struggling, missing her so much

[xinaxxsdertf]

SO SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS IS, I just wanted to explain as much as i could so I could get the most accurate help possible. thanks in advance, any help is greatly apreciated.

 

So me and my girlfriend (now ex) were together for 2 years before she broke it off. We were so happy all the time and i know that she was happy too. She always told me she never wants to lose me. We lived together just me and her for a year and then moved into her parents house after that to save money for our big trip overseas.

 

We started encountering issues before our trip, we became super insecure of each other and jealous. Started stopping each other from doing things with mates and going out etc. Obviously this is unhealthy and became a really bad issue between us. But we still went on our holiday together and had the time of our lives just me and her for a whole month. It was an amazing time and we were so sad to come home.

 

We got home and lasted a week before she dumped me. It personally was my own fault, i let my emotions get the best of me because I knew the fighting was hurting her so I just kept telling her to leave me but it really broke me when she did leave me. As soon as she left me I realised how much i pushed her away, even over in another country together on holiday I was still hurting and telling her shes gonna leave me but she said she wasnt.

 

So yes the break up was probably half there just from my stupidness and convincing but we had alot of problems going on. Despite all these problems, when other people werent involved we were so happy and high on life. We did everything together. We were bestfriends, she would cry in my arms at night and tell me she never ever wants to lose me but the constant arguing is hurting her too much now. I didnt realise how much of a toll it was taking on her. Either that or i didnt care which i regret.

 

Anyway, she did leave me and it broke me to pieces. I dont cry at all (im a typical guy who thinks crying is for sissys). but when she broke up with me, i cried like a 6 year old little girl every night.

 

This is where the catch is: i moved to my mums house and had to force myself to go out every weekend because i was breaking down every day.

I ended up going clubbing and getting highly intoxicated every weekend. I also ended up hooking up with a different girl every saturday night I was out for 4 weekends in a row. I went no contact on her during this because she kept telling me its for the best and our relationship was too unhealthy. Well 4 weeks after we broke up, she reached out to me and asked to meet up. She cried to me about how much she misses me, One thing lead to another, we started meeting up more and got back together

 

Lasted about 5 months and the same problems came back, we agreed to work on them but just ignored the problems and carried on the way we were. Once again it became too much so she dumped me again last week.

 

I have to admit im definitely stronger this time, i have cried once over her but nothing too serious, have yet to have a breakdown and dont think i will have one.

 

I pretty much begged her last week to take me back and she said na its for the best. We went like a day and a half without contact. heres the thing is that she is the kind of girlfriend that would text me 24/7, always wanted to talk to me and she would get a little bit jealous when she would know im not at home. Always wanted to know where i was. She did this in a gentle way though she wasnt controlling and wouldnt get angry about it so i didnt mind it. I found it rather cute that she had become so attached, it made me feel good because she was always chasing me. I realise I definitely shouldve helped reassure her that i was never doing anything wrong but i felt good having her chase me so much all the time, i felt needed but it was hurting her in the process because she was getting too insecure since I had told her what i did when we broke up. I couldnt lie to her when she asked so i told her and it broke her heart, although she got with 1 guy but was hurt that i moved on so quickly.

 

Back on track, she ended up coming to see me last friday and we had a good day together and we were so happy again but I had a big weekend planned with my friends which she knew was happening and technically we were broken up. She texted me friday night when she wasnt at my house anymore and told me to have a good weekend because i needed it. It was nice to hear that until she said "if the opportunity arises and you move on when you go out saturday night then take it". That really annoyed me and i didnt understand it after our good day so i told her that. And she said well thats what i should do otherwise she will come see me sunday. so pretty much it was a test, to either get with someone saturday night or contact her sunday so we can hang again.

 

Obviously im still in love with her so I just went and had fun with my friends but all i could think about was seeing her sunday when they go home. I didnt text her saturday because I wanted to prove to her that I can go without seeing her or talking to her for a whole day and not move on. She always thinks i forget about her when my friends are here but i never do, i just gave her space.

