Women shouldn’t compete for a man.

[Got it]

Phil: What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?

Ralph: That about sums it up for me.

 

 

:confused: Is it Groundhog's day? :confused:

[TigerCub]

SD do you ever ask out girls that you're not attracted to?

(physically, personality wise)?

 

Do you ever go out there, find a really heavy girl with a depressing defeated attitude and think to yourself 'I gotta ask her out - cuz she SHOULD have someone, there should be a guy for every girl'!

 

Cuz if you're not doing that - then why should a girl go out with a guy that she's not into just because "there should be a girl for every guy"

 

Like, I just don't get what you're complaining about - isn't this just survival of the fittest at work here - the most desirable male of the species gets success with the females?

[insert_name]

I do know from that thread...

 

...and 20 girls think he is hot.

 

So social proofing is a big part of female attraction? Admittedly, thats like saying that water is wet, nothing we didnt know already but its always nice to see it actually acknowledged.

 

It raises all sorts of questions about why that is? Quite interesting to think that you can probably con women into going for guys that they would normally never date in a million years just by hiring 10 screaming girls to follow him round all night.

[clia]

Also, don't assume that a woman who is interested in a "popular" man is competing.

 

This is a really good point.

 

SD, are you saying that women should not go for a man if any other women are interested in him? If so, why not? When I met my fiancé there were several women floating around his orbit who were interested in him, but I never really viewed myself as competing with any of them. I was just getting to know him. Ultimately he chose to be with me. Are you saying that I should've just given up when I found out other women were interested in him?

[elaine567]

Only one other girl and she eventually did the fade on me.

 

The other girls ended up having boyfriends and one actually got a boyfriend as I was getting to know her.

 

My point was that even as I was crushing on BG, I was still talking to and getting to know other women and trying to determine if we were a match.

 

Next time you see a girl who you are attracted to, just ask her out, DO NOT determine if she is match then ask her out, ask her out then determine if she is a match.

That way she will not get a bf in the time you are getting to know her.

If she isn't a match then you split, no big deal.

 

- Men and Women are NOT "Friends".

[insert_name]

SD do you ever ask out girls that you're not attracted to?

(physically, personality wise)?

 

Do you ever go out there, find a really heavy girl with a depressing defeated attitude and think to yourself 'I gotta ask her out - cuz she SHOULD have someone, there should be a guy for every girl'!

 

Cuz if you're not doing that - then why should a girl go out with a guy that she's not into just because "there should be a girl for every guy"

 

Like, I just don't get what you're complaining about - isn't this just survival of the fittest at work here - the most desirable male of the species gets success with the females?

 

From a male point of view its about leagues. Girls will hold out for the most desirable guys when from a mans pov they dont bring enough to the table to have a chance of winning that guys heart. They might get to sleep with him but thats as far as it goes so I think guys in return get frustrated because in our opinion we are far better matched to that girl in terms of looks and social status and we feel the girl could be happier with us if they stopped pursuing the guy who has got super models after him.

 

It never works out like that, regardless of whether you believe in leagues we all have a value that we place on ourselves and for some its realistic, for some its not. Some will end up pricing themselves out of the market and I think thats what the OP is lamenting. Of course, we must reserve our own judgement on just WHO are the people pricing themselves out of the market.

[autumnnight]

From a male point of view its about leagues. Girls will hold out for the most desirable guys when from a mans pov they dont bring enough to the table to have a chance of winning that guys heart. They might get to sleep with him but thats as far as it goes so I think guys in return get frustrated because in our opinion we are far better matched to that girl in terms of looks and social status and we feel the girl could be happier with us if they stopped pursuing the guy who has got super models after him.

 

It never works out like that, regardless of whether you believe in leagues we all have a value that we place on ourselves and for some its realistic, for some its not. Some will end up pricing themselves out of the market and I think thats what the OP is lamenting. Of course, we must reserve our own judgement on just WHO are the people pricing themselves out of the market.

 

If you know this is how the world works, then instead of complaining about it either better your league or be realistic about your league.

[TigerCub]

From a male point of view its about leagues. Girls will hold out for the most desirable guys when from a mans pov they dont bring enough to the table to have a chance of winning that guys heart. They might get to sleep with him but thats as far as it goes so I think guys in return get frustrated because in our opinion we are far better matched to that girl in terms of looks and social status and we feel the girl could be happier with us if they stopped pursuing the guy who has got super models after him.

 

It never works out like that, regardless of whether you believe in leagues we all have a value that we place on ourselves and for some its realistic, for some its not. Some will end up pricing themselves out of the market and I think thats what the OP is lamenting. Of course, we must reserve our own judgement on just WHO are the people pricing themselves out of the market.

 

Thanks for explaining it like that - I get the frustration, but at the end of the day - people are drawn to who they're drawn to - no 3rd party can really decide what is best for that person.

 

And in all truth, any assumption of being better for that person could totally be faulty - what is it really based on if they never got to date them in the first place and know them on a more intimate level?

Just that the single guy is single and ready to take the girl out?

[xxoo]

we feel the girl could be happier with us if they stopped pursuing the guy who has got super models after him.

 

This assumes a lot. She wants someone she's really into. Maybe that guy isn't "the one", but likely she'll find that mutual interest along the way--and she'd miss out if she just went with whomever was available and "equal".

[AVarma]

Now that is a guy I could compete for. LOL!!!!

 

So much shamelessness in one post. I love it!

 

But on a more serious note I can kind of understand what the OP is getting at. I knew guys who were big players in high school and college and are now in happy marriages. Honestly they could probably play the field while married and still have a happy marriage. Look at the number of politicians who cheat on their wives with no consequence.

 

I'm not saying bitterness is the right response but I can understand where it comes from.

Edited February 26, 2015 by AVarma

[NJ123]

Where does a woman go from there though in terms of what she's looking for if she's not the one he chooses? As I said anything after that to them is going to be a disappointment unless he has a whole lot going for him. And if these women want an extremely desirable man they better be an amazing catch themselves.

[StanMusial]

So much shamelessness in one post. I love it!

 

But on a more serious note I can kind of understand what the OP is getting at. I knew guys who were big players in high school and college and are now in happy marriages. Honestly they could probably play the field while married and still have a happy marriage. Look at the number of politicians who cheat on their wives with no consequence.

 

I'm not saying bitterness is the right response but I can understand where it comes from.

 

I don't see it as bitterness (although OP may be bitter) or entitlement or whatever. Hell I look back at those days and laugh. It's just an observation of the futility of the situation.

 

Let's face it. Any thread that has "Women shouldn't..." in the title, started by a man, is not going to go over too well with the ladies lol.

[TigerCub]

Where does a woman go from there though in terms of what she's looking for if she's not the one he chooses? As I said anything after that to them is going to be a disappointment unless he has a whole lot going for him. And if these women want an extremely desirable man they better be an amazing catch themselves.

 

People move on.

Like when 2 people are in a relationship and they break up.

They were 'IT' for each other for a long time - that girl was with a guy she thought was amazing - but after the breakup - after healing, wouldn't the girl just move on and find another man that 'works' for her eventually?

OR do you think that she'd just curl up and die (because she's gonna be forever alone because no other man can compare)?

 

It's the same thing - if the girl can't get that in demand guy, I'm sure she'd eventually find some other guy that catches her attention, and is compatible for her.

[xxoo]

Where does a woman go from there though in terms of what she's looking for if she's not the one he chooses? As I said anything after that to them is going to be a disappointment unless he has a whole lot going for him.

 

She'll crush just as hard on someone else.

 

It takes time, but most of us eventually luck upon mutual interest and excitement. No disappointment in falling in love

 

It seems like there is an assumption that she'll never find love because of silly crushes. Nah. She just wants to feel it, you know? It's amazing!

[rester]

Busy Girl didn't have a lot of guys after her that I know of. If she did, I wouldn't have bothered with her as I hate competing for women.

 

Also while I did really like her, there were several other girls that I would have gladly gone on dates with. I wrote about most of them. I think at one time I was interested in five different girls.

 

Fair enough.

 

 

 

The fact is, there will always be men that get women easier than each of us, and men that will have a lot more trouble than each of us. Yes, women like men with options. Men also like women with options.

 

Athletes and musicians will have better luck with women than "gamers". Tall guys better luck than short guys, rich guys better than poor guys, etc.

 

We all have to make do with what we have, accept what we cannot change, and work to improve what we can change. That's all we can do. Jealousy and anger towards people that have more than each of us is wasted energy.

[MidwestUSA]

I wish women realized how ridiculous it is to compete with each other for a man and instead of doing it or trying to give advice to other women who are doing it, they should instead date the men who are actually interested in them. Or would such a thing be "settling"

 

Are we back to this again? Why should a woman go out with a man who is interested in her if she has no interest in him.

 

And, breaking news, some people never pair up and are happily single till death.

[NJ123]

People move on.

Like when 2 people are in a relationship and they break up.

They were 'IT' for each other for a long time - that girl was with a guy she thought was amazing - but after the breakup - after healing, wouldn't the girl just move on and find another man that 'works' for her eventually?

OR do you think that she'd just curl up and die (because she's gonna be forever alone because no other man can compare)?

 

It's the same thing - if the girl can't get that in demand guy, I'm sure she'd eventually find some other guy that catches her attention, and is compatible for her.

 

Yeah, but he'll never ever be the guy she really wanted. Since any guy after a guy like that they go after would be a step down in the dating league. I wouldn't go as far as say it's settling if she genuinely really likes him but he wouldn't be her most desired option in her dating history.

[newmoon]

In what arenas do these competitions take place, SD? Besides high school.

 

I've been in the work force for awhile and have never seen it there, nor in various social circles.

Several women mobbing a single guy?

 

Are we talking about college?

 

don't you watch The Bachelor/Bachelorette?

[insert_name]

If you know this is how the world works, then instead of complaining about it either better your league or be realistic about your league.

 

How do you know that I am not realistic about my league?

Maybe women rate themselves too highly? Maybe they dont?

 

Thats the crux of my point- we can argue til the cows come home over who is overrating themselves and never reach a conclusion. The only certainty is that some men and women will end up forever alone as a result of their choices. With more and more people opting to stay single I wonder if we will see an epidemic of inverse 'buyers remorse' when the current 30-40 generation hits 70? Thats when its gonna hit home imo, old age is gonna be pretty gnarly for those without established families.

[NJ123]

Are we back to this again? Why should a woman go out with a man who is interested in her if she has no interest in him.

 

And, breaking news, some people never pair up and are happily single till death.

 

Their happily single if they choose to be not because they want to be. HUGE difference.

[elaine567]

Where does a woman go from there though in terms of what she's looking for if she's not the one he chooses? As I said anything after that to them is going to be a disappointment unless he has a whole lot going for him. And if these women want an extremely desirable man they better be an amazing catch themselves.

 

The trick is not to get too emotionally invested in people you aren't actually in a relationship with.

If he chooses someone else, you look around for some other man that you are attracted to.

It may be a bit disappointing, that he didn't choose you, but it is not the end of the world.

Also, just because he is hot, doesn't mean he cannot be dumped, if he doesn't match up to expectations either.

[johan]

don't you watch The Bachelor/Bachelorette?

 

This thread was started just minutes after an episode of that show ended.

 

Coincidence?

 

Women should do whatever they think is right. How else to tell the good from the bad?

[TigerCub]

Yeah, but he'll never ever be the guy she really wanted. Since any guy after a guy like that they go after would be a step down in the dating league. I wouldn't go as far as say it's settling if she genuinely really likes him but he wouldn't be her most desired option in her dating history.

 

I don't think that's true, just by looking at my own history

When I was in university, I was"in love" with this friend of mine, he was all I could think about, he was all I wanted to be with - but we were just friends.

 

A few years pass, and I move to a different city, we're still friends, but that's it - then I meet the guy that was my real true first love and I date him and one time on my visit back home, I get together with my friend for a catch up dinner and because I had no feelings for him like that at all, I kept thinking 'My god! The pitch of his voice is really annoying - can't believe I used to love his voice and everything about him'

 

So my point is, no - a person can be the highlight of your love life at one point, and then you meet someone that is awesome for you - and you love them and the person before isn't even an issue - they don't compare.

 

People fall in and out of love all the time - so if I was really into someone right now, doesn't mean that the person I'll be dating a year from now is a 'step down' - because I'm with them for a reason. I like them for a reason, I'm attracted to them for a reason. There is no comparison really.

[NJ123]

She'll crush just as hard on someone else.

 

It takes time, but most of us eventually luck upon mutual interest and excitement. No disappointment in falling in love

 

It seems like there is an assumption that she'll never find love because of silly crushes. Nah. She just wants to feel it, you know? It's amazing!

 

Well, I suppose so just as long as he has a lot of things going for him. Do women that seek out guys with tons of options have a lot of options themselves usually? As OP said, do they usually just turn every guy down until they see if they get picked. It's ridiculous to me to even use the term "picked". It's almost like their on the Price Is Right or something where they get chosen to play out of so many options. It's just so stupid to me.

[Leigh 87]

I don't go for the guys that have 10 women lining up to date him.

 

I open myself up to feeling connections with any type; it just so happens the men I have fallen for, haven't had other women in line to date them.

 

But I am going out on a date with a desirable guy on Friday; other women are always interested in him. I really don't care. If a man falls for me, he won't care about his "other options".

 

Plus most of those men have been around, had sex with loads of the hottest women and frankly, they are tired of it; they are often seeking a genuine connection. When they find it, they usually settle with ONE girl; and it is not always the hottest women they have dated.

 

I understand that you feel bitter, Some Dude. But try to look at the glass half full! You HAVE had a short relationship with a very pretty girl (I saw the picture of her via pm remember?) and many men have never even had that experience - many men have NEVER gotten to date a pretty girl who they were very attracted to.

 

At least you have had one girl who you found very attractive. That means realistically, there is hope for you, even though you are not the guy that girls cue up for; and really, who IS that guy? I sure don't know any men who have girls lining up to date them!

 

I have men who want to date me crop up but I decline because I am not attracted to them and I don't OWE It to them to date them, and I would rather go after a guy I feel I have a connection with EVEN if he had girls lining up after him!

 

What I wouldn't do, is compete with other women..... If a guy needs to date other women after our first date, that is his prerogative and I don't want to date men who "need to explore" their options after meeting me. I hold out for a guy who is into me and doesn't think most women he meets compare to me.

 

Competing and being one of three women a man is dating is so not my style, but hey, many women are content to let their guy date around for the first month or so! Where as I prefer to hold out for a more rare connection, that is mutual and where the guy immediately loses interest in pursuing other women.

 

This comes down to multi dating, in essence, multiple women competing for the affection of ONE man...which you have expressed the desire to do yourself ( you stated that you would enjoy having three cute women about while you pick) so...hypocrite much:lmao: