How do I handle this

[MrBojangles]

Brendan, for what it's worth, I too believe you're making the right decision in your situation. Her offering to divorce you, giving you full custody, and letting you keep the house is a very sincere goodwill gesture. I hope she will follow through and seek the help that she needs to make herself trustworthy once more.

 

I wish the both of you the best as you rebuild a new relationship together. Congrats on being a new dad again soon!

[road]

Update, The child is mine

 

It's been along time since my last post. A lot has changed over the last few weeks. As of now I have agreed to reconcile with my wife. A big reason why is because the child is mine. She also seems very remorseful and willing to do anything to fix the damage she caused.

 

Even though we are staying together we will be getting divorced the papers have been filed. It was her idea she has given up almost everything. I will keep the house and custody for both children. I was kind of hesitant at first but everything seems to work in my favor either way it goes. My friend who's also my lawyer told I would be stupid if I didn't agree it was just to go of an offer and he's right.

 

I plan to move back home to before the end of the month that's when my lease ends. I don't know if we have what it takes to make this work but I am willing to try.

 

 

Bad idea.

 

 

You can not recover not living at home. Lose the money and move back in today.

[understand50]

Update, The child is mine

 

It's been along time since my last post. A lot has changed over the last few weeks. As of now I have agreed to reconcile with my wife. A big reason why is because the child is mine. She also seems very remorseful and willing to do anything to fix the damage she caused.

 

Even though we are staying together we will be getting divorced the papers have been filed. It was her idea she has given up almost everything. I will keep the house and custody for both children. I was kind of hesitant at first but everything seems to work in my favor either way it goes. My friend who's also my lawyer told I would be stupid if I didn't agree it was just to go of an offer and he's right.

 

I plan to move back home to before the end of the month that's when my lease ends. I don't know if we have what it takes to make this work but I am willing to try.

 

Brendan,

 

Several things. I think that reconciling is a good thing for you. I know on LS, the yelling to Divorce, divorce, and obtw, did you think of divorce can be overwhelming. That said, I think you need to go into reconciliation with your eye wide open.

 

1) I think you should drop the divorce. You sound like you are in New York, and I wonder if the court will let you have such a one sided divorce. Also, it will be mandated for child support and other things. Point I am trying to make, is that you are letting a Court of law into your marriage, and do you really want that? Just a thought.

 

2) I hope you envision a marriage, where your wife and you live a loving relationship, with your children. Your wife now may be remorseful, but at some point she is going to think she paid her dues. I do not mean that in a bad way. There are some WS, that will come to conclusion that they will always have the affair used against them no matter what they do, and life is too short, and then move for divorce. At some point, you do have to forgive her and move on. One of the best things my wife and agreed to, was that I would not use her ONS against her on other issues. I would not bring it up all the time. I think on your part, this is key for a good reconciliation. Talk about it if you need to. Try and find out why, but limit the talking to a set time, and let you both have the rest of the time to reconnect as a couple. If you are interested, I can write more. Or not, as you like.

 

Reconciliation is many ways harder then divorce, and requires much hard work between you both. You have decided to give her a second chance. For this to work, she must some complete remorse, but you must show complete forgiveness.

 

3) Lastly, congratulations on your new baby. No matter what the situation, having a new child is a cause for celebration. Enjoy the new baby. I am happy for you and your family.

 

I wish you nothing but good luck.

[Marc878]

Go through with the divorce. She earned it.

 

It may make any reconciliation easier. If it doesn't work out its already done.

 

If you can work it out you can remarry later.

 

Best of luck to you.