dwarf Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 for 3.5 years and be a commitmentphobe? my ex only became that way when HE brought up proposing and scared himself. SO i am just wondering....is this possible? And if so, i mean understand this is his own thing ( we are at 16 days NC...after 2 weeks of a "time apart" NC) but is it fixable? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Yes... dating and living together are the ONLY things a commitmentphobe would be willing to do! (As opposed to marriage.) But whether he's a commitmentphobe or whether he's just lost feelings for you doesn't really matter. What matters is how he treats you -- and frankly after reading through your posts I'd say he treats you like an OPTION. You deserve better. Don't waste another 3.5 years on someone who isn't thrilled to be your boyfriend! A break.... is just a coward's way of breaking up. Or worse, sometimes it's a way of keeping you "on hold" while he's checking out other options... Take back your power and walk away from this guy, emotionally. Stick to your NC and heal so you can find someone better. It shouldn't be very hard! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dwarf Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 I suppose i was just confused because a lot of threads speak of a commitmentphobe and early on... like 4 or 5 months ish...or they wont commit at all. But in this situation i am confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Why are you confused? How has he committed to you? Is there a ring on your finger? He was talking about breaking up and losing feelings from the beginning -- or did I misread your other threads? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dwarf Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 Well its not that I am confused about the not having a ring on my finger...I recognize this is an issue. I just am confused as to how he ended up scaring himself into this when i wasnt even the one to bring it up. And then of course sabotaging the relationship. I would understand if we werent great together but we were.....also it wasnt a break...it was time apart in the sense that we were taking time apart to figure out what was happening. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dwarf Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 I suppose what i AM confused about is...that is it no longer possible that he is just scared about marriage in general ( i myself am scared of it being the rest of your life etc and that it IS a big deal because the divorce rate is 50%) Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 ....also it wasnt a break...it was time apart in the sense that we were taking time apart to figure out what was happening. Well, that sure sounds like a break to me.... In any case, you can make excuses for him if you'd like, and keep yourself on hold hoping to hear from him. But you posted for opinions, and in my opinion he's been wishy-washy all along and is treating you like an OPTION, not like the love of his life. Best of luck to you, though -- hope it works out! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dwarf Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 I have cut off contact in hopes of him realizing i am NOT an option for him and that he will lose me over this...but i mean then the ball is in his court on whether he realizes his mistakes. I have focused on myself...as i stated before in my threads. I am just wondering...if this is a normal case of commitment phobia because i have never heard of someone being with someone 3.5 years and that happening..other than them getting scared ( my brother was in this situation but ended up marrying his wife and living happily) Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts