struggling, missing her so much

[hammerdown]

Women leave men they love because they feel emotionally distant. I feel like I understand girls pretty well, me and my ex broke up because she felt distant from me because I was so busy with work. We were crazy for each other but since I wasn't there physically, we became distant emotionally as well. It sounds like you need to find a new girl, and make this one last. Prove to yourself that it can be done, make that a new challenge for yourself instead of your "ex". And with this new girl, don't make the same mistakes as before by making her chase you, girls want to chase off the start but that gets exhausting so make sure you're there for her and you'll find that keeping her around is more self-fulfilling than making her chase you.

 

But i don't blame you for still having feelings for the ex. I'd take mine back in a split second if she came back.

[xinaxxsdertf]

Women leave men they love because they feel emotionally distant. I feel like I understand girls pretty well, me and my ex broke up because she felt distant from me because I was so busy with work. We were crazy for each other but since I wasn't there physically, we became distant emotionally as well. It sounds like you need to find a new girl, and make this one last. Prove to yourself that it can be done, make that a new challenge for yourself instead of your "ex". And with this new girl, don't make the same mistakes as before by making her chase you, girls want to chase off the start but that gets exhausting so make sure you're there for her and you'll find that keeping her around is more self-fulfilling than making her chase you.

 

But i don't blame you for still having feelings for the ex. I'd take mine back in a split second if she came back.

 

its just so hard to let go of something you have invested so much into. She was my best friend. i have a guy best friend but she became even closer to me than he is.. how do you let go? we spent literally every single day together for 2 years straight. i am having these urges to check her fb again but i havent checked it in 7 days now. i wish she would text me again now. i dont know why im thinking like this because life would be so much easier if i could just forget about her. how do you forget about someone you love with all your heart :'(

[Cedar27]

Women leave men they love because they feel emotionally distant.

 

That's kind of a blanket statement and not always applicable. In my prior relationship I was the one trying to push for communication and emotional closeness while she was more carefree and didn't like to talk about our issues.

 

Women and men are not robots who all function the same way. When people say "women leave men because X" it bugs me because every situation, relationship, and woman is unique.

[xinaxxsdertf]

That's kind of a blanket statement and not always applicable. In my prior relationship I was the one trying to push for communication and emotional closeness while she was more carefree and didn't like to talk about our issues.

 

Women and men are not robots who all function the same way. When people say "women leave men because X" it bugs me because every situation, relationship, and woman is unique.

 

i agree with this cedar. its a tad bit of a stereotypical statement lol

[Charlie101]

So thought I'd post here, having abit of a down day today where I'm missing her a lot, today sucks ass

[xinaxxsdertf]

So thought I'd post here, having abit of a down day today where I'm missing her a lot, today sucks ass

 

me too charlie every since she has texted me it has subconsciously set off this trigger in me that is waiting for another text now which i hate

 

I hope youre doing okay, youve done really well so far you have to stay strong. youve given me so much good advice, the hard part about that is even though you know how to help other people, sometimes you dont listen to your own advice because the heart keeps you blind sometimes. Has anything new happened between you guys? just like ive been told, theres plenty more fish in the sea. not that i listen to that advice lol but remember improve in yourself. do things that make you happy. so far ive been planning ahead for all my weekends and doing things to keep me busy. i try spend the least amount of time at home as i can and i go out and just do things.

 

I went clubbing last weekend and im doing it again this weekend but in another town, going on a road trip with the boys. the terrible part is that we live in the same home town so even when i was out clubbing there were still moments i was looking around hoping i would bump into her ive noticed now that im back in the gym, it helps build my confidence back up. im feeling good about my body again which boosts my ego and who knows maybe i'll find someone else soon. the only down thing is that my ex has had such a huge impact on my life and she is so deep in my heart that for me to be with anyone else, they are going to have to be something special and probably drop dead gorgeous because i just cant move on with anyone it wont work. it has to be someone that can stop me from thinking about her so i think i may be single for a while.

 

give me an update on how everything is going man. be strong, independent and do you. be selfish and put yourself first for everything for now head up bro

[Van Norden]

Hey, haven't read the whole thing but just passing by to encourage you dudes and dudettes who are suffering the same ordeal I'm in. Sundays suck big time when you're mourning and lonesome on the road. Moreover, she has sent me a voice message through WhatsApp singing me happy birthday (though her memory has betrayed her on the exact date) and I couldn't help myself but broke that NC oath out of kindness and, yeah, the affection I still feel for her. Just a couple or three lines and bye-bye, not a big deal nor personal stuff, but enough to feel utterly devastated again and questioning if my actions will worsen things both on my recovery and her feeling of missing me. I just want to say that I feel genuinely weak for this and all the drama I'm getting my family involved in, and even I'm writing this down to unknown people, but all I can say is that I relate to your grievings and let's hope a lighter future is on the works. Those who feel tend to suffer as well. Take your time, mourn, embrace sadness and cheer up. If only I was able...

[Charlie101]

Nah no news not heard a peep from her...quite glad I haven't really cause last time I did it set me back, I don't wanna hear anything other than she wants a second chance,

 

Sunday's are just crap days as they use to be our days together but I'm not doing to bad, how about yourself you sound like your doing better which is good. Just got to take each day at a time I guess.

[xinaxxsdertf]

yea i know what you mean bro. its actually monday here where i live. i find mondays are quite bad too. i think sundays are so horrid because its the end of another week and you still havent heard anything.

 

sometimes we just wish we could have an insight of them and see how they are coping, hoping they are struggling as much as we are. but the risk in that is seeing that they arent struggling which like you said would set us back again.

 

im doing a bit better, still miss her so very much and would kill just to receive a text from her. but im determined now to ignore any signs she gives me. I will not settle for anything less than "im sorry take me back". Break ups make you doubt yourself but to be honest, i deserve happiness and i deserve better than what she has done to me. she left me because of our arguments we had but true love doesnt give up like that. i love her so much and never ever had the thought of leaving her after a fight. even though our arguing was very unhealthy, it is for the best that she left me because it was bringing us both down. overall, i am still hoping she will text me one day asking to meet up. but until then i will keep my options open and hopefully get to the point where she finally reaches out to me and i can say "sorry but i am much happier without you in my life now".

 

I have a strong feeling i will never get to that point though. i love her way too much that the second i lay eyes on her its going to set me back to square one. I have anger towards her for leaving me which i need to work on because we pushed each other away. i would do anything to just spend one more night with her though. She was my rock, especially in the tough times.

 

I am ready to meet new people now, i think the only way i can truly get over her is by allowing someone else into my heart. i dont even know where to start though because love is just something you cant search for, its one of those things that just happens. thats how she happened to me. I met her, we kicked off well and before you know it, we are living and travelling together. even when i move on i think i will still love her which makes it dangerous because she could potentially damage any future relationships i have.

 

i hope your day hasnt continued to be too rough on ya and maybe you should just get out there and party and drink! (only if youre a drinker). but no breaking NC while intoxicated!

[Charlie101]

I know how you feel man, it was our arguing that drove us apart, but like you said I never had the intentions of breaking it up I always wanted to work to make it better, how she could just throw it away tells me that it wasn't love but what do I know , she's obviously happy enough without me in her life to not both contacting me so I'll have to do the same....

 

I won't be breaking no contact atall there's no point if she doesn't care enough then what's the point in me breaking it to flop again it's just not worth it.

 

Life goes on we just got to go on with it, hope your good bro.

[xinaxxsdertf]

I dont know if you realise this charlie but you have actually been the most help for me during this rough time. My best friend seems like he became sick of me talking about her lol (i dont blame him, i probably always sound so tragic). He always just tells me to move on i deserve better but im sure you know its not that easy. So its good to talk to someone who knows what it feels like.

 

You sound like me, why does this happen to nice guys. Judging by the way you talk about her, i know you are going to be okay. You are going to find someone that will love yoi back just as much as you love your ex.

 

I actually had a moment of weakness today where i nearly texted my ex but i got convinced that it was a bad idea and i chose not to break NC and then 20mins later i actually received a text from her asking how am i doing. I didnt reply bcoz i have a feeling she just wants to make herself feel less guilty for leaving me. Or maybe she is reaching out to me since its the 2nd time shes texted me. But its just not a good enough attempt so unless shes going to try harder, im not going to break NC for her

[Charlie101]

Good mate I'm glad, yeah I think I've bored my mates to death with it all aswell... Makes me realise how much mine must not of cared cause ive never had these messages really pisses me off haha

 

Yeah mate keep staying strong though your doing the right thing by ignoring her cause that ain't a good enough message to send you she's not given you anything just sounds like breadcrumbs to me.

[CripplingMe]

Wow, it's refreshing to hear men feel the same emotions as women...

 

I felt like you guys about two months ago, and I tell you something, I wish I didn't waste my freaking (would rather swear here but not appropriate) time.

Why we feel so much love and loss for someone who didn't want us in their lives anymore is incomprehensible. Particularly if you were a very loving and giving partner. I feel both your pain massively. I feel angry at your ex's because they have the same mentality as mine who dumped me. Anger and resentment because they act so fickle - they broke your hearts. I got back with mine, and have to say the grass isn't always greener guys. It's normal to miss someone whom you emotionally invested in with a cr-ap return. I kind of envy you in a way that you have broken free from those who don't deserve you. them missing you ain't no where near enough. It's tough sh.... basically.

 

The grief for me was unbearable, despite trying to be resilient, yet I gave in and took him back. Your mindset changes towards the relationship as it's based on a promise they won't break your heart again. It's like trusting a burglar won't burgle your house again when you're not paying attention to security.

[xinaxxsdertf]

Wow, it's refreshing to hear men feel the same emotions as women...

 

I felt like you guys about two months ago, and I tell you something, I wish I didn't waste my freaking (would rather swear here but not appropriate) time.

Why we feel so much love and loss for someone who didn't want us in their lives anymore is incomprehensible. Particularly if you were a very loving and giving partner. I feel both your pain massively. I feel angry at your ex's because they have the same mentality as mine who dumped me. Anger and resentment because they act so fickle - they broke your hearts. I got back with mine, and have to say the grass isn't always greener guys. It's normal to miss someone whom you emotionally invested in with a cr-ap return. I kind of envy you in a way that you have broken free from those who don't deserve you. them missing you ain't no where near enough. It's tough sh.... basically.

 

The grief for me was unbearable, despite trying to be resilient, yet I gave in and took him back. Your mindset changes towards the relationship as it's based on a promise they won't break your heart again. It's like trusting a burglar won't burgle your house again when you're not paying attention to security.

 

what do you mean by the grass isnt greener? I know the saying but from what side are you meaning? it isnt greener being single? or taking him back?

 

i'll be honest, i havent broken free from my ex. Like you I would probably give in and take her back. i miss her every day, the only difference is that at the moment the grief isnt completely unbearable. I have to force myself to not hear anything about her or check her facebook or anything because the second i get a sniff of her moving on will break me all over again. I think maybe subconsciously I am waiting for her to ask me to come see her but i am just working on myself in the mean time. I also feel like the problems would still be there even if we got back together but the good times and the memories are just too strong that I cant let her go.

 

And the trusting a burglar to not burgle again, that is completely spot on. My ex did break up with me last year and after a month, i took her back. except i didnt really do a proper no contact, we were pretty much in contact the whole break up. This trust had come back to haunt me though and I ended up corrupting the relationship because she broke my heart and I couldnt let it go. I think where i went wrong is i tried to carry on the old relationship before she dumped me but I shouldve started fresh and let everything go from the past and make it a new relationship I wasnt ready back then when she asked for me back. I feel ive matured a bit more this time though. Sometimes you need to really lose someone to open your eyes and realize the problems that were going on.

 

We were blinded by our love and it let our problems get the best of us. But all in all, she has still lost my trust because once again when the going got tough, she up and left me.

 

May i ask how you got your ex back ? did you do NC and who intitiated contact and made the first move etc?

[xinaxxsdertf]

struggling at the moment again. since i received that text yesterday and didnt reply, i pretty much waited to receive another text today and it never came so i nearly sent her one but stopped myself.

 

i shouldnt be waiting for texts but i couldnt help it today. missing her a lot anyone got any words of encouragement to help me pass the struggle? its 11.26pm here so i know everyone is probably asleep since most of you are like 6 hours ahead of my time. ive been having a few urges to contact her ever since she texted me twice and i didnt reply.

 

it kind of set me back on my healing cause i just want her back all the time. feeling lonely and sad

[Charlie101]

Hey man, hope your good and stuck to no contact you know it's the best thing to do man, if she wants to sort it out she will be sure to let you know don't give in to any of these other lame text messages, it won't of set you back if anything it has made you stronger because you've stuck to no contact you know you can do it now...,

 

As for me these last few days have made me realise how little my ex must of actually not cared about me , everyone else's seem to give something back or at least tell them they miss them or something I've never had nothing from mine I feel like I'm half way over that hurdle to completely letting go.

[xinaxxsdertf]

yea charlie i stuck to no contact. i just woke up and had another dream about her. it was such a good dream, felt so real. kissing and hugging her

 

its like im being tortured with these dreams and stuff cause i miss her so dam much. this morning is really hard! why do i have to love her so much. i even have other girls texting me and i cant even look at them in the same way. some of them are pretty but it just doesnt even compete with her at all. i wish she would try and talk to me!

 

are you struggling at all? im so sorry your ex hasnt reached out to you, im not sure what advice i can give because im not sure as to why she hasnt texted you. to be honest its probably better that she hasnt contacted you. my ex has just dropped breadcrumbs and its doing my head in because it gives you unwanted hope and it keeps making me think of her which i dont want to do. i would rather her just come over and talk properly but the breadcrumbs make you think of things that arent true. i feel like i have this false sense of hope that is just going to be crushed by her deciding not to contact me anymore.

 

dont you just feel like we love so deeply and how they can kick us to the curb because issues got too tough for them. how can you love someone so much and not realize they are about to leave you. the fact that they can leave us like this tells me their love wasnt as strong as ours was. but how? i felt like she loved me just as much, maybe even more! how do girls do this. how can they carry on life with the burden of not having that person they spent every day with?

 

i hope either you or I find someone else or find some sort of happiness just to prove to them that we dont need them. if you can move on bro even after struggling this much, then i think i would be able to as well.

[Charlie101]

Good effort lad sticking to no contact,it's always easier said than done and your smashing it so well done. I know man the dreams are torture I had them all but I promise they will pass.

 

I know I just don't understand it, how you can spend all your time with someone for ages give them everything you possibly could thinking there giving you the same then can so easily walk away without even looking back, bewilders me man women for you I guess complicated lot haha.

 

You know these last couple of days I've been feeling so much better I still obviously miss her and love her and if she came back and said to give things another go I would...having said that though I haven't thought about her nearly as much these last coul,e of days and really feel As if I'm letting go, I'm in the best shape I've been in for a long time, I'm feeling good again obviously I do still get moments of missing her and that but overall I feel a lot better.

 

I hope your still staying strong dude, each day that goes by is a day closer to meeting the right girl in the long run just think of it like that we'll both meet new women one day that will never give up on us, and we deserve it cause we're awesome bro haha

[xinaxxsdertf]

yeah sometimes you just want an explanation on how they do it, but its something i guess we will just never understand.

 

its funny because last week i was quite upset and hurt at her for leaving me so i had the mindset of thinking "stuff you too then!". but that anger has kind of passed so now i just miss her. this week has been a lot harder than last week. it could partly be to do with the weather, its wet and muggy here this week so theres not much i can go do other than stay home. only time im out is when im at the gym or work now.

 

if i can get through this week without breaking NC even though im missing her this much then i will be so proud of myself. the urges have been crazy this week but im still yet to break it! everytime i feel like im going to break it i come on here and it stops me lol.

 

Do you think you are going to end up reaching out to her at all after a certain amount of time or when you are healed? are you going to attempt to reconcile at all? it scares the **** out of me even thinking about that because in the snap of your fingers you could receive a bad reply or even no reply at all and it will set you all the way back to square one broken again.

[Charlie101]

Yeah mate I know the stage, once you get past this stage though you can see the light at the end and it gets easier cause you'll still feel like wow I miss her, but at the same time you,l of realised that it's over and if she wants it back she'll come back but if not I'm good on my own.

 

I don't know if I'll reach out to be honest, if when I'm completely healed and I still think that I love her and she's the one then yeah I probably will cause I think life's to short but I'll only reach out the once and it'll be a case of maybe asking her on a date or something if she says no then I'll be happy to walk away, but I'll only do it when I know that I'm happy to walk away if I get rejected, but saying that if she's with someone else by that Time then I won't cause to me I'll be like well I didn't mean that much if she's with someone else.

 

Half way through the week now pal keep it going stay strong

[xinaxxsdertf]

I envy your strength charlie and hope it does get easier. To be honest i kind of feel back to square one because of those 2 texts she sent me so ive been waiting for.another but its now been 2 days and havent received another. I read something saying they will reach out in moments of weakness when they are just bored and got nothibg else to do which i guess was her. It shows i mean nothing, she will only reach out when shes bored. When shes busy, i mean nothing to her so i need to stop waiting.

 

And youre exactly right, you need to make sure that youre fully healed first incase of rejection you dont wanna get broken hearted again. I dont think i will reach out to my ex, i think my love for her is too strong that i cant ever be fully healed so im just setting myself up for heartbreak if i contact her.

 

I feel that if i see her with another guy, i might be okay with it? Its stuffed up bcoz i love her but ill be proud of my self to just tell her im happy for her and i know deep down i was her first real relationship. My insecurity got the best of me in the end and atleast we get to experience the whole honeymoon phase again! That was so nerve racking but also exciting and the sex was amazing lol.

 

I will be on these forums for a long time i think. Until i finally am ready to stop thinking about her. Im glad i had you here to help ne along the way bro, if u ever need encouragement or advice and help to stop yourself from breaking NC, post on this forum. I check it every day several times lol i got your back man

[Charlie101]

Yeah mate I know what you feel, I think I waited around for a long time for just any sort of message from mine thinking that right we've broken up ive gone no contact left her life surely she'll say something to me, but nothing ever came and eventually I've grown to realise nothing ever will.

 

She doesn't deserve me, I was willing to give her everything yes I made some mistakes and got complacent at times and yeah I wish I didn't cause maybe we'd still be together now, but it takes two of you for a relationship to work and for one to break down, and the difference between me and her is I cared for her that much I was prepared to fight and work on it and she wasn't, so she doesn't deserve my love and attention and girl that's willing to give me the same back is worth it, so she can go find some scruff bag back home that's not gunna treat her aswell as I did and all that and maybe one day she'll look back and think **** I had it good, and by that time there I'll be happy with someone new sharing my life with another, and so will you mate.

 

I hope your getting on well today bro.

[xinaxxsdertf]

i just wrote out a few paragraphs and then my niece put her hand on the corner of my laptop and accidentally hit the close button lol! ill try just do a brief version now.

 

Youre right it bewilders me as to how they can never ever hear from you again and be okay with it after all the time, effort and love that has been put into the relationship. Why do we have to suffer over this? Us being guys, why cant we be the heartless ones that dont care about them. thats the stage i need to get to so i can be fully healed i think, i need to make everything about me and just become completely selfish for a while. I need to become cocky and just do anything I want to do until this is all out of the way.

 

I just went on facebook and saw we have a mutual friend whose birthday it is today so i wrote a happy birthday post on her wall, and me being an idiot I went and scrolled down the page and saw this mutual friend hanging with my ex. And boy did my ex look happy! All i can say now is f*** my ex. I was second guessing going on this road trip this weekend (to see my best friend, he lives 3 hours away in another city). but now im definitely going to go and im going to have a goood time.

 

Im going to get highly intoxicated and go clubbing saturday night and see if i can score me a pretty girl. just a 1 night thing. I need to let go of any hope and just be selfish, cocky, confident and tell myself i can do better. Because to be honest i can do better than her, i deserve better. WE deserve better. we deserve someone that will do anything for us and will beg and plead us to staay with them, not kick us to the curb when the going gets tough. We are men so we should be the tough heartless ones but yet we are both broken and upset while they move on with their lives.

 

Its time for us to move on and now im opening myself up for other girls to get in. Maybe i just need to do these one night things and maybe I will just click with a certain girl one weekend and we will kick things off. this is the part where i just party hard and have fun now. Enjoy single life, have a blast and wait till the right girl comes along and settles me down.

[Charlie101]

That's exactly it man, you were born with a set of balls for a reason... Time to start being the alpha male, be confident in yourself if your happy and confident other people pick up on it and are naturally drawn to you.

 

I'm not even bothered about hooking up, all my mates keep telling me too, but I'm literally like yeah I'll go out have fun chat to women if I take one home I take one home, but my soul ambition at the minute is to focus on myself, if I'm honest im at a stage were im just like f*** women I don't like them at the minute haha I'm enjoying just being by myself...so until I get past that stage I'm gunna steer clear I think haha cause I'll just end up treating some poor girl horribly that's done nothing wrong to me.

 

I want to be happy by myself cause I haven't been for a while, so once I get back to that stage then I'll go out and start looking for women and getting amongst it, but for now my best friend is the gym haha.

 

Yeah man go in your road trip and have a blast it's the least you deserve, do what you want to do your free you can.

[xinaxxsdertf]

i tried to have that same mindset bro i know that personally i should be finding happiness being alone before i go and even attempt to look at other girls. but im struggling at the moment and keep finding myself in moments of weakness so for now i need a distraction. i was so strong last week, now this week has just been a huge struggle i dont know why.

 

My gyming has been going well this week though, i think its because i was with my mates all week last week but ive been at home alot this week. i have gym today though and im going for a game of basket ball with my mates later on and then rugby training so hopefully it gets my mind off everything.

 

this has been a real tough week for me, i think i need this weekend.

i think now is the most ive struggled..