Buckeye2 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 (edited) You will go to a clinic for the DNA test where they will swab the inside of your cheek. Don’t accept any report from your wife no matter how official it may look. Contact the clinic directly and don’t use a phone number that she gives you. Edited June 22, 2015 by Buckeye2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brendan82 Posted June 24, 2015 Author Share Posted June 24, 2015 Update As of now my wife is getting a DNA test, it’s already been scheduled for next Tuesday. She is still claiming the baby is mine so we will see what happens. Now when his comes to the OM’s wife I decided to tell her everything I know about affair. After finding out who is wife really is I think it could really hurt the him. It turns out she pretty well known throughout the city. I Use my job to set a meeting with her for this Friday. I already spoke to her briefly over the phone. Nothing about the affair I rather do that in person. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Update As of now my wife is getting a DNA test, it’s already been scheduled for next Tuesday. She is still claiming the baby is mine so we will see what happens. Now when his comes to the OM’s wife I decided to tell her everything I know about affair. After finding out who is wife really is I think it could really hurt the him. It turns out she pretty well known throughout the city. I Use my job to set a meeting with her for this Friday. I already spoke to her briefly over the phone. Nothing about the affair I rather do that in person. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Sounds like your going in a good direction. I hope things go well for you. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 DO NOT tell your wife about meeting with the OMW. She will tell her OM and he’ll tell his wife that you’re crazy and delusional. Tell your PI that they have your permission to share the information they collected for you with the OMW. Then give the OMW the contact information for your PI. Also give her your contact information and encourage her to use it. Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) After finding out who is wife really is I think it could really hurt the him. It turns out she pretty well known throughout the city. Tell the OMW that your wife says she’s pregnant and you're having a prenatal genetic test done to see if it’s yours or her husband’s. That will get the OMW attention. A baby is much more of a scandal than an affair. Also an affair is much easier to hide than a baby. A baby would also have a long term impact on the OMW and her family. Edited June 25, 2015 by Buckeye2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brendan82 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 My meeting with the OM wife didn’t go as planned. I felt her whole attitude towards the situation was a little off. She didn’t really seem to care what her husband was doing. I guess a big reason why was because she claims to be leaving him and was only waiting for her youngest daughter to leave home. Since at she first believed it was a business meeting she seemed more concerned about the actually business then her husband affair. The meeting did clear a few things up. After talking to the OM wife and telling her about the OM possibly being the father of my wife’s child. She told me OM got a vasectomy after their last child so it couldn’t be his. Overall the meeting went ok I learned a few new things and on top of that I made a new client. On the other side of things my wife has gotten the DNA test yesterday. We should have the results in 2-3 weeks. But it looks more likely that’s the child is mine which I don’t know how I feel about it. Deep down I still want a divorce but if the child does end up being mine I makes things a lot more complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 No it doesn't. It becomes more complicated if you DONT get the divorce. If you force this, you will fight. The child is not yet born. There is no seperation anxiety. Just be amicable co parents. Better to try another day. Nothing says that years down the line, she may redeem herself and you could try then. For now, just be cool with her and raise your child as good friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 If deep down you want the D then start it moving. Just because the OM had a vasectomy don't think it makes the child yours... Your wife could have had multiple OMM going besides the one you know about. She capable of deceiving you for a long time. She's not trustworthy. There's no M without trust - just an illusion she's created. Let her go deceive someone else - you are capable of raising your kids well. Just enjoy them. They need you. Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 The only reason why I want to talk to the OM is to find out what my wife has told me is true but he could also lie so I guess its point less. He will protect himself first and her second. It is not in his interest to open up to you. It happens occasionally but not ususlly. I could break your heart worse. so I recommend you drop it. We all have this same assumeption that the OM/W will be straight with us but they won't. Link to post Share on other sites
happyman64 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Brendan Glad you met with the OM's wife. It sounds like she knows who her Husband really is. I hope your tell your W about the meeting and that her choice of affair partner is truly pathetic. And you can always D your wife then Reconcile. You have some decisions to make. But first I think you need to decide if you still love your wife and just how much you love her. HM Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 My meeting with the OM wife didn’t go as planned. She didn’t really seem to care what her husband was doing. I guess a big reason why was because she claims to be leaving him and was only waiting for her youngest daughter to leave home. Tell your wife that hot OM will soon be free and you hope that they will be very happy together. She told me OM got a vasectomy after their last child so it couldn’t be his. Why in the world wouldn’t the OM tell your wife that he had a vasectomy? That's not something an affair partner keeps secret. If your wife knew he had a vasectomy why didn’t she give that as a reason for the kid being yours instead of some bull $hit story about no intercourse for five months? I don’t know what’s going on but something smells. Wait for the DNA results before you take any action. But it looks more likely that’s the child is mine which I don’t know how I feel about it. Deep down I still want a divorce but if the child does end up being mine I makes things a lot more complicated. She is still the same woman if it’s one kid or two. Link to post Share on other sites
