Just broke up with my GF and she's GONE INSANE!

[d0nnivain]

That doesn't make ANY sense.

 

What does it matter how it's done? The end result is EXACTLY the same. We're not living in the stone ages anymore, people communicate over text all the time.

 

 

 

It matters because one shows compassion. The other is just cold & mean.

 

 

You dated her for 5 months. You probably kissed. You possibly had sex. After that level of intimacy, when you rejected her, basic humanity & kindness indicate that you soften the blow of rejection by delivering the message gently in person.

 

 

Instead you picked the coldest medium possible to throw her away with a crass explanation at that. "I'm bored."

 

 

Save texting for I'm running late or please pick up milk. If the subject matter is in any way emotional face to face is best.

 

 

I can't explain why she is chasing you but it's probably to give you a piece of her mind for being so awful. I doubt she wants you back.

 

 

Going forward in your life, please think & add some kindness into your repertoire.

 

 

Look at it this way, if your doctor was going to tell you that you had a terminal disease, would you rather a text or while you were sitting in the doctor's office?

[Radu]

Not really. We used to text each other all the time, I first asked her out over text. It's not like it's the 1800's anymore where we have to get a horse and bugey ride to do thing anymore.

 

I texted her back to stop and I'm not interested anymore. TWICE. She just keeps calling and texting, I think she came by my work a few times.

 

I thought it was illegal to employ minors, especially if they are in middle school.

 

 

Haven't your parents taught you how to behave around ppl ?

[Radu]

Exactly. What does the medium matter? We were going to break up no matter what. It's not like talking to her in person would have magically changed my mind about whether or not I wanted to be with her.

 

Plus, I was honest with her. I told her the EXACT reason we were breaking up and I said it clearly. I don't get why that's a bad thing, I want to be told the truth too if somebody broke up with me.

 

Also, let's not forget she LIED to me about being okay with it when she clearly wasn't. That's pretty messed up in it's own right.

 

 

Doing it in a nicer fashion shows you have empathy and shows you are a better human being.

 

This is why when getting fired, the boss who tells you 'get the f*** out, you are a worthless employee, nobody will take you, you piece of sh*t' is not seen as well as the boss who tells you 'we are restructuring'.

 

Furthermore, human communication is 50+ % body language, almost 40% tonality and a fantastic 7% based on the actual words being used.

So conducting sensitive communication to the relation via text is a massive stupidity.

 

What you wrote here, the words you used, and the situation leads me to believe that you :

- are very young and/or removed from normal social human behaviour [on which society is built]

- have not been taught these things in your family

- have a mental physical problem that stops you from feeling empathy for others

[lordgoofus]

Afraid of confrontation, aren't we?

This is a good moment for you to realise that direct confrontation is always better than break up texts!

 

I'm not afraid of it. It's just much easier to do it by text.

I don't want to deal with a whole scene of drama and God knows what else. I'm over her, have been for months.

 

She needs to move on already. It's irritating and harassing my personal space.

 

You broke up with her over a text, which was bad enough and then added insult by saying it was boring, her interpretation i guess is that she is boring and that will really hurt.

Go and meet her, face to face, be nice, but firm. Tell her sorry it didn't work out and give her closure. Tell her you are just not ready for any commitment and that it was you, not her.

Don't lead her on, but tell her she is NOT boring.

 

What's wrong with that? She said she wanted the reason so I told her the reason. I wasn't going to be a liar like her and make something up, I was 100% straight up with her.

 

If you know there's a problem, it's better to know about it rather than be ignorant forever. It's like being told you have a piece of food stuck to your teeth. You might be embarrassed for a few seconds when it's pointed out but you'll be much happier/confident for the rest of the day.

 

I thought it was illegal to employ minors, especially if they are in middle school.

 

 

Haven't your parents taught you how to behave around ppl ?

 

I'm 28 and she's 32.

[elaine567]

i'm 28 and she's 32.

 

 

what!!!???

Omg

[elaine567]

She needs to move on already. It's irritating and harassing my personal space.

She dodged a bullet.

[darkbloom]

You are 28 and behaving like this??!! You must have missed the socializing class in elementary school. If you've been over it for months, you should have broken up with her face to face sooner. Why did you string her along? And you don't have to use the word boring. You could have said there was no spark or something gentler. If it was boring, ever think that you might be the boring one?

 

Ask any girl in your life if they would appreciate being broken up with by a text message. The answer is always going to be no.

 

I think you've got a nice bit of karma coming your way. What if the next woman you fall in love with ends it suddenly with a text? Trust me, you will be behaving the same way as the girl in your current situation. Guaranteed.

[Frank2thepoint]

Not really. We used to text each other all the time, I first asked her out over text. It's not like it's the 1800's anymore where we have to get a horse and bugey ride to do thing anymore.

 

I'm not surprised your relationship ended up being boring. You relied on text messages over face-to-face communication to build a connection. You probably bored her and yourself.

 

I'm not afraid of it. It's just much easier to do it by text.

I don't want to deal with a whole scene of drama and God knows what else. I'm over her, have been for months.

 

You just contradicted yourself. You are afraid of face-to-face communication because you don't want to deal with the drama of a breakup. Also, you two were together for only 5 months, and claiming you have been over her for months means you were never really into her. Maybe you have narcissistic tendencies, and liked the ego boost you used her for.

 

Even though your ex-girlfriend is acting crazy, texting you, calling you, stalking you, because of the lack of closure from the poor way you ended the relationship, she sounds like the only person that is alive and has emotions between you two.

[Arieswoman]

lordgoofus,

I see you have named yourself after a mythological bird,

 

The Goofus Flies Backward and Builds Its Nest Upside Down

 

to save posters reading the whole article, the Goofus, "builds its nest upside down and flies backward, not caring where it's going, only where it's been."

 

maybe you should change not only your "handle" but also you modus operandi?

[badpenny]

Could I text you the entire "Debrett's Book of Etiquette & Modern Manners"....? Or TL;DR....?

[central]

What does it matter how it's done? The end result is EXACTLY the same.

 

Well, if you would say the same about having an orgasm, then I'll agree with you. Whether it's your hand or her vagina, the result is EXACTLY the same!

 

Or is it?

[hotgurl]

lordgoofus,

I see you have named yourself after a mythological bird,

 

The Goofus Flies Backward and Builds Its Nest Upside Down

 

to save posters reading the whole article, the Goofus, "builds its nest upside down and flies backward, not caring where it's going, only where it's been."

 

maybe you should change not only your "handle" but also you modus operandi?

 

I was thinking of goofus and gallant from the highlight magazines. You know goofus was the one always being a jerk and doing stupid stuff.

[preraph]

My guess is most of their communication has been over text since that's who people are living these days. Anyway, bottom line, she's gone haywire, and that's not good, and mistakes were probably made on both sides, but you do NOT give in to demands to see or talk to someone who you've told you want no further contact with. If you do, she'll just keep at it. You said no. Now stick with it. Next time, break up in person and first discuss the problems with them and see if either of you can resolve them so they see it coming.

 

Change your phone number if you can't block her. She may show up at your house. If so, don't answer. Keep a log of everything, but she'll probably get over it. She may think you want her to beg.

[PaperCrane]

Everyone seems hung up on the mode of breakup rather than the fact that it happened and the resulting sh*tstorm.

 

Let's break this down.

 

OP seems like a very straightforward person and has decided to live his life and communicate the way he does for his own reasons. Hell, they started dating the same way they broke up. He's outlined everything, but let's remember communication over text is prone to Poe's law. I feel that this is lending itself in a rather exponentially explosive fashion to the ladies reaction. Her efforts are aligned in a way to try to understand a bit better the events and the 'why' of it all. At first this will be probably be seen by her as an attempt to get back with the OP. Most dumpee's attempt this, but it will also allow her better self reflection on her future relationships if the feedback is honest and compassionate. Remember, compassion isn't about accepting her back, simply being kind in an unkind situation; like that lollipop after the doctor jabs a 12 foot needle into you at 5 years old.

