WS Throwing in the Towel

[jbrent890]

There have been a lot of WSs on here as of late that are contemplating divorce or are in the process of going through a divorce. I think the biggest contributor to this is them not wanting to deal with the fallout of their actions. My question is was there ever a time you sensed that your WS wanted to give up and call it quits during your R. Me personally, I never sensed that from my wife. She was the one that picked the marriage counselor; she was the one that bought the literature; heck, she has courted me more over the last few months, then I did her in the beginning of our relationship. It seems like the more I pulled away, the harder she would try. How about you guys.

[toolforgrowth]

My xWW totally threw in the towel. I never offered her R. After her A ended she threw her lure in my pond, so to speak. I didn't nibble once. In fact, I soundly rejected her and basically told her it was never gonna happen.

 

Her throwing in the towel about even trying to R was a truly awesome moment for me. I cheered when I learned she remarried. Lol Now she's legally somebody else's problem!

 

EDIT: Although on her end, I think that had more to do with pride than anything else. She can't admit that what she did was wrong and was just far too proud to ever admit she had a problem. That's her right to do so. But it's also my right to reject her because of it.

 

I moved forward with no regrets.

Edited February 23, 2015 by toolforgrowth

[ladydesigner]

Yes mine has said it many times over the years of False R. I opened the door for him every time. I have never once begged for my WH to stay with me.

[snappytomcat]

There have been a lot of WSs on here as of late that are contemplating divorce or are in the process of going through a divorce. I think the biggest contributor to this is them not wanting to deal with the fallout of their actions. My question is was there ever a time you sensed that your WS wanted to give up and call it quits during your R. Me personally, I never sensed that from my wife. She was the one that picked the marriage counselor; she was the one that bought the literature; heck, she has courted me more over the last few months, then I did her in the beginning of our relationship. It seems like the more I pulled away, the harder she would try. How about you guys.

 

jbrent890

my xww husband did the same exact thing as your ws,i moved out after dday,gave him the green light to be with his soulmate,even talked to her and told her hes all yours

he courted me,picked out counselor it was his idea to go also I didn't want to I didn't even want to look at him,he told me on many occasions even if I never forgave him,he would spend the rest of his life,proving to me how sorry he is for what he did.

well I can say we have been doing really well,hes been an open book,and our communication is better than it ever was

he tells me daily hes exactly were he wants to be,and hes was a fool for ever thinking otherwise

[DKT3]

It does seem that many WW want to run from what they have done. I also think a large part of it is they have placed so much of their mental and emotional focus and energy on OM that in the moment they don't give a sh it about their husbands. They seem to have turned him into a unchangable devil that only stands in the way of their happiness, which is OM.

 

Lucky for me, mine never tested me in that manner. You said she would let me go, but would never give up. She didn't, even during the year when I wouldn't talk to her, she found ways to let me know she was there. During the next three years I put her through hell, not my intentions but I never stopped loving her yet I feared getting hurt again, feared letting her all the way in. She never wavered, and continued to go after what she wanted, watching me from a distance date and fall for another woman. She has never even hinted at throwing in the towel.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I never wanted to quit...but there were times i would cry and beg him to tell me what he wanted me to do. I gave him all i knew to give...and it was not enough....and i would have left if he had ever asked me to...but i never once wanted to leave.

[TrustedthenBusted]

There were a few difficult conversations where my wife said something like " Man, it seems like too much damage has been done."

 

Every time I told her that if she feels that way, or thinks this is not worth it, to be honest about it and spare us both the time and aggravation.

 

A couple times during this process I was ready to throw in the towel, and each time she said she was not.

[Selfish]

I was suicidal so in that way I wanted to quit.

 

But never once on the marriage. But i never demonized myhusband or thought the marriage itself was bad. Nor was I ever planning to to run off into the sunset with OM or even felt madly in love.

[jbrent890]

It does seem that many WW want to run from what they have done. I also think a large part of it is they have placed so much of their mental and emotional focus and energy on OM that in the moment they don't give a sh it about their husbands. They seem to have turned him into a unchangable devil that only stands in the way of their happiness, which is OM.

 

Lucky for me, mine never tested me in that manner. You said she would let me go, but would never give up. She didn't, even during the year when I wouldn't talk to her, she found ways to let me know she was there. During the next three years I put her through hell, not my intentions but I never stopped loving her yet I feared getting hurt again, feared letting her all the way in. She never wavered, and continued to go after what she wanted, watching me from a distance date and fall for another woman. She has never even hinted at throwing in the towel.

 

I have seen plenty of that on here. I have also seen Waywards that are contemplating divorce because they don't want to confess. They know if that they choose to stay in the marriage, they would have to tell and deal with the consequences. I guess they feel that it is just easier to run away. Also, you have the Waywards that want their BSs to just get over it. There is a guy who has his own website where he gives Reconciliation advice. I guess because he cheated on his wife, he is the most equipped to give it. None the less, one piece of advice he gives to Waywards is that after a while the betrayed needs to just get over it. Because the WS chose to stay, it's not fair to them to be constantly guilt tripped. He actually told his wife after a year into R that she needed to stop guilting him because he did not know how much more he could take. I hate Waywards that do that. It's the equivalent of throwing a grenade at your spouse and telling to stop complaining about the injuries they endured.

