Raines Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 The OM is a player. Are you using protection? You do not want your H to find out by getting an std from the bad boy. Well, as long as it is a curable STD, that is one way for him to be able to find out the truth about his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 The OM is a player. Are you using protection? You do not want your H to find out by getting an std from the bad boy. Or have a baby by him Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Oh well. OP, you clearly don't get it. First, there's the question of whether you really can keep it secret. Think about it. It should be obvious to you, since you're on Loveshack, that discovery is just that: accidental. Those people didn't plan to get outed, and that's most of 'em here. It's too tedious to spell out for you - not being insulting - just that I wrote a paragraph explaining about Dday, etc. and then decided what's the point. You're in denial. Second thing I realized is that your marriage is already tainted (as was mine) with so many conditions and closed-off areas, that there's no point in explaining that you will never strengthen your marriage enough to protect you from this kind of temptation without honesty and openness between you. Third thing was that you seem to be operating out of whatever's immediate I think - fear of discovery, humiliation, rejection vs desire, excitement, flattery... and there's not enough self-awareness, a personal value system that defines who you are to YOU and that you answer to first and last. So, without IC for insight into your issues, I don't see what posting here will do for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Oh, one more thing: The denial INCLUDES delusional thinking that you will be able to follow through with your decisions for the future, i.e., "have no intention of slipping up" and all the other ways you THINK you'll deal with the AP. Precisely because you were vulnerable in the past, you DO things to prevent slipups. DECISIONS are useless. What you DO is stop all contact and act to prevent all possibility of contact - WHATEVER that entails. Link to post Share on other sites
Mazerati Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Long time lurker, first time poster. Blackmail. Sounds silly, and stupid doesn't it? However, that is a very strong possibility here. Certainly OM 'only has' work cell phone number, and couldn't possibly find a way to contact OP's H. Of course not, last name, first name, city that you live in, and of course he has a computer, sure, no way...to find out. OM is looking forward to seeing OP. He plans on taking her out dancing, and "will make sure she gets to work on time." OP won't inform OM to bug off, why bother herself to tell this cretin she cheated on her loving H AND family with? Because she still has memories of the hot sex, she still has feelings for him, and couldn't NC him if she wanted to, job is too important. She admitted same. "Good girl" falls for bad boy, hook, line, and he will sink-her. OM gets upset, and could threaten OP. No, that couldn't, wouldn't happen. Based on OP's description of OM, I beg to differ. OP was a toy for OM, she knows it, and is 'attempting' to back off, albeit way to slow, and way too late. What happens when a child has their toy taken away? They pout, throw temper tantrums, and in the case of an "adult" child they play dirty. Real dirty. Will this happen this trip, don't know. Can this happen, oh yes. Will it happen six months, a year from now, maybe two? Don't know exactly when, but rest assured OP it will happen. OP would be far better off to inform hubby now of her infidelity, than for the OM to do it for her out of spite. She won't, she will roll the dice and hope snake-eyes doesn't come up. OM doesn't give a s**t about you, about your dear H, and your family. Gee that sounds like you doesn't it? All he cares about is another notch on his belt, which you joyfully gave him, and gave him, and gave him. Now after your fling, you wake up and decide, 'gee I love my husband and family, why am I being a wh*re to this drug using POS?' Go ahead enjoy the trip, and be ready for the consequences when OM threatens to inform your dear H OP, go ahead take the chance... Good Luck OP, and I suggest you find a good divorce lawyer sooner than later, because I agree with others, I don't think you can keep them closed... Maz 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Third thing was that you seem to be operating out of whatever's immediate I think - fear of discovery, humiliation, rejection vs desire, excitement, flattery... and there's not enough self-awareness, a personal value system that defines who you are to YOU and that you answer to first and last. So, without IC for insight into your issues, I don't see what posting here will do for you. Impressively insightful ... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) And maybe even that was too obtuse because, frankly, Mazerati is NOT exaggerating and you should put every ounce of imagination you have around envisioning the scenario s/he's described. Not far-fetched at all. And what is not only NOT far-fetched but likely is that you're going to be seduced on this trip. Anyone the least bit worldly would've rolled their eyes at your insistence on towing the line on this work trip. It's actually weird you don't see this likelihood. Maybe someone else can take this up, but aren't OP's responses about not 'falling off the wagon' much like that of an addict? I don't know this well but don't their ideas and hold on reality follow rather than lead their addictions? So they say they won't have another drink on the way to the bar. Something like that. So back to the reason for this postscript: I think you need "WHATEVER that entails" spelled out. IF you really and