 

well i texted her sunday afternoon because she didnt text me and she said she was busy. So i texted later on and said can i still see you? her reply was "this weekend has shown me that you only care about me when your friends arent around, when they are here you dont even think of me and its hurt me too much and i cant do it anymore im sorry". This made me go wild because i looked forward to seeing her sunday and she was all i thought about even when i was out with my friends. So i kept replying trying to talk to her and she cut all contact.

 

So i sent her one last message late sunday night saying:

"i love you and miss you every second of every day and I want to work on our issues and be happy together again. i will do anything for you, i know youre hurting right now so i dont want to hurt you further by texting you all the time so I'm gonna leave you with my feelings and you can either react to them or ignore them and move on, i love and miss you and hope you contact me one day.

 

Then monday I initiated No Contact and she didnt reply to that text and hasnt gotten back to me since. Im now nearing the end of day 3 of no contact, tomorrow will be day 4. Im astounded as to how she has gone this long without contacting me since this time last week she was texting me 24/7 still. she has gone from texting me like 50 times a day to not at all..

I dont know how shes doing it, i miss her so much its hard to wake up in the mornings. Im having dreams about holding her in my arms then i wake up and just wanna burst out in tears and contact her.

 

But like i said, im stronger this time round and i refuse to initiate contact after that message i sent to her. So she knows that she has to be the one to initiate contact but wont? to make it harder she has just started a course that has a lot of guys in it and she has this amazing bubbly personality that makes friends so easily. shes confident, well driven and really fun to get along with. Only i get to see the bad parts of her which makes me feel better because i know every inch of her where as other people only know the outside. shows im special to her i guess?

 

but yeah im scared she isnt contacting me because she may have clicked well with someone in her course? its a sport course too so the guys are all in good shape, although i must say I am in decent shape too (i play sports and gym 4 times a week too). so maybe im just feeling insecure? idk.

 

its hard as each day goes by and i still wonder if she is going to contact me. I look at my phone like every 10mins every day. Im in a position where i have to keep my phone on me too because work always needs to contact me. 6 days ago she was at my house lying in my arms smiling from ear to ear we kept saying how much we have missed each other. and now im 3 days into no contact? how does someone change their mind so easily?

 

So sorry for the length of this but can anybody see anything in this 10 page essay of how she may be feeling? i know shes busy as hell through the week now but yea i just miss her so much. Im trying to work on myself at the moment, shes always on my thoughts but im trying to carry on with life. Should i just go back to clubbing in the weekends again? Should i let her go and stop waiting for that text? I feel like im waiting for a text that isnt gonna come and i cant initiate contact because im scared she is gonna say she found someone else. i deleted her on fb before no contact too and i am not stalking her facebook mainly only because i dont wanna see something thats gonna make my heart throb even more.

 

If you read this whole thing, im so greatful and also sorry. feel like i just needed to let it all out and i got carried away when i kept rambling on lol. i originally only planned on doing 1 paragraph..

 

i miss her but does it sound like i should just move on or should i hang in there because she is worth it but i dont want any more pain in my heart so I cant be rejected by her again or it will break me one too many times.

 

we saw a future together, we were planning another holiday away together either this year or the next, and we spoke of having kids and getting married. has she gone too far this time tho. if u need anymore info please ask. and any help or words of wisdom will help because half the things that seem okay to me might actually be unhealthy looking from the outside of the relatonship. i love her too much that it may be blinding obvious signs im not seeing.

 

Thanks guys I will check this everyday and keep you's updated if you can help me along the way.

 

thanks.

