No Limit Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 The kids need to know if it's going to be D yes, but not quite so crudely & not in way way that will make them hate their mother. If R is the goal then telling the kids is absolutely disgusting given their ages. The oldest was 12 & the youngest is 6. I am so disturbed by the kind of people that post here advocating destroying childrens lives You do realize that one of the kids already knew, did you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Anyone bashing him for telling the kids, one of them already found a text from the OM. You want someone to bash? Go for the piece of trash wife who caused all this. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
beatcuff Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Anyone bashing him for telling the kids, one of them already found a text from the OM. You want someone to bash? Go for the piece of trash wife who caused all this. and calling their mom a whore is a great step in the right direction. underage children need to be reassured. if you must why not "mommy and i have some serious ADULT issues to work on, we still love you all very much, we are hopeful we can still be a family together" even "mommy and i have some serious ADULT issues to work on. mommy made some poor decisions and we have to work them out, we still love you all very much, we are hopeful we can still be a family together". forget all that --- so how much detail will you give the 7 year old they they keep saying "why". "whats an affair" "whats a whore" "can i say whore too?" and can you please refer us to an even boardline reputable 'anyone' that thinks putting the kids in the middle of parent fight is a good thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) Um, I would think this would be obvious. You ask why he didn't tell them in a more sensible way? BECAUSE HE JUST GOT CHEATED ON BY HIS WIFE. That is why. He wasn't thinking clearly, he wasn't thinking "gee, how can I say this in a sensitive manner" and not a single damn person should fault him for that, period. Calling her a whore is like calling a duck a duck. Maybe the kids shouldn't of heard that, but then again maybe the mother shouldn't of put them in a position to hear it. This is kind of why you don't have an affair. This is kind of why if you do..you aren't so utterly stupid about it that your kids find a text. Affairs HURT PEOPLE. Not just the act of the affair, but the way others react to it. So you have to take that into mind, not only "how will my affair affect others" but "how will the reaction of the person I betrayed also affect others?". He found out his wife was a cheater, and had an extreme reaction. People need to stop harping on it. Move on, the important thing here isn't how he reacted, it's his wife cheating. Edited March 6, 2015 by Spectre 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Gofsttrnlft Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 How good some of you must feel about yourselves. The OP come here looking for help and advice and the majority of you latch on and bash him for involving his children. Kudos. Way to go. Nice job. You all just made your opinions about a small part of a crappy situation more important than helping a man who came looking for help. How big you all must feel. This thread should be pinned somewhere as a good example of what will happen when people do not care to help you. A warning of sorts. OP, you haven't updated us in about 5 days and I do not blame you. I hope you do not come back to this and I really hope you are finding the help and advice you need somewhere. Like I said before, you show those little ones of yours true love each day, and bite your tongue should you ever feel like talking down on their mom to them. With that they will be able to deal with this situation like a boss. Best wishes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I hope he DOES come back. He needs to see that this asinine view of focusing on him telling the kids is not really the issue. He needs to see he is the victim, and nothing else. His wife did this. All of it, to her kids. Not the husband. This shouldn't need repeating, it scares me it does. It worries me this topic went over 30 pages. This was an open and shut case here, or it sure as hell should of been. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 bamawsp, today is Friday, I hope you get the answers your looking for. Let us know how your counselling session went. Please do not allow some of folks with tunnel vision get to you. You have been abused for 13 years and half that time your wife has been in an affair with someone she works with. You are allowed to snap on discovery. Hang in there because you will survive this. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 bamawsp, today is Friday, I hope you get the answers your looking for. Let us know how your counselling session went. Please do not allow some of folks with tunnel vision get to you. You have been abused for 13 years and half that time your wife has been in an affair with someone she works with. You are allowed to snap on discovery. Hang in there because you will survive this. Ditto - let us know how your Friday MC went. Link to post Share on other sites
beatcuff Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 BECAUSE HE JUST GOT CHEATED ON BY HIS WIFE. and had an extreme reaction. People need to stop harping on it. Move on, the important thing here isn't how he reacted, it's his wife cheating. cheating does NOT suspend your role as a parent (even in D she will still be their mom). BTW its nice to note you are coming to our/my side with the bold. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 cheating does NOT suspend your role as a parent (even in D she will still be their mom). BTW its nice to note you are coming to our/my side with the bold. But her presenting her messages to OM to the kids and make their own father look bad in their eyes would be okay for you? He acted in affect under extreme emotional pressure. His b!tch of a wife planned everything carefully and wouldn't mind pulling her kids down into her affair fogged fairytale land. You're all acting like that one time he called her a bad name will forever direct his kids opinion about their mother, but it won't. On the other hand, if she starts showing OM around and even pressures them to be kind to him, she might hear that word at some point again. Link to post Share on other sites
beatcuff Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 But her presenting her messages to OM to the kids and make their own father look bad in their eyes would be okay for you?. so where does it end? who is going to put the children first? two wrongs make it right? the OP kept saying he was doing it for his family yet it appears to be more 'i'm right, you're not' contest. she was wrong (for showing the text messages) and he was no better for what he said. neither can take the high road. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 so where does it end? who is going to put the children first? two wrongs make it right? the OP kept saying he was doing it for his family yet it appears to be more 'i'm right, you're not' contest. she was wrong (for showing the text messages) and he was no better for what he said. neither can take the high road. OP is putting the children first, has been all the time except for one single time that he slipped. She wanted to keep him away from his own kids by legal force. This whole "omg no the kids" discussion starts to feel like spamming this thread to me, honestly. It's done, it's in the past, and no doubt the situation has brought new troubles and tension in their everyday life except for "oh no you didn't call me that". Link to post Share on other sites
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