 

Sidenote: Admittedly if I was broken up with over text, which I have been, I'd be pissed off (read: LIVID) but I'd also understand that the person probably needed to do it that way for whatever reason and I respect that. Doesn't reduce the hurt, but I can understand the why.

 

There is no recreating the breakup, so we just have to look at this the way it is and try to help. There is a way to bandaid this and if the OP feels that he should at least apply some ointment to this 3rd degree burn of a situation we can look at some possible solutions;

 

1. Contact her to meet and explain the breakup in person. Show empathy and that you're not doing it to hurt her but because you see both of you travelling different roads and to wish her well.
   
2. Call her and explain #1 over some voice communication so she can grasp some closure on the matter and allow both of you time to just move on.
   
3. Continue on the path you're on, causing you more headache and her more undue heartache and confusion. You are broken up and therefore not responsible for her wellbeing in any way. Although, if you're a decent human being you'd show a little compassion towards someone you've spent a lot of time with and explain the situation.
   

[elaine567]

Everyone seems hung up on the mode of breakup rather than the fact that it happened and the resulting sh*tstorm.

 

Let's break this down.

 

OP seems like a very straightforward person and has decided to live his life and communicate the way he does for his own reasons. Hell, they started dating the same way they broke up. He's outlined everything, but let's remember communication over text is prone to Poe's law. I feel that this is lending itself in a rather exponentially explosive fashion to the ladies reaction. Her efforts are aligned in a way to try to understand a bit better the events and the 'why' of it all. At first this will be probably be seen by her as an attempt to get back with the OP. Most dumpee's attempt this, but it will also allow her better self reflection on her future relationships if the feedback is honest and compassionate. Remember, compassion isn't about accepting her back, simply being kind in an unkind situation; like that lollipop after the doctor jabs a 12 foot needle into you at 5 years old.

 

Sidenote: Admittedly if I was broken up with over text, which I have been, I'd be pissed off (read: LIVID) but I'd also understand that the person probably needed to do it that way for whatever reason and I respect that. Doesn't reduce the hurt, but I can understand the why.

 

There is no recreating the breakup, so we just have to look at this the way it is and try to help. There is a way to bandaid this and if the OP feels that he should at least apply some ointment to this 3rd degree burn of a situation we can look at some possible solutions;

 

1. Contact her to meet and explain the breakup in person. Show empathy and that you're not doing it to hurt her but because you see both of you travelling different roads and to wish her well.
   
2. Call her and explain #1 over some voice communication so she can grasp some closure on the matter and allow both of you time to just move on.
   
3. Continue on the path you're on, causing you more headache and her more undue heartache and confusion. You are broken up and therefore not responsible for her well being in any way. Although, if you're a decent human being you'd show a little compassion towards someone you've spent a lot of time with and explain the situation.
   

 

Unfortunately the OP is coming across here as a person who appears to be immune to feeling compassionate.

He checked out months ago, but only deigned to tell her now by text and is seemingly irritated by the fact that the mad woman isn't going away and leaving him in peace...

[stillafool]

I disagree with the way you broke up with this lady. You could have at least called her to break up even if you didn't want a face to face. I do not think anyone can get closure in these situations especially after you have already told her the reason you are ending it. I think you could at least give her one more conversation about it just to reclarify that you are no longer interested in her since she's having a hard time accepting this breakup. I wish you well.

[StanMusial]

Take your whoopin'. She will move on eventually.

 

You should probably be dating someone younger, BTW.

[PaperCrane]

Unfortunately the OP is coming across here as a person who appears to be immune to feeling compassionate.