[Charlie101]

Hi mate sorry to hear your going through this, similar situation to me in the way I don't understand how she can go from loving me so much to absolutely nothing... I sent mine a message like that as a last resort putting all my cards on the table telling her I wanted to work on it I love her, she knows where I am if she wants to react to this.....she replied almost instantly saying she appreciates the message but needs to let me know that she's not going to react on it cause she has seen me at my best and worst and can't deal with me at my worst and doesn't want to so she's sorry....I don't know whats worse receiving the reply breaking my heart or not hearing anything...

 

I just hit a month nc when she did message me though only to say she say a film and thought of me throughout she hopes I'm doing well....initially I started reading into this and believing that maybe she misses me and is reaching out, but nothing more came of it so I don't think she cares much atall to be honest and think she has moved on.

 

Best thing just maintain nc mate just keep doing what your doing if she cares and wants to sort it she knows where you are but don't pin your hopes on it concentrate on yourself...it's hard understanding how you can go from being madly in love to them not caring whatsoever and not even trying, but that's a women's mind no man will ever understand it so there's no point trying

 

Hope your doing alright though man

[xinaxxsdertf]

Thanks for taking the time to to read and reply charlie.

I just woke up, its 04:23 at the moment. I have work early this morning. This is the worst part i always miss her so much in the mornings.

 

All i can think about is her hugs and company. Doesnt help im super tired too..

 

It hurts to think that she has even done this to me. I have heaps of videos on my laptop (we use to play around with the camera and video ourselves. They are videos of us playing games and hugging her saying she absolutely loves me and never wants to lose me.

 

Im so hurt at the moment, hoping this feeling will leave soon.

[Charlie101]

You need to either delete them videos or at least put them to the side for now and not look at them, I completely understand I still have all the photos from our last holiday together with her and my dog where we went hiking and had such a great time just the 3 of us for x mas...

 

It does hurt it hurts everyday but it will eventually get easier you just have to be strong, focus on yourself and making you a better person, I know that it's so much easier said than done as I'm going through the same thing, I had a moment of weakness late last night and checked her facebook and saw the guys she'd been searching for and its set me right back, a month down the line and she's completely moved on. Must not of loved me that much.

 

Just stay strong with the nc if she wants you back she knows how to reach you but never settle for anything less than her saying she made a mistake and wants you back, but don't wait and hope for this, you need to move on only after you've moved on can you make rational decisions.

 

Stay strong man

[xinaxxsdertf]

I deleted everything from her. So many photos and stuff which almost made me wanna cry seeing it all lol but i knew i had to. The videos on the laptop were just so precious, neither of us had seen them for about a year so i couldnt bring myself to delete them.

Thats why i wont check her facebook, i have been very weak and wanted to check it but i am so hurt at the moment that i just cant risk getting hurt even more.

 

Its hard to say im gonna move on and wait for the text because its like my heart is waiting for it even though my head tells me not to. I wish i could just fast forward time and get to 30 days where you are. Just need to stop missing her so i can get on with my life.

[Charlie101]

I understand pal, big step deleting the photos so well done...it will get easier I promise, don't wait for the text, you need to get it into your head that your never going to hear from her again, that's it done it's over, the sooner you drum that into yourself the easier it'll slowly get.

[xinaxxsdertf]

It sucks because you really just want to hear some one say she obviously misses you and will be back. But thats the cold hard truth and i have to face it. Ive lost her for good and i am now too proud to initiate contact with her.

 

Its just hard when you love someone so much and you thought they felt the same way back. But i believe true love will never ever leave you so maybe she didnt love me to the extent i loved her..

[Charlie101]

I've been watching Corey Wayne videos on YouTube they've helped me loads maybe you could benefit.

[xinaxxsdertf]

so i thought i had a break through today because I was finally happy again. I had a depressing morning because i woke up missing her so much but I had a few things on today so and I just enjoyed my time and was smiling and laughing again and then I started thinking about other girls and convinced myself that I can see me having another gf and being able to start a new journey. I even thought that if my ex was to bump into me and she had a new bf then I would be okay and would be able to be civil and say hi how are you.

