Women shouldn’t compete for a man.

[barcode88]

I think both Men and Women compete for other Men and Women. Nothing wrong with that -- no one likes to settle.

[serial muse]

I think both Men and Women compete for other Men and Women. Nothing wrong with that -- no one likes to settle.

 

I basically agree - not that they all do it, because I suspect the urge for competition is a pretty individual thing. But that it's ridiculous to suggest they "should" or "shouldn't" do any such thing, particularly on the basis of a philosophy that essentially amounts to "a chicken in every pot".

[Ruby Slippers]

It works both ways. The most desired girl in my group of friends in college was swarmed with men constantly. During the time I knew her, she always had a boyfriend or fiance that she was cheating on every weekend. (Eventually I drifted away from her because of this.) Most of the guys didn't care that she was a liar and a cheat. All they cared about was that she was sexually appealing to them.

[xxoo]

That should have been your first post in this thread. The overall tone of the thread seems to disagree with you.

 

She can continue to be interested without competing. As far as I'm concerned, it's between me and the man I'm interested in. I evaluate him, his character, his behavior, his intentions. I really don't care what the women around him do.

 

 

 

It's the basic nature of men to want to sleep with many women. In most cases it is safe to assume that if a guy is single and very popular with women, that he's sleeping with several different women. You can find such stories women post about the FWB's who are seeing other women, all over this forum.

 

That's why I believe that if a woman wants a real relationship and not to just be another booty call, she shouldn't have laser focus on the one guy everybody else likes.

 

The possibility that you fail to consider is that HE wants HER exclusively, too. This happens all the time, even with guys with many admirers. She simply needs to determine if that is or is not the case. If not, move on.

[somedude81]

SD you still haven't answered my question

Why are you not going for the girl no other guy is chasing after?

 

That's pretty much what I do. I don't seek out women that I know other men are interested in. If I see that a woman always has a few guys trying to talk to her I don't bother with her at all. I find somebody else who will appreciate and enjoy my company.

 

That's why I think it's goofy for a woman to try to chase a guy who has several other women around him. Odds are he won't care if that girl is there or not.

 

Why are you not going for the tubby girl with the defeated attitude - since according to you - every guy should get a girl - so every girl should get a guy.

 

Why are you choosing to go after a girl that isn't going for you - when there could be a perfectly nice/generous/(fun once she's out of her shell) tubby slightly awkward girl?

 

As long as she meets my minimum requirements and seems to enjoy talking to me, I'll ask her out.

 

Just like it's "stupid" for women to chase after a man that many other women flock to - isn't it just as "stupid" to fixate on these women,

 

Yes, both are pretty stupid.

 

It's a waste of time to chase somebody who isn't interested and to try to go after somebody who has lots of other people after them.

 

Glad we could agree

[Woggle]

It works both ways. The most desired girl in my group of friends in college was swarmed with men constantly. During the time I knew her, she always had a boyfriend or fiance that she was cheating on every weekend. (Eventually I drifted away from her because of this.) Most of the guys didn't care that she was a liar and a cheat. All they cared about was that she was sexually appealing to them.

 

Men like that to me are fools just like women who compete over the neighborhood player are fools as well. That being said let them be fools. They know what they are chasing after and they are the ones who have to deal with the consequences. Just walk away and leave them alone. Some people need to learn the hard way.

[somedude81]

It works both ways. The most desired girl in my group of friends in college was swarmed with men constantly. During the time I knew her, she always had a boyfriend or fiance that she was cheating on every weekend. (Eventually I drifted away from her because of this.) Most of the guys didn't care that she was a liar and a cheat. All they cared about was that she was sexually appealing to them.

 

That's disgusting that she would keep cheating on them. Of course every guy that tried to seriously date her is an idiot.

 

Other than that, I can see guys swarming around and not caring if she was a liar and cheat if all they wanted was to screw.

 

That's exactly what I mean that women shouldn't compete for a guy who has lots of female attention if she wants an honest relationship.

[TigerCub]

Thanks for answering SD.

 

I gotta be honest.

I don't really fully see the scenario you are talking about.

The one where there is 1 guy and a flock of girls are trippin over themselves to get to him.

 

But in my defense, I'm not a groupie - and that is the ONLY scenario I picture.

 

Sure, some guys are good looking and charming, but I just don't see them in situations where they're just standing there and there is a whole circle of women trying to get his attention.

 

And if a lot of women are so openly 'competing' that's silly - or maybe that guy isn't their only option.

 

I guess my question is - how do you as an observer know which girl is competing and which girl is just a friend?

[clia]

It's a waste of time to chase somebody who isn't interested and to try to go after somebody who has lots of other people after them.

