DatingDirection Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I really do need help to sort some things out...I'm 31 years old. I'm confused about many things. I would like to get your OP please? What kind of issues do you think a child would have given these circumstances: Age 3-5 parents divorced, dad would tell me how terrible my mother is, and vise versa. Saw lots of fighting between mom and dad, physical abuse here and there...I saw my dad being taken away by the police, to force my dad out of our home, when my mom served him with papers. Age 8-14 - mom re-marries a new man, the man was very mean. Insulted my intelligence many times, pointed out that I had no friends, and constantly picked on me for many things, such as forgetting to turn off the lights. I constantly needed to ask for everything, such as taking food out of the refrigerator, to making sure I didn't sit in my step dads spot on the couch. I always felt like I was walking on egg shells in my own home, and was constantly reminded that my house was not my house, it was his house, and I have a room there. *Dad was popping in and out of my life, sometimes he would show up to pick me up, sometimes he wouldn't show up at all or call. One time, he forgot to pick me up from school, I was in 6th grade, and I got a ride from a stranger. Age 14-15 - Went to live with my brother, who is much older than I was. I was stupid, b/c I took advantage of the fact he was rarely home, and didn't go to school much, my brother decided that foster care would be the best place for me at that point. Age 15-16 lived in foster care, foster parents were nice, except that the husband cheated on the wife, and then some how accused one of the other foster kids, that they made that lie up to break the couple apart...just found out a few years ago, (he actually did cheat, and they are divorced now) side note, after this situation, I moved out. Age 26-31 - I've had 1 serious boyfriend, it took me 2 in a half years to move forward after we broke up, I was in a deep depression. I have bounced around to so many different programs in school, I don't have a steady job and a steady income. i don't know what i want to do with my life. Question: given all these facts, What kind of issues do you think a child would have given these circumstances? Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Depends what other influences were in this persons life. Naturally most of the "trauma" situations are there, yet beyond that I am sure the person has memories that have strengthened them in adult hood. I would ask the person to dig deep on those positive influences and utilize where they are now. I would suggest Therapy if it impedes daily life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 (edited) Issue one...separation anxiety issue two... attachment issues issue three...self esteem issue four..... trust issues issue five repressed feelings resulting in anger issues issue six is fear of abandonment a little different to separation anxiety but comes normally hand in hand any one of these issues alone can lead to depression what any of these unresolved issues cause is a difficulty in forming close emotional bonds in a relationship..... childhood trauma is a deep and complex situation that becomes part of the adult.....most of who we are stems from the environment and people who shaped us into becoming adults.....the people who cared for us.... can you give me your positive role models in life instead of the ones who weren't there for you? this is really important...... i do believe a group therapy might help you in any or one of these issues.. i push group therapy a lot on here.....i push it when i feel a person has deep seated trust issues and it is often hard to open up to a person staring at you in a room .........sounds like you have a problem forming close relationships...therapy in a group situation allows you a level of anonymity in the fact you dont have to talk...you can just listen to others until you feel comfortable ...it can be gradual and non confronting you do ti in your own time...open up that is......it gives control where you feel control has been taken from you.... i have done a fair bit of group therapy and i cant say at every group i opened up because i didnt......that was my choice and i chose to listen instead of speak.....and it was soothing..i felt in control and that walking on egg shell feeling you used to have is actually really damaging to have not been dealt with.............its an anxious feeling that was never dealt with and compounded.......people can often disassociate from beign in the moment with that feeling...i know because i do ...its a feeling fo dread if you take a step an inch the wrong way...you are going to cop it.....its fight or flight response that clicks in and i take flight instead of fight....disassociate i really do suggest group therapy........in a safe secure environment.....to get that group started and find one that suits you...please speak to a qualified caring compassionate psyche a person who loves their job for the people sort of psychologist...i have been to many groups specifically survivors of abuse(survivor not victim).......and childhood trauma and a feeling of walking on eggshells as a child is abuse...become a survivor.....not a victim.....you sharing your story in a group might help someone else...thats where we have control over what happens to us...we can choose what to do ...with what people have done to us...like help others as we help ourselves.....i wish you well......and hugs to ya..deb Edited February 27, 2015 by todreaminblue 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DatingDirection Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 Issue one...separation anxiety issue two... attachment issues issue three...self esteem issue four..... trust issues issue five repressed feelings resulting in anger issues issue six is fear of abandonment a little different to separation anxiety but comes normally hand in hand any one of these issues alone can lead to depression what any of these unresolved issues cause is a difficulty in forming close emotional bonds in a relationship..... childhood trauma is a deep and complex situation that becomes part of the adult.....most of who we are stems from the environment and people who shaped us into becoming adults.....the people who cared for us.... can you give me your positive role models in life instead of the ones who weren't there for you? this is really important...... i do believe a group therapy might help you in any or one of these issues.. i push group therapy a lot on here.....i push it when i feel a person has deep seated trust issues and it is often hard to open up to a person staring at you in a room .........sounds like you have a problem forming close relationships...therapy in a group situation allows you a level of anonymity in the fact you dont have to talk...you can just listen to others until you feel comfortable ...it can be gradual and non confronting you do ti in your own time...open up that is......it gives control where you feel control has been taken from you.... i have done a fair bit of group therapy and i cant say at every group i opened up because i didnt......that was my choice and i chose to listen instead of speak.....and it was soothing..i felt in control and that walking on egg shell feeling you used to have is actually really damaging to have not been dealt with.............its an anxious feeling that was never dealt with and compounded.......people can often disassociate from beign in the moment with that feeling...i know because i do ...its a feeling fo dread if you take a step an inch the wrong way...you are going to cop it.....its fight or flight response that clicks in and i take flight instead of fight....disassociate i really do suggest group therapy........in a safe secure environment.....to get that group started and find one that suits you...please speak to a qualified caring compassionate psyche a person who loves their job for the people sort of psychologist...i have been to many groups specifically survivors of abuse(survivor not victim).......and childhood trauma and a feeling of walking on eggshells as a child is abuse...become a survivor.....not a victim.....you sharing your story in a group might help someone else...thats where we have control over what happens to us...we can choose what to do ...with what people have done to us...like help others as we help ourselves.....i wish you well......and hugs to ya..deb Thank you. Im seeing a therapist, but she's not focusing on any of these directly. she is doing CBT thought records. Getting to the root of what im feeling, in my words, i.e im not normal, but we've never talked about any of the issues you mentioned above. shouldn't she realise that's what needs to happen, to talk about all the issues you just pointed out? Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Cbt, is by far the most enriching. Entrust your therepist to know what they are trying to cultivate. its ultimately your cooperation to listen and gain a mature perspective in order to review those past events. I encourage you to stick with the cbt, its not til you go thru it and fully grasp the process that you can reflect back with a different stance. The hardest part was allowing yet another adult to guide the treatment. Find the strength before resolving the trauma. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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