 

its super early in the break up though so I wasnt sure if i actually meant it truly or not.

 

Anyway its nearing the end of my 4th day of no contact and i was with my mates tonight but as soon as i dropped them off, she came flooding through my head again. I miss her so much and i cant help but wonder what she has been doing and how she has even been able to go these 4 days without contacting me. she couldnt even go half an hour without contacting me when we were together so how the hell is she doing this now??

 

anybody have any ideas please?

[Charlie101]

Because she's a girl dude, when they are done with you they mean it, you've just got to come to terms with it, it's super hard and your only on day 4 you will have these problems I still do now whenever I drive through the town that she lives in I can't help but get a rush of I just want to see her and be with her, can't bare the thought of another guy being with her.

 

But she made her choice you have to live with it keep nc if you are ever going to reconcile it has to be her decision, she has to want you back and you can't push for it cause all it will do is push her further away, keep concentrating on yourself it does get easier.

 

Make you your priority, don't worry about what she's doing if she wants you back she'll let you know, life is about negotiation and the strongest angle of negotiation is being able to walk away and never look back.

[xinaxxsdertf]

Its so painful to even have to hear that i am having a huge struggle at the moment. Once again im up early morning its 3am and i have to go to work. I went to bed at about 11pm and have just lay here until now with my eyes closed, i couldnt get to sleep. Now i have to go to work so tired..

 

I miss her so god dam much and wish she would just reach out to me. I wish i had an off switch like her and could just snap my fingers and turn my emotions off. I think this is officially the most ive missed her right this moment. Feel like crying my eyes out.

 

I miss my best friend, my partner in crime. The girl that told me we would be together forever. Feel like it would be easier if i just wasnt alive :'(

[Charlie101]

Come on man, you think if she did change her mind and came to see you now, she'd take you back acting like that, girls want a strong confident alpha male that is what you have to become now, by focusing on yourself

 

I know how hard it is I still struggle everyday, but you've just got to think...she said all those things in the moment you were in at that time, she broke up with you so effectively she lied to you about it, as hard as it is, whenever it gets so hard for me I just think, she said she loved me she wanted a future with me and wouldn't wanna leave me or let me go....what a lying cow cause she did leave me and she has been quite happy to, maybe her feelings were never that strong, it's hard to hear but that's how you've got to start thinking, anytime you start to feel terrible and you miss her try to focus on the bad stuff she did the lies she told you.

 

Make your self a better person so if she does ever come back or the next girl that comes along is gunna get a more I proved version of yourself and would be lucky to keep in there life, you've got to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else... I know it's so hard I'm a month into my break ups and at time feel the exact same but you've just got to stay strong it will pass, be strong enough to walk away and the right people will walk to you.

[xinaxxsdertf]

Idk how you do it charlie but you sound like you have come to grips with your situation and you seem like a real genuine dude.

 

Thanks for always helping, ive actually been taking everu word you say on board. Its easier listening to someone who is going through the same thing. Have you heard from your ex at all recently? And how do you feel now on a daily basis?

[Charlie101]

Schemers man, I've come to grips with its over and she's not coming back, I miss her terribly and still am madly I love with her, I'm just not holding onto that hope that she will come back any more, I said my peice I did all the begging and pleading when we broke up, I then said my peice what I wanted and she knows where to find me if she wants to sort it and from that day I've not looked back took one day at a time, it's still hard but you just have to get on at the end of the day life still goes on the world can't stop still because I'm having a hard time, so I've focused on making myself a better person I'm in the best shape I've ever been in working hard at my job and trying to socialise with my friends more and each day that goes by is a step closer to being completely content in my own skin.

 

I've not heard from her since her little text hoping I was well and I said I was hoped she was okay and that was it, I left it there she didn't say she wanted to see me or talk or anything so I continued with the nc I'm at a stage now where I don't feel I have to ignor her and be rude but if it's not what I want to hear I won't carry on the conversation, I'm not going to be her friend so I won't talk to her like one, it's all or nothing and u less she comes back with it all then I don't want anything.

