Women shouldn’t compete for a man.

[NJ123]

I don't think that's true, just by looking at my own history

When I was in university, I was"in love" with this friend of mine, he was all I could think about, he was all I wanted to be with - but we were just friends.

 

A few years pass, and I move to a different city, we're still friends, but that's it - then I meet the guy that was my real true first love and I date him and one time on my visit back home, I get together with my friend for a catch up dinner and because I had no feelings for him like that at all, I kept thinking 'My god! The pitch of his voice is really annoying - can't believe I used to love his voice and everything about him'

 

So my point is, no - a person can be the highlight of your love life at one point, and then you meet someone that is awesome for you - and you love them and the person before isn't even an issue - they don't compare.

 

People fall in and out of love all the time - so if I was really into someone right now, doesn't mean that the person I'll be dating a year from now is a 'step down' - because I'm with them for a reason. I like them for a reason, I'm attracted to them for a reason. There is no comparison really.

 

I think some women would dump the guy their with to get with the previous huge option guy if he was available & wanted to date her.

[AVarma]

Are we back to this again? Why should a woman go out with a man who is interested in her if she has no interest in him.

 

And, breaking news, some people never pair up and are happily single till death.

 

Actually I think most people do eventually get married. I think the statistic is that 90% of people will be married at least once in their lives.

 

Honestly it isn't even that hard to get girls. You'd be surprised the kind of losers who still manage to find women interested in them.

[insert_name]

This assumes a lot. She wants someone she's really into. Maybe that guy isn't "the one", but likely she'll find that mutual interest along the way--and she'd miss out if she just went with whomever was available and "equal".

 

She would 'miss out' by going with someone who was available and equal?

 

Stay classy Atlantic City

 

But yeah, your post assumes that she would miss out. Perhaps If she tried looking for the greatness in the guys that arent already overwhelmed with women she may find that chasing the haaaawt successful guy is a false economy and true happiness can be found in the most unlikely of places? There are plenty of women singing the "where have all the good men gone" blues - maybe they just arent deviating from going after the most socially proofed men and missing out?

[Revolver]

It happens but on a superficial level to be sure.

 

I used to hang out with a crew, there was one dude that would have a ring of girls around him wherever we went. The guy literally had his pick, and he didn't always treat them right either. It was definitely frustrating to try to talk to a girl when she just wanted to join the slobbering pack lol.

 

One of my best friends is that guy, but he's such a great person you can't even hate on him

[MidwestUSA]

Actually I think most people do eventually get married. I think the statistic is that 90% of people will be married at least once in their lives.

 

Honestly it isn't even that hard to get girls. You'd be surprised the kind of losers who still manage to find women interested in them.

 

If that's true, why is the OP having such a difficult time?

[TigerCub]

I think some women would dump the guy their with to get with the previous huge option guy if he was available & wanted to date her.

 

Sure, SOME women might, but I don't think the majority of women would.

[elaine567]

I think some women would dump the guy their with to get with the previous huge option guy if he was available & wanted to date her.

 

I do not believe that is true in the majority of cases.

You are putting too much emphasis on high option guys, not every woman wants a "high option" guy, some women may be oblivious to his charms.

Once a woman is totally invested in a man, then other men tend not to figure highly.

[xxoo]

Well, I suppose so just as long as he has a lot of things going for him. Do women that seek out guys with tons of options have a lot of options themselves usually? As OP said, do they usually just turn every guy down until they see if they get picked. It's ridiculous to me to even use the term "picked". It's almost like their on the Price Is Right or something where they get chosen to play out of so many options. It's just so stupid to me.

 

We just want to feel it...attraction, desire, chemistry, whatever.

 

Attractive men, like attractive women, have many admirers. This doesn't mean they don't seek "the one" at some point.

 

But no, a man doesn't need many admirers to be attractive. A quieter guy who connects with a woman and shares his attractive traits with her can win her admiration, while others may not notice.

[MidwestUSA]

 

This comes down to multi dating, in essence, multiple women competing for the affection of ONE man...which you have expressed the desire to do yourself ( you stated that you would enjoy having three cute women about while you pick) so...hypocrite much:lmao:

 

Hmmmm. Interesting.

[ComingInHot]

Alright, I am going to share The Most petty and shallow thing about myself with ya'll. I'm not proud of it... but at the same time I am.

 

I purposely Never EVER get together with the men who 'get all the girls' or who I see the women fawning all over (except one time recently and that was after the D and x and all that and because he was very persistent & it was a kiss and I told him no more after that)*.

 

It is a running thing where I ski instruct to this day!

I just feel there has got to be one person to say, 'eh, not doin it for me' to these guys.

Guess what?!

They then turn out to be the nicest and most fun and protective men and friends out there.

CiH*

[DukeNukem47]

The main reason this bugs me is because it's so hard to find an available woman who wants to date.

