What is the worst **** test you've had to deal with from a woman?

[rester]

I think it has to do with testing how much of someone's shxt the other person will take before throwing in the towel.

 

That's how I've seen it. It's typically a concept targeted at men that need help standing up to women and not letting them walk all over them. You have to take into consideration the target audience of the PUA stuff, which is typically young and inexperienced men. Calling things "shlt tests" explains normal social concepts in simple terms. And the "women" we are talking about here are typically teenage girls or immature women in their 20s (and to be clear, I'm not talking about ALL teenage girls or women in their 20s).

 

But I would guess most men have run into a woman at one point or another in their lives that tests their boundaries or gives them shlt for no good reason.

 

I'm going to use clothes shopping as an example. I don't go clothes shopping with women and never have. Not because I'm trying to get the upper hand on anyone or because I'm trying to pass a "shlt test", but because I hate shopping. Hate it. So you can ask me to go shopping with you, but when I say no, an immature woman will give me shlt for it and start an argument, while a normal, mature woman will respect my boundary and find someone else to go shopping with. Who do you think I'm going to want to spend my time with? Now, a man with no backbone will cave and go shopping just to please her.

 

 

Hopefully my point is not coming across as one-sided gender-wise. I'm speaking from a male point of view, but obviously this goes both ways. I'm sure women could come up with plenty of ways men have "shlt tested" them. I've read plenty of examples of men not respecting boundaries on this forum.

[toolforgrowth]

In my prior post, I didn't mean to imply that women are the only ones who fitness test. Men can certainly do it too.

 

It's a sign of immaturity more than anything else, IMO.

Edited February 24, 2015 by toolforgrowth
fixed typo

[Rejected Rosebud]

Isn't dating when you find out about each other and see how the person acts in social situations and all that a "fitness" test in real life?

[Selfish]

I remembered a fitness test I did not knowing it was a test.

 

As a teenager I had this wonderful boyfriend. And then I noticed something about him. He never would make any decisions or argue with me. So I wondered if we just got along that good or if there was a more serious issue. So I stopped giving my opinion on what to do. And when he would say something I'd play a little devil's advocate (nothing huge). Aaand he would change his opinion to agree. We returned shortly after to being friends. It was way to tiring being in a relationship where you have to be careful not to walk all over the person. He found himself a nice control freak wife and they are quite happy. Huh, never really thought of it as a test.

 

Ive also learned my H totally did this to me a few times. One time really badly. I guess I passed his test because we got married.

[toolforgrowth]

He found himself a nice control freak wife and they are quite happy.

 

Yikes! That's what I did with my xWW. Found me a nice control freak to tell me what to do and when to do it. Sure took the pressure off!

 

But it all fell apart after a few years. I can totally see why women get tired of "wearing the pants" all the time and want their man to have an opinion on something, and actually make decisions around that opinion.

 

It doesn't excuse what my xWW did, but I sure learned a lot from that experience.

[Got it]

Yikes! That's what I did with my xWW. Found me a nice control freak to tell me what to do and when to do it. Sure took the pressure off!

 

But it all fell apart after a few years. I can totally see why women get tired of "wearing the pants" all the time and want their man to have an opinion on something, and actually make decisions around that opinion.

 

It doesn't excuse what my xWW did, but I sure learned a lot from that experience.

 

It isn't about "wearing the pants" it's about being your own autonomous adult with your own thoughts, beliefs, and preferences.

 

My ex husband was somewhat like this as well as agreeing to something but then passive aggressively defy it. Just be authentic and speak your mind.

 

What men and woman want in relationships and a partnership with another adult, not feeling like you are in a weird parent/child relationship.

[Radu]

In all my years of dating I've never conducted any "tests." At most I've been passive aggressive before but to go through elaborate schemes hoping a man will jump through them and come put on top in terms of a preconceived idea on my part, nope. No time or interest and would hate for a man to attempt to test me either.

 

It's not a clear cut plan; it's not something you do consciously.

It's pure subconscious.

 

---

Back when i first started reading up on relationships [after my problems], i went to a PUA forum and that's where i read up on them ... i certainly did agonize about the **** tests until i realized that it's impossible to pass all of them ... and you don't want to do that anyway.

