Women shouldn’t compete for a man.

[somedude81]

Are we back to this again? Why should a woman go out with a man who is interested in her if she has no interest in him.

 

She shouldn't. That's not what this thread is about.

 

A woman shouldn't willingly put herself in a situation where she is competing with several other women for one guy. To do such a thing is stupid and I've yet to hear a logical reason why women should do that and be encouraged to.

 

Regarding your post, I do believe that a woman should give up her silly crush on the same guy that all her friends like and take a good look at all the other men around her that she ignored while she was focused on her crush.

 

And, breaking news, some people never pair up and are happily single till death.

 

If they willingly choose to stay single, and they are happy, good for them.

 

That's not how the vast majority of people are, myself included.

[xxoo]

 

A woman shouldn't willingly put herself in a situation where she is competing with several other women for one guy. To do such a thing is stupid and I've yet to hear a logical reason why women should do that and be encouraged to.

.

 

It's not "should", but as for why:

 

The tingle between her legs

The emotional rush when she talks to him

Feeling alive

 

It's the stuff that puts pep in your step when you get up every day. Why shouldn't she go for the guy that makes her feel that way?

[somedude81]

I don't go for the guys that have 10 women lining up to date him.

 

I open myself up to feeling connections with any type; it just so happens the men I have fallen for, haven't had other women in line to date them.

 

That's great, and I think it's exactly how things should be.

 

Liking a guy because other women like him is childish.

 

But I am going out on a date with a desirable guy on Friday; other women are always interested in him. I really don't care. If a man falls for me, he won't care about his "other options".

 

Just be sure he's falling for you and not just wanting to use you for sex.

 

Plus most of those men have been around, had sex with loads of the hottest women and frankly, they are tired of it; they are often seeking a genuine connection.

 

OK sure.... And who told you this? The guy himself? How many girls do you think he's given that line to?

 

 

I understand that you feel bitter, Some Dude. But try to look at the glass half full! You HAVE had a short relationship with a very pretty girl (I saw the picture of her via pm remember?)

 

Having a very short relationship with a great woman that ended over a year ago isn't enough to keep my glass full anymore. If anything it's almost empty because I feel that I was screwed over because I was just being teased about what it was like to be a relationship and then she was taken away from me. I am still extremely angry about how things ended with her. The fact that I haven't been able to replace her hasn't made things any easier.

 

and many men have never even had that experience - many men have NEVER gotten to date a pretty girl who they were very attracted to.

 

I doubt that. I'm pretty sure that most men have dated women that they were very attracted to.

 

At least you have had one girl who you found very attractive. That means realistically, there is hope for you,

 

I really do hope so.

 

even though you are not the guy that girls cue up for; and really, who IS that guy? I sure don't know any men who have girls lining up to date them!

 

Aren't you going on a date with him soon?

 

 

I have men who want to date me crop up but I decline because I am not attracted to them and I don't OWE It to them to date them, and I would rather go after a guy I feel I have a connection with EVEN if he had girls lining up after him!

 

What I wouldn't do, is compete with other women..... If a guy needs to date other women after our first date, that is his prerogative and I don't want to date men who "need to explore" their options after meeting me. I hold out for a guy who is into me and doesn't think most women he meets compare to me.

 

That's a great way to explain things, and I completely agree.

 

Competing and being one of three women a man is dating is so not my style, but hey, many women are content to let their guy date around for the first month or so! Where as I prefer to hold out for a more rare connection, that is mutual and where the guy immediately loses interest in pursuing other women.

 

Yeah, and those women are fine with him sleeping with other women as well. They worry that if they try to make him exclusive to her, he will leave. That's so stupid.

 

This comes down to multi dating, in essence, multiple women competing for the affection of ONE man...which you have expressed the desire to do yourself ( you stated that you would enjoy having three cute women about while you pick) so...hypocrite much:lmao:

 

Are you talking about my goofy fantasy of having three wives? White/Italian (essentially my ex) one Asian and the other Mexican. That way they can take turns cooking

 

As for multi-dating, no I have no real interest in doing that. Once I focus on a girl and really like her, nobody else matters.

[MissBee]

One of the things that I absolutely can’t stand about dating and women is hearing about a situation where there is a group of women all trying to compete for one guy.

 

Odds are that if a lot of girls are interested in a guy, he’s going to be sleeping with several girls. Do women not understand this, or just not care? I can’t figure out why a woman would willingly put herself in that situation. Does she think that he will give up all other women for her, or is she just content being part of the harem?

 

The main reason I have an issue with this is that it ties up women who should otherwise be available for men to date. If there are 10 women and 10 men, and all 10 women are dreaming about being with one guy, it means that the other 9 men don’t have anybody to date.

 

I wish women realized how ridiculous it is to compete with each other for a man and instead of doing it or trying to give advice to other women who are doing it, they should instead date the men who are actually interested in them. Or would such a thing be "settling"

 

I see several things here:

 

1) The idea that because say 10 women like one man he is necessarily going to be sleeping with them all. Look, every guy isn't some jerk ready to take advantage of several women's interest. I've known men that were desired by lots of women, who were pretty particular about who they liked and didn't sleep around because they wanted one gf not 20 women to randomly sleep with. So it isn't necessarily true that because 10 women like one man he's going to use them all for his sexual pleasure.

 

2)I haven't known this ever to be the case where all women in any kind of group only like one man (unless you're on The Bachelor and there is only one man that everyone goes in knowing they are competing for). In school, everywhere, a guy or girl might have several people interested in them and may be the most crushed on but not ALL people like them. Among my friends our tastes tend to be varied and I haven't been in any situation where there was one guy my friends and I were all into.

 

3)The idea seems to be, as with many of these posts, is that dating is some charity and this that and the other this is "sooooo unfair" and women need to refrain from liking who they naturally like to give a chance to random guy X who feels left out. It doesn't work like that. If these 10 women decided to stop going after that one guy, doesn't mean they should automatically like guy #9, #8, #7 or whatever other number he is. There isn't any rule in a social group that one MUST pick a man to like and if many girl like him you should choose a different man you may not like. They can just choose to not like anyone in that group of the guy they really like is unavailable.

 

I mean this is all clearly from the perspective of the guy hoping to get the attention of one of these girls and is tired of that one guy "winning", I get it...but you also need to think of it outside of just you and your wish for how things should be. It's possible and it happens that sometimes more than one person likes a girl or guy and then that girl or guy eventually chooses someone or no one, and the admirers have to move on. However, moving on doesn't mean they're going to move on to some other guy in that group. They can move on to some whole other person who is not related to the group at all. You have to consider why they like that guy/girl...if that person fits their type or what they are looking for then it will be hard to argue that they should all of a sudden like some whole other kind of person just cause that person thinks they should like them.

[NJ123]

It's not "should", but as for why:

 

The tingle between her legs

The emotional rush when she talks to him

Feeling alive

 

It's the stuff that puts pep in your step when you get up every day. Why shouldn't she go for the guy that makes her feel that way?

 

Because he could be out banging a bunch of his options while she's trying to win him over. But whatever floats their boat I suppose. I just don't get it at all.

[autumnnight]

What is a lady killer anyway? Is it a guy who kills women's attraction for him:lmao::lmao:?

 

The best way to kill MY attraction is by being a whiny, entitled, woman-bashing victim. Just sayin

[DukeNukem47]

People do grow and mature. My wife is nothing like the women I was with in the past. In the past I probably wouldn't have gone for her, because I was all about "hot". But now what I thought was hot before means little to me. Those women were never worth it. It was a lot of trouble and confusion and ultimately failure with them. She has redefined "hot" for me. Put her in a lineup with any of your favorites and I'll take her every time without any hesitation.

 

You seem to think these women have perfect knowledge of these guys and themselves. I've known many who got "the guy" and ended up regretting it. That guy ended up redefining "hot" for them, too. I've known women who dated their second or third choice guys only to realize how much better it was with that guy than she fantasized it would be with Mr. #1. When the blindness of infatuation wears off, Mr.#1 often proves to be a dickhead.

 

Who were the guys they ended up going for? The ones who weren't obviously alpha-males, turning heads as they enter the room. "2nd tier" guys who had a good outlook, were fun to be with, and had more going for them than beauty. Those guys aren't lady killers, but they never fail.

 

This is the core of what many men complain about online: women have sex with the alphas in their prime years (their 20s) and settle for the betas in their 30s.

[xxoo]

Because he could be out banging a bunch of his options while she's trying to win him over. But whatever floats their boat I suppose. I just don't get it at all.

 

We aren't stupid. This is a reason women screen guys before taking them to bed.

[MissBee]

In what arenas do these competitions take place, SD? Besides high school.

 

I've been in the work force for awhile and have never seen it there, nor in various social circles.

Several women mobbing a single guy?

 

Are we talking about college?

 

I was curious about that as well.

 

The only example I could think of was in elementary school when a vast majority of the girls liked this one guy, let's call him Alex. Even still, while many girls liked him, not all did and there were other "popular guys" who had their own admirers.

 

I can't even think of a guy like that in high school. As far as I can remember there wasn't one guy all girls liked. There were a few guys probably that were popular but people in the school were having HS relationships and so on with people not them...it wasn't like all girls in the school had to have one of those guys or nothing. Or if those guys didn't like them they had to then "pick" some guy standing around waiting for the popular guy's cast offs or something lol.

 

In college...nope. There was no one guy all women liked. Grad school..same...I can't think of any social situation I'm part of where women are competing for one man. Currently, there are a few guys that my friends and I and other women will say he's attractive and one of the eligible, but it's more in passing and not that we're all actively vying for these men's attentions. Not sure if these guys even know that women are thinking this and if they do, I haven't heard them abusing it by sleeping around with a bunch of us. So I too was a little unsure of where this happens in the grown up world outside of The Bachelor tv show.

Edited February 26, 2015 by MissBee

[Endles]

 

Just be sure he's falling for you and not just wanting to use you for sex.

 

 

 

.

 

This might surprise you, but women like sex. With guys that are attractive. You look good enough to them to get their vagina tingling and juices flowing....who's using who here?

[MissBee]

Please tell me where I mentioned cheating in my opening post. Heck you can even read the post I wrote before this to get my view of cheating.

 

What I'm saying is that given the opportunity most guys will sleep with several different women. And yes, that does include me.

 

 

 

What is wrong with that view of women? There are certainly enough women to go around. Hell, I went to a college that was 60% women. Why shouldn't every guy get one woman?

 

Women aren't objects or commodities that every man gets one of.

 

And that's maybe where your mentality is all messed up.

 

Based on all your threads, and my going back and forth in them and seeing other people do the same, it seems you truly believe women are like objects who once you deem them desirable they should become your possession. That is, you seem to be unable to grasp their free will and choice to like or dislike whomever they please, be that choosing to like the man 50 women like, the man no one likes, or deciding to be alone. You think that simply because a man (you) wants a woman, you should "have one" and how dare she have a choice or say...and if her choice or say is saying no to you it is ridiculous, confusing, mysterious, waste of time, unrealistic etc.

 

It's not. Women are human beings that you don't get one of just cause you want. Likewise, I don't see men as objects I can have because I want to. I am fully aware that a man is a person with his own preferences and choices and that may not include me and that is perfectly fine....dating is a mutual choosing process...not being a petulant child and demanding to "have one" because men and women are objects to go around.

[NJ123]

We aren't stupid. This is a reason women screen guys before taking them to bed.

 

How would the woman find out though if he's having sex with some of his options? Would most of the women still want him if they find out he's having sex with others while trying to figure out who he wants to be with exclusively?

[somedude81]

I don't think you understand it at all given the context of this thread.

 

Because you were also interested in them. Your statement implies those girls "competing" for guys do so while ignoring other men they're ALSO interested in. If a woman is competing for the attentions of a man, it's likely no one else interests her. You've done the exact same thing before so how does this behavior legitimately confuse you?

 

I have never been solely interested in one girl and ignoring everybody else. Every single time I had a strong crush on a girl I was out there looking for new girls that I might have a chance with. My failed pursuit of Busy Girl was no exception.

 

I think it's ridiculous to only be interested in one person who has several other people interested in them as well.

 

Your view of how dating should be only benefits you. There is no benefit to a woman to date someone she's no otherwise interested in.

 

The benefit is obvious.

 

She can stop chasing the guy she will never get or only be a sex toy to, and she give another guy a chance (me) and she may be pleasantly surprised about how awesome that guy (I am) is once she actually gets to know him (me)

 

And to ask why every man can't have at least one women is...strange. You're certainly not willing to date any and every woman who comes your way so why on earth would you expect women to do such a thing? Idgi.

 

Well, that's honest. But there's no real reason to dwell on what you can't have. It does you no good.

 

Sure, but we all do and think things that we know aren't good for us.

 

That thread that I talked about just set me off.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

This is the core of what many men complain about online: women have sex with the alphas in their prime years (their 20s) and settle for the betas in their 30s.

 

Please for the love of christ DO NOT bring AF/BB into this...

[DukeNukem47]

Please for the love of christ DO NOT bring AF/BB into this...

 

That was the gist of what that poster was saying. It wasn't a response to the thread as a whole.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

But on the flip side that's the type of woman I don't want to be with personally. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a woman that was with all the most desired guys when younger, but than grew & mature & got with me when she's older. That would just make me feel way too weird & I'd be wondering what she's actually thinking when with me in terms of a lot of things. Almost like I'm being settled for or something.

 

Have you ever dated anyone? Ever?

[DukeNukem47]

She can stop chasing the guy she will never get or only be a sex toy to, and she give another guy a chance (me) and she may be pleasantly surprised about how awesome that guy (I am) is once she actually gets to know him (me)

 

I think you're over-estimating women in today's society. Most women are completely fine with having sex with a good-looking guy without any strings attached. Then, they expect the world when they're ready for it from the less desirable guy.

 

And to ask why every man can't have at least one women is...strange.

 

You still don't get it. This is not the 1950s anymore. In the past, men were the selectors. Now (and unfortunately for men), women are the selectors, meaning that they can do whatever they want without question or consequence.

 

If you want women, you need to adapt to what THEY want. If not, it's totally understandable, but then you will not attract women.

 

Of course, another option is to go abroad for women. But this carries its own difficulties.

[MrNate 2.0]

I was going to offer some words at first, but yeah...

 

Nevermind.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I have never been solely interested in one girl and ignoring everybody else. Every single time I had a strong crush on a girl I was out there looking for new girls that I might have a chance with. My failed pursuit of Busy Girl was no exception.

 

I think it's ridiculous to only be interested in one person who has several other people interested in them as well.

 

How is it ridiculous to only be interested in one person? You like who you like. Even still, you're operating under the assumption that she is ignoring everyone else. That's misguided. It's highly likely she was interested in others however that main person held the most interest.

 

 

 

The benefit is obvious.

 

She can stop chasing the guy she will never get or only be a sex toy to, and she give another guy a chance (me) and she may be pleasantly surprised about how awesome that guy (I am) is once she actually gets to know him (me)

 

She should stop pursing a guy she really likes (for whatever reasons) in favor of a guy she doesn't like....just because he's interested? Are you legitimately suggesting women should just date whoever likes them on the off chance it might not be so bad after all? Who has time to be giving "chances" to people they definitely don't want? Again, as I said, you're not willing to date someone based on the sole fact that they're interested in you so whyyyyy should we?

[ThaWholigan]

These kind of threads get more and more retarded every time they get made on the internet. All this "well, she should give me a chance, then she'll see how great I am!".

 

It. Just. Doesn't. Work. Like. That.

 

At all.

