Women shouldn’t compete for a man.

[somedude81]

One of the things that I absolutely can’t stand about dating and women is hearing about a situation where there is a group of women all trying to compete for one guy.

 

Odds are that if a lot of girls are interested in a guy, he’s going to be sleeping with several girls. Do women not understand this, or just not care? I can’t figure out why a woman would willingly put herself in that situation. Does she think that he will give up all other women for her, or is she just content being part of the harem?

 

The main reason I have an issue with this is that it ties up women who should otherwise be available for men to date. If there are 10 women and 10 men, and all 10 women are dreaming about being with one guy, it means that the other 9 men don’t have anybody to date.

 

I wish women realized how ridiculous it is to compete with each other for a man and instead of doing it or trying to give advice to other women who are doing it, they should instead date the men who are actually interested in them. Or would such a thing be "settling"

[preraph]

Look, Somedude, you are just going to have to get over the "everybody gets one" view of women. Women will not settle for you, as an example, just because a lot of women are in line for the guy they think is attractive and nice and whose personality they like. It's never going to happen. Women are just not that desperate to have sex that they want it with someone they're not interested in.

 

And the generality that all popular guys are players and cheaters is wrong. They COULD be players, and maybe some of them went through a period of playing, but who they are is the son their mom's raised them to be in most instances.

 

I'm going to let you in on a harsh reality: Guys who are not as confident and sought after are far more likely to seek chronic validation by cheating than a confident, attractive guy who doesn't have to prove it to himself.

 

You know a sure-fire way to tell if a man would be a cheater if they could be? If they assume that any man or woman would cheat if that was an option for them.

Edited February 25, 2015 by preraph

[somedude81]

Look, Somedude, you are just going to have to get over the "everybody gets one" view of women. Women will not settle for you, as an example, just because a lot of women are in line for the guy they think is attractive and nice and whose personality they like. It's never going to happen. Women are just not that desperate to have sex that they want it with someone they're not interested in.

 

So going with any other guy except the one really attractive guy that has a bunch of girls already after him, is settling? Can't you understand what is ridiculous about that?

 

And the generality that all popular guys are players and cheaters is wrong. They COULD be players, and maybe some of them went through a period of playing, but who they are is the son their mom's raised them to be in most instances. I'm going to let you in on a harsh reality:

 

No, the harsh reality is that if a guy is very popular with women, he's going to be sleeping with several women. That's how the vast majority of men are!

 

Hopefully those guys have enough decency to at least not lie to a girl and tell her that she's his girlfriend when he's sleeping around.

 

 

Guys who are not as confident and sought after are far more likely to seek chronic validation by cheating than a confident, attractive guy who doesn't have to prove it to himself.

 

Guys who hare not as confident and sought after are far likely to cheat because they don't want to screw thing up with the one woman that actually likes them. It has nothing to do with proving it to himself. Getting the GF is proof enough. Back when I had my GF I was extremely happy to have her and cheating on her was the farthest thing from my mind. Other women simply didn't exist.

 

BTW my post wasn't about cheating at all. Cheating isn't something that ever crosses my mind. I was focused on single women who are "unavailable" because there is already somebody that she likes, never mind that 10 other women want the same guy and that they might actually willingly become another notch on his belt because that's better than dating a "lesser" man.

[Revolver]

If you're a female and your competing with other women for a guy you're simply playing the game wrong

[serial muse]

 

No, the harsh reality is that if a guy is very popular with women, he's going to be sleeping with several women. That's how the vast majority of men are!

 

This is kind of the classic Nice Guy-who-isn't-a-nice-guy way of thinking that women have been complaining about here on LS and elsewhere. Basically you're saying that any guy, including you, would cheat if given the opportunity. That doesn't give men much credit, and certainly doesn't make anyone who agrees with this sentiment "nice".

 

And preraph especially hit the nail on the head with this:

 

you are just going to have to get over the "everybody gets one" view of women.

 

Fin.

[cerridwen]

In what arenas do these competitions take place, SD? Besides high school.

 

I've been in the work force for awhile and have never seen it there, nor in various social circles.

Several women mobbing a single guy?

 

Are we talking about college?

[clia]

One of the things that I absolutely can’t stand about dating and women is hearing about a situation where there is a group of women all trying to compete for one guy.