truly intend to follow through with your commitment to avoid OM, then you avoid circumstances with OM in them. (I can't believe I'm explaining this.) This means: You get another job. Immediately. This would serve as a suitable stopgap but is not a solution long-term. Of course, you still don't realize that none of this fixes what you already did, because what you already did has no closure UNTIL your husband finds out. He must find out BECAUSE it was done TO him as your husband. The fact that he doesn't know doesn't change that. The disrespect is still there. You can stop from doing a new one, but it doesn't negate the old one. You can stop thinking about it (if you achieve 'closure' with current situation), but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. For YOU to have closure, you must feel the need for him to know whether he forgives you or not. Doing that would require and create character at the same time. True remorse and redemption do that in that order. But that's all abstract and meaningless right now... Edited March 17, 2015 by merrmeade 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I know I betrayed my husband. Really, telling him isn’t an option, I am working hard to get our marriage back on track, and hes happier in him. I want to be able to go back to the way things were before all this and firmly believe I can get that back and he doesn’t need to know about it. As for the work trip, I will be back to report on this whether its good bad or indifferent. I have no intention of slipping up, but I promise to tell the truth here about the outcome regardless.. I had a mail from AP at lunchtime. He said he was excited for the work trip. We arrive Sunday, said he will take me dancing Sunday night and ensure I get to work on time Monday morning! I haven’t replied. No point really. DH did go through a tough time. But he didn’t go through what I did or on the scale that I did as was more my family than his. So, as expected, the OM has big plans - YET you stay silent? Whoa there girlfriend - by staying silent you are agreeing to his plans... Of dancing and sex. Yes, that's what he's referring to. IF you don't intend to see him or speak to him while you're there then say so now! That way he doesn't EXPECT you to be available for him! Say something. Have a voice and speak your truth. Say NO to him if you intend to do NOTHING with him. Tell him YOUR intentions - or he will hunt you down. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Giraffe2014 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 Thanks for the comments all and for taking the time to write them. I met him last night, in person. I was at a work dinner and he and an associate where a few tables from us. We exchanged brief nicities and I met him later that night at the hotel bar. We were with different company but spoke for about ten mins. He said he's finding it hard to move on and would I consider leaving husband for him. Said clearly neither of us are happy in our relationships and I said I am happy which he dismissed. I told him if I was single I wouldn't Date him and had no interest in further contact. He kissed me and I walked away. He messages me And apologiZed. I replied and told him To stay away. I hope he does. Countdown is on to work trip I am in a different hotel. I can do this. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Thanks for the comments all and for taking the time to write them. I met him last night, in person. I was at a work dinner and he and an associate where a few tables from us. We exchanged brief nicities and I met him later that night at the hotel bar. We were with different company but spoke for about ten mins. He said he's finding it hard to move on and would I consider leaving husband for him. Said clearly neither of us are happy in our relationships and I said I am happy which he dismissed. I told him if I was single I wouldn't Date him and had no interest in further contact. He kissed me and I walked away. He messages me And apologiZed. I replied and told him To stay away. I hope he does. Countdown is on to work trip I am in a different hotel. I can do this. Is this a real thread? Sounds like you prod us to get us going..Did you meet him on purpose? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Since you posted this: I am working hard to get our marriage back on track, and hes happier in him. I want to be able to go back to the way things were before all this and firmly believe I can get that back I'm assuming the kiss below was part of a physical assault, right? Without your consent and against your will? Two of his colleagues restrained you? He kissed me and I walked away. SMH... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Giraffe2014 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 Of course it's a real thread why in gods name would I bother coming on here to fabricate a story! Sometimes it Sounds far fetched to me Too but it's true and happened and is happening. Did You never bump Into someone at a restaurant you'd rather not Meet? Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 If this is a real thread, I will commend you for telling him to stay away and you are happy in your marriage. However meeting him and allowing him to kiss you are totally bad moves. You still have a lot to learn about protecting your marriage Link to post Share on other sites
