Do men have a fear of being settled for by a woman?

[preraph]

I think a lot of guys HOPE a woman settles for them and don't care why.

 

I'm not saying that's a good thing.

[MissBee]

I think a lot of guys HOPE a woman settles for them and don't care why.

 

I'm not saying that's a good thing.

 

 

Certainly from some threads I've read, a woman does not need to like a man at all but should give him a chance over a man she really likes because every man should have a woman.

 

If that isn't a willingness to be settled for, I dunno what it!

[DukeNukem47]

I personally don't care if a woman settles for me. I'd be okay with it.

[MissBee]

I personally don't care if a woman settles for me. I'd be okay with it.

 

Exhibit A!

[NJ123]

I personally don't care if a woman settles for me. I'd be okay with it.

 

How come? What's the point of that?

[DukeNukem47]

How come? What's the point of that?

 

I've seen it happen before. A woman isn't interesting in a man. He keeps pursuing. She finally gives him a shot. He grows on her. They date and get married.

 

Sure, she may be cheating on him (who really knows what anybody is doing in their personal lives), but so could the woman that was insanely attracted to a guy to start out with.

 

I've seen both and, from my observations, the former have longer and more stable relationships than the latter.

 

I'd prefer that a woman settle for me, rather than not give it a chance at all. But that's just me.

[organizedchaos]

 

Certainly from some threads I've read, a woman does not need to like a man at all but should give him a chance over a man she really likes because every man should have a woman.

 

If that isn't a willingness to be settled for, I dunno what it!

 

However, based on those threads, the opposite is not true. It's okay for the woman to settle for a man she is not attracted to because every man deserves a woman, but it's not okay for a man to settle for a woman he's not attracted to.

[NJ123]

I've seen it happen before. A woman isn't interesting in a man. He keeps pursuing. She finally gives him a shot. He grows on her. They date and get married.

 

Sure, she may be cheating on him (who really knows what anybody is doing in their personal lives), but so could the woman that was insanely attracted to a guy to start out with.

 

I've seen both and, from my observations, the former have longer and more stable relationships than the latter.

 

I'd prefer that a woman settle for me, rather than not give it a chance at all. But that's just me.

 

Well, I personally don't get that. Just don't see the point to keep pursuing a woman that isn't interested right away.

[MissBee]

I've seen it happen before. A woman isn't interesting in a man. He keeps pursuing. She finally gives him a shot. He grows on her. They date and get married.

 

Sure, she may be cheating on him (who really knows what anybody is doing in their personal lives), but so could the woman that was insanely attracted to a guy to start out with.

 

I've seen both and, from my observations, the former have longer and more stable relationships than the latter.

 

I'd prefer that a woman settle for me, rather than not give it a chance at all. But that's just me.

 

How interesting, because my logic is the opposite. If I believed a man insanely into me has the same chance of cheating as someone who is not (which for me doesn't make sense, one to me clearly is more likely to than the other), then I might as well go with the one I really like.

 

Would you consider your stance desperation or something else?

[DukeNukem47]

How interesting, because my logic is the opposite. If I believed a man insanely into me has the same chance of cheating as someone who is not (which for me doesn't make sense, one to me clearly is more likely to than the other), then I might as well go with the one I really like.

 

Would you consider your stance desperation or something else?

 

I wouldn't consider my stance desperation because, from what I've seen, it works very well when you're shooting out of your league.

 

That's pretty much the only time I would do this: if the girl is considerably out of my league.

 

For the record, I've had multiple situations in my life when I've pursued a girl despite multiple rejections and still landed her in the end (while pursuing other women at the same time). So this can definitely work.

[gaius]

Well, I personally don't get that. Just don't see the point to keep pursuing a woman that isn't interested right away.

Because you want them?

 

You just kind of have to accept you probably aren't going to be the absolute best she's ever had at everything, no matter how good you are. But that you might be the best at some things. And be fine with that. After you get some experience NJ you can start to tell what's going on in a woman's head without her telling you so it's pretty easy to avoid those who might choose to be with you for the wrong reasons.

[PinkInTheLimo]

I recently started a new online dating round. My first impression is that there are quite a few very vulnerable men out there who really can't stand being on their own. Consequently I think women have more reason to be scared that a man will settle for her rather than be with her because he is really crazy about her.

I am 50 and that apparently does not scare men my age off but I start to doubt their intentions. They've done the younger woman thing and found out it did not work out, and now they go again for the woman of their age. But do they do it because they think it will be easier because that woman is financially independent, does not have the burden of children any longer (or in my case no children at all) and does not want children.

 

I am suspicious because I want a relationship with real love and not one that is based on convenience.

 

But yes there are still many women who settle for some good guy. Just saw on Facebook that some girl I knew had a child with a guy of whom I am pretty sure that he is not her type but looks like a very nice guy. In 2013 she turned 30 and her long term relationship broke off. Every time I spoke to her it was very clear that she panicked because of her age and wanted to have a child soon. Well, one year and a half later she is together with an overweight guy with a simply job (and she is a very arrogant workaholic) and has a baby. I'm pretty sure he is crazy about her but I doubt that she feels more about him than some deep friendship.

 

And I have seen many situations like that. It often end in the woman cheating on the guy. Not good.

[elaine567]

I wouldn't consider my stance desperation because, from what I've seen, it works very well when you're shooting out of your league.

 

That's pretty much the only time I would do this: if the girl is considerably out of my league.

