Woggle Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 If my in laws didn't offer their backyard and get a local mom and pop place to cater we probably would have just eloped and went to Vegas. To me it makes no sense to put more effort into one day than most people put into the entire marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 my brother the doctor is getting married in May. He spent $30,000 on the engagement ring and the wedding will have 700 people and is expected to run $125,000. If that isn't showing off I don't know what is. I love him dearly but this is a bit much. I've had the same circle of friends for decades and, at least for them, the following has been true - the length of the marriage has been inversely proportional to the amount of money spent on the reception. The most expensive one didn't make it til the thank-you cards were sent ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 I heard this story about a woman who found everything she needed for the wedding at crazy clarks......and apparently it was a lovely wedding.....deb Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 (edited) I think having a big/expensive wedding is fine, provided that… a) both the bride and the groom are getting married for the sake of the marriage, not for the wedding. b) the couple stays within a budget that does not compromise their financial comfort. c) the couple is not pressured into certain facets of the celebration for the sake of "tradition." My husband and I had a big and (by some standards) expensive wedding. But it was well within our means - we bought a house and took a vacation within the same 2-month window as our wedding, so it clearly did not put us in the poor house. And also…it was what we wanted. I didn't want a diamond ring, so I have a beautiful sapphire. We didn't want a church ceremony or a ballroom reception…so we had both components at a local historic music venue (we are huge music fans). We wanted to incorporate our love of contemporary indie music, so I walked down the aisle to Washed Out and we cut our cake to Electric Six. We love bowling and beer, so we hosted a late-night bowl-a-thon after-party complete with pizza, burgers, and of course…beer. So yes, while we shelled out some dough for this shenanigan, it was exactly what we wanted - not was "expected." And we never lost sight of the really important thing - our marriage. That was a very long way of saying that I think "fancy" weddings are fine, provided they are done for the right reasons and not causing unnecessary financial or emotional stress on the couple. Sadly, a large percentage of Americans do go into debt for their wedding parties, which means they begin their new life as a married couple already under significant financial strain. And yes, many times it is indeed done in order to show off or to fill some kind of "expectation" held by friends and family. So I completely understand the negative connotation. As for the above noted $30K engagement ring and $100K wedding, that is completely beyond my grasp. But if they can actually, truly afford (not finance) it, then more power to them, I suppose. Edited March 13, 2015 by kiss_andmakeup Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Because women want it. Seriously, that's the only reason why. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) It just occured to me that you guys have a different custom in the West and i posted about my sister's wedding. In my country the guests don't buy gifts from a registry [though some have tried recently]. You first start with a list of guests ... and you figure out how much they could possibly afford to pay for a plate. Make the total and you go with 60% of that as wedding expenses because not everyone will show up and you have other expenses [band/DJ ... cars ... etc...]. The party usually follows the religious ceremony [by then you are married for a few days because that is done only at the wedding registry/town hall]. At the end of the party [which is aimed at entertaining the guests ideally] .. the guests give an envelope that is usually inserted in a small box. Money is counted in private at the end of the party. If you leave early ... you still have to give the full money and if you don't come ... you can get away with giving less [but you still have to give]. A list of who gave what is kept with usually the parents of the groom and bride being the biggest donors. Based on that list you know what to give at wedding you get invited into those families as well. As an alternative ... parents pay in full and the couple keeps the money but this is rarer ... parents must be loaded or have budgeted for a while. The idea is to not empoverish the couple with debt [literally nobody borrows money for the wedding] and to also start them off in life with something. Edited March 18, 2015 by Radu Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 I've had the same circle of friends for decades and, at least for them, the following has been true - the length of the marriage has been inversely proportional to the amount of money spent on the reception. The most expensive one didn't make it til the thank-you cards were sent ... Mr. Lucky good observation Link to post Share on other sites
Vercetti Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 The wedding was between my wife and I . What we wanted to do. What's the point of stress with idiots flying in never see that have zero gravity on relationship. We were important, what we wanted to do. We had rings and outfits for the occasion. The courthouse where we moved is quaint and classy. Nice gardens outside. Went on top of a mountain for view. Strolled the strip and had snack food overdressed. Went to the mall and picked up music for each of our taste that we both like. Went on a riverboat dinner cruise as the sunset, where they just happened to be announcing all the anniversaries and marriages ( we were in the right environment ). After stopped in a 20s era hotel and had a single drink in a beautiful noncoporate lounge, put the napkins in the envelope with the licence. Then we went home. It was our mourning afternoon dusk and night. We did not see the point of jumping through hoops for those outside the relationship. The money some spend on such, we invested in our future...land and a cabin we own that's sustainable.....no vacation required as our life is that vacation living in a bloody resort town. Does it seem like we missed out not throwing a big wedding, or does it seem like we created what people try and capture going through a ritual outside themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
digdoug Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 purpose of a fancy wedding? to impress a bunch of people you may not even like. a big wedding does not make a marriage better. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 I've always wondered. What is the purpose of fancy weddings? Is it for showing off to your friends? Yes, it's for showing off to your friends. Unless you are blessed with enough money you never have to worry, because of the specialty industry built up around it weddings have become the biggest financial ripoff of our time. Little girls grow up fantasizing about their weddings, but then no one can afford to pay for it. And if people marry somewhat young, they may still have no concept of money and go in debt to do it, and that's no way to start a successful marriage. If it were me, I'd elope. But if I had to have a wedding, I'd do everything myself and probably skip floral for the most part, use stuff I could make for centerpieces and use twinkle lighting on trellises or whatever OR just have it outside somewhere and dispense with everything, using the view for the beautiful background. Plenty of engaged couples have had second thoughts about marrying at all while planning a wedding. You quickly find out who is practical with money and who isn't and who is helpful and who isn't. I guess that's not a bad thing, but once you're in that deep, most people feel they can't bail. Link to post Share on other sites
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