 

It's not a waste of time if you happen to be the right girl for that guy. And you will never know unless you try, so why give up without even trying just because there happens to be a bunch of other women trying to snag him? He may have no interest in a relationship with any of those women. I don't get why you would give up without making an effort. That seems stupid to me. But I can see that the only opinions you want to hear are the ones that agree with your view.

[xxoo]

It's not a waste of time if you happen to be the right girl for that guy. And you will never know unless you try, so why give up without even trying just because there happens to be a bunch of other women trying to snag him? He may have no interest in a relationship with any of those women. I don't get why you would give up without making an effort. That seems stupid to me. But I can see that the only opinions you want to hear are the ones that agree with your view.

 

 

Exactly!

 

How many of us wouldn't be with our partner if we'd been intimidated by the existence of other interested parties? Count me as one.

[NJ123]

I get the red flag, as previous abuse has many consequences and can complicate new relationships too, but "settling" I do not get, unless he feels somehow inferior to "the abusive jerk".

 

I guess he felt that she would see him as the good provider guy which many men fear will happen to them. A lot of people on here think that many men don't fear this happening to them, but it's definitely true. I remember his exact words to me saying he's not going to be a sucker & get with a woman like that.

[rester]

It's the basic nature of men to want to sleep with many women. In most cases it is safe to assume that if a guy is single and very popular with women, that he's sleeping with several different women. You can find such stories women post about the FWB's who are seeing other women, all over this forum.

 

I don't agree with the underlined at all. Forget for a moment all the struggling guys in your thread that are loving the rise they are getting out of all the women. You keep insisting that this is the way all or most men are, but I don't see that being the case at all. I don't even think you yourself would be one of these guys that sleeps with several different women.

 

Had you had the opportunity to be with Busy Girl AND Lunch Girl, would you have? Or would you have chosen one of them?

[somedude81]

I don't agree with the underlined at all. Forget for a moment all the struggling guys in your thread that are loving the rise they are getting out of all the women. You keep insisting that this is the way all or most men are, but I don't see that being the case at all. I don't even think you yourself would be one of these guys that sleeps with several different women.

 

Had you had the opportunity to be with Busy Girl AND Lunch Girl, would you have? Or would you have chosen one of them?

 

Are you asking if I had the opportunity to have a threesome with BG and LG, would I do it?

 

Of course I would!!!

 

Or if you meant if I could see them individually in a casual basis, yes I would have done that as well. As long as both girls knew it was casual, were completely fine with it and I didn't have to lie to either of them.

 

Yes, I do believe that most men want to sleep with lots of women. Although most men are not going to admit to it. Also few men have actually been desired by several women at once so it's really nothing more than theorycrafting.

[elaine567]

I guess he felt that she would see him as the good provider guy which many men fear will happen to them. A lot of people on here think that many men don't fear this happening to them, but it's definitely true. I remember his exact words to me saying he's not going to be a sucker & get with a woman like that.

 

Yes but surely she would not be "settling" with him, I very much doubt "the abusive jerk" is the man of her dreams.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Are you asking if I had the opportunity to have a threesome with BG and LG, would I do it?

 

Of course I would!!!

 

Well that is you and how you think about girls but if you will listen to other people it is not the norm, if a guy really really likes me he is actually NOT going to jump on other sexual opportunities if they show up, srsly! If "most" guys were like that then all of us on here who have boyfriends or husbands that are good looking and sexy and desirable to other women, well, we would not be with those men!! Because what you said you would do (have a 3some with a girl you were seriously courting and another girl) would be a huge turn off forever!!! I guess what I hope you will understand sometime somedude is that the way you look at women and relationships is not similar to how most people do so you are kind of an outsider when it comes to this stuff, the best thing you could do for yourself is to listen to other people and realize that you might be really off base!!!

[xxoo]

Are you asking if I had the opportunity to have a threesome with BG and LG, would I do it?

 

Of course I would!!!

 

Or if you meant if I could see them individually in a casual basis, yes I would have done that as well. As long as both girls knew it was casual, were completely fine with it and I didn't have to lie to either of them.

 

Yes, I do believe that most men want to sleep with lots of women. Although most men are not going to admit to it. Also few men have actually been desired by several women at once so it's really nothing more than theorycrafting.

 

What if BG expressed interest, but only if exclusive? Would you agree? Refuse? Be faithful? Cheat?

[most_distant_galaxy]

You remind me of

 

"What if no one goes for the blond? We don't get in each other's way and we don't insult the other girls. This is the only way to win. That's the only way we all get laid".

