Cant move on emotionally after Co-Worker Affair

[SoulStorm]

What I've done is horrendous to my husband we all know this. Being honest, until that work trip is over I can't move on properly but I've come so far detached emotionally (not entirely there yet) that I know I can't go back and allow this do any more damage to my marriage. Things are good at home now for me and if I keep this up I will get caught and be without my husband. It's not worth all the risks I don't even want ap! If I was single he would be the last guy you'd settle with for the many reasons already mentioned here. I may come across as cold and factual but I assure you this is just my expression of the English language I am very much an emotive person.

I have a wonderful husband and gambled it all for a bit of fun with an undesirable character. I guess I'm more like ap than husband. We probably deserve each other

 

Guess what suspicious husbands do. Do you honestly think your husband is gullible enough not to be checking into this? How do you know he doesn't already know and is just gathering more evidence? Playing the good husband...then BOOM! He will give you evidence plus divorce papers. It's happened many times. This work trip could be all he's waiting for to put the final nail in the coffin...

[Giraffe2014]

Hes definitely 100% not bunny boiling (yet) and is eager to keep all quiet and off the radar. In his mail he was clear about is being risky in the past and we should be mindful of that and not be flirtatious in public as this is how rumours start and people get caught out. In the thick if it he as always more careful than me I'm not worried about him spilling though

[autumnnight]

Long time lurker, first time poster.

 

 

Blackmail. Sounds silly, and stupid doesn't it? However, that is a very strong possibility here.

 

Certainly OM 'only has' work cell phone number, and couldn't possibly find a way to contact OP's H. Of course not, last name, first name, city that you live in, and of course he has a computer, sure, no way...to find out.

 

OM is looking forward to seeing OP. He plans on taking her out dancing, and "will make sure she gets to work on time."

 

OP won't inform OM to bug off, why bother herself to tell this cretin she cheated on her loving H AND family with? Because she still has memories of the hot sex, she still has feelings for him, and couldn't NC him if she wanted to, job is too important. She admitted same. "Good girl" falls for bad boy, hook, line, and he will sink-her.

 

OM gets upset, and could threaten OP. No, that couldn't, wouldn't happen.

 

Based on OP's description of OM, I beg to differ. OP was a toy for OM, she knows it, and is 'attempting' to back off, albeit way to slow, and way too late. What happens when a child has their toy taken away? They pout, throw temper tantrums, and in the case of an "adult" child they play dirty. Real dirty.

 

Will this happen this trip, don't know. Can this happen, oh yes. Will it happen six months, a year from now, maybe two? Don't know exactly when, but rest assured OP it will happen.

 

OP would be far better off to inform hubby now of her infidelity, than for the OM to do it for her out of spite.

 

She won't, she will roll the dice and hope snake-eyes doesn't come up.

 

OM doesn't give a s**t about you, about your dear H, and your family. Gee that sounds like you doesn't it? All he cares about is another notch on his belt, which you joyfully gave him, and gave him, and gave him. Now after your fling, you wake up and decide, 'gee I love my husband and family, why am I being a wh*re to this drug using POS?'

 

Go ahead enjoy the trip, and be ready for the consequences when OM threatens to inform your dear H OP, go ahead take the chance...

 

Good Luck OP, and I suggest you find a good divorce lawyer sooner than later, because I agree with others, I don't think you can keep them closed...

 

Maz

 

 

OP, you really should listen to this. The cold hard truth is that the world and internet are full of people who will do just what was described above. Sleezy, pathetic, and not quite legal? Yes. It doesn't matter. When people get fixated on something to the extreme they do things that are every bit as off the wall as cheating. Don't presume it can't happen to you.

[Mazerati]

My husband. Worships the ground I walk on. Is a fantastic father and husband.

My husband is doing all he can to get "Us" back after confronting me about my changed behaviour, are you having an affair conversations…

My husband is the best bet, deep down I don’t deserve him. I need a kick in the head!

 

***

I entered into an affair with "A boy" from work.

Early 30's, Jack the lad, full of mischief, compliments, made me feel amazing. After our first drunken kiss we both went back for more.

He’s unreliable, a player, a Coke head, and unfaithful. He never wants to get married or have kids. This is true and hasn’t changed but Jesus I miss him. He makes me melt when I see him.

It’s the way he made me feel. Desirable, wanted. I am in love with the romantic view in my head. I am in love with the thrill, the fun, how he made me feel.

 

***

I am 35, never did anything like this before, am a good person and if it’s safe to say so, stunningly beautiful. Then I lost some weight, gained some cockiness. I love my husband, but he'd have left her for me.

I feel so hollow now. Why cant I get past this and why do I feel so hollow?

 

***

No (husband) doesn't know, and I should be grateful its over as we came close to getting careless which ultimately would have got us caught. … you are right about the guilt. I don’t have it.

I know this. I know my world would crumble, all our lives would be a mess if the truth came out. Ruined lives, for nothing. For a waster…

I don’t deserve my husband. I need to repair the damage done to me before he finds out and I end this. I have to mend and learn from it. First and last time.

 

***

Yes, it is me, me, me! Admittedly selfish but I posted truthfully and did so coz I need help and advice I know I've acted selfishly, bad, evil I'm just a stranger here looking to know how to move on.

I'm trying to move forward, to heal me, something within me isn't right but its mending … Issues are within me, I need to address these…

 

***

I won’t be telling my husband, but I am putting my energy back into him, working on that, making plans to spend more time together and getting my head back to where it was. I am looking for a new job, to truly move on this has to happen. That will take time, but I am working on it. I’m not looking for pity, Maybe I needed to vent, maybe I needed a Virtual kick in the ass.

 

***

What I've done will live with me forever. I regret it very much. It was cold and calculated and it showed zero respect to a fantastic husband. Said husband and I had a good chat this week, we talked about what is wrong and before I get whipped we both have many faults, affair aside (of which he doesn't know about but had his suspicions)

 

It was like an awakening. A lot was said. In particular he pinpointed the first night I strayed and said that I went on a work trip in October and never came home. I admitted this. Nothing else. I have zero interest in ever doing this again as in all it's been a mess, stress-ball and everything else.

 

-~-

 

OP,

I assume you recognize these rearranged words. Looking back on them, what do you see, what do you feel?

 

And finally, the famous last words:

 

Hes definitely 100% not bunny boiling (yet) and is eager to keep all quiet and off the radar. In his mail he was clear about is being risky in the past and we should be mindful of that and not be flirtatious in public as this is how rumours start and people get caught out. In the thick if it he as always more careful than me I'm not worried about him spilling though

 

You still have your blinders on OP... And not be flirtatious in public? Rumors? Not worried about him spilling? Risky in the past, and be mindful?????????

 

OP, regardless your level of command of the English language, your words betray a different mindset than one of a repentant cheater. Your 'boy toy' is still playing you, and you cannot or will not see it. You consider him a druggy, and of lesser intellect. OP he is playing you as if you are a Stradivarius violin.

 

Look at what you wrote. Come on OP wake up!!!!

[beach]

Thanks for the comments all and for taking the time to write them. I met him last night, in person. I was at a work dinner and he and an associate where a few tables from us. We exchanged brief nicities and I met him later that night at the hotel bar. We were with different company but spoke for about ten mins. He said he's finding it hard to move on and would I consider leaving husband for him. Said clearly neither of us are happy in our relationships and I said I am happy which he dismissed. I told him if I was single I wouldn't

Date him and had no interest in further contact. He kissed me and I walked away. He messages me

And apologiZed. I replied and told him

To stay away. I hope he does. Countdown is on to work trip I am in a different hotel. I can do this.

 

So you did end up at a function with him.

 

And you engaged him in this conversation? Why?

 

And you were close enough to him - so close that he could kiss you?

 

Why wouldn't you have simply stayed away - and told him to stay away too?

 

I don't think you're being PROACTIVE enough.

 

Watch out, it's a slippery slope. And you keep participating... And you have said enough to send a clear message yet with actions that back up your words.

[DKT3]

Hes definitely 100% not bunny boiling (yet) and is eager to keep all quiet and off the radar. In his mail he was clear about is being risky in the past and we should be mindful of that and not be flirtatious in public as this is how rumours start and people get caught out. In the thick if it he as always more careful than me I'm not worried about him spilling though

 

Not too long ago we had another WW who thought her OM would never tell, wanted to keep it just between the two of them as they ended the affair. Maybe a month later he called her and told her he had told his wife everything and now she was looking to contact her husband.

 

Point is what on earth makes you think you can trust this guy?

 

I think your giving yourself an excuse to hook up with this dude one last time, basically saying I won't start to move on until after? Your setting yourself up to fail. In a way giving yourself an out.

[sammy7111]

Please keep posting when your husband leaves you because he will. And you don't act like a person that's truly remorseful for cheating. Someone that's was wouldn't post so much about the other guy it would be more on your husband

[Giraffe2014]

I have no idea what I'm doing. I honestly don't think he will tell my husband but my husband is a smart man and some of what was said here in that respect is very worrying, and I never thought he could be working as lurkin to gather evidence in the background. Unless we are caught he wouldn't know the goings on at the work trip but I digress, I know the points of this conversation have taken many directions and the most important thing here is I am deceitful. My actions are horrible and I am

Absolutely playing with fire. I shouldn't have chatted to him last night but I walked away strong. I won't see him

Again till the work trip. I am rambling now. It's mostly lost its appeal so I need to go while the goings still reletively good. Having all my posts together on one page to re read them helps. They are the posts of a clueless woman. They are my posts all lined up, thanks for taking the time to so that for me. I know I'm just another notch on his belt but that's all he ever was to me, a relationship was never the aim

Here. There should

Have been no aim. Little

Did I know I would be here all these months later after after one kiss that cold October night.

[SoulStorm]

I have no idea what I'm doing. I honestly don't think he will tell my husband but my husband is a smart man and some of what was said here in that respect is very worrying, and I never thought he could be working as lurkin to gather evidence in the background. Unless we are caught he wouldn't know the goings on at the work trip but I digress, I know the points of this conversation have taken many directions and the most important thing here is I am deceitful. My actions are horrible and I am

Absolutely playing with fire. I shouldn't have chatted to him last night but I walked away strong. I won't see him

Again till the work trip. I am rambling now. It's mostly lost its appeal so I need to go while the goings still reletively good. Having all my posts together on one page to re read them helps. They are the posts of a clueless woman. They are my posts all lined up, thanks for taking the time to so that for me. I know I'm just another notch on his belt but that's all he ever was to me, a relationship was never the aim

Here. There should

Have been no aim. Little

Did I know I would be here all these months later after after one kiss that cold October night.

 

Ummm...How do you know he hasn't hired a look out or Private Investigator?

[SoulStorm]

Unless we are caught he wouldn't know the goings on at the work trip

 

That sounded like you are planning to meet up with him

[Mazerati]

I have no idea what I'm doing. I honestly don't think he will tell my husband but my husband is a smart man and some of what was said here in that respect is very worrying, and I never thought he could be working as lurkin to gather evidence in the background. Unless we are caught he wouldn't know the goings on at the work trip but I digress, I know the points of this conversation have taken many directions and the most important thing here is I am deceitful. My actions are horrible and I am

Absolutely playing with fire. I shouldn't have chatted to him last night but I walked away strong. I won't see him

Again till the work trip. I am rambling now. It's mostly lost its appeal so I need to go while the goings still reletively good. Having all my posts together on one page to re read them helps. They are the posts of a clueless woman. They are my posts all lined up, thanks for taking the time to so that for me. I know I'm just another notch on his belt but that's all he ever was to me, a relationship was never the aim

Here. There should

Have been no aim. Little

Did I know I would be here all these months later after after one kiss that cold October night.

 

You are welcome, and I truly wish you well. You have to wake up Giraffe!!!!! You are playing with fire. A quick point, if he was the first notch on your belt, I hope he is the only notch. AND, if that is true, then why did you pine for him? I know you know the answer. It is time Giraffe to knock yourself off the pedestal, NC your EX-AP and put your BH and family first.

 

You do realize that a Giraffe has a long neck. A very large target for an axe. When you chose your handle, did the thought ever occur to you that your subconscious was already foretelling your future?

 

An old saying to be sure, but applicable for you: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

 

Figure out a way to tell your betrayed husband. As I and others have mentioned he is not stupid. He is aware, and is watching you. This trip may be the pivot point for redemption, or oblivion.

 

I am rooting for you Giraffe!!!

 

Maz

[DKT3]

That sounded like you are planning to meet up with him

 

I have thought from the start that she was planning to hook up with him, you can just feel it in her non committed tone. She makes it seem that them hooking up is all in his control.

 

OP has also made several comments that suggests she is actually a serial cheater, I don't know.

Edited March 17, 2015 by DKT3

[Mazerati]

I have thought from the start that she was planning to hook up with him, you can just feel it in her non committed tone. She makes it seem that them hooking up is all in his control.

 

 

Sadly it does. She contradicts herself continuously. In all her posts, there is a word or a sentence that unravels things, and the hole gets deeper.

 

As was already pointed out by Soulstorm, from her last post:

 

Unless we are caught he wouldn't know the goings on at the work trip

 

Prophetic? Or telling?

 

OP focuses so much on the AP, that she lost sight of what is important. Her own words betray her.

 

I do hope she wakes up before the axe falls.

 

Maz

[SoulStorm]

I'm done here. Wasted my time.

[Giraffe2014]

I can't know for sure he hasn't hired a PI. I know what I'm

Doing is insane. What is wrong with me? Why is this even so hard for me to do? I get solid

Ideas and think I can stick to them

But if I'm

Being really honest I won't be able

To truly say how it

Will

Go after the trip. I do fixate on ap more than husband. It's that very same fixation that got

Me

Here. This is the only time I've. Heated to answer a question asked and ap has asked a few times why him. That's the million dollar question because I can categorically say I would

Never in. Million years do this with someone else it's unthinkable.

[Clay]

You know what your doing. You just don't care enough for your H or your family. Sitting here and acting clueless is stupid. Just be honest with your H that you don't love him anymore and go be with your AP.

 

Don't wait for him to find out on his own. Do the decent thing and let him go find a woman that will only love him for him.

 

Clay

[Giraffe2014]

Ya that would be the decent thing

To do I know. But he's an amaZing man, husband and dad ap is a loser I'd be sick of Ap in a month. I do not want to leave him and our family. That of course should

Be enough for

Me. A new job is the way out. And that stupid work trip done and dusted. It's only cheapening

Me. I'm a mess

[Raines]

Hes definitely 100% not bunny boiling (yet) and is eager to keep all quiet and off the radar. In his mail he was clear about is being risky in the past and we should be mindful of that and not be flirtatious in public as this is how rumours start and people get caught out. In the thick if it he as always more careful than me I'm not worried about him spilling though

 

 

 

Ok. Did you block his number from texts or calls?

[LifesontheUp]

If you know what you are doing then you can stop it - that's if you really want to. Your not a child so go on make the decision to stop.

[Raines]

Ya that would be the decent thing

To do I know. But he's an amaZing man, husband and dad ap is a loser I'd be sick of Ap in a month.

 

I just have to say, as far as the bolded. That he is.

 

 

But YOU don't get to make that judgement of someone else.

[beach]

So you promised yourself not to interact with him yet you did.

 

I don't think you can trust yourself on the trip.

 

You need a better plan - like getting sick!

[Mazerati]

I can't know for sure he hasn't hired a PI. I know what I'm

Doing is insane. What is wrong with me? Why is this even so hard for me to do? I get solid

Ideas and think I can stick to them

But if I'm

Being really honest I won't be able

To truly say how it

Will

Go after the trip. I do fixate on ap more than husband. It's that very same fixation that got

Me

Here. This is the only time I've. Heated to answer a question asked and ap has asked a few times why him. That's the million dollar question because I can categorically say I would

Never in. Million years do this with someone else it's unthinkable.

 

If you read your posts, the answer is there. You must knock yourself off the pedestal you put yourself on when you betrayed your husband. I fear if you don't know by now, you will fail. You must focus on your BH, and your family, not the AP. It should be crystal clear by now. It is frustrating that you will not see the forest for the trees. You are pining for a drug addict, the bad boy. Your narcissism and your attitude has destroyed your marriage. You refuse to see it, the advice given is not to create strife but to facilitate repair. You don't trust your dear husband with the truth, yet you trust your drug addicted AP to keep quiet. Does that make sense?

 

You know what to do, but lack the courage, and conviction to do it.

 

Get off your pedestal Giraffe2014, and make a choice to either try and save your marriage, or at the very least give your husband the respect he deserves and set him and your family free.

 

You chose to cheat, because your narcissism wanted to play with the bad boy, and to hell with the consequences. Well now that choice has ignited an inferno, and every day your words adds fuel to it. A post today said it all:

 

Unless we are caught

 

It isn't over, and as with so many other cheaters before you, YOU WILL GET CAUGHT.

 

So what is your choice? Water, or gasoline for the blazing inferno that was your marriage???

 

Sadly I fear you will choose poorly.

 

Maz

[Mazerati]

Ya that would be the decent thing

To do I know. But he's an amaZing man, husband and dad ap is a loser I'd be sick of Ap in a month. I do not want to leave him and our family. That of course should

Be enough for

Me. A new job is the way out. And that stupid work trip done and dusted. It's only cheapening

Me. I'm a mess

 

Even here you focus on the AP more than your husband, imagining life with the 'loser', and how sick YOU would feel. He wasn't such a loser back in October was he???? Yet here once more the focus is on AP, and YOU.

 

A new job won't solve this.

 

The blade has been sharpened and the executioner is flexing his muscles. I pray it is a clean strike. Not for you but for your betrayed husband after the axe is swung. A clean break for him, he does not deserve this.

 

Maz

[Imajerk17]

I have been lurking and I am utterly astounded by Giraffe2014's selfishness.

 

Not only is Giraffe2014 is a horrible wife but she is a horrible mother. Thanks to her, her poor child is at risk to grow up in a broken home, and will know that the reason that this is so is Giraffe2014's selfishness. She is putting her own thrill-seeking above that even of her very child.

 

What type of mother does this?

 

I truly hope that Giraffe2014 gets caught soon, before she can cause even more damage to her family. And that is likely to happen. She will go on the trip, something will happen, and when she comes home, her husband will sense that.

 

Giraffe if you have any sense, get out of the trip.

[SoulStorm]

Are you from England?