How do I handle this

[DKT3]

I had a meeting with my PI Wednesday in the morning. He still hasn’t found anything. He has had a little more the two weeks to find something and he hasn’t found anything. At this point I don’t think he will. I’ve given him to next week to find something after that I’m done with him. I believe I have given more than enough time to find something.

 

I think I might have jumped to conclusions. I should’ve had a talk with her before doing anything. I’m wondering if everything just wasn’t in my head. She isn’t acting like a women who would cheat on her husband quite the opposite, she been really great lately. She has driven into the city twice this week so we could have lunch together. I beginning to think might have been wrong about everything.

 

Or she could have ended it, if it was indeed part of the reason she got fired. Worst yet just in a cooling off period. I tell you this, your gut is almost aways right.

[Buckeye2]

Or she could have ended it, if it was indeed part of the reason she got fired. Worst yet just in a cooling off period. I tell you this, your gut is almost aways right.

 

 

 

You say that she has been "really great lately.". Something major happened. She got fired and now she's treating you better. Maybe she's figured out that plan A is no longer an option and she might as well make the best of plan B.

 

 

Save your money and get rid of the PI now. Save that money and rehire him months from now when your gut tells you.

 

 

Was she late for work or not? If she was frequently late for work what was she doing? It was important enough to get fired over. What was it?

Edited March 14, 2015 by Buckeye2

[Mrs. John Adams]

or just maybe....there is nothing to find out?

 

I would have confronted her and asked her and saved some money and time.

 

Maybe she has been really great because her stress level is down because she isn't working and she is staying home?

 

Maybe she hated her boss...hated her job...and her boss that told on her.... lied?

oh wait i said that on page one.

 

Anyway...I really hope in a week you get your answer....and i hope it is good.

[SawtoothMars]

I had a meeting with my PI Wednesday in the morning. He still hasn’t found anything. He has had a little more the two weeks to find something and he hasn’t found anything. At this point I don’t think he will. I’ve given him to next week to find something after that I’m done with him. I believe I have given more than enough time to find something.

I think I might have jumped to conclusions. I should’ve had a talk with her before doing anything. I’m wondering if everything just wasn’t in my head. She isn’t acting like a women who would cheat on her husband quite the opposite, she been really great lately. She has driven into the city twice this week so we could have lunch together. I beginning to think might have been wrong about everything.

 

Well... part of what made you suspicious is the fact that she was glued to her phone. Have you checked the phone records? That should give you a solid yes or no.

[Realist3]

I had a meeting with my PI Wednesday in the morning. He still hasn’t found anything. He has had a little more the two weeks to find something and he hasn’t found anything. At this point I don’t think he will. I’ve given him to next week to find something after that I’m done with him. I believe I have given more than enough time to find something.

 

I think I might have jumped to conclusions. I should’ve had a talk with her before doing anything. I’m wondering if everything just wasn’t in my head. She isn’t acting like a women who would cheat on her husband quite the opposite, she been really great lately. She has driven into the city twice this week so we could have lunch together. I beginning to think might have been wrong about everything.

 

You very well might have been wrong. Look at the evidence that started your action; in and of itself it is in no way damning.

[Realist3]

Or she could have ended it, if it was indeed part of the reason she got fired. Worst yet just in a cooling off period. I tell you this, your gut is almost aways right.

 

Or some people could be provoking a situation where none exists.

[Buckeye2]

You very well might have been wrong. Look at the evidence that started your action; in and of itself it is in no way damning.

 

 

 

 

Well a few days go by and I run into her old boss. I bring up how unfair I thought she was being to my wife. I'm going over her duties, the extra things she does, her good attendance record - and that's where she stops me "Your wife comes in at least an hour late at least one or two days every week. It used to just be ever couple of weeks, but it's been getting more frequent. Last week she worked, she was late three days, and was 2 HOURS late one of those days."

 

 

OP, did you ever ask her why she was late for work so often?

[Brendan82]

 

 

 

 

 

OP, did you ever ask her why she was late for work so often?

 

No, I haven’t asked her yet but I will. As of now I plan to do after my last meeting with my PI this week.

[Brendan82]

or just maybe....there is nothing to find out?

 

I would have confronted her and asked her and saved some money and time.

 

Maybe she has been really great because her stress level is down because she isn't working and she is staying home?

 

Maybe she hated her boss...hated her job...and her boss that told on her.... lied?

oh wait i said that on page one.

 

Anyway...I really hope in a week you get your answer....and i hope it is good.

 

I think your right. I jumped to conclusions and listened to other people when I shouldn’t have listened to them. She is my wife after all and she has never done anything before to make question her actions or given me a reason not to trust her. I should of have given her the benefit of the doubt.