 

I can somewhat understand a woman not wanting to date me because she likes somebody else. Not fully understand it mind you, because even when I really liked one girl, there were still other girls that I would have happily gone on a date with.

 

Now if that girl I liked who liked somebody else, likes a guy who has a ton of girls after him and most likely she won't date him and may even settle for becoming a FWB, that just makes me shake my head. It's just stupid.

 

Another aspect is jealousy. I have never been desired by a few woman at a time and hearing about a guy who has that just makes me angry.

 

I find that it's really feast or famine. Generally, I'm either getting girls or I'm not.

 

Attractions begets attraction. Women will become attracted to you if they know other women are attracted to you.

 

Also, despite what they say, women tend to be attracted to the same things, though the order in which they prioritize these traits may differ. For example, one woman may like an outgoing man more than a tall man, while another likes a tall man more than an outgoing man. Both women prefer tall, outgoing men, but they are willing to compromise on different things.

[serial muse]

What is wrong with that view of women? There are certainly enough women to go around. Hell, I went to a college that was 60% women. Why shouldn't every guy get one woman?

 

Because women are not commodities; they are people.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Yeah, but he'll never ever be the guy she really wanted. Since any guy after a guy like that they go after would be a step down in the dating league. I wouldn't go as far as say it's settling if she genuinely really likes him but he wouldn't be her most desired option in her dating history.

 

Do you know what moving on means? Why do you assume women are incapable of getting the hell over a missed chance and not feeling any long term sense of "loss"? Why would the next person be considered a "step down"? I think for most people, a clear step UP would be the next person they like who actually likes them back. I mean, would you say that men who lost out on someone they really liked would never be satisfied with the next person they actually "get"?

 

Also, why do you seem not to understand that after a certain amount of time passes, people tend to stop romanticizing others and putting them on pedestals? There have been quite a number of people I was REALLY INTO that didn't feel the same about me. Guess what? They soon lost their luster anyway. I can't think of a single guy I've ever been crazy about that I'm not completely over by now. Pretty sure that's true for many women.

 

Most people don't get oneitis to the degree of eternal unhappiness like you seem to be suggesting...

[xxoo]

 

Also, why do you seem not to understand that after a certain amount of time passes, people tend to stop romanticizing others and putting them on pedestals? There have been quite a number of people I was REALLY INTO that didn't feel the same about me. Guess what? They soon lost their luster anyway. I can't think of a single guy I've ever been crazy about that I'm not completely over by now. Pretty sure that's true for many women.

...

 

Exactly. The attraction doesn't last if nothing deeper develops. It just withers and evaporates.

 

When it mutual, and we fall in love, no one else matters!

[NJ123]

Do you know what moving on means? Why do you assume women are incapable of getting the hell over a missed chance and not feeling any long term sense of "loss"? Why would the next person be considered a "step down"? I think for most people, a clear step UP would be the next person they like who actually likes them back. I mean, would you say that men who lost out on someone they really liked would never be satisfied with the next person they actually "get"?

 

Also, why do you seem not to understand that after a certain amount of time passes, people tend to stop romanticizing others and putting them on pedestals? There have been quite a number of people I was REALLY INTO that didn't feel the same about me. Guess what? They soon lost their luster anyway. I can't think of a single guy I've ever been crazy about that I'm not completely over by now. Pretty sure that's true for many women.

 

Most people don't get oneitis to the degree of eternal unhappiness like you seem to be suggesting...

 

But than why are so many women trying to compete for the same guy? They must really like him a whole lot to wait it out & see if she's chosen. I would think most people wouldn't want to be in that situation. As said, some women would dump their current guy to get with that previous guy that didn't choose her before but he's now available.

[xxoo]

But than why are so many women trying to compete for the same guy? They must really like him a whole lot to wait it out & see if she's chosen. I would think most people wouldn't want to be in that situation. As said, some women would dump their current guy to get with that previous guy that didn't choose her before but he's now available.

 

A woman's desire is narrow. Once it's in her new man, it's not in that guy.

 

It's amazing how strong attraction can evaporate, but it does. It's "what did I ever see in him?" Spell broken.

[johan]

Yeah, but he'll never ever be the guy she really wanted. Since any guy after a guy like that they go after would be a step down in the dating league. I wouldn't go as far as say it's settling if she genuinely really likes him but he wouldn't be her most desired option in her dating history.

 

People do grow and mature. My wife is nothing like the women I was with in the past. In the past I probably wouldn't have gone for her, because I was all about "hot". But now what I thought was hot before means little to me. Those women were never worth it. It was a lot of trouble and confusion and ultimately failure with them. She has redefined "hot" for me. Put her in a lineup with any of your favorites and I'll take her every time without any hesitation.

 

You seem to think these women have perfect knowledge of these guys and themselves. I've known many who got "the guy" and ended up regretting it. That guy ended up redefining "hot" for them, too. I've known women who dated their second or third choice guys only to realize how much better it was with that guy than she fantasized it would be with Mr. #1. When the blindness of infatuation wears off, Mr.#1 often proves to be a dickhead.

 

Who were the guys they ended up going for? The ones who weren't obviously alpha-males, turning heads as they enter the room. "2nd tier" guys who had a good outlook, were fun to be with, and had more going for them than beauty. Those guys aren't lady killers, but they never fail.

[AVarma]

I think you have to understand that there is a difference between fawning over a hot guy and being in a relationship with him. I mean I know many women who will fawn over hollywood actors but still be in a relationship with someone who knows nothing like him. Besides when it comes to one night stands women and men are pretty shallow.

 

It depends on what you're looking for really. If you want a relationship I think most women would give you a chance. Hook ups are a different matter however.

 

BTW the idea that women will dump a committed boyfriend for a hunk is such nonsense. I mean I'm sure there are women like that out there but seriously why would you want to be with a woman like that?

[AVarma]

Those guys aren't lady killers, but they never fail.

 

What is a lady killer anyway? Is it a guy who kills women's attraction for him:lmao::lmao:?

[preraph]

An old flame of mine was the superhot guy women constantly threw themselves at, but he wasn't interested in being mauled like that. I had a big crush on him too but managed to have an intermittent fling and friendship with him (over a long time) by being too dignified to throw myself at him. He didn't just go with women of looks equal to his (there weren't many of those either) and his thing was "saving" women. Once he saved a waitress in a restaurant whose bf came in and was handling her rough while he was there eating and then went out with her for a couple of years. Once he rescued a girl from overseas when he lived over there and got her out of the country. Probably why our thing didn't go deeper on his side is because I didn't need rescuing. If I'd had the perspective then I have now, I'd have probably pretended I did though! I think I've missed out on landing two important from not needing them, but I never really left them behind. I loved the way he looked, but I also loved the way he recreated himself and how he self-promoted. He inspired me. He was a good guy. All the men hated him except those he worked with who knew him better.

[NJ123]

People do grow and mature. My wife is nothing like the women I was with in the past. In the past I probably wouldn't have gone for her, because I was all about "hot". But now what I thought was hot before means little to me. Those women were never worth it. It was a lot of trouble and confusion and ultimately failure with them. She has redefined "hot" for me. Put her in a lineup with any of your favorites and I'll take her every time without any hesitation.

 

You seem to think these women have perfect knowledge of these guys and themselves. I've known many who got "the guy" and ended up regretting it. That guy ended up redefining "hot" for them, too. I've known women who dated their second or third choice guys only to realize how much better it was with that guy than she fantasized it would be with Mr. #1. When the blindness of infatuation wears off, Mr.#1 often proves to be a dickhead.

 

Who were the guys they ended up going for? The ones who weren't obviously alpha-males, turning heads as they enter the room. "2nd tier" guys who had a good outlook, were fun to be with, and had more going for them than beauty. Those guys aren't lady killers, but they never fail.

 

But on the flip side that's the type of woman I don't want to be with personally. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a woman that was with all the most desired guys when younger, but than grew & mature & got with me when she's older. That would just make me feel way too weird & I'd be wondering what she's actually thinking when with me in terms of a lot of things. Almost like I'm being settled for or something.

[AVarma]

But on the flip side that's the type of woman I don't want to be with personally. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a woman that was with all the most desired guys when younger, but than grew & mature & got with me when she's older. That would just make me feel way too weird & I'd be wondering what she's actually thinking when with me in terms of a lot of things. Almost like I'm being settled for or something.

 

Meh I wouldn't care to be honest. All I want is for her to accept me for I am. What she did before me doesn't even matter.

[xxoo]

But on the flip side that's the type of woman I don't want to be with personally. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a woman that was with all the most desired guys when younger, but than grew & mature & got with me when she's older. That would just make me feel way too weird & I'd be wondering what she's actually thinking when with me in terms of a lot of things. Almost like I'm being settled for or something.

 

You are making up scenarios in your head based on your insecurities. When you mutually fall in love, it'll be so obvious that she wants you more than anyone.

[NJ123]

Meh I wouldn't care to be honest. All I want is for her to accept me for I am. What she did before me doesn't even matter.

 

I guess it would depend for me on a lot of things.

[NJ123]

You are making up scenarios in your head based on your insecurities. When you mutually fall in love, it'll be so obvious that she wants you more than anyone.

 

Perhaps. I think mainly it would depend on how those previous relationships went. Were they genuine good guys but it just didn't work out for whatever reason, or were they jerks that she was attracred to that had the confidence with women which is why they were so desired. Since abusive prior relationships would be a red flag to me if those were the types she was attracted to.