 

Just keep putting you first it will get easier I promise I have my down days still no where near as bad, but I still do have my days where all I want is to speak to her and be with her, but whenever I do I come on here and read posts or if it gets un bearable I ring up my best mate and talk to him about it, he's probably sick of hearing about her now haha but he always listens and understands then I feel better as I get the urge out.

 

Stay strong man

[CrystalShine2011]

So sorry you are going through this. There really is no advice I can give that you probably don't already know. Stay busy, try to stay positive, it WILL get easier. I promise.

 

Keep us updated!

[xinaxxsdertf]

Funny you say that charlie, everytime im struggling i come on here too and just read and read till i feel better. This sounds horrible but sometimes i feel better when i read peoples posts and see how much they are breaking down it makes me feel stronger because im not struggling as much as they are.

I think the advantage i have is that she dumped me last year and thats when i broke down everyday and cried to my family so much. So i think im just really hurt this time but i know how it feels to have a broken heart already so it isnt all that new to me.

 

I think in a way, i just want her to text me so i know she is hurting too and i probably wont even reply. Its just for that satisfaction of knowing that she isnt having the time of her life while im struggling. I know thats the wrong attitude to have but i cant help it.

[Charlie101]

I hear ya mate... I would love a text from her maybe not even a text just to hear through someone that she's a mess and struggling with life because she misses me so much, not because I want her to be unhappy but so I know that it meant something to her aswell, whilst I'm struggling and did all I could to keep her and she never and still persists on seemingly not caring about me one little bit as if I was never in her life.

 

But at the same time I don't want that because I dont want her to be unhappy so it's swings and roundabouts I've just got to focus on me and getting the person back I was when we first got together I was a strong determined confident man and somewhere that changed and so she lost attraction for me, if we ever do reconcile or the next girl I meet I need to be that man again which is exactly what you need to get to. She fell I. Love with the man I was not the man I was when we broke up.

 

Be the man, walk away don't look back if she wants to come back let her chase after you she left you and needs to show you she wants it to work, and if she doesn't you've not looked back anyway and there will be plenty of other girls that do want you for you and that will be exactly what you want and you what they want.

[xinaxxsdertf]

Dude its almost as if you have gone through the exact same thing im going through. I was so confident maybe even borderline cocky about myself when i met her. But i was independent and didnt need anybody.

Now im like a miserable man who needs her to be happy and i just realised ive lost all my independency. How did i become so reliant on her and weak minded. Im insecure now and have no confidence. I definitwly need to focus on myself.

 

I had a horrible flashback this morning. I use to always go to the gym during my 2 hour break at work and she would come and see me after my workout before i go back to work even if it was at midnight. She missed me that much that she would drive all the way to my gym just to be with me for 10mins. I always told her not to because i felt bad when she looked tired but thats how much i meant to her. Nobody has ever loved me to that extent before..

[Charlie101]

Exactly same as me bro but you need to get that back about yourself that's what attracts women being confident and independent not needing anyone but yourself.

 

I know exactly how that feels aswell I'm in the military and have been for 5 years now had a couple gf since being in, but not one has ever travelled to my base to visit me at a weekend or anything she's the first girl that ever did and I couldn't believe it.... But there will be others mate theres billions of people in the world you'll meet another, but for now get yourself back. As I'm doing.

[xinaxxsdertf]

Day 6 of no contact. Had a terrible sleep last night. Kept waking up because she was in my dreams.

 

This is the longest we have ever gone without contact in the past 2 and a half years. She would usually always be the one to cave by now. Where did she get this strength from of not contacting me. She must really not feel for me now because i was always the strong one and she was the weak one.

