just venting

[lil_missy]

just venting...at a complete loss right now

 

I was the other woman for 1.5 yrs, or more like bit on the side. except i didnt really see myself that way for a long time and only recently come to realise that i was.

 

the first time we said goodbye 3 months ago, he came over to my house to talk to me and i thought he wanted to save what we had. we had amazing breakup sex but i didnt know it was a breakup til after. i cried and begged but he said it was time for me to move on, he knows how unhappy i was and he couldnt make me happy. the thing that hurt me the most was when he told me to delete his number, cutting me off completely. i wasnt even allowed to talk to him as a friend anymore.

 

i cried for a week, couldnt go to work one day because i didnt want to cry at the office. but after that i tried to move on and dated a very nice guy for 2 months. but it didnt last and ended which i was perfectly fine about.

 

After that i msged my guy again and surprisingly he responded very nicely (despite telling me to delete his number 3 months ago). he was affectionate in his tone and said it was great to hear from me.

 

he started flirting with me through text and i was thoroughly confused, he said he didnt want to be a distraction to me yet now he is purposely distracting me.

he asked me did i want to have some fun with him and his gf? i hesitated alot before saying that i have to think about it. i really considered it, i thought if anything this will be the last hurray then i will move on.

 

but before anything happened, he texted me again to say "no you need to keep moving forward and make positive changes, wish you the best and please delete my number this time"

 

I was flabbergasted. i cant believe he tempted me, just to reject me straight after.

 

after this i sent him a crazy text saying he is bipolar and im sure he thinks im totally crazy now.

 

I have deleted all his msgs and his number, something i should have done many times before but never had the strengths to do.

 

i just cant believe it ended on such a bad note. the first goodbye was hard enough. but the second time around, he TEMPTED me just so he can knock me back down. why did he delibrately do this?

 

just to show that he has control over me? just to show he can hook me in then reject me? why would he be so cruel when he knows im already hurting.

 

if he truly wanted me to get over him, then why power trip over me? it feels like to me he wants to feel he still has control over me, and wants to make sure i have a hard time getting over him.

 

i cant believe i stooped so low to be with this man and in the end this is all i get is a bunch of memories i want to erase and 1.5 yrs of my life wasted and god know how many months/years to heal the emotional scars.

 

the worst thing is i know he changed me forever. i will never be that innocent girl anymore. for better or for worse i can never forget him because he made me who i am today

Edited February 28, 2015 by lil_missy

[loveboid]

He broke up with you. Respect that. You contacted him after the first time he broke up with you and you got hurt so that's your own fault.

 

And the reason why he acted this way when you contacted him again is because he was breaking up with you again. He broke up with you again, duh that hurts. If you don't want to keep getting hurt, stop contacting him and getting broken up with again.

[jellybean89]

He told you to not contact him. You chose instead to do the opposite. He has told you again to not contact him. Respect his words.

 

Why did he offer for you to be a part of a threesome...and why would you even consider that? You have already wasted 1.5 years of your life on him. Stop giving him so much power over you.

 

Take time to heal. The guy you dated after the first "lose my number" breakup never had a chance. You were just looking for company/comfort as you didn't take time to heal from the end of the affair.

 

Stop trying g to analyze the end. Maybe in his mind, he was being kind by ending it again on a much soured/harsher note. Maybe he is hoping that now you really will lose his number. Maybe that is his final gift to you - words that will help you close this chapter and move on?

[Rainbowlove]

I hear you blaming him a lot for your involvement with him.

 

You only have yourself to blame for wasting 1.5. Instead of looking at it as wasting your time, focus on what you learned from the experience, so you don't repeat the same mistakes.

 

You'll never understand his thinking, so don't waste more time trying.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting. Move on and let go. He has nothing to offer you.

[trolloperative]

I agree with Rainbow. The blame is on you for taking him back. And of course getting involved with someone attached.

 

Go NC. Even if he contacts you ignore. Not worth the trouble and loss of self-respect.

[the_artist_1970]

just venting...at a complete loss right now

 

I was the other woman for 1.5 yrs, or more like bit on the side. except i didnt really see myself that way for a long time and only recently come to realise that i was.

 

the first time we said goodbye 3 months ago, he came over to my house to talk to me and i thought he wanted to save what we had. we had amazing breakup sex but i didnt know it was a breakup til after. i cried and begged but he said it was time for me to move on, he knows how unhappy i was and he couldnt make me happy. the thing that hurt me the most was when he told me to delete his number, cutting me off completely. i wasnt even allowed to talk to him as a friend anymore.

 

i cried for a week, couldnt go to work one day because i didnt want to cry at the office. but after that i tried to move on and dated a very nice guy for 2 months. but it didnt last and ended which i was perfectly fine about.

 

After that i msged my guy again and surprisingly he responded very nicely (despite telling me to delete his number 3 months ago). he was affectionate in his tone and said it was great to hear from me.