 

For the record, I've had multiple situations in my life when I've pursued a girl despite multiple rejections and still landed her in the end (while pursuing other women at the same time). So this can definitely work.

 

Of course it works because it is not all about love at first sight and mind blowing attraction. This is real life, not some Hollywood movie.

I have had great relationships where I wasn't sure and rejected, but attraction grew when they were persistent (not annoying just persistent), accepted, liked, then loved. It's a build up and it works well.

Of course it was a "not sure" rejection, as opposed to a rejection based on hate or repulsion. A rejection based on hate/repulsion is more likely to be set in stone.

[Revolver]

Look at divorce and infidelity forums its the same basic story every time.

 

"Well mike is a really nice guy, he's a good provider, great father, and has good vaulues but he just doesn't turn me on."

[elaine567]

Look at divorce and infidelity forums its the same basic story every time.

 

"Well mike is a really nice guy, he's a good provider, great father, and has good vaulues but he just doesn't turn me on."

 

Yes, but who is to say Mike was the one she "settled for"?

Mike may have been the "love of her life" when she married him, but time, marriage, kids, careers, growing up, growing apart, all take their toll.

[Woggle]

Look at divorce and infidelity forums its the same basic story every time.

 

"Well mike is a really nice guy, he's a good provider, great father, and has good vaulues but he just doesn't turn me on."

 

Yup and single men read this stuff and are scared to death of ending up in this situation. I don't blame men one bit for not wanting to end up like mike.

[MissBee]

Yup and single men read this stuff and are scared to death of ending up in this situation. I don't blame men one bit for not wanting to end up like mike.

 

Most people have dating horror stories and some people have marriage horror stories, both men and women, it's one thing to take these things into account and another to act like you're on the scared straight TV series where the point is to be terrified into changing your course.

 

I truly don't understand how any grown person can allow another's experience in love to dictate how they go about things as an individual who isn't that person and isn't dating who that person dated.

 

You don't simply "end up like Mike", lots of variables contribute to that and it's up to you to be prudent and listen and watch and trust your judgment not simply decide that th is is the most likely thing that will happen so you shoot yourself in the foot by being overly worried about that possibility.

[autumnnight]

Yup and single men read this stuff and are scared to death of ending up in this situation. I don't blame men one bit for not wanting to end up like mike.

 

Then maybe instead of whining, blaming women for everything, and starting a billion threads about how all women are like Mike's wife and how life sucks.

 

MAYBE they should grow a pair, look in the mirror, and be better than poor, whining, professional victim, bitter, jaded Mike.

 

Good lord, are there ANY grown up men left?

[elaine567]

Exactly MIss Bee and most single women do not want to end up like those women on here in horrendous relationships, with men who lie and cheat, men who become distant, men who behave like teenagers on drink and drugs, men who leave them for other women, men who only want sex, men who are controlling and abusive, and men who hit them.

 

Poor, poor Mike...

[AVarma]

I don't think about it. I'm just happy I'm not getting naked by myself.

 

Too much information dude.

[xxoo]

Look at divorce and infidelity forums its the same basic story every time.

 

"Well mike is a really nice guy, he's a good provider, great father, and has good vaulues but he just doesn't turn me on."

 

I'm a woman, and I can tell if I genuinely turn a man on. It's not a mystery.

 

Is it somehow more mysterious for men? I think it's fairly obvious to my H that he turns me on, and would be equally obvious if he didn't.

[GoodOnPaper]

I'm a woman, and I can tell if I genuinely turn a man on. It's not a mystery.

 

Is it somehow more mysterious for men? I think it's fairly obvious to my H that he turns me on, and would be equally obvious if he didn't.

 

You and many women have the advantage of superior emotional intelligence -- plus one could argue that we guys aren't difficult to figure out.

 

It can be more mysterious for men but you also have to take into account that many of us on LS are men who are scarred, bitter, and overly-analytical about our perceived or actual lack of experience. We obviously don't feel that we've figured much out. A more confident man won't worry about whether a woman is attracted to him. He accepts what he sees and feels and takes action from there.

[autumnnight]

You and many women have the advantage of superior emotional intelligence -- plus one could argue that we guys aren't difficult to figure out.

 

It can be more mysterious for men but you also have to take into account that many of us on LS are men who are scarred, bitter, and overly-analytical about our perceived or actual lack of experience. We obviously don't feel that we've figured much out. A more confident man won't worry about whether a woman is attracted to him. He accepts what he sees and feels and takes action from there.

 

I find this kind of actual honesty and ownership very refreshing.

[NJ123]

Look at divorce and infidelity forums its the same basic story every time.

 

"Well mike is a really nice guy, he's a good provider, great father, and has good vaulues but he just doesn't turn me on."

 

Bingo. And of course people will post in here with excuses for that. Yes, it's not all women but a lot do this.

[NJ123]

Then maybe instead of whining, blaming women for everything, and starting a billion threads about how all women are like Mike's wife and how life sucks.

 

MAYBE they should grow a pair, look in the mirror, and be better than poor, whining, professional victim, bitter, jaded Mike.

 

Good lord, are there ANY grown up men left?

 

Why is it when someone else brings up my point that this is a fear men have, it's always met with a negative response? Seems a lot of women don't understand that a lot of men are worried that they don't want to be the settle guy. A bunch of responses in here are proving my point that it's true. As someone said just read the cheating forums on here alone to see what some women say about their boyfriends & husbands.