The givers of these tests are girls/little girls at heart, or women who emotional development of one ... a maturity problem.

Either of these is not desirable for you ... you want someone with good boundaries who respects you and you respect back.

 

So when someone gives you these **** tests, you do not sacrifice your worth for her.

You tell her you still want that concert, you tell her you were saving that [and obviously told her] ... you do not lower yourself to the status of welcome mat ... you respect yourself.

 

On a sidenote, the purpose is to weed out the chaff ... the women who are not worth dating.

A woman who is worth dating will never test you this way.

[toolforgrowth]

It isn't about "wearing the pants" it's about being your own autonomous adult with your own thoughts, beliefs, and preferences.

 

My ex husband was somewhat like this as well as agreeing to something but then passive aggressively defy it. Just be authentic and speak your mind.

 

What men and woman want in relationships and a partnership with another adult, not feeling like you are in a weird parent/child relationship.

 

I think for the most part that's true, but there are genuine control freaks out there. My xww is one of them. She still tries to control me even now sometimes, and I have to push back on occasion. It happens far less often now, but it does still happen.

 

She and I have NO relationship. It's just who she is. I don't think she's happy unless she's in control, but I also don't think she's happy when she IS because it makes her think her man is weak.

 

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

Fortunately, I stopped caring about being damned a LONG time ago.

[Got it]

I think for the most part that's true, but there are genuine control freaks out there. My xww is one of them. She still tries to control me even now sometimes, and I have to push back on occasion. It happens far less often now, but it does still happen.

 

She and I have NO relationship. It's just who she is. I don't think she's happy unless she's in control, but I also don't think she's happy when she IS because it makes her think her man is weak.

 

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

Fortunately, I stopped caring about being damned a LONG time ago.

 

She sounds like a gem. Seems like you have finally earned the prize! N/C

[Selfish]

I think for the most part that's true, but there are genuine control freaks out there. My xww is one of them. She still tries to control me even now sometimes, and I have to push back on occasion. It happens far less often now, but it does still happen.

 

She and I have NO relationship. It's just who she is. I don't think she's happy unless she's in control, but I also don't think she's happy when she IS because it makes her think her man is weak.

 

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

Fortunately, I stopped caring about being damned a LONG time ago.

 

Honestly I would probably give myself an ulcer if I was a control freak. The person he married chooses his friends, chooses his clothes, chose where they lived, have kids and had him give up his dream career (a good job but one that requires a lot of work to get to where it pays). I dont know him anymore but I am friends with his sister and see her occasionaly. He is cut off from his family too for the most part. She says she thinks he is happy but she worries for the kids and how well they'll turn out.

 

Whatever floats your boat I guess.

[Radu]

I think for the most part that's true, but there are genuine control freaks out there. My xww is one of them. She still tries to control me even now sometimes, and I have to push back on occasion. It happens far less often now, but it does still happen.

 

She and I have NO relationship. It's just who she is. I don't think she's happy unless she's in control, but I also don't think she's happy when she IS because it makes her think her man is weak.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

Fortunately, I stopped caring about being damned a LONG time ago.

 

You just described some of my ex's, my cousin's ex-wife and a friend's as well.

[mario_C]

For just about all women, him being angry at her but staying means he really cares. A woman would rather hate her man or have him hate her, than be bored. Boredom is the only real relationship killer.

 

As for this s h i t test nonsense, the above is fine but there is a line you never cross. Your family, your dreams, and (for you people into that stuff) your kids are sacred. Why would you entrust your heart to someone who can't understand that much?

[Elias33]

I think if you find yourself wit a person who is trying on purpose to manipulate you or push your buttons to get some kind of a rise out of you you should probably bail quickly but I don't think this is some kind of female conspiracy for heaven's sake!! Just behavior probably attributable to really young kids or super messed up people you should not be involved with anyway!!

 

Exactly. Therefore I propose, the Sh*t Test Test. A test you fail when you try and test me.

[CrystalShine2011]

lol I was so confused when reading this...understanding has hit.

[toolforgrowth]

You just described some of my ex's, my cousin's ex-wife and a friend's as well.

 

A part of me wonders if that behavior is symptomatic of a personality disorder of some kind.

 

God, I really feel for her new husband. He's a decent guy too. Poor chap.