Bailey14 Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 ......to end the sex but, continue the relationship? My MM cannot handle the guilt of having a physical relationship with me but, says he loves me and does not want to lose me. An emotional affair strikes me as being as deceitful as one that also includes a physical component. I just can't wrap my brain around the idea. Has it worked for anyone else? Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Not in my eyes, especially if the physical attraction is so strong that you can't keep your hands off of each other. It's like someone dangling a million dollars in front of you for the rest of your life and telling you that you can't have it. Plus, don't you wonder about his motives? Don't you wonder if he's just keeping you around in his life incase one day he changes his mind and wants sex again? I'm aware not every man is like this, but it's something you have to consider. I think you're a little better than that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 xMM and I have a very loose friendship, meaning that over time we have spent less and less time talking to one another. A friendship, or emotional affair, is tough to pull off but if your MM is feeling guilt about the affair, then you need to stop it. And no matter how weak he gets, keep in mind his guilt and that should give you strength. As far as continuing an EA, I think that's really just a quiet and slow way to end things. I'm not saying it's a bad thing but that's where you should let it go. Just slowly distance yourself from it. It's kind of like pulling a thorn out one millimeter at a time. It really depends on what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 That would be a hard pill to swallow. How much do you thinks sex plays in your relationship and are you exclusive? I image his guilt comes in waves and (for him) this too shall pass. I bet sex will be on the table once again. As for the emotional aspect, I feel it's the most damaging aspect of an affair. It's not "just sex", there are *feelings* involved and those can grow if you take away the sex completely. Are you prepared to get your feelings/heart hurt? Would you not want to find someone who is 100% invested in you and not someone who leads you around by his guilt? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bailey14 Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 Mal78, how I wish I could find someone else to love but, I am 63 years old and there are not a lot of prospects out there. Men my age, generally, are looking for youngsters and that ship has sailed!! The relationship is not a casual one.....we have known each other since we were 12 years old. I have no doubt that he loves me and wants our relationship to continue but, even at our age, the sexual attraction is powerful. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 As for the emotional aspect, I feel it's the most damaging aspect of an affair. It's not "just sex", there are *feelings* involved and those can grow if you take away the sex completely. Are you prepared to get your feelings/heart hurt? OP, Mal brings up a good point. Please think about this. I got involved in an affair that was supposed to only be physical. For a while, it was. Then feelings got involved on both of our parts (which was never supposed to happen) and we both ended up hurt and in a big pile of s#%t, further complicated by the fact that we are both married. Sex is sex, but feelings make everything about 100 times worse. You say he's married, but you do not give any indication if you are married or not. If you're single, I urge you to walk away from this, as hard as it is, and find someone who can invest all of their time and feelings into you and visa versa. You're going to end up with a broken heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bailey14 Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 OP, Mal brings up a good point. Please think about this. I got involved in an affair that was supposed to only be physical. For a while, it was. Then feelings got involved on both of our parts (which was never supposed to happen) and we both ended up hurt and in a big pile of s#%t, further complicated by the fact that we are both married. Sex is sex, but feelings make everything about 100 times worse. You say he's married, but you do not give any indication if you are married or not. If you're single, I urge you to walk away from this, as hard as it is, and find someone who can invest all of their time and feelings into you and visa versa. You're going to end up with a broken heart. I am single. And as far as ending up with a broken heart......he has been breaking my heart for years. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 ......to end the sex but, continue the relationship? My MM cannot handle the guilt of having a physical relationship with me but, says he loves me and does not want to lose me. An emotional affair strikes me as being as deceitful as one that also includes a physical component. I just can't wrap my brain around the idea. Has it worked for anyone else? Cheating is cheating and chances are him saying no more sex (at least for now) won't last long, especially if you don't want the sexual aspect of your affair to end. It's not fair to you either Bailey. You deserve more than him hanging onto you because he wants you in his life (selfishly). He isn't willing to divorce his wife and be with you full time. I hope you find the strength to end it. If you stay 'friends' with him, he gets his way and is happy all the meanwhile you get the short end of the stick and miss out on a real relationship...He goes home to his wife and lives life with her daily. Hugs to you and I hope you're doing well. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Mal78, how I wish I could find someone else to love but, I am 63 years old and there are not a lot of prospects out there. Men my age, generally, are looking for youngsters and that ship has sailed!! The relationship is not a casual one.....we have known each other since we were 12 years old. I have no doubt that he loves me and wants our relationship to continue but, even at our age, the sexual attraction is powerful. My is in her late 60's and she's got a boyfriend. He's slightly older than her. Trust me, my mom never thought she'd be in a relationship ever again, when my father passed away. Years later, she met someone special. DO NOT give up Bailey and don't settle for scraps. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bailey14 Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 Cheating is cheating and chances are him saying no more sex (at least for now) won't last long, especially if you don't want the sexual aspect of your affair to end. It's not fair to you either Bailey. You deserve more than him hanging onto you because he wants you in his life (selfishly). He isn't willing to divorce his wife and be with you full time. I hope you find the strength to end it. If you stay 'friends' with him, he gets his way and is happy all the meanwhile you get the short end of the stick and miss out on a real relationship...He goes home to his wife and lives life with her daily. Hugs to you and I hope you're doing well. WWIU, your posts always make me smile. It's like being beaten with a velvet hammer!! You are firm without being nasty. I soooo appreciate that skill. Everything you say makes sense......now if I could only make my heart listen to my brain. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 For the most part, men view an affair without sex as not cheating or less harmful. I guessing he wants you still around for support, for ego stroking. Maybe he just really enjoys you being apart of his life. At any rate, he can only hurt you if you allow it. As far as not being able to find someone, that's because your not open to it, not because there is no one. A coworker just took off last week because his 71 year old mother got married after 13 years of being widowed. Its out there, until you give up and stop trying. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Hi Bailey, I am older than you a little bit..(67) . I have dated quite a few men but found that the divorced ones have too much baggage to even contemplate. If they have never been married, they do not understand relationships. I do not want either species. In fact I wouldn't put my hard earned security at risk to go into a relationship with anybody now. To find somebody compatible and palatable at this age is rare. If you can have a relationship of any kind with your MM , I say try very hard to make it work. I really understand having history . It will all be precious to you, not matter how others may judge you. Only you know how much you care about him and how much you mean to each other. Poppy Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Bailey I had a quick look at your past threads just to know your story. Turns out your last thread from 3 years ago you were talking about the very same thing. MM wanted to cease the physical relationship with you because his son had a brain tumor. In that thread you mentioned that he regularly announces no more sex because of his religious beliefs and guilt. So why is this time any different? Clearly he doesn't mean what he says anyways and I doubt this time will be different from any of the many other times he's said he's cutting off the sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bailey14 Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 Bailey I had a quick look at your past threads just to know your story. Turns out your last thread from 3 years ago you were talking about the very same thing. MM wanted to cease the physical relationship with you because his son had a brain tumor. In that thread you mentioned that he regularly announces no more sex because of his religious beliefs and guilt. So why is this time any different? Clearly he doesn't mean what he says anyways and I doubt this time will be different from any of the many other times he's said he's cutting off the sex. The difference is I told him yesterday he has broken my heart for the very last time and, unlike him, I mean what I say. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts