Real life success / Bad luck online dating

[fitnessfan365]

Has anyone else had success in real life but found online dating to be extremely challenging?

 

Here's a bit about my story. I always met women in real life really easy. Since I'm a personal trainer that's in shape, relatively good looking, and a great communicator, it was never an issue. But once my best friend moved away, I became way more of a homebody. So now the only women I have contact with are either clients I train or gym members. Despite the fact that I get constant interest, I believe in being professional. No woman is worth your paycheck. So I finally decide to cave and try online dating six months ago. In that time, I have only met with three women in person, and all three were "Catfishes".

 

1) I just don't photograph well. Ever since I was a kid, I would avoid having my picture taken because it makes me uncomfortable. In pictures my body language sucks and I don't come off as attractive or confident at all. Women that I train who ask to see my dating profile pics say "You're so good looking in person and this looks nothing like you."

 

2) I'm way too direct and have no patience for emailing. You approach a woman, be direct about what caught your eye, chat for a few minutes and get a number. Simple, easy, and direct. Yet online if you make any comment on a woman's appearance you're called superficial, or only looking for sex. Then if you ask for a number before 3-5 emails, you're being too pushy. Online, women want to spend at least 1-2 weeks interviewing and qualifying you just to meet for an hour over a cup of coffee. The whole thing is so convoluted and forced that it's impossible to match the organic feeling of real life.

[Toodaloo]

Join the club.

 

The line is over there to your left and curves all the way round to the right...

 

You are doing better than I am. It appears that men in general like looking but don't want to talk to me.

 

I don't get the whole going back and looking at a persons profile 101 times but not talking to them. Drives me insane.

[carhill]

Compared to meeting single women in real life and dating as a result of those meetings, online dating and its predecessors were a cakewalk.

 

IMO, the overwhelming reason for this was demographic, in that it was, no matter the venue, next to impossible to meet women who weren't married or involved with someone else.

 

I think my last real life 'hmm' was a great example of that, some 30 years after I first identified the issue and moved away from random meetings and approaches - Random interaction with lady leads to more personal conversations and interactions. No wedding ring nor discussion of husband. Ask around (learned this lesson decades ago) and learn that, indeed, person is married. OK, no problem. Stay away. Tick-tock. Interaction continues, as contact is adjunct to business. Learn divorce is in progress. That's nice. Per usual, a new boyfriend should arrive during divorce. He does. Divorce complete, new boyfriend in place. Unavailable. SOP.

 

Online dating gained me access to the few women who didn't overlap relationships, have exit affairs or have a new partner lined up before leaving a prior one. Having the experience of what I thought were dating encounters turn out to be affairs many years ago, I had sought to avoid that and, of those women met online who turned into relationships, and one my wife, none ever turned out to have a husband or boyfriend somewhere. To me, that was success, for more so than what real life had returned.

 

Perhaps in a different demographic results will differ, IDK. I'll find out soon enough.

[BluEyeL]

I think it's highly dependent on demographics, i.e. younger people have more success in real life and older people online.

 

I never meet any single men in real life, so OLD had worked for me.

[Toodaloo]

Compared to meeting single women in real life and dating as a result of those meetings, online dating and its predecessors were a cakewalk.

 

IMO, the overwhelming reason for this was demographic, in that it was, no matter the venue, next to impossible to meet women who weren't married or involved with someone else.

 

I think my last real life 'hmm' was a great example of that, some 30 years after I first identified the issue and moved away from random meetings and approaches - Random interaction with lady leads to more personal conversations and interactions. No wedding ring nor discussion of husband. Ask around (learned this lesson decades ago) and learn that, indeed, person is married. OK, no problem. Stay away. Tick-tock. Interaction continues, as contact is adjunct to business. Learn divorce is in progress. That's nice. Per usual, a new boyfriend should arrive during divorce. He does. Divorce complete, new boyfriend in place. Unavailable. SOP.