Author Giraffe2014 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 He kissed me. That was it I isn't reciprocate! You guys are a tough audience! Not Sure it's worth posting to be forever stoned and ridiculed as opposed to offering advice (clearly great advice has also been given so not discarding all comments) QUOTE=Mr. Lucky;6217416]Since you posted this: I'm assuming the kiss below was part of a physical assault, right? Without your consent and against your will? Two of his colleagues restrained you? SMH... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Of course it's a real thread why in gods name would I bother coming on here to fabricate a story! Sometimes it Sounds far fetched to me Too but it's true and happened and is happening. Did You never bump Into someone at a restaurant you'd rather not Meet? Too coincidental... And if you rather not meet him...why talk to him at the hotel bar later Link to post Share on other sites
Author Giraffe2014 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 Thanks soulstorm. If this is a real thread, I will commend you for telling him to stay away and you are happy in your marriage. However meeting him and allowing him to kiss you are totally bad moves. You still have a lot to learn about protecting your marriage Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 He kissed me. That was it I isn't reciprocate! You guys are a tough audience! Not Sure it's worth posting to be forever stoned and ridiculed as opposed to offering advice (clearly great advice has also been given so not discarding all comments) QUOTE=Mr. Lucky;6217416]Since you posted this: I'm assuming the kiss below was part of a physical assault, right? Without your consent and against your will? Two of his colleagues restrained you? SMH... Mr. Lucky Don't stop posting..we're being tough for a reason...believe it or not Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 He kissed me. That was it I isn't reciprocate! You guys are a tough audience! Not Sure it's worth posting to be forever stoned and ridiculed as opposed to offering advice (clearly great advice has also been given so not discarding all comments) By allowing him to kiss you you did reciprocate. Slapping him in the face would have been drawing a boundary, something that's been missing in your insincere attempts to reconnect with your marriage... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Giraffe2014 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 Walking away was enough, I didn't have to make a public scene to make my point. I could have easily gone with it and got a hotel room. I walked away though Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Walking away was enough, I didn't have to make a public scene to make my point. I could have easily gone with it and got a hotel room. I walked away though Yes..you could have... You did right in walking away..wrong in letting him kiss you. You've got a long way to go to get over this thing you call a man 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mazerati Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I do not believe OP will ever understand that now and forever certain lines should not be crossed with her OM if she wants to have any semblance of a marriage with her BETRAYED husband, and BETRAYED family. I can appreciate your fear of telling your BH. But better to come from you than someone else, and especially your AP the OM. I honestly hope you can get through the work weekend without damaging her BH more. Yes, your BH has no clue what you did, and you have no intention of openly coming clean, but every time you talk with your AP, allow him to touch you, kiss you, the betrayal chasm deepens, and when you go home, you unknowingly treat your BH differently. In an earlier post did you not say that your BH suspected something? Do not assume he is stupid. Despite your best/worst efforts he will catch on. Your words in some respect come across emotionless at times. Almost matter of fact, at least to me. I think that is because in your first posts your narcissism came through loud and clear. You may be beautiful on the outside, but you know what is on the inside, and most of the posters here also know. That inner ugliness will trump the physical, until you decide to clean up your mess. But to do that, your narcissism and vanity will take a major hit, which is something you won't allow. Until you decide to do the correct thing, and you know what that is, you will forever be looking over your shoulder. And your BH will see it. Your call, your choice, your life. Alone with your beauty will not help your crying eyes with the loss of your family.... Maz 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Raines Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 He messages me And apologiZed. I replied and told him To stay away. I hope he does. Countdown is on to work trip I am in a different hotel. I can do this. Ok...now..........block his number. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Giraffe2014 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 What I've done is horrendous to my husband we all know this. Being honest, until that work trip is over I can't move on properly but I've come so far detached emotionally (not entirely there yet) that I know I can't go back and allow this do any more damage to my marriage. Things are good at home now for me and if I keep this up I will get caught and be without my husband. It's not worth all the risks I don't even want ap! If I was single he would be the last guy you'd settle with for the many reasons already mentioned here. I may come across as cold and factual but I assure you this is just my expression of the English language I am very much an emotive person. I have a wonderful husband and gambled it all for a bit of fun with an undesirable character. I guess I'm more like ap than husband. We probably deserve each other 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Raines Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Does it ever worry you that your OM might decide to send a letter to your husband or something along those lines? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 But run far away and start complete NC with the OM slimeball. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts