Cant move on emotionally after Co-Worker Affair

[Giraffe2014]

Life Wasted - I hope you are not wishing that on me. I know what I've done is negative but wishing death on someone is OTT. I will get my life back on track and I will abstain this week. BUT I will never lie, so if it happens (Pause for the tirade of "when" comments) I will let you all know.

[Mazerati]

Life Wasted - I hope you are not wishing that on me. I know what I've done is negative but wishing death on someone is OTT. I will get my life back on track and I will abstain this week. BUT I will never lie, so if it happens (Pause for the tirade of "when" comments) I will let you all know.

 

First L.W. was not wishing HIV on you. For ten weeks you had sex with a drug user, and more than likely unprotected. So his statement is valid. You put your husbands health in severe jeopardy with your 'ten' week affair.

 

I am sure your hot sex was not limited, after all you said yourself that you "entertained" him...

 

HIV, along with other STD's spread through intermixing of bodily fluids. So you figure it out.

 

But the real issue again is you continually talk about yourself and AP. Tell us about your BETRAYED, not DEAR husband. Or are you too ashamed too?

 

Once more I suggest you look to Your BOLDED words for your fate. Only one? AND you are lying to your BETRAYED husband. Spare us your platitudes.

Just as you betrayed your family, your words betray your true intentions.

Maz

[turnera]

BUT I will never lie,

 

Maybe I am just evil

You said it.

[beach]

I thought you said you arranged to stay at a different hotel.

 

 

Lying has many forms - lying by omissions is still a form of lying.

 

Half truths, changing the subject in order to not offer your truth are also a few sneaky ways to think you're being honest when you're actually not.

 

 

And don't think he won't overstep that boundary - he will, he proved that when he kissed you last week.

 

It's your boundary you need to work on. His is quite clear = he has none.

 

Yours isn't evident because you won't speak up. Start speaking up!

Edited March 23, 2015 by beach

[Mazerati]

I thought you said you arranged to stay at a different hotel.

 

 

Lying has many forms - lying by omissions is still a form of lying.

 

Half truths, changing the subject in order to not offer your truth are also a few sneaky ways to think you're being honest when you're actually not.

 

 

And don't think he won't overstep that boundary - he will, he proved that when he kissed you last week.

 

It's your boundary you need to work on. His is quite clear = he has none.

 

Yours isn't evident because you won't speak up. Start speaking up!

 

Well stated, Beach.

 

I am sure the hotel issue was one of those unforeseen "glitches". If she was serious, if the druggie invaded her 'personal' space and if she loved her BH and child she would slap the s**t out of him.

 

But remember all, her famous words, I NEVER LIE

 

Remember that when you are served papers.

 

Maz

Edited March 23, 2015 by Mazerati
,

[I_Give_Up67]

Following this thread has been like watching slow motion train wreck over and over again.

Since you seem incapable of accepting any of the sensible advice being offered here at this point, let me offer my 2 cents.

 

It is very obvious that you have no intention of ending this A with your coke head AP.

My advise is that you and your AP keep it going until your BH finds out. Once he kicks you out on your

"stunningly beautiful" rear end, you can come back to LS and start another thread titled "How Can I Win My Angry BH Back".

 

 

You are making a mockery of the many that come to LS looking for serious advice on how to deal with serious situations!

[whichwayisup]

I know it should be easy when I have it all. A great husband and child… I KNOW THIS! Maybe I am just evil

If what you're doing is worth ruining your marriage, turning your child's life upside down, losing everything that you love, your lifestyle, home, then continue on. But when this all blows up in your face and you lose everything, hit your rock bottom, OWN IT. Don't blame your husband, your marriage, etc..

 

Something is very broken inside of you. To do what you're doing to your innocent husband and putting your family life at risk, all for what? Some MM and hot sex?

[Hope Shimmers]

I have thought since page 1 of this thread that there is something seriously wrong with a person who calls herself "stunningly beautiful".

 

Some people might have others say that about them, but who says that about themselves? OMG.

[Mr. Lucky]

Believe me I know what I have did is shocking. I could of course take the sex and go. But this will make me feel 101 emotions, guilt being the strongest. Actually also makes me feel very cheap. Because while this was an affair to begin with, last 10 weeks has been nothing but horrid sex and or whatever you want to call it. Nothing short of a call girl.

After our first encounter we talked, this was the time we decided (At work) to keep going. No strings attached.

 

Had one faintly flickering iota of sympathy left for your situation when I thought you actually cared for your OM. What you've written makes you seem worse, if possible.

 

Seems like you've given away an awful lot for very little in return. Sad...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Imajerk17]

Life Wasted - I hope you are not wishing that on me. I know what I've done is negative but wishing death on someone is OTT. I will get my life back on track and I will abstain this week. BUT I will never lie, so if it happens (Pause for the tirade of "when" comments) I will let you all know.

 

 

Well, we ARE wishing, at least, for you to feel the pain that YOU are causing your husband and your child with your selfishness. Which, sadly enough, you still don't seem to get.

 

I also do hope your husband finds out about this affair, sooner rather than later.

Edited March 23, 2015 by Imajerk17

[LifeWasted]

Life Wasted - I hope you are not wishing that on me. I know what I've done is negative but wishing death on someone is OTT. I will get my life back on track and I will abstain this week. BUT I will never lie, so if it happens (Pause for the tirade of "when" comments) I will let you all know.

 

I'm NOT WISHING DEATH ON YOU!!!!

 

I'm asking you...

 

You have admitted you know this clown is a player and a womanizer. Therefore, have you ever stopped once to think who else he has been sleeping with, and the risks you are putting yourself and your betrayed husband through?

 

You don't think HIV is still out there?...along with a plethora of other STDs?

[Clay]

I'm NOT WISHING DEATH ON YOU!!!!

 

I'm asking you...

 

You have admitted you know this clown is a player and a womanizer. Therefore, have you ever stopped once to think who else he has been sleeping with, and the risks you are putting yourself and your betrayed husband through?

 

You don't think HIV is still out there?...along with a plethora of other STDs?

 

As upsetting as this thread is sometimes its just best to walk away. Some people in this world you can not help.

 

She knows exactly what she is doing and she doesn't care.

 

She loves the attention you all are giving her.

 

Just do the right thing and walk away.

 

Clay

[tippydog90]

I am with Clay. Best to just walk away from this thread. The Op lacks any semblance of empathy or compassion. One last message to the OP, hate to break it to you, but you are not "stunningly beautiful". Beauty comes from within, and there is no semblance of beauty within you.

[HereNorThere]

Okay, OP has taken her lumps, I'm sure she gets it, she's a horrible person, etc. but eventually you're going to lose her if you keep battering her already fragile ego.

 

OP, you've stated before that people don't realize how hard this is for you, but we've all been in similar situations. It all boils down to an obsession with something you can't have. I know no human who has not had to endure this situation. There are posters here who have lost their children, posters who lost their whole family, etc. Eventually you have to realize we've all experienced pain and we've all experienced obsession. Thinking that you're the only person on earth who has ever experienced discomfort is all part your self-centered thinking. Trust me, there are people everywhere who lived through lifetimes full of pain that you couldn't even fathom.

 

Are you here for help and advice or are you here because writing about your ordeal helps keep it alive in your mind? To me, it just simply doesn't look like you are ready to let go of this obsession. The posters that have been around LS long enough know the difference. We've watched other people in your position sit and tell us they wanted to move past their affair, but really kept it alive though obsession until they completely destroyed every last person in their life. Took a happy marriage with someone they adored and threw it in the garbage for nothing. Now they sit at home alone with their cat trying to think of anything they can to justify their actions, but deep down know they wasted a happy life for nothing.

 

It doesn't take much to block someone from your phone. It doesn't take much for someone in your position to see a therapist. You could do things to make the work trip safer, etc. etc. I think eventually we all just have to admit that you chose to purposely hurt yourself.

 

We'd all jump in the water to save you, but I have a feeling you'd just pull us in with you. Some people don't want to be saved. Some people are going to smoke cigarettes until the day they die. No doctor, no medication, no cancer diagnosis is going to stop them. It doesn't make sense to those of us with a strong drive for self-preservation, but that doesn't make it any less real in the world.

Edited March 24, 2015 by HereNorThere

[Giraffe2014]

Thanks or the comments, in particular "herenorthere". It takes time and thought to comment so I appreciate them all. My apologies for not being on here for a few days but I've been working and partying very hard.

AP has basically moved into my room since Monday. Today I have been filled with so much regret, remorse, stronger than ever before. Because he's in my personal space so much it's cemented to me how we are worlds apart, how horrible that I am and what I've done to my DH. So I told him this today and he took it well. Said he knew this week would happen but had no interest in taking it back home.

That's it basically. We are done. I am so done and so sorry I ever did this

[jbrent890]

Thanks or the comments, in particular "herenorthere". It takes time and thought to comment so I appreciate them all. My apologies for not being on here for a few days but I've been working and partying very hard.

AP has basically moved into my room since Monday. Today I have been filled with so much regret, remorse, stronger than ever before. Because he's in my personal space so much it's cemented to me how we are worlds apart, how horrible that I am and what I've done to my DH. So I told him this today and he took it well. Said he knew this week would happen but had no interest in taking it back home.

That's it basically. We are done. I am so done and so sorry I ever did this

 

God please let her husband find out about this so he can divorce her. Your husbamd deserves better than you. Frankly I do think you are a troll, but if you aren't, then wow. I have never seen anyone as cold and selfish.

[thummper]

Okay, OP has taken her lumps, I'm sure she gets it, she's a horrible person, etc. but eventually you're going to lose her if you keep battering her already fragile ego.

 

OP, you've stated before that people don't realize how hard this is for you, but we've all been in similar situations. It all boils down to an obsession with something you can't have. I know no human who has not had to endure this situation. There are posters here who have lost their children, posters who lost their whole family, etc. Eventually you have to realize we've all experienced pain and we've all experienced obsession. Thinking that you're the only person on earth who has ever experienced discomfort is all part your self-centered thinking. Trust me, there are people everywhere who lived through lifetimes full of pain that you couldn't even fathom.

 

Are you here for help and advice or are you here because writing about your ordeal helps keep it alive in your mind? To me, it just simply doesn't look like you are ready to let go of this obsession. The posters that have been around LS long enough know the difference. We've watched other people in your position sit and tell us they wanted to move past their affair, but really kept it alive though obsession until they completely destroyed every last person in their life. Took a happy marriage with someone they adored and threw it in the garbage for nothing. Now they sit at home alone with their cat trying to think of anything they can to justify their actions, but deep down know they wasted a happy life for nothing.

 

It doesn't take much to block someone from your phone. It doesn't take much for someone in your position to see a therapist. You could do things to make the work trip safer, etc. etc. I think eventually we all just have to admit that you chose to purposely hurt yourself.

 

We'd all jump in the water to save you, but I have a feeling you'd just pull us in with you. Some people don't want to be saved. Some people are going to smoke cigarettes until the day they die. No doctor, no medication, no cancer diagnosis is going to stop them. It doesn't make sense to those of us with a strong drive for self-preservation, but that doesn't make it any less real in the world.

 

Well, HereNorThere, after her last post are you really sure "she gets it?" I'm thinking that she drops these posts just to keep stirring the pot so we'll react. Now, didn't you just know that, in spite of her protestations that she'd keep her distance from this guy during her "work trip" that she'd have a relapse and fall right back in it again. But, oh she's so disgusted with herself and she's told him it has to end, and he's ok with that, and they can't take it back home, and yada, yada, yada. I'd like to ask the mods how they can tell whether a thread is genuine or not. I'm not an overly suspicious person, but this is just too much for me. NOBODY could be this dense. What about it, mods? How can you tell?

[I_Give_Up67]

Thanks or the comments, in particular "herenorthere". It takes time and thought to comment so I appreciate them all. My apologies for not being on here for a few days but I've been working and partying very hard.

AP has basically moved into my room since Monday. Today I have been filled with so much regret, remorse, stronger than ever before. Because he's in my personal space so much it's cemented to me how we are worlds apart, how horrible that I am and what I've done to my DH. So I told him this today and he took it well. Said he knew this week would happen but had no interest in taking it back home.

That's it basically. We are done. I am so done and so sorry I ever did this

 

Now go confess to your DH how naughty you've been. He deserves to know exactly what he is married to!

[Giraffe2014]

I won't confess, I will lose everything. I will stop this now. I do mean it this time and no I am not a troll as crazy as everything I've wen saying is, it's all true, this is my life and what is happening in it at the moment. I find it strange to think anyone would put so much time into making something up like this. It's a car crash. But it ends now or I get caught and my world will be over then.

[I_Give_Up67]

I won't confess, I will lose everything. I will stop this now. I do mean it this time and no I am not a troll as crazy as everything I've wen saying is, it's all true, this is my life and what is happening in it at the moment. I find it strange to think anyone would put so much time into making something up like this. It's a car crash. But it ends now or I get caught and my world will be over then.

 

Giraffe- Can you honestly live with this guilt pinned up inside you forever? What will this do to your mental and physical well-being? How can you look at your family and not be torn to shreds each time knowing what you have done?

 

 

If I was in your BH's shoes, I'd want to know. If you confess to him now, there would be no better way to truly be over the A and the OM. You will certainly go through a very difficult time, no doubt. But your BH has the right to know and it is also his right to decide whether to dump you, or consider a R with you. Provided you are a real person, you can not live with this pinned up forever. As long as the OM is in the picture, you will always relapse. If you don't confess and he finds out on his own, he will certainly be more likely to kick you to the curb.

[beach]

Thanks or the comments, in particular "herenorthere". It takes time and thought to comment so I appreciate them all. My apologies for not being on here for a few days but I've been working and partying very hard.

AP has basically moved into my room since Monday. Today I have been filled with so much regret, remorse, stronger than ever before. Because he's in my personal space so much it's cemented to me how we are worlds apart, how horrible that I am and what I've done to my DH. So I told him this today and he took it well. Said he knew this week would happen but had no interest in taking it back home.

That's it basically. We are done. I am so done and so sorry I ever did this

 

 

You were lying when you stated you arranged to stay at another location.

 

So you did do what you said you wouldn't do.

 

You have some serious issues with yourself.

 

Your H deserves your truth - I hope he finds out since you won't tell him.

 

 

I hope you seek professional help.

[Darren Steez]

Chain yanking 101 this thread

[Giraffe2014]

Yes I know I said I wouldn't and the hotel changed when the trip dates were altered earlier in the week. Being in same hotel has certainly aided the continuation of this. I know dh deserves better but I just want to get back to the way we were. Going to

Finish out the week and take a break from here and will report back in a few weeks/months with an update

[I_Give_Up67]

Chain yanking 101 this thread

 

I hate to be cynical, but you are probably right.

[pheonixrisen]

Ahhh! Trip is Monday. I leave Monday. Haven’t spoken to AP since Weds, we didn’t speak then just chit chat. How and ever all well with DH, really getting my head back into family life, I will be strong and looking to the future once this trip is done.

I am not a troll, definitely not. Seachan had me pretty spot on. Ok, so don’t see myself that way exactly but if I was to study me as an outsider its close.

AP gave me a lot of attention and flattery. For some bizarre reason I entertained him last October. Prior to this I have been married many years, with plenty of male attention and advances which were kicked to the curb with serious disgust.

I went out that night in October, I was a couple months after a bit of a family crisis personal breakdown, which I never acknowledged. I took HIS bate. Him. I kind of became transfixed on HIM as I left my guard down with him. I would never in a million years entertain this again or any other guy. As horrible as it sounds, was like, I already showed him me so was easier to keep going back. Was exciting, fun. He wanted it full time and whenever I stuck in my heels he was a closed book. Being a man he will take sex from me anytime and place, I know this.

So that’s it. Work trip coming up, hes at my disposal. In my heart and soul I want to come home having no contact with him, my head held high. Alternatively I can have him any night and be a wreck in work and at home the following week. I know every encounter is fun and exciting but the aftermath is self loathing and guilt. So what will it be?[b/]...

 

Wow your post end sounds like one of the episode of some TV series .....will she open her legs for the om or won't she stay tuned to watch the next episode ....its disgusting ....cheap thrills ...