 

Online dating gained me access to the few women who didn't overlap relationships, have exit affairs or have a new partner lined up before leaving a prior one. Having the experience of what I thought were dating encounters turn out to be affairs many years ago, I had sought to avoid that and, of those women met online who turned into relationships, and one my wife, none ever turned out to have a husband or boyfriend somewhere. To me, that was success, for more so than what real life had returned.

 

Perhaps in a different demographic results will differ, IDK. I'll find out soon enough.

 

This is what I was hoping as I have the same problems...

 

That or they are young enough to be my children...

[kendahke]

I think it's highly dependent on demographics, i.e. younger people have more success in real life and older people online.

 

I never meet any single men in real life, so OLD had worked for me.

 

This has been my experience, too.

 

In real life, I'll be at the supermarket. I'll see a nice looking man, he piques my interest. As I move closer to make eye contact, here comes his woman, sailing in from the far corner of the store. IRL, everyone has someone and the single men never venture out by themselves. I don't know what hour they go out or what day, but it's never the day I'm out. So I gave up finding someone IRL. OLD has returned better results.

[Toodaloo]

This has been my experience, too.

 

In real life, I'll be at the supermarket. I'll see a nice looking man, he piques my interest. As I move closer to make eye contact, here comes his woman, sailing in from the far corner of the store. IRL, everyone has someone and the single men never venture out by themselves. I don't know what hour they go out or what day, but it's never the day I'm out. So I gave up finding someone IRL. OLD has returned better results.

 

In the horse world you stick a red ribbon round your horses tail if it is going to kick so everyone can leave space.

 

Perhaps all singletons should go out with a certain colour wrist band or something...

[Frank2thepoint]

2) I'm way too direct and have no patience for emailing. You approach a woman, be direct about what caught your eye, chat for a few minutes and get a number. Simple, easy, and direct. Yet online if you make any comment on a woman's appearance you're called superficial, or only looking for sex. Then if you ask for a number before 3-5 emails, you're being too pushy. Online, women want to spend at least 1-2 weeks interviewing and qualifying you just to meet for an hour over a cup of coffee. The whole thing is so convoluted and forced that it's impossible to match the organic feeling of real life.

 

Meeting someone offline is nerve-racking yet exciting. Connecting with someone is much easier, because there is no substitute for real life interaction. And in case there isn't a connection, you know immediately and can go your way.

 

Online gives you choice and simplicity. It also allows you to cast a wider net, have access to a larger selection. But it's highly impersonal. People know it is artificial interaction. There is a barrier of anonymity, of distance, so people can be much more picky and judgmental. Unfortunately, it predominantly relies on physical looks to be the sole attractor. Where as offline, physical looks is supported by personality.

 

If meeting women in the real world has been easier for you in the past, then stick to that. Online dating should just supplement your life, not overtake it.

 

 

Perhaps all singletons should go out with a certain colour wrist band or something...

 

...and then they will be avoided like the plague because they are seen as desperate by other singletons.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Lol... where I live I was hanging with a male friend and we saw this lone woman sitting and eating at the cafe court. .. we were thinking of approaching and my friend said, " dont bother, she probably has a boyfriend. " Soon enough, he showed up. Lol

 

This has been my experience, too.

 

In real life, I'll be at the supermarket. I'll see a nice looking man, he piques my interest. As I move closer to make eye contact, here comes his woman, sailing in from the far corner of the store. IRL, everyone has someone and the single men never venture out by themselves. I don't know what hour they go out or what day, but it's never the day I'm out. So I gave up finding someone IRL. OLD has returned better results.

[preraph]

Go spend some real money and have a fashion or entertainment photographer do some shots for you. If you go to just a "family photographer," they're not likely to find your best shot and lighting. Experiment with selfies to find your best angle, up looking down from the left, up looking down from the right, down looking up (rarely) and then also use a camera with a timer and get a plain background, even if it's only up against the side of your house and take photos from varying lengths away. I don't photograph well either, but I've found natural light outside works a lot better for me than what most people can capture inside, even pros. If you have strong features, even if they are striking, they cast shadows, and they look bigger in photographs. The outside lighting (sunny) helps even all that out and also a long shot may be more realistic than a closeup face shot.

