minimariah Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 for all of you who knew your AP & if your AP was a friend before you got together - how well and long did you know him or her? how did your friendship develop into something deeper? also, if it was a longtime friend - were you always attracted to each other or did that spark developed over the time? did you knew right away that you wanted to be with that person but didn't do anything about it until it happened OR did that attraction slowly developed over time? thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Blu72 Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 MM and I met each other at work 15 years ago. So we were professional friends for quite sometime before anything happened. I found him attractive as I would any attractive person, but I never ever thought of him in that way. I have been married since we first met and he married about 5 years after we met. Literally out of the blue one day he started with the subtle flirting/touching. I still didn't take it seriously because at this point we had known/worked with each other for 11 years. But it quickly escalated to a PA affair and continued off/on for a little over a year. He then took another job at another company 3 years ago. I figured it would be over when he left. He reached out a month after being gone and we resumed a limited LC friendship for about 4 months. He asked to take me to lunch to catch up and it started back up. Has been going on since off/on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 for all of you who knew your AP & if your AP was a friend before you got together - how well and long did you know him or her? how did your friendship develop into something deeper? also, if it was a longtime friend - were you always attracted to each other or did that spark developed over the time? did you knew right away that you wanted to be with that person but didn't do anything about it until it happened OR did that attraction slowly developed over time? thanks. The second, longtime friend always connected. Yes, chased her down, when I was young and stupid, I was young and stupid 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria_Smellons Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 I'm another one that met MM through work. We'd known each other maybe 3-4 years before anything untoward happened. I'm not sure I'd class us as friends to be honest, we were colleagues that got on well. We would socialise at work related things, but we didn't socialise outside of work or have deep, meaningful, personal chats. I'd always found him attractive and fanciable but never pursued anything because, you know, married. Plus I never even thought he thought about me in that way. According to him he'd always held a torch for me, but it was only when he was going to be leaving the job that he took a chance on doing anything about it. I thought we'd bump uglies, go our separate ways and that would be the end of it. How wrong I was. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nattie Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 He was my boss, and we were friends first, but knew each other for less than a year before the A started. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author minimariah Posted February 25, 2015 Author Share Posted February 25, 2015 He was my boss, and we were friends first, but knew each other for less than a year before the A started. did you find him attractive as soon as you met him or did that spark develop later, with time? Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 We knew each other about a year and a half. We weren't friends in the sense that we socialized outside of work. You know, the whole marriage thing. I work in the same building as him for a company that contracts to his company. I'd only see him about once a week, but we'd spend the day talking and flirting. It kind of developed slowly. I was attracted to him but did not ever think about making a move on him. Up until that point I didn't touch married men. He came onto me physically, I obviously lack a stload of willpower, and everything just snowballed. We are no longer in the affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy2013 Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 Over time. So we really got to know each other well. We worked together and were friends for about 10 years. We had a chemistry all along. When I realized I was attracted to him I kept my mouth shut and didn't act any differently. When he told me he was attracted to me it opened the door as my M was bad and is given up. He said he was miserable and in a cold marriage and I thought we'd found each other. The first time he kissed me, I felt I was "home" for the first time in my life, like it was "right." I never dreamed I'd have an affair. We went on for about 3 years, I will always love him. He will always my one. I'm middle aged and never experienced anything like this before. He doesn't want the hassle of a divorce, so we've toned things down and remain friends. But that chemistry is still there. Link to post Share on other sites
Nattie Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 did you find him attractive as soon as you met him or did that spark develop later, with time? I found him very attractive, from the first second I saw him, it stunned me even. He is very good looking, but I wouldn't say "crazy unbelievably hot", I've dated better looking guys, hell a lot of people would argue that my H was more attractive, but he just struck me. Even though I was very physically drawn to him, I NEVER thought anything would develop. He began to pursue me and I was in denial about the whole thing, and figured I'd " innocently " flirt for my own amusement. One day we were alone, and he was willing to take it a step further. I didn't stop him. Here we are together a few years later. If someone told me four years ago that this would have transpired, I never would have believed it. A lot of people don't think an affair can end well, or that both parties are doomed selfish cheaters, and I know that does happen more often than not, but sometimes it's real. We found the one, granted the way we went about it, timing, choosing to engage in an affair was morally wrong. The love we share is unlike anything we've ever experienced, and we're not taking it for