 

I thought that as each day goes by it would get easier and i would miss her less. But words cant even describe the agony and pain i feel right now. Ive been working hard all week and finally got back in the gym yesterday. Ive been Hanging with friends all week. I almost convinced myself the other day that its not her i miss, i just miss having someone. But ive noticed that its actually her i miss. I miss her smell, her touch, her laugh, her smile.

 

I know its tragic but this is making my life so tough. I just want a hug... i was stronger a few days ago but now i am having little urges to check her fb and initiate contact. Ive managed to hod myself back from doing so because i feel as soon as i check her fb im gonna see something that will further hurt me. I just miss her so much.

 

How do people get through this? I know i should be working on myself and doing things to improve which is what ive been trying to do but it doesnt stop me from thinking of her. I am still deeply and madly in love with her.

[Charlie101]

Hey man...

 

If it's any help I had all the dreams aswell, I for about 2 weeks dreamt of her every night, some of her coming back some of her with other guys they tortured me every night to the point where I hated going to bed even more, but they will pass. Your only on day 6 and your doing well make sure you stay strong and don't give in, you don't want to be set back at this early stage.

 

Women are very good at hiding there emotions, she will care and she will miss you and is probably finding it hard aswell if she loved you of course she is, but she made the decision to break up and for the time being wants to stick to it, so you have to respect that decision and walk away from her.

 

Just keep doing what your doing man, fill your time up as best you can and fight every urge you get.

[xinaxxsdertf]

Thanks charlie. Funny how i posted that this morning and ive been with my friends all day. Now we are having drinks and gonna go out clubbing tonight and guess who texted??

 

Yes she texted me!

She said i know i shouldnt be texting you but i hope youve been doing well.

I replied hey yea im doing good thanks hope all is well.

 

Then she replied yea its been ok, i miss you. Keep doing well im proud of you.

 

I didnt reply. I wanted to keep the no contact going but i thought if i didnt reply then it would seem as thoigh im angry or upset at her still so i wanted it to seem like ive been fine. You think this was okay or did i make a mistake? I have to admit my heart skipped a beat when i received this text and all i wanted to do was tell her i miss her too and love her but i cant do that to myself because i know deep down im not ready to be back in contact with her and i still have things with myself i need to work on. It has given me a bit of hope though which i think may be dangerous.

 

I feel as though it wouldve been better if she hadnt texted me but she did and it made me smile and now i keep reading over the text that says she misses me. I am going to be strong though and not reply.

 

You have any advice or anyrhing for what has happened? Im stil gonna go on with my night and go out clubbing, who knows i might find me a girl, im just scared she is going to be on my mind all night and will stop me from getting with other girls. I also think maybe she did it because she knew i would probably go out tonight so she wanted to get in my head before i do to stop me from moving on. She might not wanna be with me but she also may not want me to be with anyone else. Its good to know she misses me though

[Charlie101]

I told you she missed you of course she does, by that text though all she wants to hear is you miss her too, she's testing you to see if you crumble and start being that needy guy again, which you weren't, so that's good

 

Do not read to much into it if anything delete the message so you don't keep re reading it, I hope you are having a good time out with your mates it's what you need,

 

honestly though mate, watch Corey Wayne, he gives some sound advice and follow what he has to say it's a real eye opener or was to me.

[xinaxxsdertf]

Im afraid u might be right charlie

 

I want nothing more than to text her but i cant afford to hurt anymore than i have, and she doesnt deserve the pain that i feel. I deserve to be happy.

 

If she loves me then she would try harder. I think she misses me but that is a poor attempt to reach out to me so it doesnt deserve a reaction.

 

I will leave this for now and stay in no contact. God do i miss her though i need to try not think about the text too much. I do believe that she was hoping for a reply to that text so im glad i didnt reply.

 

Ill have a look at his videos when i get home in the morning charlie, hopefully it might help me out

[Charlie101]

Exactly that mate, she misses you cause you've dissappeared from her life and she's not use to that so she misses you in it, but missing someone and wanting to sort things out are two completely different things.