 

I think the best shot for OLD is one taken from a little further away showing you in your natural surroundings doing what you like to do. But then you need a head shot too because women are really into faces.

[d0nnivain]

I never really had trouble getting dates IRL but I found OLD to be depressing & I felt like I had to deal with rejected so much more then IRL.

 

Granted I only was on there for 90 days but I didn't care for it. I'd message people & get no response. I went on 3 dates & they were all awful. Too many men didn't even bother to want to meet.

 

After my subscription was done I committed myself to doing more IRL & I met my husband.

[AVarma]

I never really had trouble getting dates IRL but I found OLD to be depressing & I felt like I had to deal with rejected so much more then IRL.

 

Granted I only was on there for 90 days but I didn't care for it. I'd message people & get no response. I went on 3 dates & they were all awful. Too many men didn't even bother to want to meet.

 

After my subscription was done I committed myself to doing more IRL & I met my husband.

 

I think OLD should supplement your search not replace it entirely. For ex. when I get into shape I'm thinking of joining some sports clubs along with opening up a OLD profile. I wouldn't just do one or two exclusively though. If I had to choose one it would be real life. Cooking class, dance class, there just seems to be more options than OLD. OLD can seem forced at times.

[fitnessfan365]

Another thing I find funny about OLD is that it's so texting centric. I'm an old fashioned gentleman all the way and have always believed that if you want to ask a woman out, you do it like a man over the phone.

 

I send one text to verify it's a real number. "Now you won't mistake me for a wrong # when I call." If she responds, I call and talk to her for like 5 minutes. If she has got a decent personality on the surface, I ask when she's free, make plans, and get back to my day. But then she starts blowing up my phone wanting to text all the time up until the date...LOL

 

It's also hilarious to me when a girl gives me "bonus points" for simply calling her. Do guys really not use the phone anymore?

[CrystalShine2011]

I met some really nice guys online, and then finally met "the one" on OKCupid 3 years ago.

[fitnessfan365]

I met some really nice guys online, and then finally met "the one" on OKCupid 3 years ago.

 

Haha.. Perfect example of the nice guy phenomenon. Notice how the guys she wasn't interested in get called "nice" and the right guy is called "the one". That's why whenever I ask a woman I met online about a few of her worst dating stories and she says "He was really nice" I always tease her about what nice really means.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I think it's about the same. At least it has been for me. Real life has been rough and online has been rough too.

 

Also, if you have success in real life, then why go online???

 

I have found that analyzing dating and people to death makes me miserable and I am trying not to do it anymore.

 

-Looks mean a lot, and people like who they like. If you are not what people like, you may be alone for a long time. Trying to make yourself over into what people like will make you miserable too.

 

Dealing with people in a platonic/coworker sense is only slightly less full of sh@t.

 

So, enjoy the time of your life that is left watching basketball, listening to music, hopskotching, or whatever you like to do before you croak.

Edited February 26, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[fitnessfan365]

Also, if you have success in real life, then why go online???

.

 

You didn't read my post did you?

 

My best friend moved back east six months ago so I became way more of a homebody. I also took on even more clients at work. So now the only women I'm around are women I train, or women around the gym. While I get constant interest, innuendos, etc I'm professional and don't go there. I don't go out that much now and work a lot around women I can't date, So I finally caved..LOL i love being a personal trainer, but it's torture being around beautiful women all the time, that show interest no less, that I can't date.

[Moy]

Haha.. Perfect example of the nice guy phenomenon. Notice how the guys she wasn't interested in get called "nice" and the right guy is called "the one". That's why whenever I ask a woman I met online about a few of her worst dating stories and she says "He was really nice" I always tease her about what nice really means.

 

Nice = Beta wimp. Better single than a spineless beggar!