Women shouldn’t compete for a man.

[d0nnivain]

Can you link us to it, please?

 

I'm guessing it's this one:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/516946-how-stand-out-crush-if-other-girls-like-him

[somedude81]

People like who they like. If a lot of women all like the same guy, odds are he has a lot of attractive qualities. It might be worth befriending some men like this to find out why so many women are attracted to them.

 

Usually the guys are very good looking and naturally charismatic.

 

It's not true. Sure, some guys might be sleeping with a bunch of women, but others will not be. Just because a guy is popular with women doesn't mean he's going to be a player or be sleeping with all of them. It completely depends on the guy and it's unfair to generalize all men.

 

That's how many men are.

 

I think it's completely goofy that women like you are actually defending men and saying that they don't want to sleep around. It's like zebra's trying to say that lions don't eat meat.

 

She is hoping he will decide he likes her best and will want to date her.

 

That's exactly what I meant with "Does she think that he will give up all other women for her,"

 

It's extremely naive.

 

These women aren't "tied up." Just because they might have a crush on one guy does not foreclose them from developing a crush on another guy who might come along who has the qualities they are looking for in a guy. If they aren't dating anyone exclusively, they remain available for men to date. And the reality is that most women aren't going to waste tons of time pining over a guy who has expressed that he's not interested in her.

 

Yes they are "tied up."

 

I have made several posts about girls that were single that I have liked and an a usual reply from women posters was something like "maybe there is a guy she already likes."

 

It should be obvious to see why I'd be frustrated if there was a girl that I liked but she didn't want to date me because she already liked somebody else, and she happened to be girl #12 of the herd that likes him.

 

Another thing that is bad is that if one guy is very desirable, she may compare all other guys to him and of course they don't measure up, so she has no interest in them.

 

You assume these women have men who are interested in them who they have decided not to date. That may not be the case. (I know you find this incredibly hard to believe, but most women DO NOT have loads of guys pounding down their door trying to date them.)

 

Not loads, but I'm sure every woman can think of at least three guys right now that are interested in her, women in serious relationships may or may not be the exception.

 

And again, people like who they like. Even if there are guys who are interested in them and they don't like them, they don't have to date them. (But of course, we've been through this many times...) Just like you don't have to date girls who you aren't interested in dating. It's not even about "settling."

 

What I meant about settling was dating any other guy who wasn't the primary object of desire.

 

I'm curious why those women don't want to be with the guys who are interested and how much her being obsessed with one guy affects their view.

 

Most women also don't go into this thinking "Oh gee, there are four other girls who also like John because he's such an awesome guy. I better just give up."

 

And yet, that's exactly what they should do.

 

In fact, some people (men and women) like a challenge. They would likely flirt with John and try to get his attention to see if they have a chance with him. But again, if nothing comes of it after some period of time, most will move on.

 

There comes a point when the challenge is just too ridiclous to bother with. I really doubt that if a guy say that there were 5 other guys trying to compete for one girl, he's just find another girl to pursue. There are plenty of girls to go around; as long as they aren't gathered in a flock around one specific guy.

[somedude81]

I purposefully did not link that thread of give the title because I believe it may be against forum rules to specifically talk about other members and threads on this forum.

[EveAFlame]

Please tell me where I mentioned cheating in my opening post. Heck you can even read the post I wrote before this to get my view of cheating.

 

What I'm saying is that given the opportunity most guys will sleep with several different women. And yes, that does include me.

 

 

 

What is wrong with that view of women? There are certainly enough women to go around. Hell, I went to a college that was 60% women. Why shouldn't every guy get one woman?

 

That's called communism. And communism doesn't work.

[Ethan78]

If a group of girls, Mary, Anne and Ruth all like John, then John may have his pick, and he chooses Mary.

Anne and Ruth then look around. If they see Dave, Ian and William, hanging about, then they are not guaranteed to date them, just because John is now unavailable.

Two weeks later Anne and Ruth then meet Bob, Bob is a great guy...

 

Attraction is attraction, if Dave, Ian and William are not attractive to those particular girls, then a lot of girls would rather stay single than date someone they have no attraction to.

 

Maybe in the 1950s. However, I know of guys who are good looking and seeing multiple women. The women know that they are in an open relationship (f-buddy) and are happy with the arrangement.

 

Therefore in your example, John is having sex with Mary, Ann and Ruth, but not at the same time usually.

 

I don't take too much interest in men complaining on the internet, but when they make the point that a minority of good looking men are having sex with multiple female partners this is probably true. I think there are statistics to back this up.

[xxoo]

That's exactly what I meant with "Does she think that he will give up all other women for her,"

 

It's extremely naive.

 

Attractive men often do want a relationship with the right woman. Maybe she is that woman.

 

We aren't stupid. We can suss out intentions and interests. But every woman who's married an attractive man has to have confidence that he'll choose monogamy for her.

[toolforgrowth]

Maybe in the 1950s. However, I know of guys who are good looking and seeing multiple women. The women know that they are in an open relationship (f-buddy) and are happy with the arrangement.

 

Therefore in your example, John is having sex with Mary, Ann and Ruth, but not at the same time usually.

 

I don't take too much interest in men complaining on the internet, but when they make the point that a minority of good looking men are having sex with multiple female partners this is probably true. I think there are statistics to back this up.

 

Let's say for the sake of argument this is true. They are all consenting adults and can do as they please.

 

But does literally every woman fall into this category? Most certainly not. I am NO hunk by any stretch of the imagination. But I did a LOT of dating these past couple of years. I had a lady I was pretty into ghost me too. Know what I did?

 

Picked myself up and kept going. Met my GF not too much longer after that, and she's AMAZING.

 

I didn't whine online. I kept putting myself out there, fully realizing that it could happen again.

 

I can't control other people, but I can control ME.

[somedude81]

Well, I'll go look at them.

 

But I wonder how wise / healthy it is for you to waste energy hating something that doesn't often happen--or that you'll be infrequently exposed to.

 

Try not to mire yourself down in muck, SD.

It's not good for depression.

 

The main reason this bugs me is because it's so hard to find an available woman who wants to date.

 

I can somewhat understand a woman not wanting to date me because she likes somebody else. Not fully understand it mind you, because even when I really liked one girl, there were still other girls that I would have happily gone on a date with.

 

Now if that girl I liked who liked somebody else, likes a guy who has a ton of girls after him and most likely she won't date him and may even settle for becoming a FWB, that just makes me shake my head. It's just stupid.

 

Another aspect is jealousy. I have never been desired by a few woman at a time and hearing about a guy who has that just makes me angry.

[StanMusial]

It happens but on a superficial level to be sure.

 

I used to hang out with a crew, there was one dude that would have a ring of girls around him wherever we went. The guy literally had his pick, and he didn't always treat them right either. It was definitely frustrating to try to talk to a girl when she just wanted to join the slobbering pack lol.

[rester]

Quote> Most women also don't go into this thinking "Oh gee, there are four other girls who also like John because he's such an awesome guy. I better just give up." <Quote

 

And yet, that's exactly what they should do.

 

 

How can you say this when it took you forever to give up on Busy Girl? You have to try putting yourself in other peoples' shoes sometimes. Yeah, if they are getting rejected by John, they should give up and move on to someone else, but that doesn't guarantee that it will be one of the other 9 guys in the room. They may not be attracted to any of them, just as you weren't attracted to the girl with the "face" you didn't like.

 

I could very easily see that girl writing your thread and wondering why all the guys are going for Busy Girl when she is right there, entitled to some attention.

[elaine567]

Maybe in the 1950s. However, I know of guys who are good looking and seeing multiple women. The women know that they are in an open relationship (f-buddy) and are happy with the arrangement.

 

Therefore in your example, John is having sex with Mary, Ann and Ruth, but not at the same time usually.

 

I don't take too much interest in men complaining on the internet, but when they make the point that a minority of good looking men are having sex with multiple female partners this is probably true. I think there are statistics to back this up.

 

Yes, I agree that John may be having sex with all three, but that wasn't the point I was making. The point is that the other three men are not "entitled" to anything if they are not attractive to those particular women, and John is unavailable to them, being already hooked up with Mary or Mary plus Brittany plus Jessica plus Sarah plus Hannah.

[elaine567]

It happens but on a superficial level to be sure.

 

I used to hang out with a crew, there was one dude that would have a ring of girls around him wherever we went. The guy literally had his pick, and he didn't always treat them right either. It was definitely frustrating to try to talk to a girl when she just wanted to join the slobbering pack lol.

 

So what did that guy have that the rest of you didn't?

[clia]

I think it's completely goofy that women like you are actually defending men and saying that they don't want to sleep around. It's like zebra's trying to say that lions don't eat meat.

 

I think very highly of most men, and it is my opinion that not all men like to sleep around. My opinion is based on knowing and observing the behavior of my male friends, some for many, many years, male relatives, and other men I've dated throughout my life.

 

That's exactly what I meant with "Does she think that he will give up all other women for her,"

 

It's extremely naive.

 

Why is it naïve to think he might want to date her? This happens all the time. A man is popular with women and chooses one to date and have a relationship with. Was it naïve of Behati Prinsloo to compete with all of the other models to date Adam Levine? He chose her, didn't he?

 

Yes they are "tied up."

 

I have made several posts about girls that were single that I have liked and an a usual reply from women posters was something like "maybe there is a guy she already likes."

 

It should be obvious to see why I'd be frustrated if there was a girl that I liked but she didn't want to date me because she already liked somebody else, and she happened to be girl #12 of the herd that likes him.

 

If she doesn't want to date you, she wouldn't want to date you regardless of whether or not he is in the picture. There is no correlation here. If she wanted to date you, she would. She isn't choosing not to date you because she is crushing on some other guy. She is choosing him over you.

 

Another thing that is bad is that if one guy is very desirable, she may compare all other guys to him and of course they don't measure up, so she has no interest in them.

 

Of course she would. Everyone does this. It means you have to step up your game.

 

Not loads, but I'm sure every woman can think of at least three guys right now that are interested in her, women in serious relationships may or may not be the exception.

 

Oh, I'm sure. Maybe the single ladies can chime in and tell us.

 

What I meant about settling was dating any other guy who wasn't the primary object of desire.

 

I'm curious why those women don't want to be with the guys who are interested and how much her being obsessed with one guy affects their view.

 

Do these hypothetical guys have all the qualities these women are looking for?

 

There comes a point when the challenge is just too ridiclous to bother with. I really doubt that if a guy say that there were 5 other guys trying to compete for one girl, he's just find another girl to pursue. There are plenty of girls to go around; as long as they aren't gathered in a flock around one specific guy.

 

Isn't this exactly what you did with busy girl? She told you flat out she wasn't interested and you hung around and kept trying to pursue her. Shouldn't you have found another girl to pursue? Wasn't it ridiculous for you to keep pursing her?

 

Frankly, most people don't have the defeatist attitude that you do. If a girl thinks she has a shot, she will probably hang in there and try to find out. But again, once it becomes clear that the guy has either chosen another girl or expressed no interest in her, she will move on.

[NJ123]

Honestly, why would you care to be with a woman like that anyway? Not all women are going to go after 1 guy that has 10 women trying to compete for him. That's just foolish behavior & they'll likely wind up settling as a FWB or something since he'll be banging the other women as well most likely. Just find a woman that doesn't do stupid **** like that.

[ThaWholigan]

So what did that guy have that the rest of you didn't?

Oh, let me guess...

 

6 foot plus, looked like a male model, charisma. In the thread about Art of Seduction, that would be called a "Rake". Of course, they have all the monopoly.

 

I'm obviously being facetious, but it's kinda useless to bemoan this aspect of dating. Humans in general are competitive. I can't tell you how many times there have been microcosm incidents where it appeared a guy was competing with me for the attentions of a girl when I wasn't even "competing" as it were. And yes, I've seen girls compete over particular guys of course. This is a case of having something that - as a person of any gender - makes you stand out or is at the very least a surface trait that you can use to your advantage. If you have more than one, you're gold.

 

And also, as I was being facetious about the above, sometimes the "prize" isn't always the image of pure Venusian beauty either. But whatever, the same things are gonna go round and round and round....

[Timshel]

I know that I shouldn't say anything, you are sorting it out amongst friends.

I have some trouble containing myself.

I am new to LS compared to most of you but I am not young.

What has consistently fascinated me with LS is the preoccupation with what others have and a focus on less than few, some and most.

