My story - no contact, breadcrumbs, back to square one

[AIJ]

Okay back in December 2013, I began talking to a girl I met online, we lived relatively close to eachother. Everything was going well, we both admitted we had feelings for eachother after around 4 months of talking non-stop every single day. Fast forward to July, I finally got to meet her. She had a party and invited me, it was great, we connected really well, ended up cuddling in her bed and I stayed the night, nothing happened.

 

Around a month later, after seeing eachother a few more times, we became exclusive. The relationship was going really, really well until she had to go back to school, so there was a lot of stress on her and she didn't really have much time. I became needy/clingy, pushed to talk to her far too much blablabla all the usual mistakes to cause a girl to lose attraction for you.

 

Towards the end of January, I was at her house for the day, we were happy, watching Netflix, usual couple stuff. My great aunt had just passed away so I obviously was a little bit shaken and kind of miserable as we were very close. Began to argue with my girlfriend about why I'm unhappy, she thought it was her, I explained the situation, she continued to be annoyed with me, so I just got up and left her house. She followed me to the bus stop, we didn't say a word to eachother. I apologised to her, although I don't really think I should have, she should've been more considerate. This was on the Sunday.

 

The following Monday, we argued ALL DAY. Non-stop.

 

Tuesday, I woke up to the dreaded 'we should take a break' message. I accepted that, endured the break for 9 hours, and told her we're either together or we're not. It's horrible being left hanging like that, waiting for her to decide whether she wants to be with me or not. She said she needed more time, I gave her another day.

 

Wednesday came, we sorted things out, spoke normally until about 10pm that night. She started telling me about how some guy from her school thinks she's really attractive, looks like girlfriend material etc. I just ignored it, acted like I wasn't bothered by it, and she became really, really blunt after that, then went to sleep.

 

Thursday morning, I woke up to no message from her, which was odd. We normally spoke to each other before we went about our usual daily routines. I asked her why she was ignoring me, she said 'I'm not ignoring you, I'm just not messaging you'. Same thing, right? So I got annoyed by this and said we should continue with the break idea for a little longer. Later that day, I called her up and said 'I think we should break up'. She just said 'Alright', then hung up. I regretted this immediately, asked her if she wanted to talk about it, she said 'no, let's just end it'. So we left it at that. A few hours later, just before I started work (I have a part-time job in the evenings), she asked me to not cut her off completely and pleaded to stay friends. I said no, I want a relationship, you don't, we want different things, it won't work. End of.

 

Friday, no contact at all.

 

Saturday, she got drunk, began texting me about how I'm 'talking to Grace', supposedly. I wasn't, but Grace would often interact with me on Twitter and my girlfriend would get incredibly annoyed by it. I ignored her. She said 'ignore me when I still love you'. Ignored again, she was drunk, I wasn't prepared to talk to her in that state.

 

Sunday, I messaged her and asked her what all that was about. She was blunt, I asked her if we could meet up and sort this out, she said no. Left it at that.

 

No contact for the next week, I got drunk on the Saturday, told her I missed her and to text me, she said 'no'. Woke up on Sunday morning to see a picture of her on Instagram cuddled up to another guy, she'd had a party. This cut me deep. Really deep, like I'd just been stabbed in the gut. Didn't react to it. Didn't say a word. Continued the whole 'no contact' thing.

 

Two weeks go by, no contact other than her favouriting a few of my tweets, and her friend posting a picture of my now ex holding up my shorts I'd left at hers with a pair of scissors, bit psycho, we don't follow eachother anymore and I'd made a new Twitter specifically to get away from her and all the memories.

 

Saturday, I get a phonecall from her, asking if I'm going to football, we both support the same team and I knew she'd be going. I had no idea it was her when my phone rang because I didn't have her number saved, wouldn't have answered if I knew. Anyway the conversation went like this:

'Hello'

'Hey' (this is when I realised it was her)

'What do you want?'

'Are you going to football today?' (I'm assuming she knew already, seeing as a mutual friend asked me if I wanted to go for a drink beforehand)

'Yeah'

'Do you want your shorts back?' (I'd left a pair of shorts at her house to get changed in to whenever I went round to hers, just to be more comfortable. The day we broke up, I specifically told her I didn't want them back)

'No'

'You don't want them back?'

'No, bye'

'Bye'

I ended the call.

 

I don't understand why she called me for such a pointless reason, especially after I'd already told her I didn't want them back? Anyone care to shed some light on why she would call me for such a trivial reason?

 

I saw her that day, as I was getting my tickets. Didn't say a word to me, her friend said hello, I said hello back, then continued walking.

 

It's odd, the day before she called me I'd finally accepted it was over and felt like I could really move on with my life. Now I feel like I'm back at square one after seeing her

[Farid]

First of all, being “needy/clingy” is a sign of love. If anybody is pushed away by that, let them go. They just don’t love you.

By this I don’t mean “go ahead chase her all around the town”. Don’t be too needy, but do stay open about your feelings.

 

Secondly, you told her that you guys should break up, while you didn’t mean it. That’s ok. A lot of people do this to see the reaction. It’s the wrong strategy and we all learn the hard way.

Next time don’t say a word until you are completely calm and rational.

 

Right now you may be in square one but you have gone through the hard part already. You did it once, this time it shouldn’t be that hard. Hang in there. Don’t give in. Keep the NC.

But when she does call or text you, don’t be rude either. Just stay polite and be the first to end the call or text exchanges. Always keep yourself busy with friends or some project and tell her that’s why you “have to go.” (Makes you look important.)

 

Be honest about your feelings. If you can’t be friends coz you would like to have her as you gf, do tell her that. Leave no doubts. Otherwise you’ll end up being the fallback guy.

 

For the rest, this is all you can do my friend.

The rest is in her hands. Keep doing the right thing. Even if she doesn't come back to you, you’ll at least be left with the knowledge that you did everything possible without being too pushy.

 

Good luck buddy.

[AIJ]

Small update.

 

My ex is very clearly stalking my twitter. Around 2 weeks ago she followed a girl I've been close friends with for around 3 years, I recently started following this girl on twitter, soon after, my ex did. They never spoke to each other, very strange. However when my friend messaged her, asking why she followed her, she said 'because *my name* always used to talk about you'. Not too sure why that's a valid reason to follow someone on Twitter, but whatever. She then began to talk about the relationship and why she broke up with me, apparently I'm a little bit too shy, not adventurous enough, it got boring. Okay, why are you telling a girl you've never spoken to in your life, when it's clearly going to be sent back my way?

 

THEN I began talking to another girl via text, and we'd often talk to eachother over Twitter just joking around and stuff. She followed this girl on Twitter too. Why? What's the need? It's like she's keeping tabs on me. Really beginning to annoy me.

[AIJ]

It's hilarious looking back at this post. What a horrible mess I was. It's been close to 7 months now and I am better than ever. This relationship was absolutely awful. Since then, I managed to pick myself up at college, where I was literally doing 0 work, I was incredibly down about this girl. Sorted that out, managed to scrape together the grades I needed and get accepted in to my first choice uni. I'm going there in September, couldn't be happier!

 

Also met another girl a few months ago, I won't go in to detail but we just click very, very well, I feel so comfortable around her it's unbelievable. No issues, complaints or red flags so far. We'll see how this one goes

[Oregon_Dude]

Love updates like this! We need time (and often, a better partner) to show us how stuck we were.

 

Congrats man!