Satu Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 The wife lit a fire, and the husband tried to put it out by pouring petrol/gas onto it. There's no way of mending this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 He had it in his (adult) power not to disclose this painful, hurtful and damaging information to his children. Put aside all this "skank" "whore" talk for a moment, please. It just showcases your own bias. Sometimes emotions overtake. I can fully understand what and why he did it. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 He had it in his (adult) power not to disclose this painful, hurtful and damaging information to his children. Put aside all this "skank" "whore" talk for a moment, please. It just showcases your own bias. The words skank do not showcase bias, they showcase me calling a spade a spade. If I saw a duck by a pond and I said "look there is a duck by the pond" would you say anything? Nope, because I'm calling a duck a duck. But that is besides the point. He had it in his power not to disclose, she had it in her power not to spread her legs for another man. The Husband should of waited to show the kids, but he was totally in the right showing the boss. But the fact he should of waited to tell the kids doesn't change the fact the wifes actions lead to this. Her being utterly selfish and not giving a sh*t about her family did this, yet you come here making silly comments about Pandora's box and then accuse ME of having a bias? How's that work? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 I agree with Sycamorecircle - "She created a problem that was directly transferred to the husband. He created a problem that was directly transferred to the children." Nope, false. Her problem was already transferred to the kids whether or not they were kept in the dark. When you cheat you betray not only your spouse, but your kids. So in the end, the wife has a huge share in the responsibility of this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Bamawsp Do you have anyone to support you through this? Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 The Husband should of waited to show the kids, Thank you. This is the only point I was interested in arguing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 At least one of the kids already knew as validated by her response. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Sometimes emotions overtake. I can fully understand what and why he did it.I do, too. And it was a very reckless thing to do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Thank you. This is the only point I was interested in arguing. Sure you are right he should of waited a bit to tell the kids. Of course, doesn't change the fact the wife has a huge share of the responsibility for all this, but yeah he should of waited a bit. But her boss and other relatives? Totally fair game, no waiting needed, not a single second of waiting needed, in fact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 she had it in her power not to spread her legs for another man. Wife says it was an emotional affair, the husband may assume otherwise but there is no proof that this was a PA. Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Unbelievable So those chastising him for exposing think it was OK for their 10yr old to have seen the texts from his wife to OM. For goodness sake let it drop. Do you have anyone to support you Bamawsp? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 At least one of the kids already knew as validated by her response.If that is true, then maybe you could stand to learn something from their decorum. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 As for support, I have my father who lives an hour and a half away. Other than that its slim pickens because her friends are my friends and vice versa. I spoke to one of her friends today and she honestly had no clue about the affair. None. This person bathes herself in honesty as well almost to fault. The only people that knew about the affair were my wife, her AP, myself and my parents. That all changed by this morning. I have spoken to attorney already and know what the gameplan is. I am not filing for divorce. However, I will administer a blistering and visceral defense in the event she does. It's all very real and it is killing me. I can't sleep or eat. My chest hurts and its hard to breathe from the heartache. Nothing in this world matters more to me than my family. To see it destroyed makes me feel worth living. I honestly don't know if I can go on without them. Link to post Share on other sites
misty12 Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 So does your wife now have the right to dump all her grievances about you and every way you've wronged her throughout the marriage to the kids too? Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Wife says it was an emotional affair, the husband may assume otherwise but there is no proof that this was a PA.If that is true, OP you may have dug a serious hole for yourself. You've jeopardized this woman's professional well-being---I hope you have hard evidence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 Absolutely Misty. She's been doing it for awhile to validate her affair. I'm sure you're familiar with that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 If that is true, OP you may have dug a serious hole for yourself. You've jeopardized this woman's professional well-being---I hope you have hard evidence. Thanks Sycamore. I'll put you in the category of believing an affair of any sort is no big deal. No need to respond anymore. I get it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 As for support, I have my father who lives an hour and a half away. Other than that its slim pickens because her friends are my friends and vice versa. I spoke to one of her friends today and she honestly had no clue about the affair. None. This person bathes herself in honesty as well almost to fault. The only people that knew about the affair were my wife, her AP, myself and my parents. That all changed by this morning. I have spoken to attorney already and know what the gameplan is. I am not filing for divorce. However, I will administer a blistering and visceral defense in the event she does. It's all very real and it is killing me. I can't sleep or eat. My chest hurts and its hard to breathe from the heartache. Nothing in this world matters more to me than my family. To see it destroyed makes me feel worth living. I honestly don't know if I can go on without them. Why are you assuming this? what do you mean, them? Like your wife will take your kids away from you? You have joint custody IF there's a divorce, and you tell her the kids are NOT to be around the OM. Is this guy married as well? I agree with pretty much everything you've done, except telling your kids. They (right now) didn't need to be told what their mom has been doing, having an A. Even if one of them figured it out, they are young and not equipped to deal with this. I hope for their sake you get them into family counseling so they can deal with this in a healthy way. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 But her boss and other relatives? Totally fair game, no waiting needed, not a single second of waiting needed, in fact. The boss is "fair game", sure. But a good idea? Probably not. Friends and relatives, I am with you. Expose expose expose. Tell everyone who will listen. Friends family, her family, OM's family. That guy in the bar you met. The supermarket checkout girl. Everyone. But the boss. Just because you have a "right" to tell, doesn't mean it's sensible. What will happen if she gets fired because of this? She will stay at home and be a "full time mom". When the custody battle goes to court she will get a larger share of parental care because she's already been acting as a full-time mom. He will become an every-other-weekend dad rather than having a good shot at 50/50 care. She will have no income, and will have a much better alimony claim. So yeah, he has every "right" to tell her boss, but it's a pretty dumb thing to do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 If that is true, OP you may have dug a serious hole for yourself. You've jeopardized this woman's professional well-being---I hope you have hard evidence. Umm, his wife put her OWN reputation and career at risk by having an affair with a co worker. This is NOT his fault! Nobody held a gun to her head and made her have an affair. Chances are, many at work probably knew of the A, or at best, suspected and gossiped about it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 I found a counsellor through work along with a few close friends were a god send when I found out about my husbands affair. I also thought the end of my world had arrived after 18 yrs of being together. I found in time life goes on and indeed can be better. It would be good if you and your kids could get some counseling and support. Its one hell of a rollercoaster ride but you will get through it - you and your kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Just google Dr. Harley. IMO, a total quack. Dr. Harley preaches that the only way to survive infidelity is to expose, expose, expose! it doesn't mean a hill of beans to us, though... no one's household isn't upset by this thread. We're all going to sign off and go about our business because we don't know who OP is in person. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Snip: It's all very real and it is killing me. I can't sleep or eat. My chest hurts and its hard to breathe from the heartache. Nothing in this world matters more to me than my family. To see it destroyed makes me feel worth living. I honestly don't know if I can go on without them. Take proper care of yourself: Eat enough and eat healthily. Drink enough water, thats 2 litres a day for a male. Get a bit more rest than you think you need. If you can't sleep, just lie down. Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous. A ten minute walk is enough. If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 So we have even doctors who think exposing is good. Yet..people still harp on this guy for exposing the shady sh*t his WIFE did. For as many who say it's a good idea there are 2 that say it's not a good idea. Beware of the hole you dig for someone else lest you fall into it yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Why are you assuming this? what do you mean, them? Like your wife will take your kids away from you? You have joint custody IF there's a divorce, and you tell her the kids are NOT to be around the OM. Is this guy married as well? . I completely agree with the above. You will not lose your kids. Heck, I would file for full custody and let her get visitation rights. She's the one who cheated not you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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