 

I've been there and done that - "I'm a great guy, I'll be fantastic to her if she gives me a chance". Years down the line, I then realize that it would have been a mistake. Hindsight tends to be more accurate than foresight, but at least I figured out before it ever happened to me that "being given a chance" could backfire spectacularly like a rebore sawnoff shotgun.

 

How does this figure with women competing with other women for the affections of one man? Sometimes it's just like that - making them give you a chance is most likely not gonna make them desire you. I've seen it with my brother, who by the way is both short and bald. (OK, he is good looking, but he's from my family, of course he is ). When we were growing up, he was the cute one who was social, and I was just awkward most of the time. I used to long for girls competing for my attention, now it's not too difficult for me if I actually wanted it to happen. He still gets all the girls, but I learned pretty early not to be bothered by it.

 

When you learn to enhance the more attractive parts of your being, and stand out, you'd be surprised how many women take notice. Then they won't just be "giving you a chance", they'll be giving you billboard-sized hints about what exactly they want from you.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Also, SD, you being interested in other girls while simultaneously interested in Busy Girl isn't the best analogy. You might have been interested in them somewhat but not nearly as much as her. She was your main and at times your ONLY focus. The others were a casual distraction and you even rejected one woman. More importantly, even if they were to express mutual interest in you I'm willing to bet you'd have dropped them if BG so much as looked like she might be interested anyway.

 

In this thread you've given a number of reasons why a woman should give up on her crush (namely that he has others interested in him as well) and move on, yet you yourself were told to give up on BG multiple times and consistently refused to do so.

 

 

You seem to hold women to completely different standards than yourself...

[Els]

IMO nobody should be 'competing' with others for a person who isn't interested in them - this applies to either gender. And frankly it isn't common at all in adult circles. Even when it did exist (in college), the few cases of 'competition' that I've seen were actually men competing for one woman.

[ThaWholigan]

IMO nobody should be 'competing' with others for a person who isn't interested in them - this applies to either gender. And frankly it isn't common at all in adult circles. Even when it did exist (in college), the few cases of 'competition' that I've seen were actually men competing for one woman.

Pre-selection theory, as the PUAs call it , is prevalent in some circles I will admit. But it's generally few and far inbetween, and magnified to suit a viewpoint.

[CrystalCastles]

Holy crap, where to start. I just read 10 pages of some of the most infuriating posts on this site that I've encountered. The gender-bashing on this thread is pretty typical of Loveshack, how sad.

 

For starters, for those of you saying things about men not rejecting women, and willing to sleep with anything that has a vagina and isn't dead in the ground, or something to that effect, just stop. Men turn down women, women turn down men. End of story. My boyfriend got propositioned a few times at parties and he turned those girls down. He isn't "owned" by his penis.

 

Secondly, what makes some men on this thread so sure that once a woman has a crush, that will be her one and only love interest for life? In that case, I've had quite a few crushes and got over them and I'm in a relationship now, happily, and not thinking about or wanting any past crushes, even if they were to come to me today and ask me out and profess their love. So how do you explain that?

 

Thirdly, I have absolutely NO idea why men who hate women to this enormous degree, who go onto sites and bash women, paint them all with one broad brush, talk **** about them and hate them, want to date them?? That's so contradictory. Do you realize that by spewing the revolting vitriol about women that you do, actually turns women off? If I were single and seeking, and read the posts of some posters on here, I'd run miles away and not come back.

 

Finally, I don't date men who have hoardes of women following them. I've had some guys in the past who I was interested in, lie about their relationship status. It turned me off, and I cut them out of my life and didn't speak to them again. I date men who have the qualities I'm looking for, are single and available and are interested.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Pre-selection theory, as the PUAs call it , is prevalent in some circles I will admit. But it's generally few and far inbetween, and magnified to suit a viewpoint.

 

The notion of preselection is, as you said, highly magnified. Other women taking interest in a guy might make others turn their heads in his direction initially, but actively pursing, chasing, etc the guy and 'competing' with the women has a very limited appeal. Most (outside of high school/college) tend to quickly tire of that sort of thing. Especially given that women like to be the ones being pursued a majority of the time anyway.