like being open and approachable. Me doing work for him means we would have more opportunities to talk more often.

 

I'll go back to his office for sure in 2-3 months unless something else comes up.

 

 

I think it might be too early for the bus card approach.

Are you sure you can't find any reasons to go back over the next few weeks a time or two? No more.

Or maybe you could go for a coffee nearby in a few weeks also.

Be 'around' rather than upfront is my thought right now.

[most_distant_galaxy]

I think it might be too early for the bus card approach.

Are you sure you can't find any reasons to go back over the next few weeks a time or two? No more.

Or maybe you could go for a coffee nearby in a few weeks also.

Be 'around' rather than upfront is my thought right now.

 

You think it may be too early? I have a perfect excuse to give it to him (building my portfolio right now).

 

I wish I could go earlier than 2 months But it's the kind of place you need to have an appointment to go first. And have specific work to be done. I really don't have any reason to go there before 2 months. Even if I show up in the neighbourhood he won't know.

[most_distant_galaxy]

Where are the guys? Come out, I'd really appreciate your point of view!

[Frank2thepoint]

Where are the guys? Come out, I'd really appreciate your point of view!

 

I'll provide my personal advice. You may not like it.

 

It's attraction but if no one acts on it it's pretty useless.

 

And here is my advice. Gaeta beat me to it.

 

I guess I could start the dreadful small talk and try to bring the conversation there. Ahh, but I'm so shy to do so. And I'm naturally "mysterious", feeling more comfortable with non-verbal communication. So it would be hard for me to say the line you described ("it's always wonderful to see you"), especially since we never talk much. I'm never that expressive, at least not in the beginning. Damn

 

And this is why Gaeta's advice is pertinent. You see small talk as dreadful. But a lot can happen just from small talk, because it gets the ball rolling. Sometimes the small talk leads to nowhere, sometimes something interesting is said and it catches fire for an engaging conversation. But since you are comfortable with non-verbal communication, how can you even ever find out about this guy at all if you are unwilling to endeavor verbal communication?

 

Also, you can't rely on the man always initiating a conversation or flirting. Since you feel some tingling of interest, then you should try to initiate something the next time. A little mystery is nice, too much is frustrating.

 

But I agree with you. I also want to get to know him in a friendlier way first, so I can know whether he is taken, what his general outlook is, his sense of humour, and see if there's conversational chemistry. Trying to put a tap on this dam. This is why I would like to try the business card idea. Maybe without looking very flirty after all, but more like being open and approachable. Me doing work for him means we would have more opportunities to talk more often.

 

I'll go back to his office for sure in 2-3 months unless something else comes up.

 

Some people like a slow burn, some people like a vibrant flame. Giving him a business card may just reinforce the professional relationship. Or it may lead to something more down the line. It's unknown at this point, since you never talked to him. Waiting 2-3 months to talk to him again is agonizing. He may continue what happened, or he may just ignore it and forget about what has happened.

 

In case you want to try to explore outside of your comfort zone, see if you can email him or call him, and find some lame excuse to talk about something. Anything. Make something up, enough just to have a quick conversation with him. Then steer the conversation. Do this a little at a time, like once a week. If there is some interest, it'll stoke the fires.

[most_distant_galaxy]

I'll provide my personal advice. You may not like it.

 

 

Hey Frank2thepoint, thank you for taking the time to reply. It's not that bad. If I didn't want to hear other point of views I wouldn't open this thread.

 

 

And here is my advice. Gaeta beat me to it.

 

 

 

And this is why Gaeta's advice is pertinent. You see small talk as dreadful. But a lot can happen just from small talk, because it gets the ball rolling. Sometimes the small talk leads to nowhere, sometimes something interesting is said and it catches fire for an engaging conversation. But since you are comfortable with non-verbal communication, how can you even ever find out about this guy at all if you are unwilling to endeavor verbal communication?

 

Yeah, I see it as dreadful because I'm terrible in small talk with people I'm not friends with. I certainly like it when I feel comfortable. But I guess I could start with asking him how his weekend was and what was the best moment of his weekend. Maybe I can learn a lot by his answer.

 

Also, you can't rely on the man always initiating a conversation or flirting. Since you feel some tingling of interest, then you should try to initiate something the next time. A little mystery is nice, too much is frustrating.