 

he started flirting with me through text and i was thoroughly confused, he said he didnt want to be a distraction to me yet now he is purposely distracting me.

he asked me did i want to have some fun with him and his gf? i hesitated alot before saying that i have to think about it. i really considered it, i thought if anything this will be the last hurray then i will move on.

 

but before anything happened, he texted me again to say "no you need to keep moving forward and make positive changes, wish you the best and please delete my number this time"

 

I was flabbergasted. i cant believe he tempted me, just to reject me straight after.

 

after this i sent him a crazy text saying he is bipolar and im sure he thinks im totally crazy now.

 

I have deleted all his msgs and his number, something i should have done many times before but never had the strengths to do.

 

i just cant believe it ended on such a bad note. the first goodbye was hard enough. but the second time around, he TEMPTED me just so he can knock me back down. why did he delibrately do this?

 

just to show that he has control over me? just to show he can hook me in then reject me? why would he be so cruel when he knows im already hurting.

 

if he truly wanted me to get over him, then why power trip over me? it feels like to me he wants to feel he still has control over me, and wants to make sure i have a hard time getting over him.

 

i cant believe i stooped so low to be with this man and in the end this is all i get is a bunch of memories i want to erase and 1.5 yrs of my life wasted and god know how many months/years to heal the emotional scars.

 

the worst thing is i know he changed me forever. i will never be that innocent girl anymore. for better or for worse i can never forget him because he made me who i am today

 

In 1.5 years you think that this one man made you who you are today? How old are you? I assume that you are very young. Don't allow this one guy and one year of your life determine your destiny. Your destiny lies into what YOU make it, not what some guy has made it. Really try to find out why your self esteem is so low and work on those things that make you feel you are unworthy. You can lead a loving, wonderful life if you become a whole and healthy person.

[privategal]

Im sorry. It does sound hurtful and I don't want you to focus on the whys because those are the hardest and actually the least helpful.

Someone made an important point...YOU DIDN'T HEAL THE FIRST BREAKUP.

It will be very important to actually grieve this time around.

Dating and validation and ego strokes are an easy out and as you see offer you only hurt as the relationship will be doomed everytime until you get rebalanced and healed and in a healthy space to not go into a relationship wounded and because you need to be with someone.

I feel bad your getting some harsh words here when you are already down.

Your self esteem was low, but had he gotten back together with you, down the road it would even be lower.

Ugh, would you like being his full time GF? This is WHO he is. A fat JERK.

If he had an ounce of class he would have responded, that he wished you well and he would like for the two of you not to contact eachother so you could continue to heal.

The threesome offered was to gauge whether he has an in still and not because he had true interest, but also important to note...I believe since you hesitated he quickly rescinded the offer because he was afraid of handing over his power since he feared you may actually decline offer.

Regroup, this is one exchange and he showed his true colors again.

Your better than that mess.... pull it together. Allow yourself to hurt, but then start pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. You made it 3 months, you had one exchange...now get back on the wagon and stop dating for now. Career, health and fitness, girlfriends, faith, travel....but not men, that's a bandaid!

[Chasing_mya]

Be grateful it was only 1.5 year of your life and not more. He was in your life to learn a lesson and hopefully you have grown from it. Stop beating yourself over it, its over and it doesn't define who you are as a person. Keep your head up and move on. Focus in positive things that you enjoy and dwell on that. Anymore mental energy you give him just gives the affair life. You live and you learn sweety. Wishing you the best!

[lil_missy]

thanks guys for your support and constructive criticism

 

the reason i msged him is because when we broke up 3 months ago he did most of the talking and i wasnt in a state to say much at all. so I just wanted to get my final thoughts out to him. When i msged him i was actually saying that i understand now that he is not the guy for me and i wished him all the best with his life. I honestly did not try to engage with him at all. but he was the one trying to engage with me and asking if i'm seeing anybody now, and suggesting to get together again for fun.

 

which is what really confused me. and i agree it was probably a power play when i hesitated he decided to rescind his offer for not wanting to be rejected.

 

I actually dont think I have very low self-esteem in general.

 

I understand that I should be focusing on myself and not obtaining validation from other guys. But there are a couple of guys interested in me at the moment, one has asked me out for a movie this weekend. Does that mean I shouldn't go to the movies with him? I'm not invested in him and I think it couldn't do much harm to hang out with him?

[privategal]

I wouldn't do movies with the guy...you just got out of a breif relationship that didn't work out and caused you to reach out to your exmm.

I think it would be good to just do you right move for a bit and let your feelings settle.

If you felt like your 1.5 years of life was wasted why waste more time with meaningless dates when you don't care?

If your self esteem is not the issue maybe then use your good self esteem to help others, do great things, get out of the rut and change your life.

Sounds like your on the right track, good luck and hugs.