granted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 for all of you who knew your AP & if your AP was a friend before you got together - how well and long did you know him or her? how did your friendship develop into something deeper? also, if it was a longtime friend - were you always attracted to each other or did that spark developed over the time? did you knew right away that you wanted to be with that person but didn't do anything about it until it happened OR did that attraction slowly developed over time? thanks. We were acquaintances before but not long time friends. I met him at a conference and networking event that was over the course of 3 or 4 days, might have been 4, and we had some workshops and were put into groups for it, so over those days I got friendly with the people in the group, including him, and when we went our separate ways we exchanged IM and email addresses and such and I communicated with them every now and again, including him. But we weren't friends in the sense of longtime friends and I only spoke to him sporadically online every now and again. Sometimes it would be months before we spoke. I thought he was attractive and smart, so were other guys I had met though, so it wasn't necessarily that he was just so but my thinking didn't go much beyond that. One day though he sent me an IM and we started talking and it went from more friendly banter to flirtatious, he asked for my number and called me and it escalated into full blown liking each other from there. All this time though I thought he was single. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 We were not friends as such; I knew his work, and him by reputation, before I met him in a work-related context. There was instant attraction, but I did not act on it for over a year as I was checking him out from a distance; he didn't act on it either as he thought I was "out of his league" and he was M and had never even considered an A before. During that period we did exchange some innocent, work-related communications, and kept in touch via many mutual professional acquaintances and friends. When I did finally hit on him, he was very receptive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eagle's-bargain Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 how well and long did you know him or her? I knew her for about 2.5 years. how did your friendship develop into something deeper? How? We were friends. I never thought of her as anything other than a friend I could confide in, and talk with about daily life, etc. also, if it was a longtime friend - were you always attracted to each other or did that spark developed over the time? It wasn't a spark. Nor a flash in the pan. One day I was driving us home (we lived in the same direction), and she said abruptly "You know if I were any other girl you know they'd be in love with you?" I don't know why she told me that. Maybe she was trying to help me if there were other women who may come along. But I started to feel something for her, and looking back on the years there were signs. Her showing up at my work place to talk when I was free or getting lunch together. I never thought twice about it. When I thought twice about it, it was a feeling I could never turn off. did you knew right away that you wanted to be with that person but didn't do anything about it until it happened OR did that attraction slowly developed over time? See above. Once I realized she had feelings for me, my brain thought about whether or not I could have feelings for her. It didn't go away. I learned after that women and men can be professional colleagues, but friends? No not at all. Because if men and women want to be friends outside of hobbies/professional colleagues, they need to either start with the romance or move back into professional colleague land. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
snl Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 We met at a bday party and for 5 monts We were friends. I so enjoyed it. İ was not after her physically or because of sex. We just enjoyed chats and talking about life and all kind of things...then when we fell in love (it hit us obe morning we are in love) it was like heaven but when problems started it was like hell... once we decided to end it she wanted to stay friends and I said no....it just didn't feel right and while being so sad to have lost a good friend I don't regret the decision to go full on NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 No friend of mine has ever asked me to leave my wife of 19 years. No friend of mine has ever asked me to leave my son. No friend of mine has ever screamed obscenities at me for making a life decision that is best for me. No friend of mine has ever blamed me for their life choices. No, we were not really friends. I'm starting to see that now. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria_Smellons Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 No friend of mine has ever asked me to leave my wife of 19 years. No friend of mine has ever asked me to leave my son. No friend of mine has ever screamed obscenities at me for making a life decision that is best for me. No friend of mine has ever blamed me for their life choices. No, we were not really friends. I'm starting to see that now. Rainbow, I echo this sentiment. I always shake my head when I see people say things like 'AP and I were/are best friends'. Really? My MM has said the same 'we're friends first and foremost'. Errr, no. For one thing, I have absolutely no interest in sticking my bits in my friends and letting them stick their bits in me! I have never had to lie to anyone about spending time with a friend, or hide the fact that someone is my friend. Friends support each other whenever it is needed, not just when it's convenient or when they can sneak away. Finally, friends are supposed to want what is best for each other. MM knows he is no good for me, yet won't end it even though he knows that at the moment I'm not able to. If he was truly my friend, he wouldn't want to see me hurt, and he certainly wouldn't want to be the cause of it, so he'd walk away to make it easier for me. None of the things apply here, so I can only conclude we are not, and never shall be friends. In truth I don't need, nor want friends like him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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