He checked out months ago, but only deigned to tell her now by text and is seemingly irritated by the fact that the mad woman isn't going away and leaving him in peace...

 

I understand that, but also on the same token it seems to be the right path to resolving the current situation in a way that doesn't utterly suck for both of them.

 

Perhaps this is an attempt to be cathartic to himself. Venting the frustration into the netherous void of the anonymous interwebs.

 

Regardless of the small details, the overall picture is there and the brushstrokes needed to finish this is labeled with compassion and can be found for sale at the local 'Human Heart' store for the low low price of 'One humble moment'. I'm sure OP could spare that. Right?

[TigerLilly78]

Not really. We used to text each other all the time, I first asked her out over text. It's not like it's the 1800's anymore where we have to get a horse and bugey ride to do thing anymore.

 

I texted her back to stop and I'm not interested anymore. TWICE. She just keeps calling and texting, I think she came by my work a few times.

Its called haveing respect for the women you chose to date im not saying her stalking you is proper but I can see her point to a degree you didn't even respect her enough to tell her this face to face...

[rester]

That's cold-hearted. She definitely dodged a bullet if that's the way you handle difficult situations. You're a grown man hiding behind text messages like a teenager.

 

If I were you I'd man up, call her like an adult, and apologize for breaking up with her over text, but I don't see that happening so I'd just continue to ignore her. Deal with the consequences and maybe look on the internet to make sure she hasn't posted your picture on one of those don't-date-him websites.

[elaine567]

I understand that, but also on the same token it seems to be the right path to resolving the current situation in a way that doesn't utterly suck for both of them.

 

Perhaps this is an attempt to be cathartic to himself. Venting the frustration into the netherous void of the anonymous interwebs.

 

Regardless of the small details, the overall picture is there and the brushstrokes needed to finish this is labeled with compassion and can be found for sale at the local 'Human Heart' store for the low low price of 'One humble moment'. I'm sure OP could spare that. Right?

Oh yes, I already suggested similar.

#14

[lordgoofus]

it's been almost 2 days and she's still texting and calling me. She's called me OVER 10 TIMES and texted me nearly DOUBLE that. I stopped responding to her texts last morning.

 

I've contacted the police and i'm going to talk to them about filing harassment charges. I'm through dealing with her, let the cops handle it.

 

This is insane, nobody should have to live with this and I'm not going to be a victim.

Edited February 27, 2015 by lordgoofus

[elaine567]

it's been almost 2 days and she's still texting and calling me. I stopped responding to her texts last morning.

 

I've contacted the police and i'm going to talk to them about filing harassment charges. I'm through dealing with her, let the cops handle it.

 

This is insane, nobody should have to live with this and I'm not going to be a victim.

 

Have you actually had the decency to speak to her or are you still hiding behind texts?

[coolheadal]

Well you can't send a text to break up with someone. Did you send a text to date her? So now you have a crying freaked out GF trying to keep it together with you. Not everyday going to be fun sure it will get boring but you gave up to fast. Best thing to do right now is talk to her. In person and stop with the text just so impersonal for one. If you don't love this girl then be man enough tell her to her face! What you did was rude! Grown-up and take charge of the mess you made!

 

Now do the right thing and talk to her! Because if you don't then you will be held responsible for what she might do to herself. It's be on you if you do not correct this matter. ASAP!

[rester]

it's been almost 2 days and she's still texting and calling me. She's called me OVER 10 TIMES and texted me nearly DOUBLE that. I stopped responding to her texts last morning.

 

I've contacted the police and i'm going to talk to them about filing harassment charges. I'm through dealing with her, let the cops handle it.

 

This is insane, nobody should have to live with this and I'm not going to be a victim.

 

Okay, so she's reacting all crazy, but don't you understand why? You lit up that bridge like the twin towers on 9/11. You have shown her no decency. She's going to come at you fists ablazing and probably get her friends involved. I don't think you're going to see the end of this anytime soon.

 

She deserves an apology.