 

People like who they like. If a lot of women all like the same guy, odds are he has a lot of attractive qualities. It might be worth befriending some men like this to find out why so many women are attracted to them.

 

Odds are that if a lot of girls are interested in a guy, he’s going to be sleeping with several girls. Do women not understand this, or just not care?]

 

It's not true. Sure, some guys might be sleeping with a bunch of women, but others will not be. Just because a guy is popular with women doesn't mean he's going to be a player or be sleeping with all of them. It completely depends on the guy and it's unfair to generalize all men.

 

I can’t figure out why a woman would willingly put herself in that situation. Does she think that he will give up all other women for her, or is she just content being part of the harem?

 

She is hoping he will decide he likes her best and will want to date her.

 

The main reason I have an issue with this is that it ties up women who should otherwise be available for men to date. If there are 10 women and 10 men, and all 10 women are dreaming about being with one guy, it means that the other 9 men don’t have anybody to date.

 

These women aren't "tied up." Just because they might have a crush on one guy does not foreclose them from developing a crush on another guy who might come along who has the qualities they are looking for in a guy. If they aren't dating anyone exclusively, they remain available for men to date. And the reality is that most women aren't going to waste tons of time pining over a guy who has expressed that he's not interested in her.

 

I wish women realized how ridiculous it is to compete with each other for a man and instead of doing it or trying to give advice to other women who are doing it, they should instead date the men who are actually interested in them. Or would such a thing be "settling"

 

You assume these women have men who are interested in them who they have decided not to date. That may not be the case. (I know you find this incredibly hard to believe, but most women DO NOT have loads of guys pounding down their door trying to date them.)

 

And again, people like who they like. Even if there are guys who are interested in them and they don't like them, they don't have to date them. (But of course, we've been through this many times...) Just like you don't have to date girls who you aren't interested in dating. It's not even about "settling."

 

Most women also don't go into this thinking "Oh gee, there are four other girls who also like John because he's such an awesome guy. I better just give up." Some might, but I think most people with any sense of confidence and self esteem do not give up at the first sign of competition when they spot something they want. In fact, some people (men and women) like a challenge. They would likely flirt with John and try to get his attention to see if they have a chance with him. But again, if nothing comes of it after some period of time, most will move on.

[BlueIris]

One of the things that I absolutely can’t stand about dating and women is hearing about a situation where there is a group of women all trying to compete for one guy.

 

Odds are that if a lot of girls are interested in a guy, he’s going to be sleeping with several girls. Do women not understand this, or just not care? I can’t figure out why a woman would willingly put herself in that situation. Does she think that he will give up all other women for her, or is she just content being part of the harem?

 

The main reason I have an issue with this is that it ties up women who should otherwise be available for men to date. If there are 10 women and 10 men, and all 10 women are dreaming about being with one guy, it means that the other 9 men don’t have anybody to date.

 

I wish women realized how ridiculous it is to compete with each other for a man and instead of doing it or trying to give advice to other women who are doing it, they should instead date the men who are actually interested in them. Or would such a thing be "settling"

 

Telling womenhood what it should do is like herding cats. They just have their own minds and don't do what's right for the guys who want them to do something else. Women...

[carhill]

One of the things that I absolutely can’t stand about dating and women is hearing about a situation where there is a group of women all trying to compete for one guy.

 

Sexual competition is pretty commonplace, as is social competition. It might not be overt and obvious but it's there nonetheless. That you, I or any jury of peers think it shouldn't be that way matters not at all. People have free will and do what they want to do.

 

Odds are that if a lot of girls are interested in a guy, he’s going to be sleeping with several girls. Do women not understand this, or just not care?

 

Depends on the man. Some men, sure. Others, not. Most adult women understand what popularity is and how people can respond to it.

 

I can’t figure out why a woman would willingly put herself in that situation. Does she think that he will give up all other women for her, or is she just content being part of the harem?

 

Impossible to read anyone's mind so their reasons will forever be a mystery. That said, most women know they possess a pretty awesome power, that of reproduction and sexual pleasure, and some wield that power with great care and dexterity and others use it as a blunt instrument. It depends.

 

The main reason I have an issue with this is that it ties up women who should otherwise be available for men to date. If there are 10 women and 10 men, and all 10 women are dreaming about being with one guy, it means that the other 9 men don’t have anybody to date.

 

If they're dreaming about someone else, they're simply unavailable, the same as if they find one unattractive. All part of that timing thing. Should they be available and willing and like us when we approach with romantic intentions? Well, sure! However, life doesn't work like that all the time.

 

I wish women realized how ridiculous it is to compete with each other for a man and instead of doing it or trying to give advice to other women who are doing it, they should instead date the men who are actually interested in them. Or would such a thing be "settling"

 

That's a valid wish. It's unknown whether it being fulfilled would find the woman attracted to the non-popular guy, or not; IME, I'd tend to align with not. A full range of choices still remain. Personally, I'd find it far more likely that she'd set her sights on another popular guy. Why? Psychology. Precedent. Desire.

[d0nnivain]

Everybody wants to be with somebody they think is attractive / hot / exciting / desirable . . .whatever.

 

To some extent especially in places like high school a lot of girls compete for the popular guys / jocks in the hopes that being His GF is the fast ticket to popularity.

 

there is no guarantee that if they have some self esteem & stop prostrating themselves before some guy who has his pick that they will all of a sudden settle for somebody they deem less desireable.

 

I am NOT saying that dating any particular person is "settling" per se. I am not trying to diminish anyone's value but let's say for example I want to date this hot doctor because I think he's interesting, accomplished & handsome. I may not want to date some hedge fund guy even though he has more money because I do not find his company valuable. Similarly, my car mechanic could be gorgeous but since we have nothing to talk about I'm not going to date him just to avoid being alone when the doctor doesn't want to date me.

[somedude81]

This is kind of the classic Nice Guy-who-isn't-a-nice-guy way of thinking that women have been complaining about here on LS and elsewhere. Basically you're saying that any guy, including you, would cheat if given the opportunity. That doesn't give men much credit, and certainly doesn't make anyone who agrees with this sentiment "nice".

 

Please tell me where I mentioned cheating in my opening post. Heck you can even read the post I wrote before this to get my view of cheating.

 

What I'm saying is that given the opportunity most guys will sleep with several different women. And yes, that does include me.

 

And preraph especially hit the nail on the head with this:

 

"you are just going to have to get over the "everybody gets one" view of women."

 

Fin.

 

What is wrong with that view of women? There are certainly enough women to go around. Hell, I went to a college that was 60% women. Why shouldn't every guy get one woman?

[GemmaUK]

I wish women realized how ridiculous it is to compete with each other for a man and instead of doing it or trying to give advice to other women who are doing it, they should instead date the men who are actually interested in them. Or would such a thing be "settling"

 

 

In all my years I have never competed for a man.

 

 

I won't just date a man who wants to date me though. There's no point if I have no attraction to him in any way shape or form. Wouldn't that be called leading him on?

[somedude81]

In what arenas do these competitions take place, SD? Besides high school.

 

I've been in the work force for awhile and have never seen it there, nor in various social circles.

Several women mobbing a single guy?

 

Are we talking about college?

 

It can happen anywhere.

 

There is an active thread on this forum that I have made a couple of posts in that has influenced me to make this thread.

[d0nnivain]

Why shouldn't every guy get one woman?

 

Because life isn't Noah's Ark.

[cerridwen]

It can happen anywhere.

 

There is an active thread on this forum that I have made a couple of posts in that has influenced me to make this thread.

 

Well, I'll go look at them.

 

But I wonder how wise / healthy it is for you to waste energy hating something that doesn't often happen--or that you'll be infrequently exposed to.

 

Try not to mire yourself down in muck, SD.

It's not good for depression.

[Mangina]

 

What I'm saying is that given the opportunity most guys will sleep with several different women. And yes, that does include me.

 

What is wrong with that view of women? There are certainly enough women to go around. Hell, I went to a college that was 60% women. Why shouldn't every guy get one woman?

 

everybody would like to be that guy who is popular with girls but the reality is that most of us are not. that's just life.

 

you have a very cynical way of thinking. what about unattractive girls who do not get that guy other girls are competing for. why should they not get one guy at least. let me ask you would you date them?

[xxoo]

What is wrong with that view of women? There are certainly enough women to go around. Hell, I went to a college that was 60% women. Why shouldn't every guy get one woman?

 

Because women get a choice in who they want to be with!