 

My wife never liked her job she was always looking for another one. She was never able to find one better than the one she had. My wife would come home some days, and be massively stressed out. She claimed that her boos would ask way too much of her including doing portions of her bosses work, work she’s was not qualified for nor should be doing. She's talked about quitting, and even started looking for another job about a year ago, but then she got a decent raise and she's been a little more content with the job as a whole, except for those days where she would come home stressed out.

[Realist3]

Brendan, this board will drive you to a place where you shouldn't go, really quick. Misery loves company.

[orangetree]

Maybe I just don't have enough life (and relationship) experience, but am I the only one who just cannot picture someone having an affair but ONLY 2-3 times a week for an hour in the morning (maybe at 8 or 9)? I don't know, but that sounds so odd to me. But well, maybe the other guy is married as well and those were the only times both of them were available. Who knows.

 

OP, I also think you should have talked to your wife first, if she never gave you a reason to not trust her before. What happened to the name and address of the man she called? Didn't you say your PI figured out his name etc?

[Realist3]

Maybe I just don't have enough life (and relationship) experience, but am I the only one who just cannot picture someone having an affair but ONLY 2-3 times a week for an hour in the morning (maybe at 8 or 9)? I don't know, but that sounds so odd to me.

 

 

 

No, you aren't the only one. The timing doesn't makes sense for an affair.

[Buckeye2]

Did your wife leave the house at her normal time to get to work on time? If she hated her job I can see her procrastinating at home with your daughter because she just didn’t want to go to work. Did your daughter get to daycare on time? It could be totally innocent. This would also explain why she's treating you better now that she doesn't have to go to the job she hated.

 

Or did your wife leave the house looking good on time and get your daughter to daycare on time? Then there is missing time. I read about a couple that worked together and only had sex during their lunch hour.

[Brendan82]

Brendan, this board will drive you to a place where you shouldn't go, really quick. Misery loves company.

 

When I made my last comments they weren’t meant towards anyone on this board. It was towards people in my personal life. This board has been a great place to get my thoughts and ideas down.

[Brendan82]

Did your wife leave the house at her normal time to get to work on time? If she hated her job I can see her procrastinating at home with your daughter because she just didn’t want to go to work. Did your daughter get to daycare on time? It could be totally innocent. This would also explain why she's treating you better now that she doesn't have to go to the job she hated.

 

Or did your wife leave the house looking good on time and get your daughter to daycare on time? Then there is missing time. I read about a couple that worked together and only had sex during their lunch hour.

 

My wife and I would both leave the house at the same time. We both would commute into the city together. We would separate once we got into the city. I don’t know why she would ever be late to work since I would always have her to send me a text when she reacted her job to make sure she was safe. So as far I knew she was always on time.

 

My daughter is in 3rd grade. My wife and I would take her to my parent’s house. From their my mother would take her to school.

[Buckeye2]

My wife and I would both leave the house at the same time. We both would commute into the city together. We would separate once we got into the city. I don’t know why she would ever be late to work since I would always have her to send me a text when she reacted her job to make sure she was safe. So as far I knew she was always on time.

 

My daughter is in 3rd grade. My wife and I would take her to my parent’s house. From their my mother would take her to school.

 

So either her ex-boss was lying or your wife was lying when she texted (at her regular time) that she got to work safely.

 

Your wife isn't doing anything now so have the PI check out the following:

 

What is there in the city between where you separated and her work? Is there a park or a coffee shop where she could sit and think about how much she hated her job? Is there a secluded parking lot or a hotel that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg?

 

Women tend to not be interested in just a quickie unless it’s for revenge. That means they require some kind of social contact. If they see each at work a normal workday can be foreplay. If a man in her office also showed up late whenever she was late you think it would be noticed. Is there another department or nearby office that she interacted with on a regular basis?

 

Or the social contact could have been online or texts.

 

Option #1: She hated her job and sat around somewhere in the city dreading going to work. Now that she no longer has that job she’s happy and treats you better.

 

Option #2: She was having an affair and the OM was like a drug she couldn’t kick. That obsession resulted in her getting fired. That served as a wakeup call. Plus now she doesn’t go to the city and see the OM. That helps her get over him. She’s figured out that she’s better off with you and treats you better.

Edited March 19, 2015 by Buckeye2

[I_Give_Up67]

So either her ex-boss was lying or your wife was lying when she texted (at her regular time) that she got to work safely.

 

Your wife isn't doing anything now so have the PI check out the following:

 

What is there in the city between where you separated and her work? Is there a park or a coffee shop where she could sit and think about how much she hated her job? Is there a secluded parking lot or a hotel that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg?

 

Women tend to not be interested in just a quickie unless it’s for revenge. That means they require some kind of social contact. If they see each at work a normal workday can be foreplay. If a man in her office also showed up late whenever she was late you think it would be noticed. Is there another department or nearby office that she interacted with on a regular basis?

 

Or the social contact could have been online or texts.

 

Option #1: She hated her job and sat around somewhere in the city dreading going to work. Now that she no longer has that job she’s happy and treats you better.

 

Option #2: She was having an affair and the OM was like a drug she couldn’t kick. That obsession resulted in her getting fired. That served as a wakeup call. Plus now she doesn’t go to the city and see the OM. That helps her get over him. She’s figured out that she’s better off with you and treats you better.

 

 

 

Very good points Buckeye2! I wondered about all these you have pointed out as well. I would just add that someone in a previous post speculated as to whether or not her ex-Boss may have been trying to tip him off during that chance lunch meeting. Then it further occurred to me that if the OP asks the ex-Boss, would she be able to provide him with additional information, provided there is additional information or suspicions, off the record of course.

 

 

Such as:

 

 

1. Was a male employee let go for the same reason that day?

 

 

2. Was the W unusually close to another male co-worker?

 

 

For the sake of the OP I hope this turns out to be a big misunderstanding, but the calls and ton of texts to that one number seems to a major Red Flag.

[Buckeye2]

I took a look at the phone bill and hertexts and data usage is sky high. Most of the texts are to and from one number.I gave my PI the number I found and asked him to look into. It turns out thenumber does belong to another man who lives about 10-15 minutes from my wife’sold job.

 

How long did it take your wife to walk to her work after you two went your separate ways?

 

 

Would this be feasible?

 

 

This guy was romancing your wife on her “locked down phone” she has “glued to her hip.”

 

 

Then he waited in his car around the corner from where you and your wife split up in the city.

 

 

He then drove her to his place and later dropped her off at her work.

Edited March 19, 2015 by Buckeye2

[Buckeye2]

I took a look at the phone bill and her texts and data usage is sky high. Most of the texts are to and from one number.

 

 

After she was fired has the activity of this number increased or decreased?

 

 

We also placed aGPS tracker on her car and voice recorder under her seat.

 

Your wife is home alone when your daughter is in school. She doesn’t have to talk in the car. Do you have a VAR in your home that might pick up her calls?

 

I had a meeting with my PI Wednesday in the morning. He still hasn’t found anything. He has had a little more the two weeks to find something and he hasn’t found anything. At this point I don’t think he will. I’ve given him to next week to find something after that I’m done with him. I believe I have given more than enough time to find something.

 

 

Your wife isn’t stupid. Anyone would cool things off for a bit after getting fired. She might have learned her lesson and dropped the OM forever but maybe not. Don’t tell her about the PI. Wait for your gut to alert you and rehire him. Talk again with her ex-boss.

Edited March 20, 2015 by Buckeye2

[Brendan82]

Today has to be the worst day of my life. I can’t see anything being worse then what I am going through right now. I feel like my whole life has come crashing down. I saw my PI earlier today. He found that she was cheating. I can’t even believe it. After everything we have been through and everything I have done for her this is how she repays me. I don’t know what to do I can’t even think straight right now. I feel like any minute now I am going to snap.

[MJJean]

Today has to be the worst day of my life. I can’t see anything being worse then what I am going through right now. I feel like my whole life has come crashing down. I saw my PI earlier today. He found that she was cheating. I can’t even believe it. After everything we have been through and everything I have done for her this is how she repays me. I don’t know what to do I can’t even think straight right now. I feel like any minute now I am going to snap.

 

This wasn't exactly unexpected. I know your emotions are all over the map, but don't do or say anything until your head has cleared and you are as calm as you can possibly be.

 

Do NOT make any major decisions right now.

 

I am so sorry.

[thummper]

My thoughts are with you, brother.

[james1989]

Sh*t sorry man i was hoping after your final meeting he would have found nothing

[Lion Heart]

Today has to be the worst day of my life. I can’t see anything being worse then what I am going through right now. I feel like my whole life has come crashing down. I saw my PI earlier today. He found that she was cheating. I can’t even believe it. After everything we have been through and everything I have done for her this is how she repays me. I don’t know what to do I can’t even think straight right now. I feel like any minute now I am going to snap.

 

Dear Brendan, I know. WE know. It's the WORST feeling imaginable. I am so sorry for your pain, shock and grief.

 

You did the right thing following your gut feelings.

You've got phone records.

 

You can follow the 180 as soon as you decide.

 

It's not gonna be easy for a while.

Man, it really sucks.

 

My thoughts are with you.

 

Lion Heart.

[LifeWasted]

Brendon I'm so sorry.

 

I've been through this twice. I know exactly what you are experiencing.

 

I agree with the others. Don't go off half-cocked and confront her yet. Gather all your evidence and go see a lawyer first. Know what to expect if you two split up.

 

Be patient. Take a couple of days to cool down. Don't confront her until you have all your ducks in a row, because she is going to lie, lie, lie....