Concerned about my unborn nephew

[proactivedreamer]

My brother (22) and his gf (19) are having a baby in May. I feel all kinds of mixed emotions regarding his arrival, but mainly I feel afraid for him. I am the second oldest of my siblings (7 in total from my mom), and we did not grow up together. My brother, according to my mom, always liked the street life, and has never really gotten along with people in positions of authority. He wants to do his own thing, and take short cuts when it comes to making money. He has prostituted women, robbed, and peddled. He has stated that he does not want to do menial work and won't consider starting from somewhere, and working his way up. Right now, he and his gf are on disability, and they receive $800 each. I could go into more and more detail, but my point is I am worried about this baby. I worried that he won't have a good life because of who he is being born to, and I don't know who I am suppose to be in all of this. I am so different then my brother. He seems to be the only, not counting our oldest sister, who seems to be involved in unsavory activities. I have been wanting to talk to him about this because I want my nephew to have a chance at a good life. A life out of the "ghetto", and I want him to grow up to be a good person. He is going to be a black male growing up in the ghetto, and I am just so worried about that. His parents don't want to work, acquire higher education, be contributing members of society. I don't want my nephew to be like my brother. I don't want him to think that the street life is the good life, or that getting money any way you can is acceptable, and right.

 

I love my brother, and he can be sweet but I don't think he is a good person. I feel maybe saying that is unfair because I was privileged and grew up in a middle class foster home with parents who encouraged me to go to school, have values, and made sure I understood the consequences of having babies too young. I try to consider all of this when it comes to my brother who wasn't so fortunate, but I am so angry with him because I feel like he knows right from wrong. I feel like he knows that there are resources available for him to acquire some useful skill. He told my sis he wants to be like "lil Wayne", and be rich, drive nice cars, and have nice things. I don't know. I think he is short -sighted, and not being objective or realistic. I hate to be judgemental, but I don't want my nephew to be raised by them. His gf is nice, but she follows my brother, does drugs-she has been smoking weed while pregnant(maybe there won't be any ill effects, not sure), and doesn't want to work or anything either. I think she believes she is disabled because her mom told her so since she was child, and collected disablity checks for her all her life. Ugh...just seems like a mess.

 

I am on this higher purpose kick right now, so i want to be compassionate toward my brother and his gf, and I want to be supportive. I just get mad about these kinds of things. I always remind myself when I think I want to have a child, what will I teach them?( aside from the usual,can I support them financially) because there is a lot more to raising a person then do I have the money to. I don't want my nephew to be another lost boy in the ghetto, I just don't. Any thoughts? Thanks for reading.

[Auspecial]

I can feel your frustration and determination to help.

 

 

Being "less than" doesn't automatically make your brother and his gf "unfit" parents.

 

 

I think your efforts should be to be the best uncle humanly possible. This would include supporting your brothers efforts, because that means helping your nephew have the best dad that he can. Psychological studies have shown it can take just one person to change a childs life. I would do this with a lot of positive reinforcement. Say more positive things when he does positive actions.

 

 

And then keep your eyes open to the possibility that the environment may be dangerous. But right now, that hasn't happened so you can't know that with certainty.

[proactivedreamer]

Thanks for your response. I didn't mean to make it seem like I was better than him. I guess what I should say his I don't like his actions. I think you are right in that I should see my brother for his efforts and striving, but on the other hand, I feel like his efforts are misguided and put him and others at risk. I am going to the best auntie I can be and I hope that may be I can even influence my brother.