[NJ123]

Yes but surely she would not be "settling" with him, I very much doubt "the abusive jerk" is the man of her dreams.

 

Well, why do people have relationships with them than? Are they just with them for the hell of it for the company instead of being alone?

[rester]

Are you asking if I had the opportunity to have a threesome with BG and LG, would I do it?

 

Of course I would!!!

 

Or if you meant if I could see them individually in a casual basis, yes I would have done that as well. As long as both girls knew it was casual, were completely fine with it and I didn't have to lie to either of them.

 

Yes, I do believe that most men want to sleep with lots of women. Although most men are not going to admit to it. Also few men have actually been desired by several women at once so it's really nothing more than theorycrafting.

 

 

Judging from your past threads you seemed to be far more interested in Busy Girl than just wanting a threesome or casual fling. You've stated many times you want a girlfriend/steady relationship. Do you truly want that, or do you only want that because you feel you can't have a casual thing with multiple women? Because a lot of men and women with options prefer exclusive relationships over sleeping with multiple people.

[StanMusial]

So the ladies of LS have decided it's OK for women to compete over a man.

 

How far should they go? Is it a no-holds-barred cage fight and winner take all?

 

Scorched-earth policy?

 

Or should they just make a play and punt in the face of long odds?

 

Will it help if I get the ball rolling with some examples?

 

Girl #1 slept with a guy that had been flirting with her friend all night.

 

:oGirl #2 married the love interest of her rival.

 

Girl #3 spread a rumor about her rival, and made sure the target heard it.

 

All are based on actual events.

[stillmind]

Are you asking if I had the opportunity to have a threesome with BG and LG, would I do it?

 

Of course I would!!!

 

Or if you meant if I could see them individually in a casual basis, yes I would have done that as well. As long as both girls knew it was casual, were completely fine with it and I didn't have to lie to either of them.

 

Yes, I do believe that most men want to sleep with lots of women. Although most men are not going to admit to it. Also few men have actually been desired by several women at once so it's really nothing more than theorycrafting.

 

It sounds like you're basing your opinion of attractive men on your own desires to have casual sex with multiple girls. Do you even want an exclusive girlfriend? I mean it sounds like you're saying "Women should date me because I don't have any other options so I won't be able to cheat on them."

[organizedchaos]

That's pretty much what I do. I don't seek out women that I know other men are interested in. If I see that a woman always has a few guys trying to talk to her I don't bother with her at all. I find somebody else who will appreciate and enjoy my company.

 

That's why I think it's goofy for a woman to try to chase a guy who has several other women around him. Odds are he won't care if that girl is there or not.

 

 

 

As long as she meets my minimum requirements and seems to enjoy talking to me, I'll ask her out.

 

 

 

Yes, both are pretty stupid.

 

It's a waste of time to chase somebody who isn't interested and to try to go after somebody who has lots of other people after them.

 

Glad we could agree

 

Ok, so in your scenario, all these girls competing for one guy when there are nice guys out there like you that they're not giving a chance to because every guy deserves a girl (which is a totally ludicrous way of thinking).

 

Perhaps YOU are not meeting their minimum standards. But they should settle for you anyway just because you're a nice guy and you deserve a girl and a chance?

 

Yet you won't settle if a girl (who by your thinking also deserves a guy but can't find one) doesn't meet your minimum standards.

 

I'm confused.

[GoodOnPaper]

You remind me of

 

"What if no one goes for the blond? We don't get in each other's way and we don't insult the other girls. This is the only way to win. That's the only way we all get laid".

 

Love it!

 

Hopefully the OP is gaining something from the fundamental differences in views of competition that are showing themselves.

 

For many women, "competition" for a man seems to something to be ignored or dismissed out-of-hand -- finding that "perfect match" trumps all other considerations. Many guys, however, seem to be very aware of what "competition" may or may not exist. It's just a matter of deciding if he's confident enough to move full-speed ahead anyway or if he's intimidated by the situation.

[rester]

It sounds like you're basing your opinion of attractive men on your own desires to have casual sex with multiple girls. Do you even want an exclusive girlfriend? I mean it sounds like you're saying "Women should date me because I don't have any other options so I won't be able to cheat on them."

 

I think this is the recurring issue with somedude. He doesn't understand that not everybody thinks the same as himself. Since HE would sleep with multiple women, that means all or most other men would, too. But I don't know what he's basing this theory on, other than his own head, some FWB threads on loveshack, and the vocal minority of struggling guys that share his opinion.

 

I don't even care what his personal opinions on the matter are, although it's hard to tell because they change around a lot.

 

If he wants to sleep with multiple women, that's his prerogative. Just don't attribute that mindset to all of us other men that don't share it.