irishguy Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Whatever you do dont stay with her because she is pregnant ,unless she has done alot of work to improve herself why would you go back to her .She has been cheating and lying all along , what makes you think that would stop.You will make a better father to your kids away from your ex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brendan82 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 My wife just called me to tell me the test results came in. We had a little conversation on the phone about the test results I asked her again to tell me the truth if the child was really mine. She still claims its mine and I believe her. I plan to pass by tomorrow in the morning to pick them up. I haven’t decided what to do I’m still on the fence about staying or going but If the child does turn out to be mine I’m willing to try to reconcile. Just got wait and see I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 My wife just called me to tell me the test results came in. We had a little conversation on the phone about the test results I asked her again to tell me the truth if the child was really mine. She still claims its mine and I believe her. I plan to pass by tomorrow in the morning to pick them up. I haven’t decided what to do I’m still on the fence about staying or going but If the child does turn out to be mine I’m willing to try to reconcile. Just got wait and see I guess. Dude this sh*t is hard, you have to be more then willing to give it a try. It has to be what you want to give it a try that is more then going through the motions. I wish you the best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I hope things turn out for you. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMachine67 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Other than stressing the fact that she's pregnant with YOUR child, has she shown true remorse for her affair? Has she shown any interest in doing the "heavy lifting" to save her marriage? Has she gotten herself into IC? If her only motivation for saving the marriage is her being pregnant, that doesn't seem enough on HER part, to make the marriage worth saving. Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 You will go to a clinic for the DNA test where they will swab the inside of your cheek. Don’t accept any report from your wife no matter how official it may look. Contact the clinic directly and don’t use a phone number that she gives you. Good luck,,,, Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brendan82 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 Other than stressing the fact that she's pregnant with YOUR child, has she shown true remorse for her affair? Has she shown any interest in doing the "heavy lifting" to save her marriage? Has she gotten herself into IC? If her only motivation for saving the marriage is her being pregnant, that doesn't seem enough on HER part, to make the marriage worth saving. I don't really know. A part me does believe she is truly remorseful. Since moment the affair came to light all she's been doing is looking for away fix what she's done. Well she has told multiple times that she's willing to do anything fix the marriage. I believe to some extent she had shown the willingness to do the heavy lifting. For the past few months since Dday she has sent countless email outlining ways we could save our marriage and things she willing to do for Second chance. What I don't know if what's she saying is true or just talk. I don't know if she is in Ic because is haven't asked her and she hasn't told me. Although I do believe she talking to someone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMachine67 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I don't really know. A part me does believe she is truly remorseful. Since moment the affair came to light all she's been doing is looking for away fix what she's done. Well she has told multiple times that she's willing to do anything fix the marriage. I believe to some extent she had shown the willingness to do the heavy lifting. For the past few months since Dday she has sent countless email outlining ways we could save our marriage and things she willing to do for Second chance. What I don't know if what's she saying is true or just talk. I don't know if she is in Ic because is haven't asked her and she hasn't told me. Although I do believe she talking to someone. I may take a beating for saying this, but if you feel she's worthy of a second chance, then you do not have to rush into divorce. You don't have to move right back in with her either. You could in a sense, start from square one by going through the dating process all over again. Give it some time to see if she is truly remorseful and is doing all that she can to help you recover from the pain, while proving that she can once again be trusted. You may also require some counseling for yourself to help you cope. It sounds like you had the perfect marriage before her affair, and I am sure you still love this woman. If you are only considering sticking around for the sake of the children, then you will end up being miserable in the marriage. How helpful would it be to sit down with her and have her give you a complete and honest timeline of the affair? If you were to get that out of the way now, it may help you decide whether or not you want to reconcile the marriage. It will also prevent the "truth trickle" coming out 2 to 5 years from now and devastating you all over again. She must be willing to be 100% truthful with whatever you ask her, without you having to press her. As painful as things are for you right now, just ask yourself if 2 years from now, can you ever look at her as a loving wife, and not have these current feeling out weigh the good? Many here will tell you to divorce her and move on, and in many cases that is the best option. If you know in your heart that you can't forgive her, then divorce is probably your best option. But I sense that you are looking for reasons to remain in the marriage, so don't be afraid to give reconciliation a shot. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 My meeting with the OM wife didn’t go as planned. She didn’t really seem to care what her husband was doing. I guess a big reason why was because she claims to be leaving him and was only waiting for her youngest daughter to leave home. Your wife risked EVERYTHING to be with the OM. She lost her job because she couldn’t keep her hands off of him long enough to get to work on time. Yet she continued to see him. Tell her what the OMW told you, that she doesn’t care and he will be free someday. Ask her why she isn’t planning a future with the OM if he was worth all that. My bet is that the OM just wantedher as a side piece. Once your wife was available full time he didn’t want her. You are Plan “B.” Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Brendan, I am so sorry to read about the pregnancy. I honestly don't believe it will end out well in the long run. You will stay if the baby is yours, but I have a feeling that before the child is ten year old, your wife will have another affair and you will bail completely; wondering why you didn't do it earlier. Just a gut feeling... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MrBojangles Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Brendan, hope that you are alright and doing better these days. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brendan82 Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 Update, The child is mine It's been along time since my last post. A lot has changed over the last few weeks. As of now I have agreed to reconcile with my wife. A big reason why is because the child is mine. She also seems very remorseful and willing to do anything to fix the damage she caused. Even though we are staying together we will be getting divorced the papers have been filed. It was her idea she has given up almost everything. I will keep the house and custody for both children. I was kind of hesitant at first but everything seems to work in my favor either way it goes. My friend who's also my lawyer told I would be stupid if I didn't agree it was just to go of an offer and he's right. I plan to move back home to before the end of the month that's when my lease ends. I don't know if we have what it takes to make this work but I am willing to try. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Good for you! I think R is the right thing to do under the circumstances. Unless you are rich, and like paying lawyer fees, I personally would just get a post nuptial agreement in place rather than divorce. But, a divorce can certainly be a good way to reset the relationship and start new. Congrats on the pregnancy, even if it comes at a bad time. So, has your wife confessed to screwing the guy yet, or is she still sticking to the no sex thing? I do believe that people can just sometimes make crap decisions and still be a good person. The big question is, can you ever trust her again? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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