 

Believe me, I don't. But I'm really shy to chat him up, he's very fast when he does work for me and very busy in general - lots of clients. He only gives me these beautiful glances. The only hope for me to start chatting is when I first see him. I'm aware that I should be the one to show him interest first, not because of feminism but because he's in a more sensitive position. He could get a bad reputation if he hit on me and I didn't like him back, and people found out about it. I'm well aware of that and this is why I'm searching for a way to show him my interest or give him enough reassurance to show his.

 

Some people like a slow burn, some people like a vibrant flame. Giving him a business card may just reinforce the professional relationship. Or it may lead to something more down the line. It's unknown at this point, since you never talked to him. Waiting 2-3 months to talk to him again is agonizing. He may continue what happened, or he may just ignore it and forget about what has happened.

 

Yep, I know. 2-3 months is a lot. Especially since I don't just have a tingling of interest. When I saw his eyes I thought "is this my husband?????". Please don't laugh at me, I never make this kind of thoughts for anybody. I'll try to find an excuse to go there earlier, in 1 month let's say. If he forgets me in 1 month then I guess it wasn't mutual or he has a short attention span.

 

In case you want to try to explore outside of your comfort zone, see if you can email him or call him, and find some lame excuse to talk about something. Anything. Make something up, enough just to have a quick conversation with him. Then steer the conversation. Do this a little at a time, like once a week. If there is some interest, it'll stoke the fires.

 

I don't want to start calling him before we even start talking face to face. He's also very busy, he works 12 hours per day. I don't want to catch him in a bad moment and only talk for 30 seconds.

 

More or less I'm thinking of showing more verbal interest in him and his life once I go there. I'll let my curiosity about him show. Try to make our verbal interaction more personal and intimate. And I'll see whether I'll give him my card.

 

Even if he isn't interested in the end I don't want to lose him professionally. He's awesome at what he does.

[Frank2thepoint]

Yeah, I see it as dreadful because I'm terrible in small talk with people I'm not friends with. I certainly like it when I feel comfortable. But I guess I could start with asking him how his weekend was and what was the best moment of his weekend. Maybe I can learn a lot by his answer.

 

You have friends, which means at some point before becoming friends, they were strangers and made small talk. You have to start somewhere. Sure it was easier to make friends during primary school and high school, but the same concept applies to adult life. Asking him about his weekend is a good start. Easily can be followed-up with asking him about his interests. Small talk requires some patience and listening. Throw in some lite jokes, and you are making a connection.

 

For example, I just made small talk with a woman in another building. Just did catch up on how each of our Valentine's Day weekend was. From a simple "How was your weekend?", I found out her and I share the same birthday (except year). We were both surprised.

 

 

Believe me, I don't. But I'm really shy to chat him up, he's very fast when he does work for me and very busy in general - lots of clients. He only gives me these beautiful glances. The only hope for me to start chatting is when I first see him. I'm aware that I should be the one to show him interest first, not because of feminism but because he's in a more sensitive position. He could get a bad reputation if he hit on me and I didn't like him back, and people found out about it. I'm well aware of that and this is why I'm searching for a way to show him my interest or give him enough reassurance to show his.

 

I don't want to start calling him before we even start talking face to face. He's also very busy, he works 12 hours per day. I don't want to catch him in a bad moment and only talk for 30 seconds.

 

If he is that busy, then I actually recommend talking via phone conversations first. Even if they are 30 second conversations, you are devaluing the impact that a quick conversation has. It's just like exercising. You start off small, then ramp it up over time. If you know you're not going to see him for at least a month, you need to chat to build the rapport, and learn if he is in a relationship. If you wait 2-3 months, you may miss an opportunity, and you risk over-thinking the situation, even building up a fantasy about him.

[most_distant_galaxy]

Thanks again.

 

Well, I'm not going to call him because it feels wrong right now. Maybe I would if we had exchanged numbers, but we didn't. It's a bit uneven. But I'll engage him with conversation next time, show my curiosity about him. I'm thinking of 10000 things I want to know about him. AND I'll give him my card with my number on it. I don't think he's dumb, he'll perceive what's going on. I mean, come on, I looked back in his eyes and smiled at him with no obvious reason! He must have felt that I like him back. And he obviously has self-confidence for gazing into my eyes like that. [The only fantasy I have about him is kissing him and looking in his eyes again].