Anger Management

[GreatDadAlways]

I've posted periodically so I'm back for some anger management.

 

I have always been the provider and have worked hard to provide an amazing lifestyle for my family. I was told by the judge here in Ohio that I am expected to live poor for 7 years because my ex will never have the earning potential I do. Not sure why that's my problem but so be it.

 

Anyway, she was awarded 60% of my income in SS/CS combined. On top of that I am responsible for paying for all extra curriculars for my children. Unfortunately the IRS has decided that I owe even more because I'm single and AMT applies to me. In the end, my take home pay is only $2800 a month. While my ex lives large on support and her own 30K income on top of it.

 

The knife in the gut is the ex refuses to help my daughter with college expenses and the other two are constantly asking me to for things. Recently my son said it was pathetic that I couldn't afford to buy him a pair of training shoes.

 

I have 5 more years of this financial devastation and get angry every time I see my paycheck. How do all of you deal with the anger? How can it be equitable that I pay AMT yet have absolutely nothing? In fact I don't even have a car of my own.

 

Somthing is amiss. I'm a successful professional on the brink of moving into a homeless shelter.

 

The system has to change!

 

Thanks for letting me vent all. Have a great weekend.

[chew123]

I feel for you man. Unfortunately I can't help you on the anger management. I would be just as pissed as you if I was in your situation.

 

The system can really be unfair if one of the parties go for the throat.

[DivorcedDad123]

Are you deducting SS on your taxes?

As for the kids,tell them "No" to large items. That's what CS is for.

Also,you don't owe your daughter a college education.I hope your state isn't one that saddles the non-custodial with college expenses.

The biggest mistake made(myself included) is not saving enough for appeal,and paying too much for the divorce hearing.

You were at the judges whim. He doesn't have to follow any law,any statute,any case-law. As long as you cant appeal,his decision is final. Appelate Judges are in place to keep the local county,circuit court judges in check,and they go by law,statutes,and case-law. They are the checks and balances,and if you can't afford them,you're at the mercy of one person.

 

In the end,you only have 5 years left,unless she takes you back for SS because she "can't live on her salary alone".Most alimony is modifiable.

 

Think of it as paying to keep her away from you.It's worth it.

[NopeNah]

That blows! 5 years isn't that long in the grand scheme of things though. But,like was said, CS is for the kids clothes,shoes,ect,so you shouldn't worry about that. Tell him to talk to his mom. The only other option is to quit working for 5yrs,but then you don't even have the $2800/mo for the strip clubs.

[Ebelskiver]

I know this is going to be an unpopular opinion....but hear me out, if only because the change in attitude will make the next five years tolerable.

 

You at one time loved this woman. She grew and bore your children and fed them from her body. Regardless of how the two of you ended up that is an amazing and remarkable thing she did. She will always be the mother of your children and because of that she deserves your respect.

 

Your kids should be your number one priority. As such they would have been getting 50% of your income regardless of divorce. The only difference is that now the arrangement is formalized. That leaves your wife with only 10% of your income. It may seem like a lot but she is the one with the kids most of the time. Raising kids and being around them is hard, consider that 10% payback for the years of sleepless nights and toddler-hood bs that moms always take the brunt of. If she hadn't done it you would've had to hire someone at much greater cost.

 

You're getting a deal. I say this as a woman who happily paid palimony to my ex for five years.

[LoveMyCat]

SS and CS amounts are infamous for causing problems, anger, despair, etc

Even as a woman, I think the amounts sometimes seem unfair. $2800 left over after all that is livable, at least...($1000 more than I have, living alone now). But I know of some men making about $40K assigned very high amounts that don't leave them enough to provide a large enough apartment to have weekends with their kids, as the law requires a bedroom for older children. I do not know what they are expected to do-some have to move back in with their parents.

 

I know parents have to support their children, but honestly, they need to be left with enough money to create an entirely new, often unwanted, life as well. Kids are not guaranteed a certain lifestyle forever, nor are wives. With the high cost of housing, it can be very unrealistic to expect all men to be able to manage this.

 

Be glad you only have five years at this level of support. And encourage your kids to apply for every scholarship out there. It can be a lot of work, but little amounts add up. One of my nieces spent a year researching and acquiring little-known scholarships, some for only $800 or $1000 each but ended up totaling nearly $20,000 per year in the end.

 

Not all parents can pay for college-that is why the student debt issue is so overwhelming. It is great if you can pay, but I don't think that should be demanded as a requirement. Many adults paid their own way through school, or did the military thing to get money for college.

 

In the meantime, talk through your anger with a counselor. Anger helps you not at all. Your relationships will be affected, especially those with your kids, it will seep out. Some divorced fathers spend their entire time with kids complaining about money. Kids have enough to deal with, when their family splits up.