My husband keeps critizing me

[Hurtful Words]

Hello, I have been checking this site out for a while trying to find the nerve to post about this. My husband and I have been married 15 years. In these 15 years I have lost and gained weight. When I am at my ideal weight the critizing eases up, but as soon as I gain 20 lbs or so, the critizing starts in again. It's not just about my weight but about everything. The only thing he doesn't critize is my breast. All I hear is him complaining about my small mole on my neck, which I had checked out, it's fine, my thighs, my butt, my stomach, whatever. I have never been more than 30 lbs overweight (besides being pregnant). When I do get down to my ideal weight he starts getting on my butt about exercising and getting in shape (toned) and he never seems to be happy with the way I look. I can be happy with how I look and my self esteem can be high but then he just lowers it again because he keeps critizing me again. I have told him it hurts and I don't like it that he has to point out every flaw on my body, but he says he isn't doing anything wrong, he just wants me to start working on myself more. He even commented on one of the BowFlex commercials that I will never look like the woman working out. And I told him he wont ever look like the guy (my husband is overweight by 20 lbs but says he isn't.) He says he wont look like the guy on the commercial because he is younger! I can't take it anymore. What else can I say or do to make him realize his little comments hurt?

[JadeStar]

You said he wants you to start working on yourself more? Honey he needs to work on himself and his mouth. Whats important is how you feel about yourself. Sure we all like to look nice and attractive for our spouse etc, but if you feel good then thats all that matters. He obvioulsy has the wrong impression about women, meaning he must think that looks is all that matters. Is he buff? Is he into fitness? Does he think his sh*t don't stink?

 

You know it amazes me how some people have the nerve to complain about how others look, when they need to be looking in the mirror. Not for their physical apprearence but because of their running off at the mouth. Most of the time people that say things like about others is because their self esteem is so low, they have to make others feel bad about themselves because its the way they feel, they just don't want you to know. Maybe next time he says something to you about the way you look, maybe turn the tables on him. Make a comment to him about the way he looks or the way he does something, see how he likes it. Give him a dose of his own medicine.

 

 

Jade

[Arch_123]

Tell him once he looks like the guy in the commercial, you'll start to workout and look the the chick. I've seen 70 year old grand masters with the body of a fit 20 something, so his argument about age is bunk.

[RecordProducer]

Some men are like that; they sh*t about your minor flaws as if you have to be perfect. There are a few things you can do:

1. When you out alone or with friends, tell him that guys were staring at you, approaching, and telling you compliments. Ask a male friend in front of your husband whether he finds you attractive. Of course, he will say "yes" (he has to). Then flirt with him and afterwards tell your husband that he finds you attractive and pretend to be hot for him. Of course, your husband will say "He had to say "yes"", but that's not the point. The point is that your hubby realizes that people who are LYING to you that you're perfect turn you on.

After all, I am not perfect either, but I like when my BF tells me that I am very beautiful. He doesn't tell me about my many flaws neither I tell him about his..

2. You can use the method "offense is the best defense". Attack him! Criticize him about whatever is bad (and good) about him. This system should work. Start with criticizing other men who have his flaws. For example, if he has a tummy, talk against some guy in the street who has it and then say (in "joke") that he (your hubby) doesn't look any better. He will get offended and never criticize you again, but you have to do it enough times - as many as needed for him to stop.

What he is doing to you is not honesty or encouragement to improve yourself; it's humiliation and mental abuse! he is losing your love gradually, but surely; let him know that.