It is nearly visceral in almost every thread. Business to family to infidelity and dating.

 

I have never been smitten with a man who has many admirer's. It is not inherently wrong; some men fall into it even if they don't care. There are women who experience the same.

 

I would say that if you are enamored with a woman who is not interested in you, then that's that.

 

If she wants to pursue a man and be in competition with other women to do so, then you have learned something more about her....that she is not right for you.

[preraph]

Telling womenhood what it should do is like herding cats. They just have their own minds and don't do what's right for the guys who want them to do something else. Women...

 

LOVE IT! Herding cats

[NJ123]

I know that I shouldn't say anything, you are sorting it out amongst friends.

I have some trouble containing myself.

I am new to LS compared to most of you but I am not young.

What has consistently fascinated me with LS is the preoccupation with what others have and a focus on less than few, some and most.

It is nearly visceral in almost every thread. Business to family to infidelity and dating.

 

I have never been smitten with a man who has many admirer's. It is not inherently wrong; some men fall into it even if they don't care. There are women who experience the same.

 

I would say that if you are enamored with a woman who is not interested in you, then that's that.o

 

If she wants to pursue a man and be in competition with other women to do so, then you have learned something more about her....that she is not right for you.

 

This exactly. That shows how extremely high her standards are to want to compete with multiple other women for a guy. The vast majority of guys wouldn't be good enough for a woman that does that. I mean what does she herself bring to the table to be so ridiculous.

[preraph]

Because life isn't Noah's Ark.

 

And if it was, I might be more happy being paired with a snuggly dog, truth be told.

[StanMusial]

So what did that guy have that the rest of you didn't?

 

He was better looking obviously.

[clia]

This exactly. That shows how extremely high her standards are to want to compete with multiple other women for a guy. The vast majority of guys wouldn't be good enough for a woman that does that. I mean what does she herself bring to the table to be so ridiculous.

 

Why does it mean she has high standards? It just means she met a guy she likes and isn't going to be immediately put off because other women happen to like him also.

[Haydn]

That's how many men are.

 

I think it's completely goofy that women like you are actually defending men and saying that they don't want to sleep around. It's like zebra's trying to say that lions don't eat meat.

 

 

Mate you are so far off now. I am in a RS and i never see it the way you do. Or in previous RS.

 

If you got into a good RS, would you want to sleep around? If yes, then it is not a good RS.

Edited February 25, 2015 by Haydn
XYZ

[Shepp]

That's how many men are.

 

I think it's completely goofy that women like you are actually defending men and saying that they don't want to sleep around. It's like zebra's trying to say that lions don't eat meat.

 

I've never been interested in sleeping around, I've always wanted a proper relationship.

 

I know good looking and average guys both some of who fancy themselves as "players" and others as one girl guys...

As I'm getting older I actually see the guys who are on the whole less successful with women are the ones who are obsess icing over the "player" deal!

Thinking on it most of my better looking friends are in committed solid relationships!

 

Side note though - it does surprise me how many girls aren't shy about approaching a married man! Is there no like girls code or something!

[leavesonautumn]

BTW my post wasn't about cheating at all. Cheating isn't something that ever crosses my mind. I was focused on single women who are "unavailable" because there is already somebody that she likes, never mind that 10 other women want the same guy and that they might actually willingly become another notch on his belt because that's better than dating a "lesser" man.

 

Instead of being so focused on why women do things that you don't like, why don't you focus on taking the advice you've been receiving for years, take a break from this site and actually work on yourself?

 

Okay, so you have seen a situation (multiple times?) where a bunch women are after the same guy? Sure, okay, let's pretend that's accurate and let me ask you this, who gives a ****? Obviously they are not the right women for you. Too young, are not like-minded, etc. Do you really want that anyway?

 

You're so obsessed and paranoid that your mind has made up these scenarios that even if they did exist, do not apply to the real world in general.

 

Women don't have to be available to date anyone. It's a choice, not a demand, no one owns women.

[NJ123]

Why does it mean she has high standards? It just means she met a guy she likes and isn't going to be immediately put off because other women happen to like him also.

 

Uhh because any man that has a huge number of women competing for him at the same time is likely really attractive & has a huge number of qualities women fall for. So she won't settle for less than that even if her chances of winning the guy over are against her.