Frustrating bf who doesn't plan for the future

[Jayla]

I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 years. We've overcame many obstacles because we work together to solve them. However, he's changed. And recently it's been worse. It's frustrating that he has became such a jerk. In our first 3 years when we were in the last year of high school, he was driven, thirsty for success, planned ahead for everything and if he wanted anything, he made sure he got it. He's had big roles in school, awards and achievements as a student. At the graduation ceremony, 10 minutes was even dedicated to him for the principal to talk about his achievements. On top of being so ambitious, he was sweet, adventurous and full of surprises. On our 4th year, he started getting lazier which I was fine with since I understood that we had reached the comfortable stage. He was still a reliable boyfriend, he still gave me security, and we also seriously talked about marriage and starting a family.

 

All these went downhill soon after. There was still talk about marriage but it was just.... all talk. He would say things like I want 3 children, I want to stay in this luxurious place, etc. But he never planned towards them. When I try to bring the matter up casually, he would brush it off and talk about something else trivial. After graduating from university, he took such a long time to find a job because he was lazy to send out resumes.

 

He's 25 and too old to act like that. I'm tired of his nonsense and his nonchalance. Most importantly, nothing significant in his life happened. I don't understand the drastic change in him. And I'm hurt that when I asked what's wrong, he said, "I just grew up and changed." I don't even know what that means.

 

How do you motivate such a person to get back on track? I really missed the sweet and ambitious high school boy I used to know.

[loveboid]

First you stop demotivating him by not calling him lazy anymore.

 

You should probably let him go.

[Jayla]

Firstly, there's nothing wrong with being lazy. It's to what extent of laziness and under what circumstances that matters and determines when being lazy starts to become negative. Secondly, I was quoting him. When I asked how was his job search back then, he told me "I'm too lazy to send out resumes. I'll do it next week." Thirdly, this forum is for constructive comments. You stop replying nonconstructive comments.

 

You should probably stop replying.

Edited February 28, 2015 by Jayla

[Jayla]

Firstly, there's nothing wrong with being lazy. It's to what extent of laziness and under what circumstances that matters and determines when being lazy starts to become negative. Secondly, I was quoting him. When I asked how was his job search back then, he told me "I'm too lazy to send out resumes. I'll do it next week." Thirdly, this forum is for constructive comments. You stop replying nonconstructive comments.

 

You should probably stop replying.

[bathtub-row]

So, the two of you have been together since he was 18 or 19? Unfortunately, that's probably the problem right there. He has changed since that time, which is not unusual, and probably wants to take life in a different direction, and be on his own. Or, he's interested in someone else but doesn't know how to break it off with you.

 

Talk to him about the possibility of the two of you going your separate ways. If he seems even remotely interested in that option, you need to cut him loose. He's probably not brave enough to end it on his own. Most men will just sit back passively while treating a woman like crap until she gets sick of it and leaves. Even if he denies that he wants to end things with you, if his behavior doesn't improve, you probably need to leave him.