A strange little story. Help me solve the mystery

[Sally]

I met this guy on the internet several months ago under Kiss.com. His original profile read something like this:

 

Successful American married man living in London with children looking for something extra. If this message offends you. Pardon the intrusion

 

I responded from a distance by asking him why he felt the need to cheat on his wife, as I had once been the "other woman" in a difficult situation. We ended up having a very interesting written correspondence about relationships and the complexities. He also shared some personal stories with me, but there was nothing "romantic" about our letters. We were just exchanging ideas about love and betrayal.

 

Last month I happend to be in London on business so I decided to email "Chris" (we hadn't been corresponding for some time)to tell him I was there and if he wanted to meet me we could have coffee.

 

Almost immediately after sending him the email from a London cyber cafe he called me about three times on my cell and left eager messages. I called him back and he asked me what I was doing right "now". I was busy, so we made an appointment for the following Monday for lunch.

 

We had a nice lunch, intelligent conversation, he was a good-looking guy, but I wasn't particularly attracted to him, and neither was he to me. He told me he thought he was going to complain about being tired all the time with his kids, but since we had talked about how nice it is to have a family, he realized that he had "nothing" to complain about. I don't know why, but I think something about me put him off...perhaps because I didn't offer to pay for the lunch, perhaps because I talked about astrology, which he didn't believe in, perhaps because I told him I had a cat which I considered like my "baby" and he couldn't understand how someone could consider a pet as important as a person...Who knows?

 

Anyhow, after the lunch I thanked him, shook his hand and said, "We'll keep in touch," and he didn't say "Yes we will" or something to that avail.

 

A few days ago just out of curiosity I emailed "Chris" just to ask him how he was doing and if I had put him off the time we had met in London for lunch. He didn't respond, so I wrote him again just asking what it was about me that had put him off. Still no response. Well, this started to annoy me ( I don't know why because I don't really even care about him as a friend or aquaintance that much) because I felt that he had pre-labled me as "off the wall" or "strange" and all I wanted to know (just for myself) was what his impression of me had been when he met me.

 

He still didn't respond, so I wrote him one last time under a different email account telling him I thought he had been very naive to use his real name the first time he had written me on Kiss (I had used a fake name for protection of my identity) because if he had come across a mentally unstable woman, she could have called him at home, found out his real address and caused lots of problems for him at home with his family life which wouldn't have been worth risking for a meaningless encounter. He had told me where he lived, what school his children went to and everything in the e-mails..Now imagine if some psycho were to have used that information to stalk him.

 

He still hasn't responded to me and I guess he just doesn't know what to say. Why do you think this happened? Why am I giving it so much attention when I didn't even like him that much? Don't you think he took a risk by using his real name and giving out his cell and work numbers before he had even met me?

 

It just seems so mysterious that we had a good rapport (better on the net) with our correspondence then suddenly he won't write anything.

[Tony T]

His not having further contact with you could have as much to do with his really being attracted to you a great deal as it could have with his being put off by you. You will never know.

 

As far as him giving you all the details of his life, the British (and many people of other cultures) are far more trusting than Americans. Even though he is an American, he has obviously been in London long enough for this to wear off on him. All the things that could have arisen from disclosure of his personal information in America are far less likely to happen in Britain. That's the reason a lot of Americans opt to live in more kind, gentler and sane nations.

 

The reason he has not contacted you is that you serve no purpose in his life at this time. He was looking for some sex on the side and, after the nice lunch, he saw clearly that wouldn't happen with you and off he went. He is married and not looking for a female buddy.

 

Now it would be characteristically gracious for him to answer your Email but he may not even be reading it for fear of what it might say. He may just be deleting it.

 

One thing for sure, he has absolutely mastered the art of getting the curiosity of a female who is only marginally interested in him.

 

There are a great number of people who cease to have contact with others simply because they have no further use of them. While this is sad and a shame, they are esstentially doing the other person a favor. He is to be commended for not faking an interest or friendship. Perhaps he should be commended for sparing your feelings by not answering your email and exposing to you what a piece of crap person he is.

 

What you are experiencing is called the "crooked scorekeeper syndrome" in some schools of psychology. You ignore all the men who do return your emails and who are interested in you and turn your attention to the butthole who gives you a hard time.

 

What a world!!!

[Laurynn]

The guy is obviously a dirty dog.....sniffing around on the Internet, the Singles Ads, looking to 'get a little' on the side. How special. I pity his poor wife, little does she know what a dog she's married to.

 

I think Tony is right on the mark. The guy obviously realized you were not going to be his 'fling', so he has absolutely no interest in communicating further. Maybe he even views women as nothing more than sex/a vagina...and if he can't get that from them, he has no time for them.

 

Don't waste another minute thinking about why this guy is the way he is, why he won't return your mails. He's obviously a sh*t. Just thank your lucky stars that you're not his poor wife.

 

Laurynn

I met this guy on the internet several months ago under Kiss.com. His original profile read something like this: Successful American married man living in London with children looking for something extra. If this message offends you. Pardon the intrusion

 

I responded from a distance by asking him why he felt the need to cheat on his wife, as I had once been the "other woman" in a difficult situation. We ended up having a very interesting written correspondence about relationships and the complexities. He also shared some personal stories with me, but there was nothing "romantic" about our letters. We were just exchanging ideas about love and betrayal. Last month I happend to be in London on business so I decided to email "Chris" (we hadn't been corresponding for some time)to tell him I was there and if he wanted to meet me we could have coffee. Almost immediately after sending him the email from a London cyber cafe he called me about three times on my cell and left eager messages. I called him back and he asked me what I was doing right "now". I was busy, so we made an appointment for the following Monday for lunch.

 

We had a nice lunch, intelligent conversation, he was a good-looking guy, but I wasn't particularly attracted to him, and neither was he to me. He told me he thought he was going to complain about being tired all the time with his kids, but since we had talked about how nice it is to have a family, he realized that he had "nothing" to complain about. I don't know why, but I think something about me put him off...perhaps because I didn't offer to pay for the lunch, perhaps because I talked about astrology, which he didn't believe in, perhaps because I told him I had a cat which I considered like my "baby" and he couldn't understand how someone could consider a pet as important as a person...Who knows? Anyhow, after the lunch I thanked him, shook his hand and said, "We'll keep in touch," and he didn't say "Yes we will" or something to that avail. A few days ago just out of curiosity I emailed "Chris" just to ask him how he was doing and if I had put him off the time we had met in London for lunch. He didn't respond, so I wrote him again just asking what it was about me that had put him off. Still no response. Well, this started to annoy me ( I don't know why because I don't really even care about him as a friend or aquaintance that much) because I felt that he had pre-labled me as "off the wall" or "strange" and all I wanted to know (just for myself) was what his impression of me had been when he met me. He still didn't respond, so I wrote him one last time under a different email account telling him I thought he had been very naive to use his real name the first time he had written me on Kiss (I had used a fake name for protection of my identity) because if he had come across a mentally unstable woman, she could have called him at home, found out his real address and caused lots of problems for him at home with his family life which wouldn't have been worth risking for a meaningless encounter. He had told me where he lived, what school his children went to and everything in the e-mails..Now imagine if some psycho were to have used that information to stalk him. He still hasn't responded to me and I guess he just doesn't know what to say. Why do you think this happened? Why am I giving it so much attention when I didn't even like him that much? Don't you think he took a risk by using his real name and giving out his cell and work numbers before he had even met me? It just seems so mysterious that we had a good rapport (better on the net) with our correspondence then suddenly he won't write anything.