 

Are you suggesting that women should date a man she isn't attracted to, simply because he likes her?

 

Understand that women have "brother/sister" feelings toward a lot of men. Nice, normal looking guys, but the thought of kissing him is probably as appealing as you kissing your grandmother.

[pteromom]

One of the things that I absolutely can’t stand about dating and women is hearing about a situation where there is a group of women all trying to compete for one guy.

I can’t figure out why a woman would willingly put herself in that situation. Does she think that he will give up all other women for her, or is she just content being part of the harem?

 

Because women are generally ruled by their feelings.

 

If she has a crush on a guy, and he is giving her an indication that he might be interested, of course she is going to pursue him.

 

Imagine if your crush said yes, and went out with you, and had amazing sex with you, but there were 10 other guys who were competing for her. Would you just slink away and give up?

 

The main reason I have an issue with this is that it ties up women who should otherwise be available for men to date. If there are 10 women and 10 men, and all 10 women are dreaming about being with one guy, it means that the other 9 men don’t have anybody to date.

It isn't as if those women would date those other 9 guys even if they weren't dreaming about the one guy.

 

I don't understand how you think like this.

 

Look around you. There are likely many single women who you aren't interested in, for whatever reason. Too heavy, too old, unattractive face, whatever. Are you going to go out with one of them just to keep things fair so they have someone to date?

 

It doesn't work that way. You like who you like. So do women.

 

they should instead date the men who are actually interested in them. Or would such a thing be "settling"

I don't know. You tell me. Date the women who are actually interested in you, even if you don't find them attractive. Then report back and tell us if you felt you were "settling".

[elaine567]

If a group of girls, Mary, Anne and Ruth all like John, then John may have his pick, and he chooses Mary.

Anne and Ruth then look around. If they see Dave, Ian and William, hanging about, then they are not guaranteed to date them, just because John is now unavailable.

Two weeks later Anne and Ruth then meet Bob, Bob is a great guy...

 

Attraction is attraction, if Dave, Ian and William are not attractive to those particular girls, then a lot of girls would rather stay single than date someone they have no attraction to.

[contact1]

Could easily just turn this around by saying the really hot girl at the bar has 10 men flocking at her, while 9 other women are left single, poor women in the world!

 

Oh and the every guy should have a woman, is probably the most entitled comment I have read to date in regards to relationships.

[rester]

It can happen anywhere.

 

There is an active thread on this forum that I have made a couple of posts in that has influenced me to make this thread.

 

Can you link us to it, please?

[toolforgrowth]

Telling womenhood what it should do is like herding cats. They just have their own minds and don't do what's right for the guys who want them to do something else. Women...

 

Totally!

 

That'd be like women telling you that you should date any woman who likes you, even if she's obese for example. You as a man would balk at that, and that would be your right.

 

I'm not going to date a woman just because she likes me. It's not my problem if she hasn't had a date in two years and hasn't been laid in three. I'm not obligated to solve that problem for her.

 

See how that works?

 

Your life will get better the moment you realize that WOMEN DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING.

[rester]

Odds are that if a lot of girls are interested in a guy, he’s going to be sleeping with several girls.

 

No, the harsh reality is that if a guy is very popular with women, he's going to be sleeping with several women. That's how the vast majority of men are!

 

What I'm saying is that given the opportunity most guys will sleep with several different women.

 

This is a lot of speculation on your part. What evidence do you have to back it up?

[cerridwen]

Can you link us to it, please?

 

Here, rester : http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/516946-how-stand-out-crush-if-other-girls-like-him

[Shepp]

look, somedude, you are just going to have to get over the "everybody gets one" view of women. Women will not settle for you, as an example, just because a lot of women are in line for the guy they think is attractive and nice and whose personality they like. It's never going to happen. Women are just not that desperate to have sex that they want it with someone they're not interested in.

 

and the generality that all popular guys are players and cheaters is wrong. They could be players, and maybe some of them went through a period of playing, but who they are is the son their mom's raised them to be in most instances.

 

i'm going to let you in on a harsh reality: Guys who are not as confident and sought after are far more likely to seek chronic validation by cheating than a confident, attractive guy who doesn't have to prove it to himself.

 

you know a sure-fire way to tell if a man would be a cheater if they could be? If they assume that any man or woman would cheat if that was an option for them.

 

every single word of this ^^^