2 years relation and now he gone!

[missgurliegurl]

2years ago I started dating an older man. I can honestly say he the best I ever had. Lately my job changed, his job changed so we weren't hanging out like we use to. Then when December rolled around we seemed to be arguing all the time. Then in January he said I think we need a break to reset and start over. So I said okay, but when he did call I would start attacking him of been to friendly with women at the gym, then one day he said. I told you we needed a break, you still continue to arguing and haven't tried to make any changes, I cant do this anymore I'm done and please dont call me. It been a week since then, and Ive been sad since then, Im not sure if he really meant it, or just need some space. But Im postive I want this man in my life and I want him back. But im unsure how to show him that yes ive changed and I would like another chance. But Ive been reading about the 30 day no contact... not sure if I should try that or what, I dont want to reach out and become emotionally again, I just want him to know that Im still the same women he fell in love with 2 years ago... does anyone have any advice.

[Betterm3]

Go no contact he will know that you have change,he asked you for space so no give that to him you have no control on what he is feeling or thinking so just do you and if he comes back then you can re-consider but right now you have to let him be.Do NC for yourself not to manipulate him because you can't manipulate someone to love you again.Trust me been there done that and just like anyone else we all went through those emotions.

[Cedar27]

My advice is don't change for him, or he will see right through it. Be the best woman you can be for your own good. He told you to leave him alone right now, and I know it's hard to keep your distance but by doing so you will show him your strengths. A weak person who comes crawling back after they've been told that their ex needs space is likely going to drive them farther away.

 

So think back to the woman you used to be, no scratch that. Think about the woman who you WANT to be now. Then work your tail off to be that person. Not to win him back, but to win your self worth back.

 

As for those 30 day no contact videos on youtube. I know the ones you are talking about. The ones where they say go 30 days NC, then contact them with some BS text that's phony (example: hey heather remember that secluded beach we used to go to? I'm taking a "friend" there today do you know the directions?). Then you wiggle your way into seeing them in person again where you play it "all cool" and win them back?

 

Those to me are iffy at best. Do you want tricks to reel in your ex? Or do you want to be the best person you can be where they will want to come back organically?

 

I say go no contact since thats what he asked. Don't give yourself any timeline. I would think in a month you still won't be ready emotionally to contact him. I tried to do that 30 day no contact stuff and it didn't work. It's very difficult to do. You really have to be in a space where you truly have learned something, have become a healthier person, and and here's the big one…..the other person also WANTS to talk to you. Trying to weasel your way into their life with bogus texts to get them to agree to see you is a trick you are playing on them to win them back.

 

I want to win my ex back not by strategies that help me fake like i'm doing better, I want to win her back by DOING BETTER. Being a better man, being healthier, stronger, wiser, and in an emotionally healthy space.

 

So give him his space, respect his request, and really focus on the parts of yourself that need improvement. Surround yourself with good people, exercise, eat well, and be patient. Remember, this is only what is happening today. Feelings change, people change, everything is just temporary. You have also not broken NC over and over again like many of us have. Be glad you are still in the early stages where you can make the best choices that will increase the odds of reconciliation. I'm not saying don't ever contact him again…..but you probably shouldn't for a long while because he asked you not to.

 

Good luck.

Edited February 26, 2015 by Cedar27

[missgurliegurl]

Thanks Cedar27, great advice. I keep going over the events over and over in my mind and YES I know I pushed him. Im willing to give him his space I just not ready to accept if he not coming back, but if that his choice I have no choice but to accept it, but it was refreshing to meet a man like him, and will truly miss him if it over. It just hard because at 39 I can honestly say he was my 1st true LOVE!