Ex Reconciled

[Stronger123]

Hello, this is my first time on LS. So here is my story, please bare with me. My ex and I were together for a year and a half, and we were close friends before we started even dating. We are both each other's first relationship. He broke up with me 3 months ago. We broke up because we had a big fight that I wasn't being completely honest about something (it just had to do with my past). During the first month there was drama because we both wanted to stay in contact but so much feelings were involved including the breakup that we were both on an emotional rollercoaster. I told him that we couldn't keep going at that and we both needed time. He agreed but was upset about the idea. For me, i blocked him on everything and we had no contact for the past two months. No contact gave me the opportunity to heal from the break up and get back on my feet again. It also gave me the chance to look at my mistakes in the relationship and improve myself to be better for either my ex (if he would come back) or whoever God had planned for my future.

 

Three weeks ago, I attended a conference (I'm a spiritual person so it was a spiritual conference) and I learned about forgiveness. I felt in my heart that I should apologize for my mistakes in the relationship. I gave myself about a week to think about whether i should or shouldn't. I figured it was the right thing to do, and that it didn't matter if he replied or not (i just felt it was right for him to know that i was sorry about my mistakes). So i unblocked him, sent the message, and he replied the following day. To my surprise he was calmer and took it very well and we ended our conversation short. Then last week at a church, was the first time we saw each other since the two months. To be honest, it was very awkward but we both were friendly and said hi. We have mutual friends, so after church we all hung out together and it was fun (except him and i didn't talk to each other).

 

Anyway the day after church, i randomly got a text from him. He texted to say goodmorning and to see how I was. Our conversation was friendly. Then he said that he wasn't over me, that he missed talking to me and hanging out so he suggested we catch up for lunch. I felt pretty confident and have feelings for him too so i agreed since it was a while. He was sweet, he bought me lunch. We had an amazing time being able to laugh again, talk about how things are going, and catch up! Before we parted ways, we kissed. We both admitted that we still care for one another and want to be with one another. So far we have been texting daily, but it's more like a few texts throughout the day.

 

I told him that I want to take things slow and not jump into the relationship (because i want to see for myself that he is actually serious about me). He respected my idea. I am being cautious about how he acts, and I'm trying not to be too emotionally attached if things don't work out in the long run. Since i have been heartbroken by him before, I'm aware of chances that it could happen again (i know it depends how willing and committed he is to making things work). We are just taking things a day at a time, because we don't know what the future holds.

 

If you have any advice, suggestions, things to be aware of, or tips on having a healthy second chance, it would be greatly appreciated. I know it won't be the same since we both experienced a break up, and that we shouldn't repeat patterns that brought struggles in our past.

 

Thank you for taking your time to read my long thread!

Edited February 25, 2015 by Stronger123

[quattrob]

First of all, I have to say it's great that you have the courage to give the relationship another chance. And I'm sure you're aware that you really need to take things really slow. Make sure not to jump back into it too quickly until he has proven himself, I'd make him wait as long as it needs.

 

He broke your heart once and there's a chance that he probably will again but then again there's always a chance that it'll work out. No matter what happens, I'm glad you took that chance but make sure to tread carefully. There are a lot of people in this world that would do anything to get what they want and once they got what they want, they'll throw it in the trash. So please be careful.

[Stronger123]

First of all, I have to say it's great that you have the courage to give the relationship another chance. And I'm sure you're aware that you really need to take things really slow. Make sure not to jump back into it too quickly until he has proven himself, I'd make him wait as long as it needs.

 

He broke your heart once and there's a chance that he probably will again but then again there's always a chance that it'll work out. No matter what happens, I'm glad you took that chance but make sure to tread carefully. There are a lot of people in this world that would do anything to get what they want and once they got what they want, they'll throw it in the trash. So please be careful.

 

Aww thank you! I really appreciate your response. I am aware to take things slow. It just gets confusing because I feel sparks in the relationship, but I also want to be very cautious and try not to show too much emotion. But you do make a point...i can't make this easy for him. That's just the risk of being in any relationship, it either lasts or it doesn't. But sometimes there are risks worth taking.

[Simon Phoenix]

While I'm not sure that took enough time in No Contact, I do like that he was the one to declare that he wanted to try again and I do like that you're the one that's dictating the pace of reconciliation and that he's agreeing to the pace you set. I would just take it at a comfortable pace for you and treat it like the new relationship. If you fall into the patterns of the past, you'll likely fall into the result of the past.