[toolforgrowth]

I have seen plenty of that on here. I have also seen Waywards that are contemplating divorce because they don't want to confess. They know if that they choose to stay in the marriage, they would have to tell and deal with the consequences. I guess they feel that it is just easier to run away. Also, you have the Waywards that want their BSs to just get over it. There is a guy who has his own website where he gives Reconciliation advice. I guess because he cheated on his wife, he is the most equipped to give it. None the less, one piece of advice he gives to Waywards is that after a while the betrayed needs to just get over it. Because the WS chose to stay, it's not fair to them to be constantly guilt tripped. He actually told his wife after a year into R that she needed to stop guilting him because he did not know how much more he could take. I hate Waywards that do that. It's the equivalent of throwing a grenade at your spouse and telling to stop complaining about the injuries they endured.

 

The beauty is that the same reasons a WS uses to cheat are the same exact reasons a BS can use to walk away and not R. You say it's your life and you can do what you want and that I don't control you? Works both ways. It's my life, I can do what I want, and you can't make me stay with you and just get over it. I'm under no obligation.

 

I actually used the very same words my xww used on me. "Just let me go", "you're not a priority", "I don't give a damn what you want", etc. When she would continue pressing I just shut down. I'd turn my phone off or on airplane mode so I could still listen to music but put an end to the argument. I learned to walk away, just like she did.

 

I think this is exactly what ny xww's mentality was. She was too weak to face the music, so I bailed...quickly. My attorney had been doing divorces for years and even he said mine was really quick. I said I don't **** around when I decide on a course of action, and this is something I've never been more sure of.

 

I can only imagine what her reaction must have been about it.

[Woggle]

My ex threw in the towel but when she saw I was serious about removing her from my life she completely lost it. I think their ego can't handle the fact that we aren't blubbering messes willing to take whatever crumbs they hand out.

[Arieswoman]

My ex threw in the towel but when she saw I was serious about removing her from my life she completely lost it. I think their ego can't handle the fact that we aren't blubbering messes willing to take whatever crumbs they hand out.

 

Ditto !

[beatcuff]

My xWW totally threw in the towel. I never offered her R. After her A ended she threw her lure in my pond, so to speak. I didn't nibble once. In fact, I soundly rejected her and basically told her it was never gonna happen.

 

Her throwing in the towel about even trying to R was a truly awesome moment for me. I cheered when I learned she remarried. Lol Now she's legally somebody else's problem!

 

EDIT: Although on her end, I think that had more to do with pride than anything else. She can't admit that what she did was wrong and was just far too proud to ever admit she had a problem. That's her right to do so. But it's also my right to reject her because of it.

 

I moved forward with no regrets.

 

confused --- where did SHE throw in the towel? to do that means that R has to start. your post showed YOU had no interest, so she moved on.

[dichotomy]

There have been a lot of WSs on here as of late that are contemplating divorce or are in the process of going through a divorce. I think the biggest contributor to this is them not wanting to deal with the fallout of their actions. My question is was there ever a time you sensed that your WS wanted to give up and call it quits during your R. Me .

 

Yes I have seen this -not wanting to deal with it.

 

Basically we had a low long and partial reconciliation process, and then had tossed on a low and uneven sex life. A one two punch to me. Despite some progress and improvements, the affairs, and poor sex life created some resentment and power struggles - on both sides. She did not want to fully face her affairs, nor her sexual issues. therapy helped her some - after I pushed it.

 

In the last 6-12 months she has mentioned more than once about ending things - usually as a threat during arguments. I am thinking I have finally come to a point where I will get no more from her (in terms of working on marriage) and I have try to be satisfied with what changes improvements she has made (which there are some good ones) over the years.

Edited February 24, 2015 by dichotomy

[autumnnight]

If a WS is being lazy and blameshifting and doing half measures and gives up when it gets too tough or lasts too long to be comfortable, I would qualify that as throwing in the towel.

 

If the WS was remorseful, transparent, worked hard, and did everything they could think of, and 5, 8, 10 years later the A is still center stage or the "loophole" the BS uses in every argument, that isn't a WS throwing in the towel, that is a human getting out of hell.

[toolforgrowth]

confused --- where did SHE throw in the towel? to do that means that R has to start. your post showed YOU had no interest, so she moved on.

 

She threw in the towel to try and keep me. She knew she was facing an almost impossible uphill battle, and it wasn't worth the effort to her. It was easier for her to throw in the towel and run than admit her issues and face them head on.

 

And for years after that, every time I saw her, she'd look so sad and so dejected. She'd rather wallow in self pity than actually do something about it. Hey, it's her life. If she chooses to live that way, that's her choice.

 

I chose a different path.